A/N: Sorry for not updating sooner! I've been super sick this past week and still fighting off this dang cough. But alas, here is an update! I even made it extra long. The song for this chapter: Wicked Game - James Vincent McMorrow -- Please take a listen. I think it explains the situation completely.
The rain that pounded against her windowpane matched perfectly in sync with the salty tears that streamed down her face. She walked home that night, trying to clear her thoughts and mind from what she saw. Ava had never seen Harry so shaken up like that. He was unrecognizable.
Her heart broke that night in his living room. The shattered pieces were scattered against the floorboards of his melancholy flat.
She sat in the middle of her cold bedroom with only a single sheet hanging around her bent shoulders. The wind that came through the crack of her window stung her bloodshot eyes. She shivered mildly unable to bring her blanket closer. All she could think about was the rage that flooded his eyes when he woke up. His painstaking yells screaming for her to leave him alone. She couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that came with the slip of "Delaine" that faltered from his lips.
She was dead. Was she not? Ava racked her mind of all the stories that he told her of his past love. As she tried to remember what he told her, she realized that he barely went into detail about their relationship. She knew that Delaine was troubled and that Harry witnessed her murder, but that was where her limited information ended. She didn't know why she was troubled or how Harry and her met. She knew next to nothing of their beleaguered yet fervent love affair.
It was then, at four in the morning, alone in her almost-frozen bedroom that Ava decided - no, determined- to discover more of this Delaine. It was because of this woman that the love of her life was being defeated by a bottle of Jack and a sliver of nicotine.
Without realizing it, Ava fell into a troubled sleep. Her mind settled for a few hours giving her a wanted, yet completely rough, sleep. At nine her alarm began to go off. She struggled to get up. Her heart was broken and her mind was fizzled.
She slowly walked to her bathroom and looked at her reflection. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was a matted mess. She shivered at the sight. How was she beaming one moment but completely defeated the next? Was this what love did? Break you a part piece by piece so you are completely nothing? Perhaps that was why Harry was so against it in the first place.
The hot water of her shower burned her fragile body. She wasn't sure how long how she stood under the steam. It wasn't until the water began to cool down that Ava was snapped out of her thoughts. Everything seemed to be a daze. She was confused. She was hurt. But mostly, she was determined. She was determined to get answers. She wasn't going to lose Harry without a fight.
The city was a rainy mess. It took Ava longer than she had anticipated to reach Rose's apartment. When she got inside, Rose opened the door with open arms.
"Ave, it has been too long." She enveloped her in a much needed hug. It was as if she could sense the need Ava possessed for some form of affection. "Come on in. Want some tea? Freshly brewed?"
"Sure."
They walked into her tiny kitchen. Her bright yellow cabinets bringing a sense of peace to her anxious body. "Here, just like how my mum makes it." Ava wrapped her fingers around the large mug and took a sip. Her body automatically warmed up.
She looked over at her friend. It had been a while since they both sat and talked. She soon realized her change of hair colour. Her once long lilac hair was chopped off into a gorgeous ombre cut. "Oh! Your hair!" Rose broke out into a fit of girlish giggles. A blush creeped up onto her cheeks. She tried to hide it with a pillow but failed completely.
"Marcus. He likes short hair." Her blush deepened at the mention of her boyfriend. "Besides, I'm always up for a change!" She tossed her head from side to side causing a wave of giggles to escape her. Ava smiled. She was happy for Rose. At least she was happy.
"But enough of my hair. Talk to me! You look like shit. No offense."
"None taken." She rolled her eyes and took another another sip from her mug.
"But seriously. What's going on love?"
She took in a deep breath, all of her emotions fighting to come out. Where did she even start? All she wanted to know was who this woman was and why she still had some hold on Harry. She knew that Rose and Harry were closer than cousins. They were practically siblings. If there was one person that she was definitely certain would give her some insight, it would be the bubbly blonde in front of her.
"I need you to tell me something." She spoke quietly. Her voice fighting to not crack.
