17
I walked into the apartment praying that'd it'd be vacant just like it is ninety-five percent of the time. My legs carried me into the room that the two of us shared just days before. A fight we had about a week ago escalated to a break up. Which brings me here, breaking into his apartment. My hand went through the drawer picking out everything that belonged to me, that is until that hand was snatched up and the cold barrel of a gun made contact with my neck. "August it's me." I informed, trying to convince my shaking body that I was in no real danger. He turned me around to confirm if what I was saying was true. "Why the fuck are you doing?!" My cheeks turned a rosy red, embarrassed that I had just got caught reviving my underwear from his residence. "I came to get my shit." I informed. "You ain't have to sneak in." He growled. "You scared of me or some shit?" "No I'm not scared-" "Then why you sneakin in?Why the fuck would you be scared of me?!" "Maybe because your yelling at me and just had a gun to my neck." I answered, raising my tone to meet his.
"I'm sorry, aight? I don't want you to be scared of me. I know I get a little crazy but I would never hurt you." He spoke, his tone much calmer. Sometimes I truly believe he's bipolar. The way he can go from being enraged to being the nicest, laid back, person you'd ever meet amazes me. "You'd never hurt me? I wouldn't be here stealing my stuff back if it wasn't for you hurting me August. Us breaking up is you hurting me-" "The breakup was your idea." "But it still hurts. Your constantly hurting me so don't say that shit. Im scared of you because I know your the only one that can do this shit to me. The only one that can have me in tears over stupid shit! I never used to cry, especially over niggas but you have that control. And I'm scared of that."
"I'm sorry." "That's all you fucking say August! Your always sorry yet you don't ever change your actions." "I just need one more chance." "Why should I?"
"Because I love you and you love me. You know damn well the two of us can't be apart. I need you. I promise this time around I'll be better. I just need you to take me back." He begged. I gave a soft smile, taking his hands in mine and giving a nod. To bad I didn't know his words were just a mirage.
"Imma marry you one day." August randomly whispered, voice raspy from wariness. We had stayed up talking, spending hours awake having pointless conversation, each topic someone ending up on marriage.
"What does me wanting some chocolate have to do with you marrying me?" I asked in a slight giggle.
"Shit I dunno, I just thought you should know." He mumbled, running a figure through my wild mane. I never let a man see me in sweats, a bare face, and a jungle of a mane, but with him it seemed to not matter. "And your gonna say yes too."
"What makes you think I'll say yes, How do you know I won't say no?" I finished questioned.
"Because I know the type of female you are. Your wifey material and females that are wifey material can't wait to be wifed up. Plus I got ya ass sprung."
"If that's whatchu think.Why you want me to be your wife anyways? You could have almost any girl you want-" "Almost?" His cocky self butted in. "Yes almost. Like I was saying, you could have almost any girl you want be your wife but yet you want me. Why?" "Because I don't want this other girls, I want you. Ain't no other female ever gonna love me like you do and I ain't never gonna have these type of feelings for a broad that ain't you. But if you just wanna hear some nice shit then, I wanna marry you 'cuz you beautiful, smart, can cook, know how to hold shit down, and was there when I ain't have shit. How could I not wanna marry you? For real doe, If I asked you to marry me would you say yes?" He asked, his tone changing to a serious one.
"Of course I would." I mumbled, the last words spoken for the rest of the night.
* *
"Adira wait up!" I heard. There was no need to turn around and see where the words were coming from, already knowing the owner of the all too familiar voice. "What do you want Trey?" I asked, picking up my pace in an attempt to avoid him. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want Trey. Since I meant Trey I wanted him. Probably because he was the opposite of anyone I've dated, take August for example. While August tried playing the thug act, Trey played the gentlemen card. While August spoke in slang and incomplete sentences, Trey on the other hand talked with prestige, only momentarily bringing out his street voice. Everything about Trey differed from all my previous suitors, and that's what attracted me to him.
