Justine
Eight messages on her voicemail, about 15 text messages, but she doesn't answer. What the hell happened last night?
It all started so wonderful, we had such a great time, just like always. There was so much laughter, it was a chilled atmosphere, we were enjoying each others company. It felt so good to tell her everything about Megan. I hoped that Demi would be happy for me, but the evening completely changed after I had told her about Megan.
- flashback -
J: "So it's your turn now! What is your big news?" Demi's face turned pale all of a sudden. She looked at me and for a second I was sure that her eyes lost those amazing sparkles. Her smile was gone and her breathing was heavy.
"Is everything ok? Are you sure that you are doing fine?", I asked her concerned. She checked her phone and excused herself to go to the bathroom. She left me in the living room and I tried to remember every detail of what I told her. What did I say that she reacted that way? Minutes later Demi came back and told me, that she had to leave. A friend called her and she needed to help him with something. I knew that she was lying to me, I asked her what happened, but she insisted that everything was alright. She said her good bye and didn't even hug me. Demi turned around before she closed the door behind her and it seemed like there were tears in her eyes.
- end flashback -
I am really worried at the moment, but it is late, maybe she can't answer me, because she is with this friend, although I still think she said that as pretense. I change into my pajamas and lay down on my bed. Finally I fall asleep, confused and with a strange feeling in my chest.
Marissa
I don't remember when, but after a long time Demi fell asleep last night. She slept fitfully though, rolled around a lot and sighed often. Poor girl! The last time I saw her like that was after she found out Wilmer cheated on her. She was so desperate, I don't really know how to help her.
I didn't sleep a lot this night and get up to make us breakfast. Demi comes into the kitchen and I open my arms to give her a hug. She is holding me tight and starts crying again. Silent sobs escape from her mouth and I feel her tears on my shoulder. We stand there for some minutes, I try my best to give her what she needs at the moment. I cup her face with my hands and dry her tears with my thumb. "You know what? We are going to talk about it again and maybe we find a solution for it. But first we are eating breakfast, ok?" She gives me a forced smile and says "I am not hungry and I don't want to talk about it. I mean, I've told you everything. She doesn't love me the way I love her. Marissa, she is in love with this girl!" She sounds so disappointed. I grab Demi’s hand and we sit down at the table. "You are eating your toast! I won't discuss it with you! You know how important that is for your recovery. Eat it now Demi! I will not let you go, before you have finished. Do you understand?" I explain sternly. "Yes mom, I understand!" she answers and takes her first bite.
I'm relieved to hear that. Although that is a difficult situation for her I will not let it influence her recovery.
Demi
I'm sitting on Marissa’s couch, while she is cleaning up the kitchen and takes a shower. Everything is hurting me. I feel like my heart exploded yesterday and all those tiny pieces just smashed everything inside me. My head is full of thoughts and there are thousands of voices inside of me talking, no yelling, so that I can't understand a single word they are trying to say. But one voice is getting louder and clearer every second that passed. And I hoped I'd never hear this voice again. I thought I had chased it away forever, but somehow it came back to remind me of every single word Justine said to me yesterday.
"Of course she loves another woman! How could she ever fall in love with you! Are you kidding me? You really believed that? Just look at her, she is out of your reach! She deserves someone better!" I cover my ears and try my best to ignore that voice, rocking myself back and forth. But it doesn't help. I feel my pulse rate under my stay strong tattoo and remember what helped me, when I heard this voice in the past. I always cut the pain away. I know that I can't let that happen now. I have to stay strong. I came so far with my recovery, I won't give in. I feel tears running down my cheeks, dropping on my thigh. I rub my eyes to wipe them away, but as hard as I try even more tears appear that are streaming down my face. I just can't stop crying.
"You know what to do to feel better? Just do it! No one will care about that! Just do it already!" The voice says sternly. I put my hands under my thigh, "No!" I scream, not knowing what to do.
Marissa
I come back from the shower and see Demi bawling her eyes out. She seems to be far away with her thoughts, trying to calm herself down with rocking her body. "Why me? Why? Don't I deserve to be happy too? Why can't she love me? Please go away, leave me alone!" Oh no, her voices are back! She didn't hear me coming back, so she is probably talking to them. This is getting serious.
I rush over to her, kneeling in front of her. "Demi, look into my eyes! Hey! Look at me!" I lift her head with my finger. "Those voices are not real and you know that! Listen to my voice! Demi believe me, everything is going to be ok!"
I push her down on the couch and lay myself in front of her. Immediately she gets closer to me and I wrap my arms around her. "I am here for you, you are safe with me! I will not let you do anything you might regret! I love you Demi and I promise you that we will find a way to cope with that! Just listen to me, you deserve to be happy! And you will be happy! It is a lot now, I understand. But don't give up!"
Hours later Demi let go of me and sit up. Her tears are dry, but still visible on her cheeks, her eyes red and puffy. She smiles at me, it is a weak smile, but at least a smile. "Do you know why I choose you to be my best friend, Marissa?" I shake my head and she grabs my hand.
"Immediately after I met you on that playground in Dallas I knew you were special! There was a bond that I felt, and this bond, after all those years, is stronger than ever! I don't know how I'd come this far without you. I can share everything with you, all my happiness, my worries, my sadness. And nothing is able to chase you away, you just stay. You are here when I am lost and somehow you always bring me back to reality. Thank you for everything Mar, I just don't know how I can lay the importance into those simple words. I thank you so much. At least I try to be half of the friend you are to me! Marissa, please stay in my life forever because you're one of the best things that ever happen to me. I love you so much!"
