Trigger warning!
This story does include mentions of rape, suicide, and abuse. If you are sensitive to these topics, do not read.
(Another mention is that this not done, I just wanted to get some feedback for what I have written.)
"Monika, I need you to listen." Her older sister, Julchen, told her. Her hand reaching out for her younger sisters hand, gripping it with both hands. "Think, before you make the decision."
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Gilbert took his place up at the podium, his new shiny black dress shoes squeaking as he walked across the polished stage. The sobs of some of his sister's peers breaking the silence, swallowing back his own sobs.He frowned as he looks to the front row, Monika's own best friend sitting there as she wept.
He cleared his throat, his hands raising to each sides of the podium.
"I..." He paused for a moment, taking a quick breath in. "I once knew a gorgeous, smart, young woman, her name was Monika, my little sister. Though... Though I was her older brother, I loved her like any parent would..." His body shakes, as he looked to the lights shining down at him imagining his beautiful little sister alive, and wishing, praying even he didn't have to make this speech.
"She was perfect, h... happy... 'Till the very fucking day she met the asshole that took that angel off of..." He broke down, leaning over the podium his sobs echoing into the auditorium.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
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Monika crossed her legs, her foot tapping against the ground. She stopped scribbling on her paper, looking over to the textbook she borrowed from her History teacher. She chewed on the top of her pen, trying to block the rising footsteps
"Ciao, Monika!" A small bubbly Italian girl popped into her room, bouncing around before flopping right down on Monika's neatly made bed.
Julchen slithered in, her loud steps making their way over to Monika's desk. She turned towards her and slid herself onto her desk and on top of Monika's book.
"Heeey, Moni!" The young German, or self proclaimed Prussian, crossed her legs. "So, there's this party," Monika rose her hand and shook her head.
Felicia crosses her arms, frowning at her friend. She takes the book, raising it above her head. "Come on and come with us! It's a Saturday, plus there's plenty of alcohol and every guy there is a hottie." She leaned down close to her ear and purred out every word, leaving Monika flustered and frustrated.
Julchen tagged along taking the book away from the ditsy Italian. SHe waved it in front of her face, letting Monika tense up in anger. She ripped the book away from her elder sister's hand, but she just pulled it up higher the pages fluttering down.
"If I come, will you let me study the rest of the weekend?" Monika pushed her chair away from her desk, closing her book. The girls nodded, each taking a and to pull her up.
Felicia dragged her out of her room, turning down the hallway. Monika looked behind her, raisin an eyebrow. She threw open the door and skipped in. "I thought-- I thought we were going to go to the party?"
"We are I just need to change you out of the hideous top!" Felicia started digging through the bag she had brought to spend the night, leaving Monika sighing and just waiting. She watched as her Italian friend dug around in her bag before pulling out a crop top with 'babe' written across the front.
"Uh-huh, yeah I'll wear it. Right when I grow wings and fly." Her arms crossed across her chest, staring down at her Italian friend. She wasn't much taller, maybe an inch or two but Felicia didn't care one bit, in fact it seemed she stood stood taller then Monika some days.
Felicia rolled her eyes, shoving it into her hands. She placed her hands on her hips, tapping her foot against the hardwood floor. "Put it on, come on! It won't kill you, besides you have a smoking body! It will look great."
Monika sighed and looked down to her hands, gripping the fabric of the shirt, or what appeared to be apart of the shirt. She turned around on her heel starting to walk towards the door.
"I'll be down soon, I'll meet you and Julchen in the car." She says turning into her bedroom down the hall. She stripped herself out of her shirt, refreshed her deodorant and put her shirt over her thin body.
"I hate to say it... But this does look nice on me.." She mumbled adjusting the top in the mirror. She grabbed her comb, and ran it through her hair before running off down stairs leaving her phone on her dresser.
She ran down the stairs, grabbing her jacket on the way out. She joined everyone i the car, joining the talk of the party.
"Let's do this shit!"
The minute she and her friends arrived, drinks and blunts were pushed into their hands. It wasn't long until she was nearly blacking out, but she meets a guy who keeps winking at her from the side. She finally moved over to him, clearly drunk and high. She gave him a pretty little smile, plopping down next to him on the couch.
