'Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again. Because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence.'
Sound of silence - Simon & Garfunkel
"Nina, I told you to stay downstairs."
Claire's disturbance of the sound of silence echoed around the three victims of fate's cruel game. After blinking her eyes two more times, Nina suddenly snapped out of her forlorn daze. She turned her head towards her mum, her eyes not believing the situation she found herself in. And here she taught she had seen it all when it came down to love.
This was a whole new level on the spectrum of heartbreak.
Her mother looked at her with a pleading look, silently begging her to leave this instance. Nina nodded, finally understanding why her mother had been so forceful. She let go of the doorknob of her bedroom and started walking towards the staircase without so much as a word or a glance at both her mother or Harry. Nina heard footsteps stomping behind her as soon as she ran down the stairs.
"Fuck." Someone exclaimed. "Nina." The familiar smoothness of Harry's voice didn't make her stop, instead she accelerated. All she wanted to do, was what her mother had told her to do only five minutes prior. She wanted to get the hell out of this house.
"Nina, please stop, I know this looks bad, but I can explain." Harry begged while racing down the staircase in pursuit of Nina.
He kept a strong hold on the corners of the towel which was still wrapped around his hips. He struggled to get down the stairs safely, the length of the fluffy fabric slipping in front of his feet. He felt Claire's presence hot on his heels, yet he couldn't care less. All he cared about was trying to talk some sense into Nina. At first he had no idea what the fuck she was doing on that landing. Yet the more he saw her shocked face, the more he feared the worst. It was only when Claire asked her to go downstairs, that the whole picture had finally made sense.
It was a horrifying picture he had gotten himself photographed in.
So many thoughts were racing through Nina's mind, so many question and so much utter disgust. Harry and her mum? How had it happened? When had it happened? Was her mother the woman he had been talking about back at the café yesterday? The image of Harry and her own mother made her sick to her stomach.
She focused on her breathing and tried to find her jacket in the dining room once she was down the stairs. She looked around and saw it hanging on the back of one of the wooden chairs. Her head was spinning, yet her body and actions were submerged by an eerie calmness. She heard Harry's begging. However, she didn't want him to explain. What was there to explain? They had slept together, end off.
"Give me a chance, Nina, please." Harry begged when he figured her intention was to leave the house. He saw how Nina abruptly turned to suddenly face him fully.
"Give you another chance?" Nina almost mocked his words in disbelief, too shocked to process whatever he was trying to say. "That's bonkers."
"Oh, come on, Nina, please." Harry tried again, yet was soon disturbed by Claire's voice.
"Hold on a minute. You two know each other?" Claire stated the obvious making both students roll their eyes.
"We do." Nina said, her eyes for once never leaving Harry's while she conveyed her message. "Not so sure if I still want to know him, though."
"That's ridiculous, Nina, you know that."
Harry was swirling into a pit of desperation. Seeing Nina distancing herself from him again hurt so much more than he had anticipated. He had never wanted for this to happen, for Nina to get hurt out of all people. He was supposed to end things with Claire and be done with it.
"Ridiculous, is it?" Nina couldn't help her passive aggressive behaviour. Once she got angry, she wasn't the one to spare you any mercy, verbally at least. Even her own mother was quite shaken from her cold and hard manner.
"How do you know each other?" Claire had no clue as to how these two youngsters knew each other. Did they know each other from university? Claire assumed so. She also assumed they must've at least been friends of some kind. Nina wasn't the type to judge a stranger the way she was judging Harry. She hadn't been raised in such way.
"It doesn't matter." Harry immediately responded. He didn't want to say it. He didn't want to admit out loud Nina was the girl who had broken his heart. Especially at this moment, because not only was Claire her mother, but it seemed breaking each others hearts was the only thing Nina and Harry were able to do.
"Of course it matters, Harry." Claire exclaimed, feeling vexed about how she was purposely pushed out of the argument. She was as much involved in this as Harry and Nina, ergo she had as much right as anyone to be well informed.
"We're both majoring in art, mother. That's all you need to know."
"O-okay." Claire mumbled. She looked at her daughter and let out a breath, "Look, Nina, this is what I wanted to avoid."
"Clearly." Nina mumbled.
"But Harry is right. Maybe we should sit down and talk this through. If you would just listen to what we have to say, you might see it the way we do." Claire reasoned but slumped her shoulders when she saw Nina shake her head and reach for the doorknob.
"I think I know enough. No need for talking." Nina turned her back to the two so called lovers and went to open the door when her mother's voice drove her over the edge with boiling rage.
"No, Nina, you don't know."
"Fine." She faced them again and stared at her mother. "I don't. You're right, as always, mother dear."
