I'm seated on the bed in my new bedroom, my suitcase fully packed beside me. I've changed into my Rolling Stones t-shirt and ripped jeans and I can't seem to get ahold of myself. Cigarettes didn't help. Not even a bath.
I've been hit with sense, feelings I wish I could ignore. I'm aware that I'm living a lie and that I really don't want to. I haven't wanted to since I met him, but I tried. I damn well did try- but this is not me. It's too much. This life, what he's trying to make me be, what I'm trying to conform to, it's only going to get worse... and it's just not me.
I'll never be her. I'll never be able to be what he needs, what his brother needs.
I wipe the tears from my swollen eyes, trying to stop my trembling lips before he gets back. I don't know how to leave. I love him. I didn't expect to, this fast. But I do.
I feel only dread when the door opens fifteen minutes later, a quarter to ten.
"Richard, I really don't have the time for this now," I hear Henry say, frustratingly. "You need to go home."
"Is she in there?" Richard asks, quietly. I stand up, walking over to the door quietly.
"Yes, Rich. This is her apartment."
"That you're paying for." I hear papers. "Henry, you danced with her tonight. You fucking chased after her while she was in tears. Are you completely insane? You have lost your mind."
"I'm not going to marry Anna, Richard. You can stop trying now," Henry growls and I hear the door slam.
"Then marry someone else that's from a good British family."
"You haven't even met her! Are you really such a fucking ass that you won't even meet her?"
"Henry, she is lovely. I'm sure of it. For you to be this smitten, I'm sure she has amazing qualities... but she is not the kind of woman... the kind of woman you make a princess."
Henry sputters. "I-I honestly can't believe you just said that... Are you really that near-sighted? Mia has true worth, Richard. She's not a carbon copy debutant. She has substance- and she loves me. Not for my money, not for my status- for me. Why can't you be happy for me?"
"Because I know it's not going to last. She won't last two days in our world and you'll tire of her within weeks after you're settled down and the forbidden part of this ends!"
"That's not going to happen."
"Isn't it?"
"No!"
"And how the hell do you know th-?"
"God dammit, because I LOVE HER, Richard!" Henry shouts, his voice echoing off the walls. I press my hand to my chest, finding it hard to breathe.
"You... you love her? You barely know her."
"I'm not going to explain it to you, Richard. But I've never felt this way. I cannot do this- without her."
The tears are simply streaming down my face now, I don't reach to stop them.
It's quiet for a long while, before I hear a sigh. "Henry, you know I love you, right?"
"Richard."
"You know I love you. You know I want you to be happy, more than anything. I want this as your brother... but as your new king, I have expectations to uphold. Traditions that have lasted for centuries, Henry. There have been sacrifices in our history, in my history... Do you think I want to be married to a woman who can barely stand to be in the same room as me? No. But, the public approved of her. They liked her, they felt like she was England for them... your Mia can never be England. She just can't. She wasn't born here."
I shake my head, pressing my hand to my mouth, trying to conceal my pain.
"Henry, if you love me at all, you will stand by me. By my decisions... because you know it's the best thing for England. I will always think of the best for England."
"Over my happiness."
"You will love again."
Henry chuckles. "Right there, Richard. It's right there that I know you've never loved anyone, why I know you will never understand what I'm feeling."
"Henry, I'm not asking as your brother anymore. I'm asking as a king. Marry Annabelle, settle into your duties as my chief advisor because brother, honestly, I need you by my side. Dad would say the same thing I am. We have always been close... Don't let this tear us apart."
"Get out," Henry snaps, sounding like a whip. I press my hand to the door before backing up, looking down at the ground. His brothers words are exactly what I expected. They hurt more than I had imagined they would. My chest is heaving, trying to prepare for what's about to happen. I nearly jump off the ground when the door does open, and I find myself wishing I were able to turn back time.
I turn, quickly, facing the door. Henry is there, one hand still on the knob behind him as he shuts it. He looks from my face, to the luggage on the bed, back to me and panic takes over. He shakes his head, exhaling in fear.
"Mia... no."
I wipe beneath my nose, shaking my head. "I-I have to, Henry."
He leaves the doorway and comes to me, clasping my face despite my pulling. "I hadn't expected her to be there. You know I would never have invited you if I'd known she'd show up."
"I'm not leaving because I saw her. I'm not leaving because I'm jealous, although I-I am... I'm leaving, Henry, because I know this isn't me. I'm not ever going to be her- or anything like her. Your brother is right... I'm not meant to be royal."
"I don't want you to be like her."
"Yet ever since I met you, you've managed to give me a brand new wardrobe, deposit money I don't want into my bank accounts, sign me up for charities. You have me living in a big expensive apartment. You told me when you met me that you liked me because I was different from them."
"You will always be different from them, Mia. It doesn't matter if you wear fancy garments or-or have a bodyguard, you still are the girl I met wearing this outfit." He lets go of me, gesturing to my clothes. "And I love that about you."
"Then don't make me change that about myself, Henry," I whisper, shaking my head. "No one is ever going to accept me, accept us together. You and I both know it."
He runs a hand through his hair, frustratingly. "My brother will understand, Mia. He only needs to meet you and he will see what I see."
"He is the King of England. I am a foreigner to him. He will never want you to be with me, let alone marry me someday!"
Henry glares, shaking his head. "Why are you running from me, Mia? You'd honestly leave me like this? This easily?"
"You think this is easy for me? Honestly?" I gasp, feeling like my head is going to explode.
"All I know is I'm willing to fight for this. I know we can make it!"
"But who the hell will I be after we do that? I can bet you that you won't be in love with me anymore. I wasn't born into this life. I've worked really damn hard to get to where I am. I want to be a singer. I deserve to try and be a singer, to do something on my own."