"I'm Monika." She set the solo cup to the side once she realized it was empty and pushed it off to the side.
"Oh, a German beauty. I'm Feliciano." He greeted her, laying a small kiss on her hand letting his lips linger there for a moment. He pulls back and stares at her.
Oh this is the one.
He pulls her to dance, showing his grace. He twirls her, charm slowly pulling her away from the crowd. ....And into a bedroom.
He smirks and takes her hand, leading the German upstairs to an empty bedroom door. He pushes her against the door, pushing his mouth against hers. First kiss, no love, only lust. He bites at her bottom lip, pulling her legs up against his waist moving down to her neck.
Something hit her, "condom... Condom.. Do you have a condom?"
"Don't worry beautiful, we won't need it." He reassures her, opening the door to the room He lets her fall to the bed, pulling her top up groping her large breasts through her sports bra.
"Stop it! I can't do it without a condom!" She slurred, using her hands to push against his chest. Her drunken stumble was no match for the man hovering above her.
"Beautiful, it's okay. I've got it covered."
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A couple weeks later, every day was hell, but Monika pushed it to the back burner. Monika tried to snap her bra into place, sucking in her gut. She closes her as she finally pushes it shut. She sucks in a breath, taking two fingers to massage the sore lumps.
"They're probably just growing..." She grabbed her shirt and pulled it over, slowly pulling her jacket to cover her arms.
"Monika! Come on! We don't have time for you to be unawesome!" Monika rolled her eyes, grabbing her plain black backpack, keeping her phone in hr back pocket.
"Hold on! I'm grabbing my things!" She shouted out her bedroom door, sighing at her appearance in the mirror. She forced herself down the stairs, and took the coffee cup her brother offered her.
She sipped at the coffee, walking out silently to the car. She opened the passenger's seat, threw her bag in the back, carefully setting her books in the back. She flopped down in her seat, twisting her ring around her finger staring out at her home.
Gilbert joined her soon carrying his own cup of coffee. Everyone of them was coffee addicts. He sat it in the cup holder, pulling the seat belt over his torso. He started up the car, turning up the radio to an ungodly volume. Though Monika just sat there looking out the window, not phased as she usually was.
She looked over, opening her mouth and when the words wouldn't roll out she closed it once more. She sighed, scratching the palm of her hand.
"Gilbert..?" She hated the words she was about to say, but something needed to be done. "Can I just miss school today? I'm really not feeling well."
It wasn't a lie, she was feeling sick. Her stomach was bubbling, waiting for the moment to spill up and over her. But there was something else she needs to do. She intertwines her fingers, flashing a gaze at him.
"Yeah! Why not? Don't become some delinquent though Monika. You need to be a good example for your sister." He gives her a wink, and lets her get out of the car. He still has work. Monika grabs her things and waves him off, walking up to the house opening the door and stepping in just until he left the driveway.
She stared through the curtain before unpacking her bag in her room throwing all her school supplies on the desk. Putting only the things she wanted in it, a single apple, a book, another book, headphones and her phone charger. She counted everything over again, before finally grabbing the bag and bolting out the door.
She looked to her watch, slowing down for just a second but continued sprinting. She panted softly stopping right by the sign which read "bus stop." She placed a hand on her chest, breathing in deeply keeping her breath steady.
It wasn't long until the bus came, and she left reading her book and replying to her friend.
Feli: Moni where are u? Ur missing gym!
Moni: I won't be coming to school today, I have a doctor's appointment.
Feli: For what?
Moni: .... I'd rather not speak of it, I will text you once if it's anything serious.
Feli: Okay! I'm sure U'll be fine, ur very healthy!
Moni: Yeah... Be back soon Almost at the hospital.
Feli: K!
Monika put her phone back into her pocket, and stepped off onto the sidewalk. She stared up to the palace of healing and death, holding her bag to her chest. She shook off her fears and walked up to the automatic doors.
She walked through the doors, holding her head high but the swirls of fear were slowly creeping their way into reality. She held her breath as she walked up to the desk, wiping her sweaty palms on the siee of her jeans. She cleared her throat and the receptionist looks up from her computer.
"Hey sweetheart!" She had a soft southern accent, her voice bouncing happily with every word.