The bitterness was slicing Claire's heart in two. Tears filled up her eyes to the brim. She wasn't someone who cried easily, but her relationship with Nina was finally improving and now, for the sole reason of her having a fling with a younger guy Nina knew from class, she was breaking every fragile thing they had built up. Claire knew her daughter could be harsh, it was one of their family traits sadly, but never had she thought it would be this bad. She had expected some judgement from her, considering the fact Harry could be her son, yet she had never expected this much of it.
"But in this case ignorance is definitely bliss." Nina said with determination.
She didn't want to know anything, fearing that knowing would let the pain she was feeling hurt even more. She wanted to run away and leave them behind in their own little world. However, one thought was killing her. Even her own mother had had what she wanted and never could have. It was sickening, revolting, hurting, all the negatives she could think off. However, Nina's inner masochist was making an appearance.
Her inner masochist wanted to know exactly what had happened and wanted to replay it in every of her dreams until the moment she could imagine it so vividly, she could taste sweat dripping of both their bodies when they laid together. If she would follow her initial plan and leave, she might wallow in the endless questions of what might have happened, leading to a constant race of thoughts all day long. Maybe if she knew a little more, it would be easier to let go after God knows how many years. Because of one thing was certain, this was going to haunt her for a lifetime.
"Come on, Nina, sit down for a minute."
Her mother tried once more, seeing the doubt in her daughter's eyes and taking advantage of it to get her to listen. Nina bit the insides of her cheeks and gave her mum one final nod before walking back into the living room with a fierce step. Harry silently followed the two women. However, before he went to sit down, he looked at his legs and saw the towel flowing.
"Would you mind waiting a minute?" Harry asked awkwardly, mostly turning to Claire for a response. Even though Harry wasn't the kind to shy away from his body, far from it, now however wasn't necessarily the time to flaunt it. "I'd like to put on some pants and trousers if that's okay."
"I wasn't planning on staying, Harry, so don't mind me." Nina stated seriously, making eye contact with him for what seemed as the first time in hours. "Besides, it's not something I haven't seen before."
"What do you mean by that?" Claire's interest suddenly peaked. She saw Harry sign and close his eyes in a reminiscing way. The thought of their fun times together at the beach in Bristol were leaving behind a bitter pain. A different pain then that one time Nina had rejected him, since at this instance, everything had been his and Claire's fault. The tables were turned.
"Harry and I accompanied some friends to Bristol. They decided to have a swim." Nina shortly explained so her mum would stop with the annoying questions. Nevertheless, Nina did notice the absolute ignorance her mum possessed, which made this ordeal a little less horrible than it already was. At least, both didn't know how small this world actually was.
"As I said," Nina started, taking the initiative and trying to rip the plaster as quickly as possible. "I'm not planning on staying much longer. Let's get this over with."
"Okay," Her mother continued, interrupting Nina which in hindsight wasn't the best idea. Another fit of rage rose from the depth of Nina's stomach.
"I'm asking the questions first, mum." Nina lifted her chin before she addressed Harry who had sat himself down onto the sofa next to Claire apposite Nina. She looked down at the towel and raised her left brow, trying to look frightening. The idea of somehow appearing superior and intimidating gave her a boost of confidence and strangely a sense of serenity. "So, when?"
"When what?" Claire asked. Nina rolled her eyes again. She could be so oblivious.
"A few weeks after the thing." Harry took over, not acknowledging Claire in any ways.
"What thing?" Claire asked before turning to look him in the eyes. She repeated her question when he didn't want to answer. His eyes never left Nina's.
"How?" Nina's stare was determined, making Harry gulp and blab all truths out of his system.
"How what? Look, I don't know if this is a student thing, but could you please talk in structured sentences?" Claire asked again with a no-bullshit tone.
"Oh, mum, don't even start." Nina shook her head, while gripping the arm rest of the club chair she was sitting on.
"I was with the lads at a bar and there we met." Harry tried to remain collected, as if he was under arrest and he had to proof his innocence during the usual questioning. It felt like it in any case.
"What were you doing at a bar, mum?"
"I was invited to a hen party." Claire specified. "I'm still allowed to go to a bar, aren't I?"
"Oh, Vicky's party? That makes sense." Nina thought back to what she liked to refer to as her aunt Vicky. She was a proper nutcase, so things like hooking up with any hot male did actually happen. She was a desperate women her aunt Vicky.
"I was simply sitting at the bar, not indulging." Claire knew what Nina was thinking, yet felt the need to justify her action, or better even, defend them. She hadn't done anything wrong that evening. England was still a free country last time she checked.
"Yet here we are, talking about how you ended up with someone my age. I knew you had a thing for younger guy, considering papa is a few years younger, but I never expected this." This was new information for Harry. He looked over at Claire from the corner of his eyes and felt even worse after knowing that.
"Nina, you're being unreasonable. Don't be like that." Harry lifted his brows and looked at Claire from the corner of his eyes. He was surprised she even dared to correct Nina's behaviour considering the situation they were in. His attention however was quickly back on Nina when she called his name after a long period of silence.
