Matt had shifted his composure by the time that he'd walked down the stairs. Although she now knew who and what he was, it still didn't mean that she could come near him. It only gave her the reason to avoid him. He was a dangerous creature and she didn't need to be dealing with that kind of hassle on a daily basis.
He didn't know how she was going to respond to him now, though. What can you say to someone when you'd just seen them transform in front of your eyes from a beast to a human? It wasn't as if it was a normal situation, Matt chuckled humorlessly to himself as he placed himself on the sofa, the towel still firmly wrapped around his legs. It wasn't as if she had anything to compare the situation to. What kind of reaction was she possibly supposed to do in this situation?
Though it would have been easier if he'd put some jeans on, he didn't want to lose sight of Kristen. After that ordeal, he wondered why she hadn't ran away yet. He wasn't sure whether he wanted her to be terrified of him or not. Being terrified was probably the easiest option, but it wasn't necessarily the best option. Now that she knew, he hoped that she would understand his actions better when he pushed her away.
Kristen slowly joined him on the sofa, but her legs pressed against his knees gently as she turned to look at him, still studying him like an exhibition at a zoo. He couldn't understand how she could be so calm about the matter. Most normal people would question their sanity and whether they were just dreaming about the whole situation. Some would refuse to believe it.
Kristen just accepted it as if he'd just told her that he had an extra toe. It was most peculiar.
Matt sighed as the silence continued between them, though it wasn't as uncomfortable as he would have thought. She was watching him but she looked mostly curious, studying his face as if for the first time. He could feel his face warming at her scrutiny.
He coughed. "So...what do you want to know?" He asked at last, watching as her eyes focussed on his lips when his jaw moved. He saw them travel up to his eyes and a small smile hid behind her mouth.
"How long have you been this way?" She asked as she leaned slightly into the sofa, watching quietly.
Matt breathed out, reached for the tv remote and turned the tv on the lowest volume so there was some noise in the background in case things went silent, which he doubted. He turned back to her and scanned her face with his eyes before he answered. "I turned a year ago."
"Was this when you lost your family?" She whispered and Matt froze slightly.
He scrunched his eyes up before replying. "Yes."
He saw her nod in understanding and her hand patted his bare knee lightly to encourage him to continue.
Matt swallowed.
"I'd been having a bad day in college. My teachers had been grilling me about everything to do with work and attendance and everything else. I was already in a bad mood and I couldn't understand why. I just wanted to be left alone and, for some reason, everyone wanted to annoy me in some way.
"I sat on my own most of the day. It wasn't what I usually did but I felt so bad that I couldn't stand to be around people. I had a headache and the noise of the canteen wasn't doing me any favours. It felt as if people were screaming in my ears. I felt hot and swollen all over my body and my hands wouldn't stop shaking.
"I'd never had that feeling before. I thought I was just sick. I forced myself to stay in college until the end of the day and then quickly rushed home just so that I could go to bed and try and sleep it off. I'd been feeling a bit funny all week but that day was definitely the worst. I was planning to make a doctors appointment in the next few days if it hadn't sorted itself out by then.
"I knew something was wrong. When I got home, my father..." Matt swallowed to stop himself choking on his words and Kristen smiled slightly at him to help him continue. "My father was looking at me funny. He knew something was wrong too. He looked suspicious about something but I didn't know what he was thinking. I told my parents that I was going to go upstairs and sleep but my mother insisted that I go and say hello to my sister first..."
Matt coughed and felt his eyes water slightly at the mention of Aimee. He could do this. He had to tell her the truth. He had to tell her the story. Kristen shuffled closer to him and touched his fingers with her own, nodding her head. Matt bowed his own head but carried on speaking once he'd caught his breath.
"I told her that I really didn't feel up to touching or speaking to anyone. I just wanted to go to bed. She refused to take no for an answer. I was really close to Aimee and we spent every spare moment together. She was the best sister ever. She was so little and vulnerable and sweet. Everyone loved her. She'd been having touble in school with this boy who wouldn't leave her alone and she'd been telling me about it to keep me up to date so that if he got too much I could step in.
"By this point I was shaking really badly. I could hardly control myself. I felt like I was on fire. I wanted to rip my clothes off and lie in a bucket of ice. I didn't want Aimee catching whatever I had but my mother loved seeing our playful relationship and demanded that I go in the other room to see her.
"When I went in there, I saw my dad looking at me funny. Aimee wasn't in the room like I thought she would be. I thought she'd be playing with her dolls or something. My father sat down on the sofa but never said a word to me. He just watched me carefully.
