When Nat, Owen, and Erin got to the apartment they found the brothers asleep. "Look at them," Natalie whispered to Erin. Erin smiled; "I guess they're ok?"
"I'd say so. Come on, I'll put Owen down and we can chat or go to bed; whichever you want to do."
"Yea a little chat would be good," Erin said as she went to curl up on the couch. Natalie tucked Owen into his crib and kissed his cheek. "Sleep tight little man."
She found Erin curled on the couch looking at the picture album. "Will got that out last night," she smiled sitting down by Erin.
"They were cute kids." Natalie laughed as she agreed.
Erin got to the last pictures; "Does Will talk about her?"
"Some. Probably no more than Jay."
Erin nodded. "Yea… Jay was a mama's boy."
Natalie nodded; "So are you ok Er?" They had become good friends over their mutual love for brothers and Natalie was worried about her. Erin nodded.
"Yea, I'm ok. Just been worried about him. I really hope this helped him."
"I'm sure you have too, Er."
Erin sighed. "I dunno about that. His dreams are brutal for him."
Natalie nodded. "It happens when something triggers his PTSD, but he's still Jay."
"Yea I know. I just feel like it was more than just the dreams that were bothering him."
"What do you mean sweetie?"
"There was just something about when he hit me in his sleep. I dunno…. Maybe he'll tell me one day."
Natalie gave her a hug; "I'm sure he will Er. Come on, why don't we go get some rest. I'm sure it's been a long few days." Erin nodded as she yawned. "I'll go wake Will and you can sleep in there with Jay."
"No, no it's fine. I can just sleep here on the couch," she said as she grabbed a blanket to cover up.
"Erin… you don't have to do that."
Before Erin could reply, Will walked out rubbing his eyes. "I thought I heard yall," he whispered. Natalie smiled at him as he walked towards her. "Come on Er go to bed," Nat said and Erin nodded.
As she walked passed Will she gave him a hug; "Thank you for taking care of him," she whispered.
"Of course sweetie. He's fine or he will be I promise." Will gently pushed her into the room where Jay was and quietly closed the door. He walked over and wrapped his arm around Nat and softly kissed her.
"Come on let's go to bed," she smiled at him. Will followed her to their room and crawled in bed. He wrapped his arm around her back as she settled against him with her head on his chest. "You ok?" she whispered kissing his chest.
"Yea… it's just been a long day."
"Jay ok? Erin's been worried about him."
"Yea I think he is now. He just needed to talk."
Natalie nodded as she rubbed his cheek.
"Hey, Nat?" he whispered.
"Yea babe?"
"I wanna share something with you," he whispered. He'd never told this to anyone but Jay, but he wanted Natalie to know everything about him.
"Of course Will. You can tell me anything."
He was quiet for a moment. "Our dad… was abusive; not to me, but to mom and to Jay. He liked me because I was going to be a doctor, be like him." He got quiet again, and Natalie gave him the time he needed. She felt a few tears fall on her hand and her heart broke.
"What is it baby?" she whispered when he stayed quiet and more tears fell.
"I never wanted to be him. I hated the way he treated them, but I did what he wanted, what was expected of me. I let my mama and my brother down over and over. I never wanted to be him," he cried.
"You're not like him Will. I don't know what he was like, but you're not abusive and you're here for Jay now. You've made amends and you made things right. I bet he never did that."
Will shook his head as Natalie rubbed his cheek. "But I started out treating you awful…" he whispered but Nat stopped him.
"But you stopped and you realized what you were doing. We're fine Will I promise." He pulled her up and kissed her.
"I swear Nat, I'll never intentionally hurt you or Owen. I'd rather die first."
Natalie rubbed his cheek. "I know sweetheart. I know you'd never hurt us." Will nodded as she wiped his eyes.
"I love you Nat," he whispered.
She kissed him hard. "I love you too Will." She curled into him and rubbed his cheek until he fell asleep. There was so much mystery to these brothers, but they were slowly revealing themselves, and there was so much to love about them. Natalie was hopelessly in love with Will, and she was looking forward to spending the rest of forever with him.
/
Jay woke up around three and saw Erin curled up beside him. He had no idea when she got there, but he was glad to see her. He gently brushed the hair off her face and kissed her cheek. "My girl," he whispered.
He loved her more than anything, and he always would. He'd never intentionally hurt her, and he knew right then, Will was right. He wasn't their father, and he never would be. He gently pulled her where her head was laying on his chest and fell back asleep holding her close.
