She was very beautiful. I dream about her every night. At first the dreams were short and fuzzy. I didn't understand them well. But for the past month, every night has been the same, and my dream is now crystal clear.
I dream about her flowing caramel hair, about her arms wrapped around me, about how much she loved me. But my dream turns into a nightmare when I'm snatched from her arms by an invisible force.
She doesn't want to let go, but she does, with regret and sorrow pooling in her eyes. She gives me one last kiss, one last caress of my hair, and runs without looking back.
The world fades into a blur of color and the last thing I hear is the sad howling of a wolf.
***
"Hayden! Get your butt out of bed!"
I attempted to block out Tamara's cries and fall into a nice sleep, a place where I could be away from her.
Let's get one thing straight, she's my foster mother. If I had a real mother who cared about me, I'll call her mom. She's not a real mother and doesn't try to act like one.
"NOW!" she screeched. I dragged myself out of bed and started to get ready for school. The one place that was worse than living in this house.
"Listen to your mother," her husband, Peter, added. There's no way I'll call him father or dad. I hate him so much I enjoy hating him. It's like a passion. In case you haven't picked it up, I have a fiery attitude and short temper. That doesn't mean I'm rude, self centered, or evil. I can be a very generous person. I'd tell you to ask my friends, but, I don't have any. Yay for me. Less drama.
"She's not my mother," I mumbled under my breath. I trudged to the bathroom and let my hands rest on the edge of the sink. I looked up into the mirror to see a girl with puffy red eyes, crazy bed head, and wearing an overly large shirt staring back at me.
With graduation coming up in the next three months and this being my senior year, my life revolved around studying. We had a pre-test in at least one of our classes every day to prepare us for finals on the week of graduation. It didn't matter if they were pre-tests or not, we still got graded on them. What I would give for a carefree day.
I turned the water on in the shower and waited for it to turn warm before hopping in and freshening up.
The hot water had relaxed me the slightest bit but I tensed up again immediately when I came out of the bathroom to see the sight in my room.
All my undergarments were thrown out all over the room and I only had ten minutes left to clean up, change, and eat before leaving for school. I knew who the culprit was even if the snickering from behind the door wasn't obvious enough.
"JASON!" I yelled as I opened the door to see him laughing while clutching one of my bras. Have you guessed it yet? This idiot is supposed to be my 'brother'.
"I've seen twelve year olds with bigger ones than you!" he said keeping my bra out of reach while I jumped for it. Mind you all I'm still only wrapped in a towel. Jason's also the same age as me and usually is the one who starts rumors about me at school. I finally managed to grab my bra and kick him out of my room. I took a quick glance at the clock.
"Dang, only five minutes left. Guess there's no breakfast for me today," I said grouchily.
I was able to clean up pretty fast and threw on some jeans and a purple v-neck t-shirt with a silver heart drawn on it. I looked in the mirror again and studied my simple features. Green eyes, brown hair, tan skin... I had always tanned easily and had darker skin than most. But of course, people make fun of that too and await the day that I will die of cancer because of my visits to the tanning salon. Their words exactly.
I sighed and draped my backpack over my shoulder just as the school bus pulled up. I ran out the door without a goodbye to my foster parents to see Jason already boarding the bus. Great, hopefully I'll make it to school without getting some thing or another thrown at me.
Once I got into the bus I looked around for some seats and none were open. Not giving up, I walked toward the back of the bus without any luck.
"Hey." I turned toward the voice. "Do you want a seat? I can scoot over." The voice was coming from a girl named Casey, the only person who ever tried to be friends with me. Funny thing, she's also my neighbor.
"Um, sure," I said sitting down awkwardly. I always pushed her away when she would try to talk to me. I didn't trust anyone. I tell myself how mean I am every time I do it, but I never stop. I don't want to take the risk of having all the drama and sadness that comes with having a friend.
"So," she started, "you ready for the test today?"
"Studied my head off for it. I hope I am." I answered curtly.