"What Can I do you for?" Monika shifted her weight to her other foot, looking to her feet. She knew it would be alright, but she could be pregnant.
"Um.. I..I." She stuttered out trying to force the words down her throat.
"How about this pumpkin, give me your name and I get your bracelet doo-dad."
"My.. Name Is Monika Beilschmidt." The young blonde nodded typed in a couple things, reached over and grabbed the bracelet. She clipped the bracelet and gestured over to the chairs in the waiting room.
"Just sit there and I'll be there in a few moments." Monika nodded and sat down, leaving her the quiet and her threatening thoughts.
The next hours when by so, so slowly, yet seemed to move by at such a pace she thought she would puke. And she did once, she stood in the bathroom for nearly five minutes hovering over the toilet after hearing the news...
She was expecting.
She laid in her bed, face turned away from the door hand laid out on her stomach. She wasn't showing just yet but her stomach has gained just the tiniest bit of fat. She stood and walked over t0 her mirror, turning to the side as she lifted her shirt. Her fingertips gently played on her stomach.
She couldn't help but smile just a tiny bit, truth be told she loved children. But she never imagined having one... So early in her own life. To many people she was still a baby. She dropped her shirt just as her sister walked in.
She pranced around the room, before slamming herself down onto her desk. She crossed her legs, hands resting on the little ledge of the table. Monika turned around, moving back down to her messed up bed sheets.
"What's new?" Julchen stared down at her, kicking her legs back and forth pulling one of Monika's newly printed essay. The younger girl stared down at the ground, her frown seeming to steep down to the floor.
'You can't hide this forever Monika, you NEED the prenatal care. And you can't just keep skipping school to go. They'll find out eventually.' The rational side of her explained.
'Do you really think Gilbert and Julchen would be supportive? You should just go and get an abortion, you can't support you and your baby. You don't a job, Monika, a job. Besides you're a baby yourself.'
'She could work this out. Give her a chance.'
"Okay... Yes, I do have something to talk about." Julchen moved over to the bed, wrapped an arm around her neck. Monika reached under her pillow, and pulled out a yellow envelope.
"Open this, it will tell you everything you need to know." Monika's voice wavered, tears flooding her vision. She held her breath, slowly counting to four. Over and over again.
Julchen slid over and took the papers her smile slowly creeping up. She opened the thing and pulled it out as she stares at the paper. Not caring to start to read it she flashed her eyes up to the teenager sitting next to her.
"What you got cancer? Geez, I don't know Monika, I don't think you'll look good without hair." She joked, ruffling the soft fluff hair. Monika gave, well, not even a smile the corners of her lips just turned up a little bit.
Julchen turned her head down to start to flip through the papers, there was a bunch of stuff. Blah blah, Monika Beilschmidt, prenatal ca- Prenatal?! She stood dropping the papers down. Her hands clenched and unclenched, face turning cold as she stared at the pregnant adolesent.
"Be careful! I need these." She nearly shouted, about ready to crouch down to grab the fallen papers. Too little to late.
SLAP!!
Julchen's hand snapped across her face, frowning deeply. Though, she showed no empathy for what she had down to her little sister. It took a couple of seconds to register what had happened. A bright red hand print sat on her skin, fat salty tears rolling down her cheeks still full with baby fat.
''How dare you!" She screeched, her rage evident with every letter. "How could you be so stupid? How could you do this to yourself?"
Monika started, using the back of her hand to wipe away the salty tears away from her cheeks. She turned her head to the ground, hair sticking to her cheeks. Or what could reach, her hair wasn't quite long. With sports and constantly excersising she didn;t feel the need to keep it long.
"Monika, look at yourself. What have you done?"
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." Julchen ranted on to Monika, screaming her head off, pacing around the room as she screams in German. Monika sobbed shaking her head back and forth as she sat there. What could she say? There was nothing TO say. She was pregnant. A small baby growing inside of her. And she planned on keeping it. Even if she had to leave her home and quit school.
"Julchen.. Julchen.. I need help, I'm a wreck.. I'm only 16.. And a pregnant.. Adolescent. I can't do this on my own." Monika choked out, shaking her head to the sound of her own sobs. Julchen stopped, shoulder slumping as she stared down at her little sister. Her mouth closed as she sat down, reaching for her shaking hand. Though she was not done.
