22 – Don't Give Up On Me
'Love's about finding the one person who makes your heart complete. Who makes you a better person than you ever dreamed you could be. It's about looking in the eyes of your wife and knowing all the way to your bones that she's simply the best person you've ever known.'
– Julia Quinn, The Viscount Who Loved Me
~*~
When the next day came, I found myself walking back inside the boundaries of the orphanage. My hands fidgeting a little.
I called in sick and told Scooter to cancel our supposed to be meeting for today. I thought he would've wanted me to further specify why but, he quickly agreed and said he could just send in the details right after because having rest was a necessity and that, he knew how much I needed it.
Apparently, he knew what was happening inside our household. Ryan and Chaz might have something to do with the information, and I was fine with it. I thought of it as them looking out for me anyway.
Mental health is important, Scooter reminded me. I, honestly, still am at war with myself but, this is where my thinking lead me to.
Just a small glimpse was fine, I told myself. And Elise and the kids would be in for another surprise — it was hitting two birds with one stone, I guess.
"Justin!" Sister Anna greeted me in enthusiasm as soon as she saw me. Her deliberate, small steady steps were met by my timid and unnerved ones. "I'm happy to see you back."
"I missed the kids and I brought them gifts." I stated, gesturing towards the boxes that were piled up near the hallway. Toys 4 Us helped deliver the parcels awhile ago.
"We're really thankful Justin. You're really are a big help. And just by the mere presence of you makes the children happy already. We cannot give our gratitude enough." She stated as she ushered me inside.
"I'm happy to help Sister Ana." I replied genuinely. I admit, at first, there was solely a scheme of plan just to see Andrea yesterday. But then, being here and seeing the smiles across the children's faces, built something more than the original ploy.
"Oh and Andrea's also here. What a coincidence."
I cleared my throat and fabricated (of what looked like) a startled smile. "Y-yeah."
When we stepped near the garden — where an activity was currently into works. The vibrant laughter of kids echoed within the vicinity; some were running around. There were paints of different colors splashed across the papers that were placed at the top of their small armrests; some even had stains on their clothes and on their faces as well. They all looked like they were enjoying the educational experience they had for today.
A girl in a messy bun immediately caught my attention. She was smiling brightly as she was guiding Elise how to properly stroke the brush — her hand wrapped around Elise's small fingers. She looked... happy. Far from the times I've seen her with me.
There were moments when I would see her smile, but it always came with a glint of hidden sadness in her eyes. They were what I disliked the most. Because back then, I wanted to feed the angst trapped inside of me. A reminder of what this person had caused me. I wasn't supposed to waver even for a slight bit. I could never forget the day she told me she'd marry me. She was too cold... too numb. A part of her that I hadn't seen until that uneventful day.
Though whenever I see how much much... pain... she was in, I couldn't help not to step back. I wouldn't deny that guilt, at times, would seeped in. Knocking some sense, that this person, used to be one of my favorite people in the world.
When her line of sight met mine, the pace of my heart doubled. I felt like I was caught into something I wasn't supposed to be doing. Her hazel eyes widened in surprise at the recognition that I was indeed here, again; my staring never faltered a bit. She glanced back at Elise for a second and then returned her gaze back at me. The corners of her mouth lifted a little that I subtly exhaled by the sudden lack of air.
It came out of nowhere, like a thunder reverberating from a storm — a loud tug resonated inside me but I chose to ignore it. Not now when she whispered something to Elise and made her way towards where Sister Ana and I at the moment.
"Andrea." Sister Ana said. "Justin is visiting again. He brought gifts for the children."
"Oh. That's so nice of you Mr. Bieber. Thank you." She replied, her voice guarded a little — she may be wondering what I was doing here. Somehow, I felt she didn't like my presence around. I bit my bottom lip and tried to compose myself.
"Uhm, you're welcome Miss, uh, Price." She just stared at me before she heaved a sigh and pushed a smile again.
Should have I, uhm, said otherwise?
"Do you like to join the kids? They'd be happy to see you again." She politely invited.
"Y- Yeah. Sure."
Who was I to say no?
—
It was fun. The discomfort and my jittery nerves slowly wilted away as soon as I surrounded myself together with the children. They were all welcoming — calling my name and my attention from time to time. I would submit into their wishes and paint with them. Even though I lacked skills and knowledge and background from painting, I surely know how to make doodle and well, I can still remember how to try mixing colors when I was a kid.
"Is it already forming into a sky Justin?" Elise asked as I was helping her form the imagery she had in mind.
I glanced at the paper that was now filled with different shapes and hues for the needed picture.
I'm pretty sure abstract painting is also an art.
"Yup." I replied, letting her now whisk the brush into the direction I guided her awhile ago. The huge smile plastered across her face didn't go unnoticed ever since Andrea told her I was here.
"I'm really, really, reaaaaallyyyyy happy you are here Justin." She stated for the third time. I chuckled.
"Didn't want you to miss me that much."
She giggled. "I really wanted to see you again."
I ruffled her hair a bit. "Me too Elise."
"Do you also want to see Mommy Andi too?" She unexpectedly asked that I halted from scanning the area to gaze at her. Her tone innocent and full of curiosity.
Huh.
"If I say yes, you're not going to tell your Mommy Andi?" Her grin quickly beamed at my statement that I laughed.
"Oh-kay." She whispered, placing her index finger on her lips as she nodded mindlessly. "I will keep it a secret."
I wiped the little white paint that was grazed over her chubby cheeks from the activity she was doing.
"You're like a cute little chipmunk... or a bunny." I said. "Eli bunny."