"Me too. I can't wait till its over."
"Ya..."
The rest of the way to school was spent in silence and I rushed out of my seat when we reached our destination. I had a feeling I'd bump into her again today anyways.
Lunch came pretty fast and the day was going by too well for my liking. I was very suspicious of every glance sent my way. I had a good feeling about the test and was sure I got an A.
In the cafeteria I chose my usual seat farthest away from everyone else. I was shocked to hear a familiar voice again.
"I think it's your turn to share a seat," Casey said. I looked up for a second then scooted my food over so she could have some room.
"Thanks!" she said plopping down on the bench. "So, do you feel you did good on the test?"
"Uh huh."
"I wish I was that confident. I'm pretty sure I failed it." She was calling me confident? The girl who doesn't talk with anyone? "What are they snickering about now?"
I looked up again to see what she was talking about. Sure enough, the popular table was filled with people hovering around a blonde Barbie chick. She was Jason's girlfriend. I never bothered to learn her name because she disgusted me that much. Jason's rumors about me went to her then to the whole school. Casey is the only one who told me she never believes them.
It's like she knew I was glaring at her because she turned around and walked toward me phone in hand, her five inch heels clanking annoyingly against the tile.
"If I were you, I'd get some bigger boobs. And maybe shop for bras at Victoria's Secret instead of the Thrift Shop." she sneered while holding up her phone. My face paled and the entire cafeteria started laughing. Jason had taken a picture of my bra and posted it online, sending it to everyone in the school.
"Says the plastic Barbie doll who's plastic surgeon installed airbags instead of fake boobs on their chest." Casey countered. Everyone gasped. I ran out of the cafeteria before everyone could see the tears spilling down my cheeks.
I made a beeline for the bathroom and locked myself in where I started sobbing quietly. I heard a knock.
"Hayden? It's me Casey. Come on you have to let me in. I brought your lunch, though I doubt you want to eat. You left it behind." I didn't answer. "Hayden, I want to be your friend. I promise I won't hurt you. You have to trust me." I still said nothing. My sobbing had stopped but my tears still flowed freely. Then I remembered something.
I picked up my bag, opened it, and started to dig around for something. Then I found it. I pulled out the bottle of pills I always kept in there just in case I got headaches. Only this time, they weren't for a headache. I opened it and let six fall into my hand. I wondered if they were enough.
Don't do this! A voice in my head said. I'm not just a voice, I'm real and I can hear your thoughts. It responded.
I really must be going crazy with grief or something.
I'm sorry it took me so long to come out but please, think about what you are doing!
"Hayden? Are you there? Can you hear me? Do not make break through this door!" I dropped four more pills into my palm just to make sure they'd work. They made the slightest bit of noise. "What's that? Hayden what are you up to?"
Sigh. "Goodbye cruel world," I mumbled just as the door banged open and I saw Casey standing there. I didn't have time to think how she was strong enough to bust the door open as I quickly shoved the pills in my mouth.
No don't! Stop!
"What the hell are you doing!" Casey screamed leaping behind me in a blur of motion and began trying to make me spit out the drugs. She eventually made me gag them all up and I looked up at her a bit dazed. Then it hit me. I was actually going to do it. I was about to commit suicide. I started crying again.
"I-I'm s-sorry!" I cried out throwing myself onto Casey and crying into her shirt. She immediately wrapped her arms around me and began coaxing me.
"Shh shh. It's all right. It's ok. I'm here. You can cry honey, you can cry. You had every reason to do it. But that doesn't mean you should. I'm glad I was here to stop it."
We got lucky. Never do this to us again do you hear me?! I ignored the voice in my head again.
"M-me t-t-too." I managed between sobs. "T-thank you..." Casey continued to calm me down and rock me back and forth like a mother would. A real mother. The feeling felt so foreign yet so nice and inviting to me. After another half hour I got up. "I think I'll go now," I said turning around and leaving without another word.