a;n
why do i take SO long to update? i don't know.
by the way, this is a very beautiful song. love you jay x
-silkcity
♕
Min-Ji set the tray of food next to Yoongi's bedside. She twiddled the card between her calloused fingertips, her forehead wrinkles ever more apparent as she sat herself down. "Yoongi... I have something for you."
"Oh?" Yoongi knocked himself out of his daydream. He could feel that Min-Ji was acting differently. He may not have been able to see her facial features or body language but she never spoke that quietly and the sound of her footsteps usually bounced and had a springiness to them, while now they were delicate and quiet. "What is it?"
"It's... a card from your parents." Min-Ji's fingers fiddled with the corners of the card. "Shall I read it out? You don't have to-"
"No. Please, read it," Yoongi mumbled and Min-Ji wished Yoongi was like his usual solemn self and that he'd only replied with a 'hmph'.
The card had no design on the front, the sterile ivory paper as cold and heartless as the message scribed inside:
"Dear Yoongi,
We are all very sorry to hear about your accident. We hope you get better.
If you decide to leave your homosexual lifestyle with Jimin, we will be here for you.
Love,
Your parents."
Min-Ji exhaled deeply at the last part, folding the card back in half and placing it next to the tray of food. Yoongi opened his mouth to say something, only to let out a gentle sigh.
"Oh, I'm sorry Yoongi." Min-Ji didn't try to hide the uncomfortable grimace on her face,
Yoongi sighed, "It's fine, don't worry about it."
Min-Ji wished she could've taken Yoongi's suggestion and stopped worrying about it, but she couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling she had been feeling since the card was left at her desk. An uncomfortable sensation, like tiny spiders under her skin, crawled up her arm and down her spine and settling in her gut.
Yoongi insisted he didn't care, but Min-Ji swore he was acting differently as they exchanged mindless chitter-chatter. More... timid. More reclusive.
Not upset, not surprised.
Just disappointed.
♕
"You did a really good job with dinner, I forgot how much I missed your food." Yoongi licked his lips, as he stopped eating to take a sip of his drink.
"I think anything would taste better than the food you make." His mother shook her head lightly, smiling.
"Yoongi is a pretty bad chef," Jimin admitted.
"Hey! That is untrue!" Yoongi smacked a hand against his chest, mouth agape. "I am so hurt."
Yoongi's father bumped up his glasses with his knuckle, "Please, Yoongi. You make instant ramen and then you think you're that angry American chef."
"He's British and his name is Gordon Ramsay." Yoongi corrected.
Yoongi's mother tutted at her son, pointing at his bowl with one of her chopsticks, "Yoongi, stop talking and eat." She turned to Jimin, shaking her head again. "He's so easily distracted."
Jimin tried not to laugh, to no avail, "Oh, I know."
"So, Yoongi." Yoongi's father intertwined his fingers next to his empty bowl. "How's it going with that girl from the company?"
Yoongi stopped shovelling food into his mouth, "Hm?"
"That girl, Jisoo? You said you were going to ask her out." Yoongi's mother cocked her head to one side. "You were telling us over the phone, last week?"
"Oh." Yoongi nodded. "I am meaning to talk to her this week. I'm hoping I can, uh... ask her out."
Yoongi's mother grinned excitedly, "Good luck! You haven't dated for a long time, I can't wait for you to bring a pretty girl home."
Silence built up until it was broke by Jimin clearing his throat, "Excuse me for a moment, I have a bit of a headache," Jimin mumbled, bowing slightly.
Yoongi's father frowned and readjusted his glasses, "Are you okay Jimin? You're looking a bit pale."
"Oh I'm fine," He said in a tone that made his own stomach churn violently. His eyes darted to Yoongi, he put on his happiest voice but the sticky sweet words got stuck between his clenched teeth. "Don't worry about me."
Yoongi put down his chopsticks, "I-"
Jimin calmly walked up the house's staircase, the sound of a door slamming making Yoongi flinch.
"Yoongi, finish your food." his mother cooed, directing at his nearly empty bowl of soup.
Yoongi shook his head, "I think I should go see Jimin."
"He's alright, I think he just wants to be alone." his father shrugged, laying his chopsticks down. "Breakups can be hard."
Yoongi wasn't sure he heard her right, "Huh?"
"It's obvious Yoongi, did his girlfriend break up with him?" his mother shook her head at her son's lack of a response. "Sometimes I don't know what goes through your head, Yoongi."
His father abruptly changed the subject, sensing that something was brewing. "Dear, how was work today?"
"Same old, same old- Yoongi sit down!" his mother turned away from her husband to scold Yoongi.
Yoongi yelled back a half-assed apology as he ran up the staircase. A crack of light from Yoongi's old bedroom streamed onto the dark floor.
Jimin had his back to the door, Yoongi cringed internally as the old oak door let out a creaking moan on his way in. Jimin didn't look up from what he was looking down at and as Yoongi hesitantly crept forward, he saw a tiny polaroid in his hand.
"Jimin, I can't even explain how-"
"Wow. Would you look at us? We all look so young. My hair was even black!" Jimin let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. He turned around, a tiny smile played on his lips though his unusually dark and looming eyes were an abyss of sorrow. "We were all so different back then but you..." Jimin looked up from the picture, slowing scanning his eyes across Yoongi's face. "You have stayed the same."
Yoongi's bottom lip trembled as Jimin put down the photoframe, not breaking eye contact for a single second. "You're still scared, Yoongi. Scared of what other people will say, scared of what your parents say." Jimin shook his head, pursing his lips. "You may write rap lyrics that seem otherwise, but you're still the scared sixteen-year-old you were back then."
"Jimin, I wish I could-"
"Yeah, Yoongi. We all wish a lot of things." Jimin sneered. "Sometimes I wish I was just good enough for you."
"Yoongi! Jimin!"
Jimin put on his happiest voice, "Coming, Mrs Min!" Yoongi went to grab Jimin's hand on the way out, only to have his own harshly slapped away.
Yoongi's parents stood at the bottom of the staircase. "Yoongi said your girlfriend recently broke up with you? Oh Jimin, you should've said something." Yoongi's father frowned, bumping his glasses up with his knuckle.
"My girlfriend?" Jimin laughed as if Yoongi's father had told some hilarious joke. "Oh. It's fine."
"Jimin are you okay? Your eyes are all red."
"Oh yes, I am just fine." Jimin smiled, his happy façade tainted by a tearful sniffle.
"Are you sure? Do you-"
"Thank you for having me but we better get back, Yoongi has to speak to someone at work." Jimin faked a cheerful Jimin-esque grin, the cold bitterness of it sent tingles down Yoongi's spine.
The car ride home was silent. There was no rain or music to mask the suffocating silence. Yoongi's hands gripped the steering wheel so furiously his knuckles were white. Guilt pooled at the bottom of his gut. On one hand, he desperately wanted to tell his parents. He wanted to show Jimin off as his, to be able to introduce him as his boyfriend and not just his 'roommate' or 'friend'. On the other hand, what was he meant to say to his parents? Just casually let them know that the guy that he'd been hanging out with since he was sixteen years-old just happened to have been his boyfriend pretty much the entire time.
The sun was now dipping below the horizon as waves of nausea lapped at the back of his tongue. "Jimin-"
"It's okay, you don't have to love me."
Jimin tucked himself as far into the side of the car as he could, pulling his hoodie over his face. No matter how hard he tried to hide it, Yoongi could hear the trembling breaths and sniffles as the road got longer and the darkness of the night closed in around them.
♕