"Can I talk to you real quick?" He asked, taking ahold of my arm, preventing me from proceeding forward. "Wassup?" I asked nonchalantly. "I haven't talked to you since last week, where've you been?" "I been with my boyfriend, the one I told you about." "Your still mad about that? I told you that I'm sorry. Can you blame me, you were giving off singles like that's what you wanted-" "Well it's not." "I didn't even know you had a boyfriend, all I did was introduce you to my bro as my girl, not a big deal." "The big deal is that you think our friendship is anything more then that. We're friends Trey, that's all. I'm sorry for giving you the wrong impression." I explained, turning away to walk away. Not giving me a chance to make my escape his hand locked onto my arm, turning me around to face him once more.
"I'm sorry Adira, how about I take you out tonight to apologize." "Isn't you taking me out what got us into this predicament?" "It won't be like that. There's a party and everyone's supposed to be there. It'd be a break from all the studying." He spoke. I looked up at him, considering the offer. My studying had consumed my life lately and August was away on "business" so he wouldn't be an obstacle. "I'll go as long as you don't pull that girlfriend shit." I smirked, giving in. Seeing the smile that grew across his face instantly erased any harsh feelings I had towards him. I could never be mad at him for to long, just like with August. "No more girlfriend shit, I promise."
~~~
"You should stop scarfing down that shrimp." Trey informed. The whole time we've been here I've been taking in the shrimp likes it's nothing while Trey watched at a distance making sure I was okay. "I think I'll be just fine. " I replied, taking yet another piece in my mouth. "Where's a bathroom?" "Um, upstairs, first door to the left." "Thanks."
Where are you?
Can you text me back?
So your just gonna ignore me?
Are you okay?
Okay whatever August 😒
"You texting ya man?" Trey questioned, taking a seat next to me on the bed. "Yeah." I mumbled, locking the phone and placing it beside me. "He's not answering me right now, probably busy."
"If I was you man I wouldn't do shit like that to you. I'd never be too busy for you. See the probably is that you ain't with a real man, your with a little boy. Someone that just plays games and doesn't know how to treat a women right. You need a real man." "Is that what you are, a real man?" "I can show you better then I can tell you." "Then show me, show what a man you are." "You sure you want that?" "Yeah, I am." Without hesitation his lips smashed into mine, sending a tingly sensation throughout my body. My mind told me to push him off of me then and there but my body, which was enjoying the activity, couldn't bring myself to do it. My body was soon laid across the bed as he climbed on, never separating our lips. His hands reached up to cup my breast, damn did his touch feel good. He briefly unlocked our lips to take of his shirt, revealing the perfect body that I had dreamt about on various occasions. My shirt was the next item to come off. His hand trailed to waistband and gentle began to tug on the pants I had on.
It wasn't until I felt the sudden urge to puke that I knew what I was doing was wrong. With all my might I pushed Trey's body off of me, making a dash to the bathroom to release the puke. "You okay in there?" Trey asked, frustration in his tone. "No, I think it was the shrimp." I mumbled between the recurring vomit. Once I was finally able to regather myself I made a run for it. "You okay?" Trey asked. "Yeah, I gotta go." I mumbled, running out the room before he could ask me any questions. Thank god I ate that bad shrimp, if it wasn't I would've went through it.
* *
"I thought you said you were going home today. You been at dudes house for weeks now, y'all better not be having sex." He stated. "One, I am going home today. Two, I wouldn't even have to be here if it wasn't for the stupid shit you did. And no we are not fucking Trey. You don't even have a right to be mad at me, we're not together remember?" I whispered, trying to keep my voice low so I wouldn't be heard. "Don't hit me with that shit, you the one who's playin' because your still caught up on your ex."Who you talking to?" August asked, frightening me. "Uh, it's nobody." I replied. "I gotta go I'll call you back later." I told Trey hanging up before he could respond.
"Nobody?" "It was my landlord asking if I had gotten settled in yet, I told her I haven't been there in a month and that I'm coming home today." I lied.
"You sure you don't wanna stay, just for a little bit longer." August whined, grabbing ahold of my waist. The past month of him regaining his strength been filled with his endless attempt to try to win me back along with numerous flirtatious encounters like the one we're having now. For someone who could barely walk he sure had a lot of energy.