"About what?"
"Delaine." Rose's happy demeanor quickly altered. Her facial expression quickly became concerned and quite frankly, confused.
"Why do you need to know about her? She is an ex of Harry's."
"I know that but-" She could feel it. Fresh tears were beginning to brim her eyes. "Harry is a complete wreck. He completely cut me out for two days. I was worried so I went to his place. Rose, he was completely smashed. There were cigarette butts everywhere, empty bottles of beer, vodka, and whiskey everywhere. I don't know how long he was like that for but he was a complete mess." She could feel the hot tears slide down her cheeks. She didn't bother to wipe them away. "When I went to wake him, he kept saying her name. When he woke up-" She took a deep breath, an attempt to not break down completely. "He looked completely panicked. He kept yelling how much of a "fuck up" he was and told me to get out. To leave. God, I have never seen him like that before. I didn't recognize him!"
Ava was now fully weeping. Her head was buried into her knees as she pulled them up to her chest. She could feel herself heaving for air. Her lungs gasping for a release. But the pain in her heart kept ripping. She flinched when Rose placed her hand on her shoulder. She began to rub gentle circles whilst whispering tender words. "Shh, don't cry." Ava only cried harder. She couldn't stop the tears once they began.
After a few minutes, she slowly began to sniffle. Rose reached over her coffee table and grabbed a box of tissues. "Here," her voice was soft. She continued to rub circles over Ava's back, hoping to soothe her a bit. "I'll tell you what I know."
Ava rubbed her eyes with the tissue. The familiar burn from the tears returning. Rose placed her hands on Ava's and held them to her lap. "Delaine and Harry went to school together. They knew each other for years." She began. "Delaine was always a trouble maker. Ever since they were ten, she was always causing mischief at school. She would pull pranks on the teachers and make the other girls cry. Once they became teenagers, she started to get into harder stuff. She was mixed up in the wrong crowds and slept with every guy in our grade. She was beautiful, but she was broken."
"Harry was always attracted to her. I'm not sure what it was about her, but he was. Whenever we would hang out he would always go on and on about her. He knew that she wasn't good news but I think that made him want her more. I guess it's that whole you want what you can't have thing. When they were 14, she was dating this guy that was much older than her. He was in a gang and got her involved in the whole thing. As they got older, she and this guy broke up and that's when Harry swooped in."
"They started to talk and hang out. They then began to date. God, I hated when he told me that she was his girlfriend."
"You didn't like her?" Ava asked. Rose shook her head immediately.
"Not at all. She was a bitch to me and my friends. Plus, I knew she was sleeping around and was doing drugs. Harry didn't care though. He was infatuated with her. I think he got a thrill when he was with her. He then started to get into the whole party scene when he was 16. He started to smoke and drink a ton. One day he came over and told me that he was in love with Delaine. He told me that they were going to get married one day. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure he was drunk." She laughed slightly, recalling that day. "But anyways. They got a lot more serious after we graduated. They practically lived together. I knew they were sleeping with each other. I warned him to be careful. I knew that she was still seeing people behind his back, but I don't think he knew that. I don't think he knows that still. He was so caught up with her that he was blinded to the world around him."
"When she was killed, Harry was a complete mess. I have never seen him so broken before. He drank more and smoked even more. He would go through three packs a day. I'm pretty sure his liver and lungs are completely shot. They way you described how you saw him was exactly how I found him a few days after she died. He was a mess."
Ava could feel the tears begin to form again. It was clear that Harry was going back to his old form of grieving. "Something must have happened then," her voice was scratchy. She tried to cough but it only caused it to hurt more.
"I think so too."
"I need to talk to him."
Rose's grip on her hands grew tighter. "I don't know if that's a good idea."
"Why?"
"When I confronted him, he was completely smashed. He was enraged when he saw me. All he did was yell and kept going on and on about how he wanted to be alone. When he gets into this state, it's best to just leave him be."