Around seven, Jay awoke again. Erin was still sound asleep. He gently rolled her back on the bed, and he slid down. He carefully pulled her shirt up and looked at the bruise. It was still every shade possible, and he felt really awful about it. He knew, though, that it was truly an accident.
He softly kissed all around it, and he felt her shift a little. He wanted forever with her, and he knew he had to tell her what all this was about. He felt Erin run her fingers through his hair.
"Good morning beautiful," he whispered.
"Morning," she whispered. "You ok?"
Jay smiled; "Yea Er I'm fine I promise." He leaned up and softly kissed her. Erin smiled against his lips. "I'm glad," she whispered.
"I wanna tell you; you deserve to know," he whispered.
Erin ran her fingers through his hair over and over. "Whenever you want Jay, I'll listen."
He nodded. "Let's eat breakfast and then go home." Erin nodded her agreement.
They got up and Will and Nat had breakfast waiting. She'd fed Owen, and he was sitting in his swing watching Will and Nat in the kitchen. Jay knelt down by the swing; "Hey little man," he cooed and Owen cooed back at him.
Erin smiled watching them; he would be a great dad one day and she hoped she was the lucky one that he chose to have kids with. She kissed his cheek as she walked by to go help Will and Nat in the kitchen.
"Everything ok?" Nat asked.
Erin smiled. "Yea everything's ok. We're gonna eat and then go home. He said there was something he wanted to tell me so we'll see." Will and Natalie nodded. They sat down to eat and shared easy conversation over breakfast. They talked about what the girls had done yesterday and stories about things Owen had done. Once they were done, Jay and Erin helped clean up and said their goodbyes.
Once they got back to Jay's apartment, Erin curled up on the couch. He kissed the top of her head. "I'm gonna go get something, and I'll be back."
"Ok baby. I'll be here," she smiled up at him.
Jay went to his closet and reached up to the top shelf. He dug around until he found it. He pulled it down and blew the dust off the cover of the photo album. He grabbed a quilt too. He carried it all back to the living room.
He sat down by Erin and unfolded the quilt wrapping it around her. "What's this?" she asked with a smile.
"A quilt mama made for me. Will and I both got one when we graduated high school."
"It's beautiful," she smiled. She felt so honored that he was sharing this part of him with her. She noticed the photo album; it looked similar to the one Will had. "And what's that?" she asked nodding towards it.
Jay smiled as he opened it pulling her into his side. "A picture album. Mama made sure we each had copies of all the pictures she took."
He slowly flipped through the album letting her look at the pictures. He'd tell her some stories that went with the pictures. Erin loved listening to him talk; she was learning so much about his childhood.
She snuggled into his chest as he drew soft, random patterns on her arm. She noticed there wasn't pictures of his father, but she didn't press it. They got to the last pictures; they were identical to the one in Will's.
"This was right before she died. She was so sick and things were so hard." Erin leaned up and kissed her cheek.
"I'm sorry Jay."
Ha gave her a sad smile; "It's ok Er." He knew she knew what it was like having gone through it with Camille. The only difference being she had Hank and he had no one. "That's a story for another day," he said closing the book.
"What story is for today then?" she asked quietly. His hand stopped drawing patterns and he was quiet.
"There doesn't have to be a story. We have all kinds of time for stories," she said trying to reassure him.
"No you deserve to know Er. You deserve to know why I freaked out. You deserve to know because I want this forever with you."
Erin looked up at him and smiled. "I want that too. So whenever you want to talk I'll always listen." Jay leaned down and softly kissed her
"Our dad… he was abusive to mama and me…. She made Will and I promise that we would never, ever turn out like him. That we would always love and cherish the girl we found."
"But you do Jay. I know you love me and would never hurt me."
Jay nodded; "Never Er. And when I realized I had… I just couldn't handle it. I swore I'd never be him… I can't be him..."
"I dunno what he did Jay, but I do know you're not him."
Jay was quiet lost in the memories. Erin slowly crawled into his lap and laid her head on his shoulder. She pulled his mama's quilt around them both. She reached up and rubbed his cheek; "It's ok Jay. I'm here and you're safe," she whispered. She knew what it was like to be trapped in the memories and not be able to tell the difference between a memory and reality.
Jay turned his cheek into her hand needing her comfort as a single tear slid down his cheek. "It was never as bad if Will was around. He'd always be able to talk him down. I hated him; it was awful." He rested his cheek against hers on his shoulder.
"The worst night was the night of Will's senior prom. I was sixteen." Erin laced her hand with his and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"Once Will and his date left…. Mama she… she told me to go out… get ice cream or hang out with friends. I never understood why until I got back."