"I can't. I gotta go home, I have things to do." I insisted, prying his hands off my body. "You can't just do those things here?" He questioned.
"No. Plus we're not together anymore, stop acting like we are." I explained for what felt like the millionth time. His flirty attitude would've been okay if we were just going through a rough patch, or if I actually had intentions of getting back together but I don't. I couldn't condone having him feel me up all the time because my mind would always drift to Trey, yet I still couldn't build up the courage to just tell August about whatever was going on between the two of us.
"Why you keep playin' with my emotions? It's almost been 2 months. I miss you." He informed, his hands returning to my waist. "So why don't you just come back already?" "It's not that simple, August." "What's complicated about it?" "We're not together-" "That ain't the problem, I know when you lyin'. Just tell me what's really up."
I sighed and looked away. There was no way I was going to tell August about Trey, not yet at least. "Because the doctor said you made a full recovery. Im no longer needed. Plus I'm scared that My feelings for you will resurface and you'll just hurt me, again." I admitted, telling the partial truth. "I'm scared August and I just don't wanna go down that road again." Once more I broke from his grasp, only to be caught again. His hands held a tight hold on my waist as I continued to struggle to be released, eventually giving up in defeat. "Let go of me August." "No." "Please just let go." I pled, tears falling from my weary eyes. "Just let me go." "I'm not letting go of you." "Please just-" my pleads we're left unheard, getting cut off by the lips that I used to kiss. With all my might I attempted to push him off of me, yet all my strength was nothing compared to his. He just took both my wrist and locked them in his hands. My protest to end the kiss eventually ended, allowing his tongue to explore my mouth, followed by my neck, and every other part of my body. Not leaving a piece untouched. My mind was telling me to stop with my inappropriate activities, yet my body wanted it so badly, winning in the end.
"Do you have a condom?" I asked, pushing him off me for a brief second. . "No, I'll just pull out." He insisted, resuming nibbling on my neck. "Last time you said you said that you ended up with a kid." I said, referring to Jasmine. "I'll pull out for real this time, I promise. Plus what would be so wrong with a little me runnin around. Now just be quit and let me take care of you." My nagging came to a seize as soon as he made his way inside of me. The whole time thinking about how this is so wrong yet it feels so right.
After what felt like an eternity of fooling around I finally came to my senses, realizing what I had done and how much of a negative effect it'll have on my moving on process. "So what, you just gonna leave now?" August questioned. His back was turned but the shift in the bed from me getting up paired with the sound of me pulling my jeans up my legs was enough to show that I was attempting an escape. "This was a mistake. I knew I shouldn't have played nurse with you. I told you from day one not to pull no funny shit and yet we still ended up here." "Don't try to blame all this on me. You ain't say no." "I haven't had sex in months, of course I wasn't turning it down." I admitted. "I don't understand why your so mad. Your acting like it's the end of the world or some shit." He stated, turning to look at me as I pulled my shirt over my head. "I just had sex with my ex, I think that calls for a little frustration." "You wanted it!" "And you toke advantage of that! You know how bad I wanted it and you toke advantage of that." I growled. By now I was fully dressed and on my, ready to leave.
"Your a coward Adira." He called out, redirecting my attention back to him, now out of the bed with his boxers on. "Excuse me?" "Your a coward. You keep running away from shit because it ain't going the way you want. Whenever shit gets hard you just pack ya shit up and leave. You did it with that nigga King, you did it with ya mom, Shanicee, and you did it to me. Shit ain't always gonna go your way, you can't just run away because of it. What we just did, you wanted that shit just as much as I did, but now you tryna' run away because your a coward. Your too scared to admit ya feelings. Got me up here sounding like a little bitch tryna' talk some sense into you. Your a fucking coward."
"I'm not a coward." I responded, not knowing what else to say. "If you ain't a then stay here, with me tonight." "I can't, I need to get home. Your healed, clearly.Its time for me to go." "Coward, just like I said."
"Maybe I am."