"How could you not use a condom? You need to see that your actions could be worse than contracting a disease." Julchen states, frowning.
Monika looked away, turning her head down. With tears rolling down her face there was only one thing she could thing, "what do I say?" Then Julchen pulls her closely, rubbing her hand up and down her back.
"It'll be okay... But you do need to make a desision, do you want to be a mother... Or Do you want to have a abortion...?"
Monika pulled away, looking down to her bloated stomach resting her hand over it. She stared at things in her room, looking over all the pictures. In many she was still a small girl, others she was growing up. Into the woman she is now... She looked back down, nodding slowly.
"I... You won't believe it. But I'm going to keep this baby." Julchen smiled a bit, kissing her sister's forehead. This wouldn't be easy, but Julchen knew Monika can raise this baby in a fine young man or woman. "Just.. Let's keep it a big secret, I don't want anyone finding out."
Julchen nodded, kissing her cheek. "You know.. You should name the baby after me. Even if it is a boy. It'll be great. I can imagine it, the teacher calling out this kids name, every one thinks to me. They all want to be their friend." Julchen smiles, ruffling her hair.
Monika couldn't help but roll her eyes, gathering all her necessary information about her pregnancy, letting them sit on her night stand in a neat little pile. She rested her hand over her stomach, cradling the area as she gazed down to her stomach.
"Dont worry sweetie. We'll get through this. Even f your daddy doesn't support this, I'll be here until the day you come into this world."
It broke her heart to hear this.
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Four weeks later, more ultrasounds, more puking breast growing, bloating. Making her look more pregnant then she actually was. But, she managed, though it killed her to quit all of her sports.... And having to tell them why. Most were judgemental, but that was to be expected. She was only a teenager after all.
Monika stared at her wet face in the mirror, pulling up a soft hand towel to dry off her face. She started to walk into her bedroom from the next room over, watching out her window as her friend's grandfather's car pulled into their driveway. She sucked in a breath as she started to walk down the stairs.
"Monika! They're here!" SHe nodded to her sister from the base of the stairs, moving over to their couch.
Riiiinnnnng
Monika walked up towards the door, and opened it slowly pushing the corners up to her mouth, greeting them with a small smile. Feli threw herself at her best friend, Monika nearly falling back, her arms instantly grabbing the wall. She couldn't take any chance.
"Welcome, you can take a seat in the living room, dinner is a bit delayed." She spoke, taking everyone's jacket. Feliciano, however, lingered his touch on her silky smooth skin. Her smirks at her, letting her stand there in terror as he gazes into her eyes.
Feliciano stayed back, pushing her against the table she originally held onto, leaning close to her ear.
"If you say anything about me supposably raping you in front of my family, I will make sure that you die." He pushes his lips onto her, and all Monika could do was tremble, tears falling down her cheeks bruising her lips with his teeth.
"Feli! Come on, don't be bothign the girl to much." His unuslalyy attractive grandfather calls, shaking hands with Gilbert as they chat enthusiastically.
"Coming grandpa!" His smile turned from one of a wicked man who had a scared girl as his puppet, to that of a happy twenty-two year old. He let his thumb stroke her bottom lip before skipping out to the living room. Monika gripped the table as a hand covered her mouth, keeping herself silent as she sobbed.
She shook her head, resting her hand over her stomach.
'I can't tell him! I can't them what he did to me! He would kill me!'
'I know Monika, but you must have trust, everything will play out well in due time. Just wait, he will get what he deserves.'
'Waiting won't do Monika any good! If anything, this will fuck her up more! He deserves to be fucked up, kicked in the dick, and then thrown in prison for what he did to a minor."
'Why do you always do this? Violence is never the answer, he will have his downfall, whether in court, or by karma."
"Trust the court system? You're almost as insane as him! Jesus Christ!"
'Just give it a chance.'
Monika walked into the living room, keeping her eyes to the floor. She sat down in the armchair, crossing her legs. She twirls her ring around her finger, refraining from joining the bubble of conversation happening around her. She stared at her stomach, then to Felicino, to her sister, and back again.