She giggled again. I couldn't help but to tickle her, causing her to let go of the brush she was holding and fell on the ground. Her laughter resonated into my ears; they were contagious that I couldn't help but to echo her happiness.
When I finally had enough of her cuteness, we both settled down. I picked the brush and placed it on a side as I pulled a new one in return.
"Justin, can I ask you something?" She asked in her little shy voice. My eyebrows furrowed in concern.
"What is it Eli bunny?"
She snickered at the nickname. "Eli bunny." She recited again.
"Uhuh. Your cheeks are so fluffy, I could die." We both laughed at my quoted context. "You're too adorable for your own good. Now what is it sweetie?"
"Uhmm..." she was a little bit hesitant that I held her hand.
"You can tell me."
"Well, uhmm, you can't tell Mommy Andi first because she might get mad at me."
"Okay."
"Pinky promise?" She held her little pinky for me to swear onto.
"Pinky promise." I linked mine.
"Okay. Well, I have a mom now. And it really really reallllyyyyy made me the happiest kid in the world. Sister Ana said that I should be thankful for all the blessings I have and learn to be contented from it."
"Yes. That's right."
"Will it be too greedy if I have another wish again?"
"What is your wish then Eli bunny? I'd be happy to fulfill it." I encouraged her.
"See, well, if my mom is Mommy Andi," she pursed her lips before breaking into a sheepish smile. "And you and Mommy Andi are married then can I call you daddy bunny?"
My mouth formed into an O. I was deeply startled. The tug swiftly resurfaced from before. I was somewhere between awe and wonder. Suddenly, a picture of us three carved into mind.
What the heck Justin.
When I didn't speak for a few second, Elise spoke. "I'm sorry Justin. It's okay. I didn't mea—"
I poke her nose as softly as I could. "It's okay Elise. You can call me daddy bunny."
Her eyes widened as her jaw fell ajar. "Really?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
Her fingers travelled to find my face and when she did, she immediately wrapped her small, fragile arms around my neck.
"Thank you Daddy Bunny!" She squealed. I embraced her into my arms in return.
"Elise." Andrea's voice reverberated from behind that I heard Eli gasped. It rippled as I felt extreme anxiety as soon as we faced Andrea. Something inside me grieved a bit when I saw the serious expression from her face. She looked pale but the sober and humorless facade she had took every inch of my attention away.
"Mommy Andi." Elise's face looked troubled, as if she had done something she knew she would get punished for. "I... I'm..."
"Andrea—" I started to explain but she cut me off.
"It's time for lunch now."
"Okay." Elise nodded. "You can put me down now Justin." I watched as her face tried to keep her cheery expression. Sighing, I didn't follow through.
"I got her." I stated, meeting Andrea's hard gaze with a smile of my own. "It's okay Andrea, I got her. Let's go?"
She heaved a sigh before turning her back and ushered us inside.
"Is she mad?" Elise whispered.
"Daddy Bunny got you, don't worry."
—
"Andrea." I called as soon as she walked outside the dining hall. When we settled Elise and fixed her something to eat, she immediately created this space between us. I kept on following her until it was only the two of us now.
When she was within my reach, I tried to grab her arm as gentle as possible.
"Andrea."
"What are you doing here Justin?" She asked but my focus solely went to her face. She really looked pale. Something changed in her. Physically that is.
"Are you okay?"
She pulled her hand away. "Justin. What are you doing here?"
I sighed, giving up. "I... I just wanted to visit the children... and Elise."
"What was that with Elise awhile ago?" She demanded.
"It was nothing. I was okay with it."
Her eyebrows furrowed. "Do you honestly have any idea what that meant to her?"
"Of course I do. She's happy."
"For now." She stated. "Are you going to visit this orphanage for the rest of your life then?"
I pursed my lips. I knew what she was trying to imply. "Aren't you happy she's happy? Isn't that what matters most?"
She glanced away as she took a deep sigh, trying to calm herself. "Just why did you tell her we're married?"
"I..."
"Aren't we going to divorce soon? Just..." she trailed off. I gritted my teeth as I looked away.
"Should we go through that divorce?" I retaliated in whisper, never meeting her eyes. I felt her stare burned to my side until she breathed an exhale.
A minute of silence settled between us. No one spoke, no one moved.
I peeked to her side and saw her eyes closed, her fingers massaging her head a bit.
"Andi are you okay?" I quickly moved to her side when I saw her tumbled a bit. "Andi?"
"I," she started. "I'm fine." But she looked otherwise.
Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I pulled her into me to give her support.
"I'm fine." She murmured.
"Andi? Should we go to the hospital?"
"No! No!" She protested but immediately furrowed her eyebrows when another wave of pain succumb to her body. "I... just... just the clinic. I need to rest."
With that said, I enveloped her into my arms and carried her towards... well I actually don't know where in the world the clinic here is!
"Fuck." I muttered as lowly as possible.
"Just turn to the right side. The first door." She whispered. I followed her instruction.
A woman in her late 30s, dressed in a white polo and black slacks greeted us the moment we stepped inside the room. She had a stethoscope around her neck. Her blue irises widened in horror and amazement as she looked back and forth between Andi and I.
"What happened?" She immediately asked.
"She doesn't feel good."
"Fatigue... just rest." Andrea murmured.
"Okay. Just let her rest on the bed Mr. Bieber."
I laid her over the white, single bed — that was covered by white curtains — carefully.
"Will she be fine?" I questioned as I watched her checked Andrea's vital signs.
"She'll be fine Mr. Bieber."
"You... can go..." Andrea grunted.
"I'll stay."
"Justin—" I cut her off.
"I'm not leaving." I stated as I gazed over her tired eyes. "I'm trying Ands. So please, just please, don't give up on me just yet."
~*~