"The woman you were talking about at the café. Was it my mum?"
His eyes met her brown ones and the image made his heart ache so terribly. Tears were threatening to spill and her voice was weak, full of pain and sorrow. The redness around her eyes was probably matching his, her pain was probably matching his, if not worse. However, the most gruesome part was that it hit him strongly how much he still loved her.
He was on the verge of losing her for good, trying to make it all better, but failing miserably. He cursed himself for falling into the same trap so many people fell into. Not really knowing and understanding how much something or someone was worth to you until you lost everything. His head nodded softly, not having the courage to say it out loud and feeling like an absolute coward.
"Okay." Nina gulped and tried to proces what she had been fearing ever since she saw him standing in that towel on her landing. Nothing more could come out, nothing sensible at least. She remembered how happy he seemed, how careless and free from all pain she caused him.
"Nothing happend." Harry whispered, leaning forward to comfort her, even though he was the reason she was crying in the first place. He saw the little tears drip down her beautiful face, admired how she held it all together. Elegant and poised as ever, somehow seeing so much of her mother in her, but finding Nina's poise, Nina's elegance far more attractive and captivating.
"How am I supposed to believe that." Nina whispered in reply, fully ignoring her mother's presence. "How am I supposed to believe you?"
"I didn't know, Nina." Harry shrugged his shoulders. " It never crossed my mind."
"She never reminded you of someone?" Nina asked him in disbelief. She simply couldn't believe that none of them had noticed anything or put the pieces together. Even though sometimes she didn't want to, her mother and herself were so similar.
"No. It never occurred to me."
"Nina, you have to believe him. Nothing happened." Claire clipped in.
"I'm not an idiot, mother." The soft whispers were gone and Harry dropped his head between his hands in dispair, fearing he was never going to be able to make Nina understand.
"It's one thing to be forgotten, so soon might I add, after what Harry confessed to me only a few weeks ago-" Nina explained, making Harry snap his head and shake it vividly. He never forgot about her.
"That being-" Claire asked.
"But it's another thing to be treated as an idiotic, pathetic nobody."
Nina stood up, having heard and seen enough. She stormed out of the living room, hearing footsteps follow her down the hall and up the steps. She quickened her pace and ran to her room, quickly closing the door of her bedroom behind her and grabbing a bag, filling it with a few essentials. She heard her mum banging on the door, telling her they weren't finished talking. As for as Nina, she had had enough.
She quickly changed into some warm, comfy trainers and shoved on a warm coat, before opening the door and side stepping her mother. Nina headed for the front door, not looking forward and bumped into Harry who was standing at the bottom of the staircase.
"I never forgot." Harry said with clear determination, but Nina didn't want to believe a word he said.
"Stop and let me through."
"I never forgot, Nina." Harry repeated himself, wanting for Nina to believe him.
"I heard you the first time, now get out go my way."
"You've got to at least believe that."
"Why would I? You say one thing, but the next thing I know, you do the exact opposite." Nina proved her point. "How am I supposed to believe anything you say. Not to mention that you once again proved your reputation right."
"This has nothing to do with my reputation." Harry groaned, his voice almost sounding menacing. Almost.
"This has got everything to do with it. You're a player who can't keep his hands on one woman and one woman alone."
"I was trying to move on. That's how I ended up here." He was absolutely hating how stubborn she was at this very moment.
"By hooking up with another woman. That's very much the way to go." Nina crossed her arms and lifted her eyebrow in disdain.
"By letting life happen the way it wants to roll." Harry explained desperately.
"That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard." Nina responded, hurting Harry along the way. "You take charge of your life, Harry, you don't let it roll."
"I was pretty desperate at that time, okay? So don't judge me about that. Judge me about anything else, but not that." Harry warned her.
"Desperate indeed." Nina mumbled bitterly which drove Harry wild with madness, letting slip the one thing he didn't want Claire to hear. Not now, not ever.
"I was fucking hurt because I told you I was in love with you and you didn't want me. Do I need to remind you of that aspect?"
"Hold on." Claire suddenly intervened, her eyes almost bulging out of their sockets. "You're the one he's in love with?" She addressed Nina. She finally understood why Nina was reacting the way she was. She finally understood how deep her daughter's wound actually was.
This was the final straw, without so much as a word, Nina pushed Harry out of her way and walked towards the door before opening it and heading towards the tube station. Heading towards that one place she knew she was safe from all kinds of pain.
Heading towards the warmth of the only person she knew she could trust.
_____________
Hello everyone,
Hope you enjoyed it. It was a though one to write. But I have good news. Even though I'm insanely busy (I'm graduating this year and heading to my masters next year), my life has finally got some structure in it again, so hopefully I'll be able to update again once a week. Probably on a Friday or a Monday, not sure yet.
Anyway, leave a comment if you want to share any kind of opinion or thought and please click on the lovely star bellow.
Lots of love,
Laetitia