"I was about to turn around to go back upstairs when something ploughed into me and took me unawares. Something inside me just exploded." Matt's voice broke. He hardly felt Kristen's fingers any more. He was back in that moment, watching as if re-living it again. He watched as someone tackled him to the ground and he ripped out of his body, painting the living room with his own blood and skin. "I...I didn't know what had happened. It was like I blacked out. One minute I was a boy, the next minute I was stood over a little girl's body, covered from head to toe in black fur.
"I could hardly believe what had happened. Aimee. My little Aimee. She lay so still on the floor. I thought she was just playing. I thought it was just a dream until I saw the pool of blood coming from a gaping wound in her chest. I'd practically ripped her in half. She was so little. She never even had a chance.
"Before I knew it, my father had tackled me, trying to get me to the floor, but it was too late. The shock of my sister just threw me completely and the beast tore him apart. I threw him...I...He hit the stairs and just stopped breathing.
"I didn't know what I was doing. I couldn't control myself. It was like I was watching someone else in my body possessing me and killing my family. My mother started screaming when she came in and ran at me with a kitchen knife. She sliced me but I was already on top of her. I crushed her with my weight. I snapped her neck. She lay with her arms draped around Aimee like she was protecting her."
Matt felt tears fall off his chin but he didn't bother to wipe them away. He couldn't even bear to look up into Kristen's face.
He was a murderer.
He killed his own family.
He was a monster.
He deserved to die.
His voice shook as as closed his eyes in pain. "I ran straight out of the house and killed the first animal I saw. It was a cow, fortunately, which had strayed into one of the nearby fields. After that, I started to slowly adjust to what was occurring to me. No one had every explained the curse to me before. I had no idea that it was going to come on just like that.
"It was only then that I broke down and howled in so much pain that I considered killing myself. I couldn't believe what I had done. What kind of person killed their whole family? Why was I the one to survive?
"I slept against a tree that night, afraid to go home and face the bloodied bodies on my living room floor. I couldn't bear to see my sister's little face. I couldn't face the guilt and pain which came with seeing them and cleaning up the mess.
"Instead, once the sun came up and I changed back into a human, naked, I decided to call the police. I said that a large animal had come into my house and had killed my family. I said that I was able to escape only with a cut to my forearm. I also said that I couldn't bear to go back in there to see the mess so they had to come and find me.
"They took me in for questioning and I had to identify the bodies. I could hardly breathe. I didn't want to be around anyone in case I turned again. I didn't want to kill anyone. I didn't want to be a murderer. My whole life had practically ended with the death of..." Matt bowed his head so far forwards that it almost touched his knees.
He still couldn't feel Kristen and he wondered whether she was still beside him but he still continued. "I hid myself away for over a month. I didn't know what to do. Once I realised that I changed every night, I knew that I'd never have a proper normal life again. I was a monster. I couldn't ever find a girl and make a family with the risk that I'd kill them just like I killed my own. I isolated myself, lost all of my friends and became the guy from hell, the outsider who didn't fit in with anybody. I stuck by myself and stayed at home as much as I could. Eventually rumours spread and people chose to ignore me.
"In that time at home I did some family research. I found some letters which my dad had sent my grandad just before my grandad had died. That's when I realised that my dad knew about what was happening to me. He was asking for advice or anything which would delay the turning or even stop it altogether. My grandad was a werewolf too. He said that there was nothing which could be done and that it would happen at any point within the next few months.
"I was angry at my father for not telling me about mine or my grandad's condition. Apparently you can't tell you've got it until puberty or sometimes even later than that. Aimee might have had it too but she wasn't old enough to show the signs. It had skipped a generation with my father. He thought that it wouldn't pass onto us because he didn't have it. Apparently not.
"If it wasn't for me, my family would still be alive. Aimee would be a teenager and she would have been successful. She hadn't even properly lived before I..."
Matt stopped as a sob escaped his throat. He couldn't continue anymore. His body shook as his heart thudded painfully in his chest. He'd never told anyone the story before. He'd never been truthful to anyone about his family's death. Agony poured through him and he crumpled into the sofa, shoving his head into his hands and trembling uncontrollably.
He couldn't believe that he'd done it. How could he have not realised what he was doing when he killed them? Poor Aimee didn't even have a sot at life. He'd taken her opportunity away from her. He was a monster, a killer, a guilty serial killer. He wanted to kill himself all over again.
"Hey." Kristen whispered and Matt jumped at the sudden sound of her voice, snapping his head up to look at her with watering eyes. She sat there quietly, her eyes filled with concern and sympathy, her knees knocking his own. "Hey, it wasn't your fault. You didn't know what was happening to you. How could you have prevented it?"
