Hi guys!
Thank you so much for over 400 readers! That's crazy! I love each and every one of you so much. Reviews and votes are almost as exciting as birthdays to me, so any feedback, whether positive or negative, is greatly appreciated.
Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm not totally happy with it, but I think it shows the complexity of how Nessie and Jake feel about disagreeing over something this serious.
Let me know what you think!
Love,
AmelieDaydream xxx
Renesmee
The entire family fell into a kind of trancelike routine after the first few days of our return. We didn't know how long we had left, but everything seemed eerily calm. Last time we had been threatened by the Volturi, it was all so hectic. There were people and plans and preparations. This time it was as if nothing had changed, except the air of foreboding that lingered around us all. My leg was healed, all my scars fast disappearing. I should have been happy about that, but at least before I had an excuse to sit and do nothing, whereas now I had to keep myself constantly occupied as I had always done, or my family would worry about me.
Jacob was the one who kept me going. I'd watch him leave his cottage from my window each morning as soon as it was light, and bound over to our front door. I would fling it open before he had time to knock, and then I would be in his arms, safe.
We always found something to do, but it got pretty repetitive, just swimming, or hunting, sometimes skating. Sometimes we would study in preparation for school the following week, but we all knew more than the teachers, so there really wasn't much point.
But overall, the days were fine. Alice would sit at the far end of the garden for hours, attempting to see what was going to happen to everyone. My parents would sit with Carlisle and Esme in the study, discussing options in low voices. Rosalie and Emmet were rarely seen. They were, um, pretty busy "spending quality time together", if you catch my drift. And Jasper...well, there was no real way to describe how Jasper was behaving. He was almost...not happy exactly, but he was always wearing this expression of grim determination, and he would spend ages planning things that I could scarcely understand if I tried. He behaved as if he was back in the military, planning tactics and calculating our chances. I decided that he wasn't happy with the situation, none of us were, but he was in his element, managing us like an army.
I worked this to my advantage sometimes, begging him to teach me to fight, which he did gladly. I was getting pretty good, and had pinned Jacob more than once when he was off guard in his human form.
It was the nights that killed me. More often than not, the day would end in a colossal argument. Mom, Jacob, Emmett and Jasper were all dead set on fighting the Volturi, no matter what the consequences were, so long as I was safe. Emmett and Jasper had actually started planning a trip to visit the Romanians and request an alliance with their army.
Dad agreed with me that the risk of loss was too great, and I couldn't help but notice the desperate way he looked between me and my mother as he argued his point. Esme and Rose were also on my side. I was a little surprised by my aunt; I had expected her to be up for a fight, but the motherly way she looked at me, at my fading scars, made me realise that she was just as afraid for everyone as I was.
Alice and Carlisle refused to take sides. My grandfather was battling with all his morals, unsure of the best course of action, although he maintained that he would like to speak with Vladimir and Stefan, whether that was to ask for their help or not. Alice would base her opinions on her visions, if and when they showed her some clear images. The pair of them steered clear of our raging fights, along with Esme, who despite her opinion, refused to argue with her family.
I was the main perpetrator of any fights, although I did my best not to start them. I would make my way downstairs in my pyjamas, and curl up in Jacob's lap, ignoring my father's glares. Then we'd begin a quiet conversation, until the inevitable topic came up.
We'd both try and persuade each other to no avail, and it would always end in arguments. Mostly there'd be shouting between the two sides, which would then subside into pleading. Then the anger would rise up again, Jacob would leave in a temper, and I would go to bed and cry a little. Then in the morning, without fail, Jacob would appear on the doorstep, begging my forgiveness, and I would apologize and kiss him.
And the cycle would begin again.
The worst fight was the night before we began school. I had spent the day hunting with Jake, and now I was tired. I showered quickly, and washed my hair with the new expensive strawberry shampoo Alice had ordered. When I was done, I pulled on some little shorts and a tank top, and blow-dried my hair.
Walking downstairs, I knew immediately that something was up. Everyone was tense, sitting around a very stressed looking Alice.
"I don't know what it means!" she yelled at my dad suddenly. "You tell me what it means! You can read my mind, for Christ's sake!"
My father's hand closed around my mother's, and his eyes flashed to mine.
"What's going on?" I asked, surprised I hadn't heard all of this from the shower.
"The pixie had a vision," Jake explained. I nodded and seated myself beside him.
Alice gave me an anxious glance. "I saw Vladimir and Stefan come here...for something. Someone. From what I could tell, I think it was you. We can't be sure of course, but that seems most...plausible."
"I'm confused," I told her. "Why would they want me?"
"The same reason the Volturi wanted to hurt you. For our help. Whichever side we take will win; that much is inevitable. That is, unless we make our own side. That would even out the playing field a fair bit, I imagine."
Jacob tightened his grip on me. "I won't let them hurt you," he whispered into my hair. "We'll fight them all off."
I pushed him back so I could look at his face. "I don't want you to fight them," I argued. "I want you to keep safe. It's the best way, Jacob."
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't think so. People are going to attack us either way. We can live under the rule of the Volturi or the Romanians, or we can make our own. We're going to be part of a war no matter what we do."
I groaned. Jake could be so obtuse. I wrenched myself off his lap and began to pace.
"No, Jake. If we don't pick a side, we'll lose people. Our friends, our family. We can't fight this war on our own."
He stood fluidly. "We have to, Nessie."
"No we don't!" I yelled, turning on him. "We've put up with the Volturi laws this long, we can do it for a little longer!"
