I slammed the front door shut and ran straight up the stairs and into my room, slamming that too and throwing my bag on my bed. I grabbed a pillow and smudged my face in it, screaming everything I had in me. When my voice started giving out and cracked I threw it back on the bed and sat down, staring blankly at the wall.
Why was everyone always targeting me? The Alpha's little sister that hasn't even found her mate and made herself useful to make an ally with another pack. The disappointment daughter that seems to make everyone's lives harder. The Alpha's mate that doesn't deserve the Luna position for such a powerful pack. The future Luna that isn't enough or right for the Alpha, bond envied by every girl and eyed like food bye unmated males. When did I ever do anything to deserve so much blame?
The door opened and I quickly turned my head away to face my bed frame. I didn't feel like trying to put on a mask right now.
"Are you okay?" The bed sunk and I looked down at my hands in my lap.
"I'm fine. Go back to your important work."
"Striker's taking it over so I can check on you."
"He's here? Sorry for making such a ruckus, I didn't know you were doing important work with him."
"Naomi, stop," His hand was suddenly grabbing one of mine and I tensed. "look at me." I slowly lifted my head and I looked over at him, my resting frown not moving to fake a smile. "Why are there scratches on your neck?"
"I was clawing at my throat." My voice was quiet and low.
"Why?"
"I couldn't breathe."
"Was it my Delta or-"
"Her twin."
"I'll send her her repercussions then."
"No, please I don't want to be known as a tattle-tale. It'll just make things worse."
"They can't think that they're allowed to hurt a pack member, their Luna at most." I didn't respond and looked back down at my lap, one hand gone and in Fox's hold.
"Why do they all hate me so much?" My voice was barely a whisper, hardly hearable.
"They don't-"
"But they do." I looked him in the eyes and he didn't interrupt. "They have ever since Nicholai and I were old enough to understand our emotions." I slipped my hand out of his and pulled it away when he reached for it again. "Can I just be alone right now?" I could sense the hesitation in his movements.
"I can feel that you're upset. You shouldn't be alone-"
"And be cured of my emotions by a mate bond that means nothing other than reproducing our kind?"
"Doesn't have to be nothing." I stayed silent and avoided his stare, watching from the corner of my eye when he got up and left the room, closing the door behind him. I fell back on the mattress and stared up at the blank ceiling. I didn't expect him to understand it. He's always been the one in the spotlight. Alphas aren't hated, Lunas are.
•
The doorbell rang throughout the vast silent mansion and I perked, darting straight to the door and opening it with a smile.
"Ronan, so nice of you to finally arrive." I remarked sarcastically and he narrowed his eyes at me.
"Ha ha, believe it or not I got lost." I moved so he could walk in and closed the door behind him.
"How did you get lost? The place is isolated on a hill above the towns."
"Yeah, I know. I've just never taken roads up here, it's pretty much forbidden territory to step on. The only people that set foot or paw on the ground on this hill are titled or related to a title. They also don't share details about it so this is not what expected it to look like inside."
"What did you expect? Witches brewing potions and the pits of hell burning at the fireplace?"
"You're-" Ronan immediately clamped his mouth shut and his eyes went wide before he bowed. "Alpha Phoenix."
"Omega," Fox turned to me with an accusing eyebrow raised. "what are you doing inviting an omega male into my abode?" My eyebrows knitted into a frown and I crossed my arms.
"It's my house now too, and he's a friend. I can't invite my friend over for a good 'ole classic sleepover?" I regretted ever speaking when he growled really low and loud, making Ronan flinch and bow down lower, if possible. He was clearly petrified.
"No male will ever sleep here, is that clear?"
"You can't dictate my social events just because we're mates. We have a bond but that doesn't mean I'm to do whatever you tell me and tell me not to do."
"Naomi-" His voice was raising and I knew I was in deep shit but when I least expected it, Ronan lifted his head in his bow and spoke.
"Alpha if it helps, I'm gay." Fox stopped and he sighed, defeated from running out of reasons to stop the sleepover.
"He's sleeping in another room."
"That's not a problem." I turned to Ronan and grabbed his wrist, pulling him behind me all the way to my room. When I closed the door I sighed and collapsed on my dusty rose silk sheets but Ronan remained standing.
"Wow, surprisingly very small and female to be an Alphas room?" A question was lingering in his words and I shrugged.
"Not his room. This is my room, and it is significantly smaller, probably to urge the female into the alphas room sooner than later."
"So have you slept with him then?" He finally sat on the bed beside me, gossip already starting.