Seriously? She is in so much pain right now, she is heartbroken at the moment. Demi looks at me and honestly, she looks like crap. But she just said those touching words to me and I am sobbing like a baby.
"I love you so much Demi! I am speechless. I really hope you know how much our friendship means to me. You can always count on me, I will be here for you, because you'll always be here for me too!" I pull her into a hug.
Demi
I don't know why, but Marissa and Matt are the persons in my life I couldn't live without, except for my family. We went through so much, but we always stood at each other’s side. Yesterday, after I left Justine’s apartment, my first thought was Marissa. She can calm me down every time. And she helped me so much with all the Justine drama. I needed to tell her this, although I am still heartbroken.
Enjoying her hug I hear my phone ringing from the kitchen. "Demi, I am sure it is Justine! Please answer her. She must be worried. Just tell her where you are. I know it hurts, but don't give up on her. I am so sure that she loves you too! We just need to give her a hint that opens her eyes!"
I shake my head. "You won't tell her anything. This is something between me and her. And for her this doesn't even exist. She is with someone and although it is hard, I will not get between them. She deserves to be happy, even though it isn't with me. This is going to be a nightmare and I hate it. But promise me not to talk with her about that!"
I stand up to answer the phone. It is Justine. Time for a little acting I guess.
J: "Demi? Oh my god! Are you ok? Where are you? What happened? I am so worried! Do you...!" D: "Wow, just slow down girl! One question after the other, ok?" I try to sound cool and relaxed, although I started shaking and I feel tears forming in my eyes again, just because I hear her sweet voice.
J: "Sorry! I was so scared the whole night. What in god's name happened? Why did you rush away? Did I say anything wrong?" Oh my, this sarcasm she is using without knowing it!
D: "Nothing happened. I told you that a friend needed my support. I had to go!"
J: "Are you sure? You don't have to lie to me, you know that? I will understand, no matter what it is!"
D: "Relax Justine, everything is good!"
Justine sighs and says "Can we see each other today? Please let's drink a coffee together! There was something you wanted to tell me before you left!"
No chance! I can't see her right now, that would kill me.
D: "To be honest? Not today! I am having a bestie day with Marissa! And I will go to Vegas this weekend, I told you about that, right?"
J: "Ok, I understand! I hope to see you next week then! Have a great time in Las Vegas! I'll miss you!" A single tear runs down my face, how I miss her too. I am sure nothing will ever be the same for me.
D: "Bye Justine, see you next week!" With that I hang up.
Justine
What a strange phone call. There must be more behind it. But I trust her, she would tell me if there was more. I am deep in my thoughts when I hear a knock at the door. It is Megan. It is nice seeing her, but that feeling doesn't go away.
Megan and I are sitting on my terrace with a cup of coffee, her legs are over my thigh. "What are you thinking of, Justine?" she asks me, while holding my hand. "I told you about Demi, right?" I ask her. "Yes, she is like your best friend here!"
J: "Yeah, she is. I think she has a problem, but she doesn't want to talk about it."
M: "She will, when she is ready! Just give her some time! And don't worry too much. I prefer you smiling!" She leans in and pecks my lips. I smile at her and kiss her back.
M: "Can I be honest with you Justine? I still don't really know why you are hanging around with her that much. I mean, she might be a great person, but she is 6 years younger than you, and so are most of her friends. Don't get me wrong, but this is a bit weird, don't you think?"
J: "What does that mean? Why is age important when you get along with someone? You don't know her, why are you talking about her like..."
M: "Like what? You don't have to raise your voice! That is just my opinion, sorry for having one."
J: "What is your problem?"
M: "I don't have a problem! Maybe you have one!"
I can't believe what I hear. Megan seems to be jealous. That is kind of cute though, but I can't stand that she talks like that about my friendship to Demi!
J: "Listen Megan, I am sorry for raising my voice. But you have to accept, that Demi is a very important part in my life! I won't accept anyone talking like that about any of one of my friends! Ok?" M: "Ok, I am sorry! Maybe I just have to get to know her that I understand. Please forgive me!" I hug her, at least I am happy to have Megan in my life. She knows how to comfort me. We cuddle with each other, watching the sunset, enjoying our nearness.
Demi
Later that day I drove back home to the sober living. I was still so upset and disappointed. But I feel stronger. Marissa promised me to inform Matt about everything that happened. I was thankful for that, because I don't want to repeat the story again.
Lying in bed I get an email from Matthew. He just wants to know how I am doing, how I feel and if I am ready to fly to Vegas over the weekend.
I try to answer him and write down my thoughts.
"The saddest thing in life is when you meet that special someone and you know it will never be, and that sooner or later you’ll have to let go. I feel broken hearted. It is probably one of the most painful things a person has to go through. Not going to lie. When you get your heart broken, it feels like it shattered in a million pieces. It hurts a lot, emotionally and physically. Getting my heart broken actually makes my heart physically hurt. I wish it was just a temporary nightmare. The sad truth? It is reality. And I am going to have to accept it, the pain and all."
Hey guys! I know this chapter is sad, it was not that easy to write it. But I just wanted to show how Demi is feeling and how Justine starts to think about everything. I hope you all like it though!
Thank you for all of your reads, votes, comments and messages! Aaahhhh, I really appreciate all of them. Next update is next Wednesday!