Chapter 35
She didn't say anything for the next ten minutes. We stand in the doorway of her bedroom in silence, embracing a hug that seemed to be going on forever.
I know what it's like. Even though you want to be alone, you always need someone there, someone who you can fall back on when it gets too hard. Someone who'll just hold you and remind you that everything will be okay even when you have the indecent thought to think that it's going to be worse.
No one should ever go through this type of pain.
Once you go through this pain, it becomes an emotion that you become more aware of as you grow. You get use to it. Which is scary because, how far can you go before you realise that you're not normal, and that you're actually depressed because of one stupid person who potentially ruined your life.
How far down can you go, before you realise no one can reach you?
"Zayn told me." I try to talk and she shifts, finally facing me. Her cheeks are flushed and my emotions sadden at the sight of her.
She walks back into her room, as do I after shutting the door.
"I need to show you something." She murmurs, voice cracking she sniffs and pulls up her shirt. "He marked me."
Just under her bra line on her rib bone, she points at the small print that's been scarred onto her bare skin.
"It's a date." I state the stupid obvious.
"The same date he, you know." Waliyha shrugs and pulls her shirt down.
"He's marking his victims." I narrow my gaze at her as if I'm trying to figure something out.
"Do you have one?" She questions.
I shake my head. "No."
I wonder if Amber has one.
"Did you hear that he's on probation?!" Waliyha gasps suddenly and I nod.
"Yeah I did." I murmur.
"He could come after you. You need to be careful."
"Don't worry about me. We need to worry about you."
She looks down, mood dimming again.
"You're strong. You confessed so soon."
"I want to get over this. I want to go on with my life like nothing happened." Waliyha says.
"I know what you mean. It sounds easier than it actually is."
Waliyah nods sadly, her cheeks finally filling with colour. "Zayn wants me to see a therapist."
I sigh. "Do you want too?"
She shakes her head. "I'm comfortable with you."
That's reassuring. But at the same time it's hard cause I'm having trouble with recovery myself.
"I agree though. I mean, I know what it's like. I've been through this. All they know is what they've been taught from a text book. They don't physically or mentally know what we're going through."
Waliyha nods. "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."
I look down. "It wouldn't have happened in the first place if I didn't meet Zayn." I whisper under my breath.
She frowns. "This isn't your fault."
"It is. I have my reasons why."
Her face is still confused, but she lets it slip as we both go silent into our deep dark minds.
"Why did you confess so soon?" I suddenly questions and she shrugs.
"I needed to get it off my chest."
"How do you feel?"
"Better, but I always feel like some darkness is always lurking over me." Waliyah confesses. "Do you ever go back to that night and wish you could have done something to prevent it from happening?"
I nod. "All the time. But it's made me who I am today. It's made me a different person."
"You're so strong."
I shake my head. "I'm not as strong as you. You've overcame this situation so quickly."
Waliyah swallows. "I haven't. It's really hard." She groans and looks down. "I was so helpless and weak."
I squeeze my eyes close. So was I.
"I know." I murmur.
"He was so rough."
Please stop.
"It's okay now." I murmur quietly and when I look up at her, she's about to cry. I quickly pull her into a hug and her whole body becomes so stiff, it's takes a while for her to relax and remind herself that it's just me.
After I reassure her about everything and give some other advice I didn't even know I have, I step out of the room and I literally feel so emotionally drained.
"Is she okay?" I jump when I hear Zayns voice approaching from the stair case and I nod.
Devon fingered her.
"She's fine." I swallow as the uncomfortable salty taste consumes me again.
Sick bastard.
Zayn frowns at my strange behaviour.
"Where's the bathroom?!" I question urgently.
"Down the hallway." Zayn points down at the other end of the house. "First door on your right."
Fuck. I walk past him, but he stops me.
"What happened?!"
"I can't talk." I murmur as the bile rises. I make my way towards the toilet and pass Trisha who's walking up the staircase. She smiles, but it immediately drops when she notices just how fast I'm walking towards the bathroom.
Opening the door, I burst through and manage to kick the door close before bending down and depositing the small lunch that I thought I'd be able to keep down. My head is pounding when I stand and wipe my mouth with a tissue paper.