"Do I smell different?" Ronan paused and leaned in to get a whiff of my scent and leaned back, shaking his head. "Then I didn't mate with him." He sighed heavily and shook his head.
"That's such a disappointment."
"Why? You wanna do it for me?" He held his hands back and looked shocked.
"I mean I wouldn't mind but he's yours and you're obviously made for each other."
"What do you mean?" I started twirling some of my hair, anticipating his answer.
"Well you're the only one that seems to be able to control him, influence his decisions. Nobody can really do that."
"Let's talk about you." Really I just wanted to stop talking about Fox, the person that was setting up the perfect target on my back. "Find your mate yet?"
"I did." He frowned and looked away at the carpet.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"I just feel guilty that I had to reject her. She was so heartbroken."
"Wait, aren't you gay?" I sat up and he nodded.
"That doesn't change the way the system works though, Naomi. The moon goddess made a system of male and female bonds, not any homosexual mates. That doesn't create more of the population."
"I just thought... sorry for bringing it up, I'm not really educated about how that part works." He shrugged it off.
"It's okay really, I just wish there were more gay guys in this place. Everybody seems to be following tradition."
"At least it isn't the nineteenth century. You'd be forced to hide your true feelings."
"True." I wish things were different for him.
•
After watching a couple horror movies and deciding to call it a night, Ronan fell asleep on the floor and I did the same on my bed. During the middle of the night I jumped awake to a clatter from downstairs and sat up, checking to see if Ronan heard it too, but he was still fast asleep.
I got out of the bed quietly and grabbed the largest thing I could find which happened to be my tripod and held it like a bat as I walked out of my room and tip toed slowly downstairs. The noise was from the kitchen and when the dark figure was facing the other way I raised my tripod and started to swing, but before I could hit the stranger he grabbed the tripod and ripped it from my hands. He threw it back, the tripod landing with a crash as he quickly slammed me into the wall.
"Naomi, what the fuck are you doing?" Fox's deep voice snapped and the light flicked on. To be honest I had trouble finding words to explain, but his dark fiery ash eyes demanded my response, clearly frustrated that I snuck up on him.
"I-I thought you were an intruder."
"So you try to hit me over the head with a stick?"
"Tripod actually." He scoffed and shook his head with a slight laugh at my idiocy.
"What were you thinking? I was just about to snap your neck, dammit!"
"Sorry but what did you expect making a ruckus and waking me up. Speaking of, I don't think I ever got a solid nights sleep because you wake me up every night."
"Actually one of those nights you just came into my office and slept there."
"I-I had a nightmare." He stopped pacing and raised his eyebrows, making me flush in embarrassment.
"Hey, you can't be one to judge. You have them every night." His demeanor turned cold and bitter and his stare was icy fire on me as he leaned close and spoke sharply.
"Memories, not nightmares." My mouth twitched to say something, but I didn't know what to say.
"From what?"
"Doesn't matter, go to bed." He turned around to go back to whatever he was doing but I took a bold step forward and grabbed him by his bicep, my hand sliding down his arm when he stopped still. I did my best to ignore the sparks prickling my skin as I touched him and stood taller.
"You shut me out and expect me to open up my whole life for you. How am I supposed to be okay with you and act like you're my actual mate if you don't share your pain with me?" He stayed silent and I began to feel deflated until he actually turned around and looked me in the eyes.
"As a girl who has never been tormented, used, or mentally scarred I don't think you'd exactly understand these minor details."
"Stop acting like nothing ever hurt you!" I accused with a frustrated laugh, feeling like he was getting more and more distant from me by every word I responded with.
"As an alpha of the strongest pack in the world I don't have time to actually feel the pain directed towards me. I'm a role model, the leader of the Bloodrose Dusk pack, and for everyone's sake I have to act that way." He pulled his arm away from me and walked out of the kitchen, disappearing into one of the many rooms I have yet to see. As he vanished from my sight my heart dropped and my shoulders sagged. I was starting to feel like I was right the first time I realized he was my mate. He wasn't making this heartbreak for me easy, and I wanted the fact that I would never have a true good to me mate to be taken in slowly but it seemed like the fact was hitting me straight in the face every corner I turned.
•••
Thanks for commenting a lot and voting and for getting Blood Rose over 1k reads!! I love you all so much :)
I had my last lacrosse game Saturday and I'm a ghost and I was stupid to not put on sunscreen so now im the crispiest piece of white bread 🍞
Be smart fam, pick up the bottle of sunscreen and apply it!