I've never given much thought to how I would die.
And I've never thought there would come a time I'd quote Bella Swan.
With that all said and done I've never thought I would be quoting both Bella Swan and Violet Landon at the same time. But perhaps in my mind and current situation I presume I'd face the same fate as they thought they were about to face.
Cade walks over to me and King closes the door. My heart is beating so fast it feels like its about to go into overdrive. Cade was shooting death glares at me and I could feel every one stab into me. His gaze was like the bad boy wanted a table that was crowded and all he had to do was give them one look and they all scatter.
As he stands to the side of the bed he sighs and angry sigh and I feel like I'm about to have an allergic reaction, my skin felt like it was about to break out in hives and my throat felt like it was going to close off and I was going to pass out from the lack of air.
Just yell at me damnit! Help me get over my overactive mind.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" He says through gritted teeth and I squeeze the life out of the sheets that I was holding up to my chest. That was if the sheet was alive and had a life to lose. I wasn't even thinking and I'm still not thinking now because I can't respond to his question.
"Okay. Now isn't the time to give me the silent treatment Toby." He says my name with such anger and I just stare at him like a child who was afraid to get spanked.
Silent treatment?! What?! Can he not see that my face is white due to the blood loss? Can he not hear my heart beating right now? Oh my God! Has my heart stopped?
"Toby how the fuck did you end up here?"
"I don't know." I respond to this one fast because I really don't know. How the fuck did I end up here? Where the hell were my friends? How could they let me do this? Some friends they are. I'm pulled from my internal war when Cade laughs. Laughing is good right? I laugh nervously with him and he stops. Okay laughing isn't good.
"You break up with me, block me and end up naked in my friend's bed. Who are you?"
"Toby." I say then bite my tongue. What was wrong with me? Why did I say that? The last thing I want was for him to think I was finding fun in this entire situation.
"Really? Because the Toby I know would never do something like this."
"That's exactly what I thought." Oh God. Someone give me a knife, put me out of my misery, cut out my tongue.
"I'm not fucking around Toby! Now seriously isn't the time for your wise crack! I feel like I'm wasting my damn time faking love with someone else for my real love who's turned into a whore in less than 24 hrs." Excuse me? A whore? The nerve!
"I'm not a whore! Get that in your head!"
"You're not?! Then what the fuck do you call this?!" He yells and I hold my head down, this behavior seemed the way he saw it but I had no idea what I was doing.
"King calls me to tell me that he pulled you away from some guy that was sucking on your neck. After he pulls you away you try to kiss him and when he took you here you started taking off all of your clothes. Explain to me what that behaviour is Toby because maybe I've got this all wrong."
I did what?! Did someone slip me ruffies or ecstacy? That is defiantly not me and I feel wrong for everything. But why? I broke up with Cade he had no right to be yelling at me.
"Why the hell are you even yelling at me?!" Yeah turn the tables, put him on the spot.
"Why the hell am I yelling at you?! Why?! Why wouldn't I?! You're my girlfriend I have every fucking right to yell."
"I'm not. I broke up with you. Are you forgetting that?" I say and he lets out a hefty laugh, rubbing his hands through his hair he paces around the room frustratingly. What the hell was so funny?
"That was dumb of you because you wasted your time telling me you were done. You're not done yet Toby and I'm sure of that. You may have broken up with me but I haven't with you." He says and his last sentence has me feeling soft and warm. Stop, you're suppose to be mad. Be mad, be mad, be mad.
He walks over to me and sits on the bed, he grabs on to my thigh and he squeezes it. "I'm lucky to have a friend like King. I'm also very lucky that he went to that club and that he took you back to his room and forced his roommate out just so you could sleep." He states and I sigh relief. I didn't sleep with King and hopefully he didn't see me naked... again.
Cade leaned in so close that we were swapping breaths and he looked at my lips and then my eyes. With his hand still squeezing my thigh he says through gritted teeth, "If you ever do shit like that again I'll punish you."
Did he just go full blown Christian Grey on me? "I'm not afraid of you Cade." I say looking into his eyes and he grins releasing his grip from my thigh.
"You aren't?"
"No." I'm wondering where this sudden burst of confidence came from when minutes ago I was waiting for the earth to open and swallow me. Maintaining his grin he leans out of my personal space and I can now relax.