Why can't I keep my food down?!
I'm freaking starving.
Washing my hands and drying them off, I walk out slowly, my head feeling dizzy and my stomach growling. Holding my stomach and raking my hair out of my face, I look up and see Zayn approaching me but he stops.
His eyes slowly drag down to my hand that's protectively covering my stomach and I bite my lip as his gaze hardens.
"Let's go." He turns on his heel and walks away. I sigh.
He's not making this any easier.
Making my way downstairs in silence, Trisha approaches me and smiles affectionately.
"Are you okay, love?" She questions.
I nod. "I'm fine." I pull a smile but even I know it's fake, so I stop.
"Zayn told me you weren't feeling well. Get some rest. Let's hope it's just a small tummy bug and nothing serious."
I wish.
"I hope it is." I lie and she nods.
"Thank you so much for helping her Victoria."
I turn to Zayn but he looks down, his hands shoved deep into his pockets.
Does she know?!
"It's okay." I say quietly and Zayn leaves a kiss against his mothers cheek.
"Right, we'll see you later then Mum." He says finally.
"I love you son. Take care you two." She calls as I wave weakly and walk out of the house.
I pull out my phone and dial Ambers number. As soon as I put it to my ear, Zayn grabs it off me and looks at the caller ID before slipping it into his pocket.
"Excuse you?!" I gape and he rolls his eyes.
"Why do you keep ringing her?!"
"Because she's a friend."
"Did you tell her?!" He scowls.
Crewston, drives up with the range rover and hands the keys to Zayn when he gets out.
"Yes I told her I was pregnant! You'd do the same if it was Emma." I say annoyed and Zayn rolls his eyes.
"Just get in the car." He scowls.
Crewston opens the door for me, and I thank him quietly. He looks familiar.
I'm so hungry. I need to eat something. I feel my stomach affectionately as it starts to growl and I can see Zayns gaze falling on me every two seconds.
"Tell me what happened." He says, breaking the silence as we come closer to his apartment.
"We talked."
Zayn frowns. "About?!" He says agitated.
"I don't want to talk about it." I mumble under my breath. God I'm so hungry and after that session with Waliyha, I need to relax.
I hate thinking about that night with so much detail. I absolutely hate it.
"I want to know what was said." Zayn says and I lean my head against the head rest.
"I can't talk about it right now!" I groan.
Zayn pierces his lips together but doesn't bother saying anything else. I take it as my time to relax as he drives down into the underground parking.
Once we walk out of the awkward silent elevator and trough the mahogany doors, Zayn makes his way into the kitchen as I stand in the middle of the foyer.
The sound of a bottle pops, followed by a small flourish of bubbly and I sigh quietly.
Champagne sounds good right now, but I obviously can't drink.
Building up as much pride and confidence I could muster up, I make my way over to the kitchen bar stool and seat myself down across from Zayn as he pours himself a glass. He takes a sip from it, grabs the bottle and walks away.
I roll my eyes.
"Can we please talk about this?" I finally say and he stops and throws his arms up and faces me.
"What is there to talk about?" Zayn questions annoyed. "You're Fucking pregnant. Congratulations Victoria." Zayn says sarcastically and I wince.
No need for the sarcasm.
"I know this is bothering you, but how could I have known my Rod was ineffective?" I say in a even tone.
"You should have known you were close to getting it replaced." Zayn scowls as he points at me. He takes down the wine in his glass all together and wipes the remaining of liquids away from his mouth.
I raise my eyebrows in disbelief. "I told you it doesn't need replacing for another two years."
"Well you obviously got your fucking calculations wrong!" He yell's.
"I'm sorry!" I whine. "I didn't know?! Okay. I'm sorry!" I stand from my bar stool and his posture stiffens.
"I wasn't expecting this either. I had just as much faith as you did in this rod!" I argue and he narrows his gaze.
"Well shame on you for trusting it."
"This isn't entirely my fault!"
"So now it's my fault?! Do you think for a second that I'm capable of being a father?! Look around Victoria, do you think this place is built to be for a fucking kid?! A bab-" he chokes on the word and I blink at him as I swallow down the unwanted insults.