My dad stood then, facing Jake. "Nessie's right," he declared. "I would rather put up with them than lose my family."
Rose nodded in agreement, and Esme looked like she was about to cry, although technically she was unable to.
Jasper and Emmett got involved too, and then Rose. It was the biggest shouting match I could remember my family having. Finally, even my mom got into it; she refrained from shouting, and instead tried to calm me, but it only served to make me angrier. Couldn't Jacob see how much I needed him? I couldn't lose him. I wouldn't. I wouldn't let him do this to us.
I lost control of what I was saying, and I felt tears spring to my eyes. I made no effort to control them. No-one else was shouting anymore, it was just me.
After what seemed an age of everyone else just watching me yell, I fell straight forward into Jacob's waiting arms, sobbing with exhaustion. I pulled my shaking hand up to his cheek and showed him.
I showed him the desperation, the agony I felt just at the thought of losing him. I wouldn't even let myself imagine what would happen if it were real. I wouldn't survive a minute without Jacob. He was my whole world, my sun. My family were all wonderful, yes, but I would be plunged into eternal night without him. There's no point in living your life in darkness after you've seen the sun.
I wasn't consciously aware of Jacob gently tilting my head back, and leaning towards me.
I wasn't aware of anything until I felt his warm, full lips against mine. And then I was home. I stood in the middle of the room, my face tear stained, my family all around me, staring in shock as I kissed Jacob. I didn't even have the heart to care. All I knew was that this was perfect. Jacob hadn't kissed me like this since...well, since the party. Since the happiest day of my life. My hand, still pressed against his warm russet cheek, passed my every thought process back to him, showing him everything. He kissed me harder, and then, very reluctantly, let go.
"I won't leave you, Nessie. I won't," Jacob declared fiercely.
I pulled back, my cheeks flaming. Besides my dad, no-one had any idea what just happened. All they knew was that one minute I was screaming at Jacob, then sobbing into his chest, and the next I was making out with him.
This wasn't going to end well.
Before anyone had time to speak, I had pulled Jacob from the house, and set off at a run. He followed as quickly as he could in his human form. I sprinted past the lake, well out of earshot of the house, before spinning on my heel to face Jake.
He stared at me for a long moment, and then grabbed my face securely between his hands. I couldn't wait. I pulled him closer, tangling my hands in his hair and clutching him to me. Mine. Finally, Jacob's full, smooth lips found mine once more. He placed a few light kisses on my upper lip, and I let my mouth hang slightly open in anticipation. Jake took the hint, deepening the kiss, and eliciting a moan from me. In perfect sync with the strange rhythm of our hearts, the kiss grew wilder, hungrier. It was incredible. I felt my stomach tighten slightly, and I tried to calm down. Jake pulled me closer still, so I could feel every plane of his body pressed up against mine. I gasped involuntarily into his mouth, and he groaned in response. My stomach clenched again, and I felt something hard press against my stomach. His...? I gasped again and Jake slowed the kiss, stopping us abruptly.
"Dammit, Nessie!" he muttered, stepping back to put some space between us. "I-I'm so sorry. Did you feel...?"
He stopped and blushed, looking down.
"Um...yeah," I replied, still a little breathless.
"Sorry," he repeated, embarrassed now, and he ran a hand through his cropped ebony locks that I loved so much.
I had to make him see how amazing that was for me. He shouldn't feel ashamed. I had felt the desire too, although mine was possibly a little less obvious.
"Don't be sorry, Jacob. That was so...hot," I told him truthfully. His eyes flashed back up to mine, and he gave a short, barking laugh which ended very abruptly.
"You're not...disgusted?" he verified disbelievingly. I just shook my head and grinned, closing the distance between us.
He smiled, but held his arms out to stop me before I came any closer.
"As much as I'd like to resume what we were just doing, I think you should give me a minute to...calm down," he said, his face still beetroot.
I nodded and stepped back, playing with my hair.
"How about we walk?" I suggested, taking his hand.
It was his turn to nod, and he looked very much relieved that I couldn't look at his face as we walked.
We headed out in the direction of a large icy mountain maybe two miles from the house, saying little. By the time we reached the foot of it, the silence had become unbearable.
"Jacob," I began. "I'm sorry for...for shouting at you. And for starting all these arguments. I just...I couldn't bear it if I lost anyone. Especially you. I love you too much."
He stopped walking suddenly, and I jerked to a standstill.
Jacob sighed, meeting my eyes. "I get it, Nessie. I feel exactly the same way about you. And that's why I think we should fight them. To both sides, you're just a way to threaten your family, and nothing more. They would hurt you, or even kill you, if it meant your family would do what they wanted. They're that sick and twisted, Nessie. They won't stop. They'll just keep on threatening us after this war is over, making us do their bidding. Especially the Volturi, and we both know they're going to win. Nessie, I need you to be safe. You are the only thing that matters to me."
His face was bleak, determined. I knew that I wouldn't be able to persuade him to change his mind, at least not today. I understood his reasoning, but honestly, I didn't care if people came after me, so long as I didn't lose any of my family. But it was his family too, I realised. He didn't want them dead any more than I did. Then shouldn't he understand? I couldn't lose them.
The rest I could live with, but not that.
I pressed my lips to his, and sighed.
"I love you, Nessie," he muttered. "More than anything. I love you so much."
My heart swelled. "As I love you," I replied,and wound my arms around his chest, pressing my face into his shoulder. His warm, safe arms closed around me, and I knew that whatever happened, I would be okay. So long as I had Jacob, I would be just fine.