He stands up and takes out his phone, his fingers tap away and I wonder what the hell is going on. After he is finished he shift his gaze towards me and flashes a 32 watt grin. Okay now I was afraid. My lies are coming back to bite me in my ass. Please don't leave any marks.
His phone vibrates and he walks over to the door and I feel releaved that he was about to leave. Lord if I don't thank you enough I'd like to send a million thank yous to you right now.
He doesn't leave but he locks the door and he turns around with no expression on his face. I gulp audibly and he starts removing his jacket. Does he think I was going to have sex with him now? He has another thing coming.
I dashed off the bed fast and headed for the bathroom. Not today Banks I'm still pissed about everything with Abby. I reach safely in the bathroom and as I'm about to lock the door he puts his hand on it preventing me from closing it.
I use all my strength with the weight of my body to try and force the door shut but Cade just stood there holding the door open effortlessly. Why am I so weak? I ask myself before giving up on my stupid plan.
Moving away from the door quickly I made my way to a safe area in the bathroom so the door wouldn't slap me as it swung open. Cade looks more mad than pleased and I wished I'd never move.
He assesses my body with his eyes. I cover my naked body and he walks closer to me. "Stop." I demand but he ignores me and doesn't stop until his body is pressing on to mine.
"Why did you do it Toby?" He says placing his hand under my chin and lifting my head up so he can see into my eyes. His eyes search mine and I can feel a pain in my throat as I feel the pain behind my reason for drinking.
"Talk to me Toby."
"The fact that Abby is having twins, th-"
"Wait. How did you know about Abby having twins?"
"You said it when you were drunk." I say and he looks at me with an expressionless face then he sighs.
"Go on."
"The way you kissed her, like the way you kissed me. You saw that I saw and you didn't give me any explanation as to why you did that in the open where I could see, when we both agreed against that." I pause as a tear falls from my eye and he wipes it away before I could do it myself.
"You posted a picture of her Cade and I-" I pause again because I started sobbing.
"Toby, Abby is a greedy girl, she envied you so much that everything I'm doing with her now she says 'I want you to do it like you did with Toby.' That's why I'm doing what I do now. I absolutely despise Abby, ever since I've fallen for you I don't see her the same way again." He trails off then takes my hand and leads me out of the bathroom. He sits on the bed and pulls me on him so that I straddle him.
"I can't do what I do with Abby if I'm not thinking of you. I cannot agree to marry her then act like I don't want to. I have to make her believe that I really want to do this so she can blabber to my father and let him focus on the wedding arrangements and not the papers." He says as he stares into my eyes and I feel a lot more reassured.
He despised Abby and whenever he did stuff with her he had to pretend that it was me. He was thinking about me all along not her. I was letting my mind take toll of my feelings, I was letting it consume me. It was blinding me and it was making me lose sight of what all of this was about.
"I don't want to hurt you but I'm hurting you anyways and it hurts me to hurt you. I can't sleep good at night when you're not around bombshell. Without you around I feel incomplete."
"I love you Cade." I say then smiled. I placed my lips on his and we engage in a passionate kiss. As he slowly trails kisses down to my breast my mind trails off to the famous makeup sex. This would be my third sexual experience with Cade and I couldn't wait to experience it.
His sucking and massaging breast skills never cease to stimulate my body. I pushed him on his back and then I planted my lips on his. I was on top and I felt superior. Breaking the kiss I proceeded to lift his shirt over his head but he stops me. Was he not up for this?
He rolls over ontop of me and I can't help but giggle. Of course he does! As he kisses me he slowly slides his hand down to my sex. He slides his finger in and as he fingers me I moan softly, once I'm wet enough he stops and smiles down at me, I smile back and he climbs off the bed. What was he up to now?
He pulls out the drawer taking out a small packet. Okay he could have just reached over and took that out. I was hot and ready and I couldn't wait I prop myself up on my elbows, turning my gaze to him and as I do he says, "Come here." I hurriedly got off the bed and made my way over to him.
He leads me to a table in the room and he uses his finger to indicate to me that I should turn around. "Put your hands on the table." He says and I do, he leans on me and I can feel his erection press on me, but he was still in his clothes . Why was he still dressed?
He wraps his arms around me and he blows hot breath onto my back and I tremble at the feel. He then licks my back and I melt, my legs were slowly turning into jelly and I don't think I could stand here anymore.