"Zayn-"
"Don't." Zayn steps back and swallows. "This conversation is over." He turns back on his heel and walks away with his anger up the staircase and into his office.
My body relaxes but my minds is still running as the adrenaline slows down from the argument that just occurred.
That didn't exactly help or give me answers. Zayns still angry, I'm still hungry. When is life going to be happy again.
I can never be happy for more than a week. Do I not deserve happiness?!
Shit I need to talk to Amber. I reach for my phone, in my jean pocket but I forget that Zayn has it. Fuck.
Should I stay? Or should I get the phone.
Get the phone.
Walking up the staircase in the same speed as an old lady, I peak my head in the office and see Zayn gazing down out the window. One hand is supporting him against the window while the other hangs low with the bottle in his hands.
He takes a swig from the bottle itself and I see the champagne glass on the floor by his feet. I don't want to bother him, I want to sneak up behind him and hug and kiss him. But he's just so cold. I can't.
"Zayn." I whisper so quietly but he heard my voice. Zayn turns to face me, an expression so hard, I wish I never came in. "Can I have my phone?" I question.
He rolls his eyes and retrieves my phone from the desk.
I walk further into the room and it take it, but he won't let go.
"You're not going anywhere, understand." He warns lowly and I swallow, followed by a nervous nod and he let's go of the phone for me to take.
"Thanks." I mumble and he takes another drink from the bottle before dismissing me and continuing to gaze down at the city.
I walk into my old room and lay down on the bed as I wait for Amber to pick up the damn phone.
"Re!"
Finally!
"Amber! I need to ask you something."
There's a pause. "Okay."
"Did Devon mark you?"
"No!"
"Are you sure?"
"No. Why would he mark me? He never marked me!"
"Amber don't lie to me." I lower my tone.
Amber hesitates and I frown. "Well, yeah he did. Why? How do you know?!"
"Because Waliyha was marked too. Can you take a picture of it and show me?"
"Um okay, but I don't have any credit."
"Email it."
"Oh okay." Amber sighs. "I'll do it now."
"Okay-"
"Wait have you made that appointment?" Amber questions.
"I'll do it now before they close."
"Okay good. Text me the dets."
"Yeah. Okay. Love you."
"Love you too." Amber replies.
I wait and wait for a few moments and finally, I get a message from Amber.
To: Victoria Greene
From: Amber Coventry
Subject: Pic
Sent: 03rd September 2012, 15:56PM
Download. Open.
Here it is. I don't know why he did this but if Waliyha got one, then there must be others who has this as well.
P.s you're working with me tomorrow(; you're welcome.
Love you Re xx
I open the document and carefully look at the picture. Its in the same place as Waliyha's. Her date is obviously different. But I'm not exactly sure when they made that deal.
Why is he marking them? He's so sick. I need to tell Zayn, but then again. I can't cause he won't fucking talk to me.
I need to relax, I don't think this stress is good for me or the baby.
So instead, I decide to make an appointment for tomorrow. I'm scared as hell when I finish the conversation and I don't know what to do. Should I tell Zayn?
I'll tell him tomorrow when he's not drinking his sorrows out. I just hope he comes.
-
I'm not vain or anything but my hair and my skin looks really freaking good right now.
Because Zayn didn't even sleep with me last night, I decided to do some research about signs of pregnancy. I was bored and well, I was curious and most of the signs are practically what I'm going through and this pregnancy is the reason why my hair and skin are so healthy looking.
I didn't exactly eat much last night, and what I did eat, I ended up vomiting it up again.
I'm so fucking hungry. I could probably eat a horse. I can't keep my food down, so this surely isn't normal.
After blow drying my hair, I tie it up in a makeshift bun and slip into my 'java hut' shirt. I walk into the wardrobe and grab my cardigan before walking downstairs into the kitchen.
Mrs Conrad is busying herself in the kitchen and when she sees me coming, she smiles so brightly.
"Good morning Miss Greene."
"Morning Eve. How are you?"
"I'm great thank you. I trust you slept well?"
Not really. I ended up having nightmares. Even worse when I realise Zayn wasn't with me.