He looks down. "You still can sing... I don't understand why it has to be all or nothing! Mia, it's about compromise-"
"I am the only one compromising, Henry!" I exclaim, upset. He stares at me, but doesn't argue. I hold up my hands, trying not to crumble. "And I know that's it not your fault. I know you can't change what's been written for centuries. We are... just not- I think... meant to be together, as much as we'd like to be."
He chuckles, turning, shaking his head. "I honestly can't believe you're saying this bloody nonsense, Mia."
I breathe in, clasping my hands together. "Henry."
He places his hands onto his hips one by one, breathing in, unwilling to look at me. I feel his anger, it's practically bouncing off the walls. I walk forward, slowly, grabbing my bag off the bed. I'm unsure of what to say, what to do. I don't want to leave like this.
I stop beside his still form, pressing my lips together nervously. "I'm sorry, Henry."
He doesn't say anything so I move, loathing the sight of the door. I inhale, trying to remember what being in a room with him smells like. I grasp the knob, pulling, trying to blink away the tears forming like a tidal wave. There is hand beside my head, gently pushing the door closed. I look to my side slowly. Henry's long arm is extended by my shoulder. I hear him breathing heavily, looking down at the ground.
"Please, don't go," he pleads, softly.
I close my eyes and the tears escape their barriers, flowing down my cheeks in a rush. Fuck. I feel his hand on my jaw, clasping carefully, turning me towards him. I don't resist, I'm unable to.
"H-Henry."
His eyes are begging, wishing. They're breaking my heart. I can see the fear in them. "I- can't do this without you. I could before. I-I could function before without you. But you're now a need to me."
I'm caving. God, I'm caving. I feel it. "Y-You are strong, Henry. And no matter what you say, I know you love this country. I know you love your brother. I know you can do anything you set your mind to."
"Except get you to stay with me."
I smile, sadly. "Your brother is right. I will never be England to anyone. I'll never be trusted. I- I will become the woman you spoke of ranting in that hotel room, because I'd try to so hard for a plan that can't work, and I can't bare it. I can't."
He shakes his head, wiping my tear tracks with his thumbs. "You doubt yourself too harshly."
"You love me like this and that's how I want it to stay." I reach for his wrists, pulling them down. He exhales.
"I'm not going to marry Annabelle... L-Let me call you when I end things. Maybe..."
"Your brother would never allow it, Henry. You and I both just heard him," I breathe, turning. "... I have to go."
I hear him move closer. "Then, say goodbye to me properly."
I shake my head. "No."
"Turn around, Mia. Say goodbye."
My hand flares open on the door as his hand rests on my waist, behind me. "Henry, please."
I look up, my stomach dropping to the floor. His face is there, glorious and youthful. His blue eyes flicker from my eyes to my lips as he leans in and the atmosphere prickles around us. I drop my bag. We reach for one another at the same time, hands immediately twisting into each others hair roughly. Our lips crush together, teeth clashing, tongues deep and searching.
He moans loudly, almost painfully when I pull on his hair and his hands descend to my backside. He lifts me in one swift motion, slamming my body into the door. I gasp in surprise, letting my hands drift over his hair down onto his broad shoulders. This is panic. This is frantic devotion. His lips leave mine, on a mission, moving down over my jaw onto my throat, making my entire body shiver in response.
I close my eyes, trying to block out the voice in my head screaming for me to stop this before it's too late. Before I lose my will to go. I think of everything I want to accomplish, everything that would limit me here- and I shake my head, pushing against his chest. "Stop, Henry." He freezes, sighing immediately, his hands still on my back as I plant my feet on the ground, trying to get my oxygen back. He keeps his head down towards the ground, steeling himself with one hand against the door as I re-adjust my shirt and reach for my bag.
I lean forward quickly, pressing my lips to his cheek, feeling like I'm seconds away from hysterics again. "Bye," I whisper, weakly. I grasp the door, opening it quickly. I practically sprint through the apartment, not allowing myself to look around, to remember my memories. By the time I shut the front door behind me, I am hysterical. Ivan is there, his eyes are the only aspect of his face that show concern.
"Miss Tyler?"
"Bye, Ivan," I get out, running for the elevator. I hear the front door to the apartment open then and Henry's voice ring out behind me, calm and controlled.
"Take her wherever she wants to go, Ivan."
I suck in a breath when I hear the door close again.
...
I stare out the window, into the busy crowd outside of Heathrow Airport. My shaking fingers glide along my cheeks, wiping the tears that won't stop. Ivan is facing forward in the front seat, giving me my privacy and time. I'm surprised no one has tried to get the car to move along yet.
I'm leaving my heart here, I know it. But I know I'll go back to him if I stay.
I look to the front, when I catch Ivan turning my way. "Pardon my intrusion, Miss, but... I've worked for the Royal family since I was practically a lad, and that was quite a long time ago. I've known Prince Henry since he was a baby."
His lips turn up, amazing me when he smiles.
"I don't mean to assume on either of your feelings, but Henry does love you, immensely. I have never witnessed him like this... it pains me to see him lose that. In this world of his, he doesn't have much that is... real to him."
"If I stay, things will only get worse- for everyone. I-I have to go, because I love him." I tilt my head, grimacing at the pain of goodbye. "Please take-take care of him, alright?"
He nods, politely. "Yes, Miss... hold on. I shall get the door for you."
I shake my head. "I'm fine." But he's already outside, coming around the vehicle. When the door opens, I place my bag onto my shoulder, taking his hand when I step out.
"Have a safe flight, Miss Mia," he says, nodding. I smile, throat thick and suffocating.
"Bye, Ivan." I let go of him and walk towards the crowd, leaving England behind.
A/N: D:
And the plot thickens...