"So you wanted to fuck from last night. Yes?" He says and I don't answer but I can hear him unbuckle his belt.
"¿No me entiendes cariño?" -Do you not understand me baby?
He speaks spanish too? Oh gosh now I'm surely going to die. He sounds so sexy when he speaks spanish and I wanted to provoke more of it out of him.
"Sí quería joder." - Yes I wanted to fuck
I breath and I hear him opening the wrapper. He doesn't say anything else and I pout. He uses his foot spread my legs and I anticipate the feel of him inside of me. After he positions himself he rams into me causing me to squeal.
He thrust hard and fast inside of me and I wondered why he was fucking me so hard. Don't get me wrong I did enjoy it but I couldn't help but wonder. His hands latch onto my hips and I stand as steady as I can to absorb the impact.
"Mmm, Cade." I breath out his name and he doesn't slow down and that was great because I could feel my muscles tighten. I was about to cum and before I could he beats me to it. What?! No! Please uncum! He pulls himself out and I turn around to him taking the condom off.
Was he going to make me cum when he was finished? He walked into the bathroom and I lean against the table. After a minute he exits the bathroom then walks pass me. Huh? He takes up his jacket and I just now realize that he was in his shoes this entire time. He was leaving.
"Where are you going?"
"To my fake life. I'll see you later." And with that said he was half way through the door. "Do not go in there until she comes out." He warns and I'm guessing that he was talking to King.
He left.
Why do I feel so used? I wrap my arms around myself as the pain settled in my chest. My heart was now surrounded by a dark cloud and I force myself to keep the tears in. Why did he just do that to me? He fucked me and then left.
I'm such an idiot. I let him chat me up and then I let him into my figurative pants, only for him to take advantage of me. I told him I loved him and he didn't even say it back. Everything was fine before we started having sex and now that we have started it feels like its always about that.
I took my clothes up and dragged them on my body, taking my shoes in my hand I made my way through the door. King was outside and I didn't want him to see my face. As far as he knows I was suppose to be having the time of my life in there. How do I explain the crying?
I pull the door up and turned to make a speedy leave, hoping that King would realize that I didn't want to talk.
"Hey are you alright?" Of course he speaks anyway because he has a boy brain that makes him completely oblivious to my obscure speedy departure.
Of course I'm not alright! I have red eyes with tears flowing out of them. Does that not answer your question. I speak to him in my mind because my mouth can't seem articulate nothing but sobs.
He walks towards me in an attempt to comfort me but I put my hand up to stop it before I turn to leave. I didn't want comfort from any man. Especially from one of Cade's friends they probably all were just the same. I scowl at the thought.
Making my way out of the building I spot Elizabeth. She didn't see me and I wanted it like that, matter of factly, I didn't want to see any of said friends. They were partly to be blamed for letting me end up in such situation.
No. I wasn't going to blame myself for drinking excessively, people do that all the time. It was something that was going to happen, regardless of any fact.
Sigh. Who am I kidding? I know better, drinking doesn't solve your problems or heal wounds. Well permanently for that matter but I guess a temporary fix was better than no fix at all.
"Toby!" She yells and I walk faster holding my head down. Bad idea because now I was sitting on my ass with pain accelerating all around it. I had bumped into Jessy who was coming from the side. I see why now she doesn't have a car or drive at all.
"Toby what the hell?" She scolds and springs to her feet. She extends her hand to help me but I ignore it and help myself off the floor. Now you want to help me you back stabber.
"Oh my gosh! Thank god your okay." Liz's breathy voice sounds out from behind me and I grimace at her. "I see King took good care of you. We were glad when he showed up because no one could control you." She blabbers and I feel stupid for blaming them for my own blunder.
Did they not see that I was crying or do I just look like I'm suffering from a hangover?
"Yeah thank god." Smiling I hid my true emotions from them. "Well I have to go or I'm going to be late." I stated unaware of the time of day then I hurried off.
"Okay! See you later."
Moments later I arrive at my room and I headed straight for the shower. As I furiously removed my close I vigorously scrubbed my body thinking I could scrub my feelings away. Clearly that was impossible because feelings weren't tangible, you couldn't hold them, pick it up and throw it away. You most certainly couldn't but you could feel them and that was the ugly truth. Feelings and hurt are linked in nature.
If you have feelings you get hurt and in order to get hurt you needed feelings. Sometimes I wish I could stop myself from having.