"It was fine." I say honestly and she nods, gazing back down at the avocado shes finely chopping up.
"What would you like for breakfast?"
Oh. I shake my head. "I'll be fine."
"You need to eat Victoria. It's not just you anymore."
I bite my lip and sit myself down on the stool.
"Okay. Something light will be okay. I can't keep my food down." I confess and she raises an eyebrow.
"Ahh, I see. So you have been eating?"
I nod. "I'm starving. But I keep vomiting."
"Have you made an appointment to see a midwife?"
Midwife?
"I made an appointment." I say innocently.
"You should definitely mention it to the doctor. Maybe he can diagnose you."
"Diagnose?" I frown.
"Yes. It's normal but there is a word for this situation you're going through." She smiles and grabs something from the fridge. I'm caught off guard when she hands me a gatorade bottle.
"Drink this. It'll help you but at the same time it won't stop you from vomiting."
I nod. "Thank you."
"Zayn has dozens of them." She shrugs and I smile.
"I need to talk to Zayn. Is he still here or is he already at work?"
"Yes. He's in the office having breakfast."
Oh. "Thank you." I half smile and begin to walk but I stop and turn to face Mrs Conrad who's holding my Gatorade bottle out for me.
"Thanks." I take it from her with a small smile and make my way upstairs. I knock on the door quietly and Zayn faces me as he drinks from his coffee mug.
"Hi." I say awkwardly.
No reply.
Okay.
"Um, I have work today-"
"I can see that." He cuts me off and I roll my eyes.
"I have an appointment at the doctors to see how far-"
"What time?" Zayn cuts me off yet again.
I swallow. "Midday."
"I can't make it." He looks down and continues with his work and I roll my eyes yet again.
"I know you're busy, but I really want you to be there. It'll be good if you could." I say honestly.
"I told you Victoria. I can't make it."
"Can't you at least rearrange meetings or whatever it is you have."
"No. I can't."
I sigh. "You've done it before."
"Well I can't risk doing it again Victoria!" He scolds.
I throw my hands up in annoyance. "Why are you acting like this?! You're being such a dick. What the fuck have I done?!"
"You got knocked up." He shrugs and I scowl at him.
"You've got to realise that you're the reason why I'm pregnant."
"I wouldn't be the reason if you knew when your rod was fucking expired."
"We've already talked about this!" I groan as the irritation in me expands.
"Then why do you keep bringing it up?!"
"Because you're still continuing to treat me like shit!" I huff.
"This wouldn't have happened if you were my submissive. This is exactly why I like rules and control. You wouldn't be standing here arguing with me and you certainly, wouldn't even be fucking pregnant."
"Well news flash Zayn, I'm not your submissive, I'm your knocked up girlfriend who's asking for forgiveness even though she shouldn't be."
Zayn throws the mug that was in his hands across the room and it smashes, causing me to flinch at the sound. I clutch onto my Gatorade as the distant fear I use to have when I was around him begins to rise.
Holy shit.
He's so intimidating when he's like this.
"Do you think I want this?" He yells "I'm not fucking ready! I'm not ready to be a father. Two months ago, I barely even knew what love was and here I am talking about a fucking baby! A fucking baby. You're fucking pregnant?!"
I stand shell shocked. I slowly start to walk backwards as the anger in him grows even worse.
"I know you're not ready, b- but neither am I. We can work on this together."
"No! Fuck- no! I can't." Zayn breathes heavily and evidence of fear is lurking in his eyes as he grasps my attention.
"Zayn, you're scared. I know. So am I and I'm sorry." I say quietly.
"Just get out." Zayn finally says after moments of silence and I blink at him.
"Zay-"
"Get out!" He raises his voice and I pierce my lips together. "Go!"
I swallow down my tears and hesitate.
"Please come to the appointment." I murmur quietly.
I leave the room in silence and make my way downstairs feeling numb and powerless. I really do hope he comes.
I'm starting to miss the romantic Zayn.
When I arrive at work, Amber is behind the counter looking bored and really deep in thought. But when she sees me she perks up a bit more. That is until I come around the counter.
"Wow. What's wrong?" She questions frowning.
I shake my head, unable to say words.