"I can't do that. If something were to happen to him, I -" She could feel her heart drop and the tears forming once more. "Rose, I have to go back. I need to be there for him. I love him." She whispered the last bit.
"Love?" Rose's eyes grew wide. "Did he say it back?" Ava nodded slowly. "Wow. I never thought I'd hear the day that Harry would be in love again. You must be something else, Ava Hastings." She nudged her softly with her shoulder. A small smile escaped on Ava's lips; an unfamiliar action. "You should go then. But Ava," She was facing her this time. "Give him time. Something from his past must have happened for him to act like this. You just need to be patient with him. Don't take it too personally."
"It's hard to when you love someone this much. My heart breaks when his heart breaks."
Rose nodded, understanding where Ava was coming from. They said their goodbyes and Ava made her way to Harry's apartment. She borrowed Rose's car since she would be traveling with Marcus for a few weeks in Europe. A completely welcomed convenience.
His door was unlocked. The mess was still in tact and the stench had only grown stronger. She knew she needed to be strong; for her and for him. She wouldn't allow his past to break him again. Ava loved Harry. That she knew for sure. Love was patient. She would not let him break again and box himself up. She promised to herself (and to him) that their life was going to be different than before. Their past was the past. It had no hold on their future. By allowing the hurt to build up the walls that they took time to break was admitting defeat. It was admitting to not only yourself but to the world that you were not strong. Harry was strong. She knew that, Rose knew that- it was time for Harry to be reminded of that too.
This was a bump in their relationship. It was a bump that had a mission to break them a part. The universe had worked too hard to bring them together. Whatever it was that Harry was facing would not break the hard work that the universe had made. When two people love each other, they fight no matter how hard it may be.
"Harry?" Her voice came out quivering. She cleared her throat and and took another step inside the dark apartment.
"Harry?" This time her voice was a lot stronger. She needed to be strong- for him and for her.
She walked around trying to find him. She made her way into his living room and there he was. He was sitting on a wooden chair with a cigarette in hand. His hair was a disheveled mess. He was wearing a ripped white shirt and his usual black jeans. His feet were bare. His back was facing her. He was just sitting there, staring out his open window. "Harry?" She called again.
She walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. He didn't flinch. He didn't speak. He just took another deep pull on his cigarette. "What are you doing here." His raspy voice coming out emotionless. "I thought I told you to leave." He didn't look at her. He just continued to look out at the city.
"I'm worried," she whispered.
"Why?" His voice was short.
"Because I love you, Harry." She fought the tear that threatened to fall.
He laughed. It was a low, bitter laugh. "Love is for pussy's." He took another drag of his cigarette.
"Don't say that."
"It's true. Love is nothing but a fucked up lie that pricks made up to sell Hallmark cards."
She shook her head and placed her hand on his shoulder again. He flinched this time and turned to her. His eyes were bloodshot and bags rimmed his eyes. They narrowed as he took in the broken girl in front of him.
"You don't mean that." She whispered, her eyes searching his frantically.
He laughed again. "Oh babe, I sure do." His use of the nickname was full of bitterness. He got up and passed her. He took a swig from his beer and placed it on top of an crumbled paper and a small photograph. He slumped down on the couch and placed his head in his hands. She walked over and picked up the photo. Her breath was caught in her throat.
Please no. Please no. Oh God, please no. She could feel the tears begin to fall down silently. "You got someone pregnant?"
He laughed bitterly. "Don't worry, she's dead."
Ava was confused. "What?"
"It was Delaine’s. That bitch didn't tell me we were going to have a kid. She lied to me and then got herself killed. I only found out this week, years later, that I was going to be a dad. A fucking dad.” He grabbed the beer bottle and took another long drink. “That's what love does. It only brings heartbreak and misery." Ava sat down on his couch beside him. She was shocked.
It was then that it all began to make sense.
---
Vote + Comment! That would be wonderful. You are all stars!
Also, the first girl is how I pictured Delaine. I don't know who she is, but she sure does fit the part!