The shower curtain opens so fast I could feel the wind from it. Cade stood staring at me with a worried look and my expression turned to anger.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I yell looking at him and all he does is look back at me trying to read my face.
"What did I do?" He asked and I know what he was referring to. King must have texted him or called him. That snitch. Was he planning on running to Cade with everything? He was like a damn spy. The shower felt good and I rather not be bothered as I tried to enjoy it.
"Nothing."
"Cut the crap Toby."
"I know not of which you speak."
"Toby. Tell me why you were crying."
Sigh.
"You used me and then left." I said feeling a slight sting from my statement. He gets in the shower in his clothes and I gasp as he pulls me into his arms. This boy is insane.
"Toby I would never dream of using you. Never." He says clutching my head.
"I love you and I wouldn't do that to someone I love." There it was, the I love you that I had searched for earlier as now made its way from his heart to mine.
In this world of confusion all it takes are those three words. I wrap my arms around him as he held me safely in his arms. All is forgotten in this very moment.
"Its pretty clear to me now that punishment doesn't sit well with you. It makes you cry like a baby." He teases and I chuckle. So that's what he meant by punishing me? Starving me of an orgasm?
I pull away to look up at him and he smirks at me. "You do know you're going to pay for that right?"
"No I won't." He says and then he releases me to start undressing. "What are you doing?"
"Taking a shower with my girlfriend."
"Did you lock the door?" He pauses then folds his arms placing one on his chin and then he starts thinking. "Cade!" I call out and he chuckles. "Yes I did." I roll my eyes at him and he kisses my cheek.
****
After that day things ran smoothly throughout the week and it was time for Cade and Abby to go home and start with the wedding planning.
Hopefully he would be able to snatch the papers from under his daddy's nose.
"Do I get a treat for the road?" Cade says smirking at me and I blush as I look at his half naked body. "Haven't you gotten enough treats throughout the week? Do you want your teeth to rot?"
"I'd rather be toothless." He says wrapping his arms around my neck and resting them on my shoulder then he pecks my lips.
"Aha, so I'm assuming you had a lot of rotten teeth when you were younger." He chuckles
"You're assumptions are wrong bombshell." He gently places his lips on mine and we kiss slowly, I was in content.
"So about that treat?" He wiggles his eyebrows and I giggle.
"Do you remember when I told you that you would pay for what you did to me?"
"Oh come on that's not fair. That was eons ago and I'm pretty sure I made up for that by making you cum until you were exhausted." He whines and walks across the room and I giggle at his childish behavior.
"Cade it was three days ago. Stop being so dramatic."
"I am not."
"Yes. Karma is a bitch you know. You have mother nature to thank for your misfortune." I say and for a second a puzzled look crosses his face. I look at him wondering how long it was going to take for him to realize what I actually mean.
"Ohhhhh! Why the heck am I so slow?"
"I wonder the same." I tease and we both chuckle. His phone starts ringing and he walks over answer it.
"Yeah I'm almost ready." He says and I know that's Abby calling. "Okay I'll be there in a few minutes."
He puts his phone down and then he starts getting dressed. This time I was less sad that he was leaving. I wasn't really phased by the fact that he and Abby were going to travel in the same car and sleep in the same bed. Like Megan said, I know where his heart is and that's all that mattered.
"See you Monday." He says then gives me one last kiss. He proceeds to exit and then he turns around before he opens the door.
"Aleve is in the medicine cabinet and the heating pad is in your closet. Try not to be in too much pain bombshell." He says and I blush. Guys are always so grossed out about periods and Cade is just so cool. I've got the best boyfriend ever. I smile and nod at him and he gives me a powerful kiss on the cheek. So powerful it makes my head move on impact.
"Sleep in my bed alright?"
"Alright." He winks and then he's gone.
Cade you better make things right this weekend because I don't think I'll be able to withstand the torture any longer.
****
Sunday Afternoon
My phone rings and I'm hesitant to answer it. Cade hasn't called me ever since his leave and I don't want to feel too excited and then get shot down with awful news.
I missed the call as I'm only thinking the worst. I so desperately wanted to answer but I so desperately could not.
The phone illuminates again and it clatters against the bedside table as it vibrates. Its Cade calling again and this time I don't allow the call to be missed I answer.
"Toby I fucked everything up. The wedding is next weekend and my father took the papers from his office."