"Are you okay?"
I swallow. You better start talking Re
"I'm good. I'm so tired." I murmur and she actually falls for it.
"Tell me about it." She sighs. "Did you hear about Ted?"
I shake my head.
"His London house got broken into last night. All of the java hut recordings got stolen."
"Wait what?" I frown.
"The tape records."
"Tape records."
"Security cameras?" Amber explains and I nod, finally on the same page.
"Oh. Does Ted keep them?" I question confused.
"Yeah he has too. Anyway, most of them were stolen and I've been doing a little thinking and I think it was Devon. Based on the dates, there might be something on those tapes that Devon doesn't want us to see, you know."
I frown. I can't think right now. "Look, Amber I'm really tired."
"This is important stuff though. Because he's on probation. He's probably hiding all of his illegal doings?"
"Can we talk about this tonight?"
She sighs. "Okay. Fine. Tonight. Wait so that means you're coming?!"
After this mornings incident. "Yes."
"Good. What times your appointment?"
"Midday."
"Nervous?"
I nod and clutch my stomach.
"I wish I could come. But I have to work."
I chuckle. "I'll have to go back to Zayns afterwards though. Is that okay, I need to get some clothes.
"Yeah that's good. Bring heaps. Cause I want to try on some of that expensive stuff." Amber chuckles and for the first time today, I actually smile.
Work drags on a lot when you're expected to be somewhere straight from the go. I knocked off work at 11:30 so I could mange to drive there, find a parking and role myself in.
Butterflies surge in my stomach and the only person that I want here with me is Zayn. I know he was angry, but I really need him here. For reassurance and it could possibly lighten his mood about this situation.
I hope he comes.
"Victoria Greene." I here my name and I bite my lip. Shit.
I approach the doctor and she smiles welcoming me in but I stop her.
"Um can I just have another five minutes, I'm waiting for my boyfriend."
She hesitates but smiles sincerely. "Of course. But five minutes is the maximum, I'm allowing. No longer or I'm going to have to shift your time slot."
"I understand. Thank you."
I take my seat again and wait. My eyes dart from the clock to the door and I come to the dark conclusion that he's not coming. My name gets called again but I'm in denial.
He has to come.
"Five more minutes. Please?" I beg and she sighs and shakes her head.
"Five minutes." she confirms.
And again. I wait.
And wait.
And wait.
"Victoria Greene."
I stand from my chair and I approach her slowly.
"I'm sorry ma'am but we can't wait any longer. I have patients wait-"
"It's okay. We can continue." I say and she smiles.
"Good. Just pop in there."
I half smile and sit myself down on the seat.
He didn't come.
"I'm Dr. Kali." We shake hands as I introduce myself.
I'm so nervous.
"What can I help you with today?" She questions and all I'm focused on is the terrible way she's lined her lips.
"Um, I've recently just found out I'm pregnant." I say timidly and she nods, a beaming smile. "I kind of want to know how far I am."
"I'll have to give you transvaginal ultrasound, seeing that you are very newly pregnant." She smiles and positions the stack of monitors near the nurses bed and I freeze.
"Transvaginal?"
"Yes."
"If you'd like to just take your trousers off, your underwear and lie down on the table with the blanket over you, we'll get straight to it."
What?! We're doing it now?! Aren't you going to ask me questions like normal doctors?! What the fuck is transvaginal?!
Very timidly, I slowly take my jeans off and underwear while she busies herself with the monitors. I lie down uncomfortably on the bed and cover myself willingly.
"Good." She confirms. "After a brief scan from your patients profile, you're not allergic to anything and you have asthma. Is there anything else that I have mistakingly missed that I should know about."
"I did have an explanon implant a few years ago in America."
"We'll have that removed seeing that it is no longer active."
I nod sadly. Stupid rod.
"Good, then this will be a breeze."
"I hope so." I mutter under my breath.
"If you could bend your knees for me Miss Greene."
I frown and she smiles at my reaction.
"I'll have to use this rod to help me find the little baby." She holds up a white seemingly long white probe thing and I squeeze my eyes shut. Seriously?! Oh fuck.
Slowly, she places a condom over it and squirts clear gel overtop of it.