Erin rubbed her thumb back and forth across his knuckles as she used her other hand to run through his hair.
"She… she… was laying on the couch barely awake. She had the normal bruises on her arms, but she was so lifeless…. I checked her over. I wasn't going to med school, but I'd learned enough from Will. Surprisingly nothing was broken… but…. But… she had this nasty bruise on her stomach…. It was huge and every color imaginable. He did it because he said she'd taken too many pictures of Will and his date. He told her the girl would always change and she shouldn't waste so many pictures. He told her if he didn't have an image to keep, he'd have a different girl every week. "
Erin realized why the bruise on her stomach bothered him so much. "Oh Jay," she whispered kissing his cheek. Jay closed his eyes as the pain the memory brought. A few tears slipped down his cheeks. Erin carefully wiped them.
"I was furious… my temper got the best of me, and I stormed through the house looking for him."
Erin bit her lip holding in her gasp, knowing where this was going.
"I found him in his office. I caught him off guard and punched him with all I had. He had a black eye for a few days, and it just pissed him off more that I'd actually hit him."
Jay took a breath and looked at her. "The rest isn't pretty Er," he whispered.
She cradled his face; "I don't care baby. If you wanna tell me go ahead, if not it's ok," she said rubbing his cheeks as she held his face. He looked deep into her eyes and saw her love for him reflected back at him.
Jay nodded slowly; "He…. He pinned me to the desk… I tried to fight back, but he was still stronger. I kicked and screamed at him and I managed to get one good kick in. I'd almost broke his hold when he recovered."
Jay shuttered at the memory and Erin rubbed his cheek. "You're safe babe," she whispered.
"Just… just before I got away from him… he… grabbed scissors and slashed right above my hip," he said quickly closing his eyes. He heard her gasp and couldn't look at her afraid of what he'd see if he did. He didn't want her to feel any different about him, but he was afraid she would, that she would see him as weak and feel pity for him.
She cradled his face and straddled him so she could look at him fully. She wiped the tears that had been falling. "Jay… look at me babe… please," she pleased quietly.
He cautiously opened his eyes and she rubbed his cheeks. "It's ok. I'm right here," she whispered. "And I'm not going anywhere." He knew it was true.
"Then what happened?" she asked never breaking his gaze. Jay rested his forehead against hers and sighed.
"He was done as soon as he saw the blood, he always was. I went upstairs and begged and pleaded with anyone that Will would come early. But he didn't. So I used a towel and put it between my hip and the sink trying to stop the bleeding. This is the one time one of Will's lessons actually came in handy. I stitched myself up and prayed mama hadn't heard my cries."
Erin had tears running down her cheeks. She had no idea things had been so terrible for him; he hid it so well. He wiped her tears; "It's ok Er," he whispered.
"Was it always like that?"
Jay nodded. "My whole life. When Will was twelve he already knew how to put a cast on someone. I'd gotten in his way one day while he was trying to 'work' and he knocked me down the stairs. Broke my arm but he never ever took us to the hospital because it would ruin his imagine. So Will set it and put a cast on my arm at twelve," he said and Erin cried more. "It was always something," he whispered.
He laid her head on his shoulder as she cried.
"Will went to med school, and I had just moved to the Rangers. He finally divorced her. It was probably the best thing to ever happen to her except he made sure she didn't get anything…. Will and I pitched in and got her an apartment but it wasn't the best because we really didn't have that much. She never complained though."
Erin sat back up to look at him and cradle his face.
"Will was in his last year of med school. I was on my first tour when she got sick with cancer. If it hadn't been for Will she wouldn't have told me," Jay sighed as Erin ran her fingers through his hair. "I came home and things were bad. He could've saved her but he wouldn't. He was too busy with his new girlfriend every week. I did the best I could, but she wouldn't let me help her that much."
Erin wiped his tears and rubbed his cheek. "I know babe. I know that feeling." Jay knew she did.
"He didn't come to the funeral and we were glad. I haven't spoken to him in over three years, and I couldn't even tell you where he was or if he is even still alive."
"That doesn't matter Jay. The way he treated you and your mom, he doesn't deserve to know what an amazing man you are despite the way he treated you."
Jay softly kissed her; he had no idea how he got lucky enough to find her but he was so glad he did.
Erin loved him more than she could ever imagine. He was a strong amazing man and she felt so lucky that he wanted her and loved her. She softly kissed him again.
They stayed curled on the couch most of the day under his mama's quilt sharing memories of their childhoods. The more the learned about him the more her love for him grew and she knew it would continue to grow the longer she was with him.