"I could have ran away. I could have gone upstairs and ignored my mother. I should have done something. I should have saved them. I should have..."
"Matt stop." She leaned forwards and placed her hand on his arm. Matt immediately stopped and looked up at her with vulnerable eyes, waiting for her response. "Matt...You couldn't have done anything. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't control yourself. If you could have, you wouldn't have even been there to hurt them. You're not a murderer. You didn't mean to hurt them. You can't blame yourself for something you can't control. This is who you are."
"I hate me." He choked and bowed his head.
Kristen touched his cheek as she shuffled closer and her head tilted slightly in understanding. "There was nothing you could have done, Matt. It just happened. It was just a terrible accident. You. Are. Not. To. Blame."
"Why are you still here?" Matt sniffed, ignoring her words. He was still a murderer in his eyes. No matter what she said, he would always blame himself for their death.
"You don't scare me Matt. You're not a killer. If you were you wouldn't attend college. You've been through hell and you blame yourself. I know what it feels like to be an outcast. I know what it's like to go through pain and loss and wanting to blame yourself but you've got to remember that it was out of your control. You couldn't have stopped it. No matter what you did, it was inevitable that you were going to change. It only needed a trigger. Unfortunately it was your sister jumping on you.
"But you shouldn't blame yourself for their death. It wasn't you who killed them. I'm sure if they are looking down on you they wouldn't want you to be punishing yourself like this. Think of what Aimee would say if she saw you right now."
Matt looked startled for a moment before his lips twisted into a half smile. "She would think I was being ridiculous putting my life on hold. She would want me to be happy."
"What makes you happy, Matt?" Kristen whispered and rubbed her fingers against Matt's cheek. "Don't punish yourself. You've been doing that a whole year. Be selfish, for once. What makes you happy?"
Matt watched Kristen's face for a moment and it felt as if his heart was slowly returning back to the normal beating rhythm. He studied her and watched as her dark eyes danced over him, her hair spraying across her shoulders. He reached up and closed his eyes as his hand touched Kristen's hand on his cheek. "Kristen, I'm dangerous. I told you this so you would stay away from me."
He felt Kristen move closer and her leg pressed fully against his own. "Matt, I'm not leaving you."
"You should." He breathed and opened his eyes to come almost nose to nose with Kristen. He quickly pushed himself back into the sofa, dropping her hand from his face but continuing to hold it lightly.
"I'm not afraid of you. I'm glad you told me. Everything makes so much sense. You've been protecting me all along, haven't you?" She asked and squeezed his fingers, smiling.
Matt almost blushed. "I protect everyone in this town, but I have been keeping an eye on you, yes."
"Thank you for helping me before. I didn't really thank you for it."
"Doesn't matter." He twisted off the sofa and adjusted the towel around his hips. "I should get some jeans."
"I'm liking this look though." Kristen smirked as she stood up too and eyed him up and down.
Matt's mouth twisted into a cheeky grin as he adjusted the towel tighter. "Too bad. I'll be back in a second."
As he turned to go, Kristen grabbed his hand and flung herself at him, smashing into his chest. Matt stumbled slightly before gaining his balance again and stood there awkwardly as Kristen wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. Her smell of raspberries stung his nose but he ignored it as soft whisps of hair tickled his arms and she pressed herself against him.
Slowly and hesitantly, Matt wrapped his arms around Kristen and he felt her slacken. She buried her head in the crook of his neck and Matt couldn't help but make a slight noise in pleasure as he dropped his head onto her shoulder, relaxing into her hold. He hadn't felt so comfortable in such a long time. The feeling of company and friendship overwhelmed him and he blinked into Kristen's hair, savouring the moment. It wasn't going to happen often.
He refused to allow himself to get close to her any more than he was now.
He felt Kristen move slightly and Matt loosened his grip so that she could lean back to look into his face. She smiled. "I'm glad you trust me with this, Matt. I really am."
Matt snorted and let go of her, causing her to drop her arms as he turned to move towards the stairs.
"Matt! Wait." Kristen grabbed his shoulder and twisted around him, gripping his face.
"What." He mumbled through her fingers before he removed them.
She smiled. "Can I stay here tonight? College is only a few hours away."
Matt stilled for a moment.
Looking her over, one last time, he made a slight nod and gently pushed a strand of hair behind Kristen's ear, causing her face to light up in shock. "I'll set up my room. Stay in the living room."
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So now you know Matt's past! Was it what you were expecting?! :D
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