"If you can just relax Miss Greene. It might be a bit cold."
Very slowly, she inserts that thing inside of me and I widen my gaze. oh my god.
I try to stop myself from feeling the uncomfortable probing and moving inside of me and she stops. I don't see anything. All I see is black and white murkiness on the screen.
"There it is." She smiles and presses a button on the screen, causing the frame to freeze and I narrow my gaze at it. She points to the small little peanut size shape on the screen and smiles at the black and white storm.
"I'd say you are around three to four weeks. Very newly pregnant Miss Greene. Congratulations."
Oh my god. Everything around me doesn't mean anything to me as I look at the little peanut sized baby on the screen. I have a baby. I have a baby inside of me. A living thing is inside of me. Mine and Zayns baby.
"It's a little early to check the heartbeat seeing that it is still an embryo but if we could get an appointment for you in the next 4 or 5 weeks then we can definitely check to see the exact age and set a due date."
I nod, loss for words as I glance at my baby on the monitor. "Can- can I get a photo?" I question quietly.
"Of course." She presses a button and catching me off guard, she gently pulls the probe out of me and hands me a paper towel so I can clean myself.
"How are you feeling?" She questions.
I shrug. I have a baby. "I'm so shocked." I say honestly.
"Well you can put your clothes back on and we can just go over a few things."
I dress in quick time, my eyes still going back to my small peanut sized baby on the monitor.
When I sit back down, Dr Kali is back at her desk and she smiles when I take my seat again.
"I'd like you to start taking Folic acid and prenatal vitamins which are very good during pregnancy-"
"I have a question."
"Yes questions are good."
"I understand what morning sicknesses is. But I can't seem to keep my food down. Everything I eat, I end up vomiting."
"That is normal, Victoria. But if it becomes more frequent, you must contact me. Try to eat little snacks. Drink as much water as you can possibly take in and crackers should help as well."
"Okay."
"Is there any other questions?"
I swallow. "No. Thank you for everything."
"Is this your first?"
No bitch. I had one at 17.
"Yeah." I nod and I smile because I'm pregnant.
"Oh yes and your photo." She hands me the picture of my baby and I thank her again.
"We'll see you in four weeks time. If you'd like to just wait back in the waiting room, I'll have one of the nurses remove the rod for you so it's no longer a distress towards the baby."
"Um okay." I say quietly.
"Do you have somewhere to be?"
"No, I can wait."
"Good. The nurses will be with you in a moment."
I nod unable to say anything as I walk back into the waiting room.
Once the rods are removed and my arm is all bandaged up from one small cut, I walk out of the building and get into my car a new found women. I pull the picture out of my pocket, resting it against the steering wheel and glide my finger over the little figure.
My baby.
I'm pregnant.
I want to call my Mom and tell her this strange unexpected, exciting news. I want to tell Zayn and show him the picture. Maybe it'll change his mind.
I really do wish he came to witness what just happened.
Most of all.
I wish he was happy about this.
-
Arriving at Zayn's took longer than I thought. Traffic seemed to be a bit hectic but it didn't bother me. I was in my own world for once and I was happy. I have to admit though, I wanted to cry at the doctors. Zayn wasn't there. He should have been there, but instead he was too busy.
I shake my head and make my way out of the elevators and towards the mahogany doors.
I might try and eat something willingly. Small snacks, she said. Small snacks like what? I know she said crackers. But does Zayn have crackers?
When I walk further into the foyer, I hear voices and I frown. Sounds like Zayn.
I thought he was at the office.
I walk near the kitchen and I shouldn't be shocked to see her, but I am.
Emma.
A/N: hey guys ! I might as well just call you my chillers?? Haha :L
I'm sorry if this chapter is small, I'm not sure if it is but I'm going to apologise anyway:P
um I just wanted to dedicate this chapter to one of my followers on twitter. Her names Rayna, and I heard that her house actually caught on fire. I just hope everything is okay with you. My heart goes out to you and your family from this traumatic event!!
I know you're such a nice girl to talk too from the times that I have had a conversation with you! Hope everything has been going a lot better now and my thoughts and prays go out to you and your family! xxxxxx