She cleared her throat and looked up, holding her throat.
"I know this isn't the best time. But I do need to force this out, because it can't be delayed."
Julchen gave her a smile, giving her a large thumbs up.
"Nearly... Nearly three months ago, Feliciano..." Feliciano glared, tapping his fingers along the armrest of the couch resulting in her taking a deep breath. "... And I, we had sex.. And what resulted..." SHe looked to her stomach.
"What resulted is that now we're going to have a baby together." Monika's eyes flashed across the crowd of four, waiting for any kind of response.
Julius perked up, a bright smile lighting up his face. "Congratulations you two! How far along are you Monika?" He asked, clasping his together as he smiles at the expecting parents.
"Three months, I found out a month ago.. " Feliciano smiled though his eyes hid darkness. Monika avoided everyone's stares, holding her breath.
"Vee! Bella this is such great news!'' He scrambled over and wrapped his arms around her, he pulled away rubbing her stomach cooing to it softly. "Ciao bambino.. I'm your daddy! I can't wait to meet you..." He cooed, glaring to her as he planted a gentle kiss on her stomach.
"What do you two plan to do? Surely marriage is the answer!" Julius proclaimed, patting his boy on the back. Julchen's mouth gaped shaking her head.
"Are you fucking nuts?! No! Monika's barely six-teen! She can't get married to someone 7 years older to her!"
"Well the two can't just have a baby out of wedlock! I refuse to let that happen to my boy! He'll be ridiculed for the rest of his life if he doesn't marry the woman carrying his baby!" Julius said crossing his arms across his burly chest.
"Monika is already having a baby! She deserves to find someone she loves to get married to, not have to marry him. Feli is a nice guy and all, but this would ruin her life!" Julchen argued her hands clenching into fists.
"In all due respect..!" The Italian and the German continued to argue, about ready to get into a fist fight.
Feliciano pulled her off to the side, making sure to be hidden away from the angry crowd. He strokes the side of her face, one hand lying on her hip. He couldn't help but smile. Look at her, trembling, vulnerable, pregnant. This couldn't be better! She could be a nice accessory for him.
"Shh... Shh, it's okay, mia cara... I'm not going to hurt you.. Now knowing that you are with our child why would I do that?" He purred leaning into peck her lips softly. His soft grip turned into something new. Something almost painful...
"Now listen to me hear, Monika, you're going to go in there and tell your fat mouthed sister that you are going happily marry me. And maybe even come live in my home, because you want me to be close with our child." He released his grip on her, kissing her stomach gently.
He takes her hand and pulls her back into the living room, smiling at her as he intertwines his fingers with hers. There stood Julius and Julchen having a screaming match as the argued.
"Jul... Julchen?" Julchen stopped turning her head around the young teenager in front of her. Monika stood with her fingers head between his. She turned her head up to Feliciano, him giving her a small smile and a nod.
"I think it... I think it's best.." She hesitated, her free hand clenching into fists. "I think's best that I do marry Feliciano. Julio's right." Julchen stared in shock mouth hanging open.
"Good girl! I knew you had to have some sense!"
Feliciano got down on one knee, holding her hand with both of his. His curl shaped into a small heart. He gave her a sweet smile, kissing her knuckles gently.
"Monika Beilschimdt, the beautiful woman carrying our child, will you marry me to become Monika Vargas?" Tears flooded her eyes, giving him a soft nod. She couldn't do anything, if she even tried. She could get her, and more importantly, her baby killed.
Monika gave her a week smile, tears spilling down her cheeks. Not in happiness, but in fear. Feliciano started to talk in rapid sentences, going on about how their wedding was going to be the most beautiful in the world! How she'll look so pretty in her white gown, even if it doesn't quite fit, maybe a robin egg blue will look just as pretty!
Gilbert walked in, announcing dinner was ready. He glared at the Italian family as they walked in, but kept himself civil truly believing that she wanted to marry Feliciano.
The rest of the night went without error. Feliciano was being his bouncy self as he felt up her stomach talking soft Italian to the baby. Monika was on edge, hormones from her ongoing puberty, hormones from her pregnancy, and the fact that the man who had raped, and threatened to kill her was to become her husband in due time.
Monika moved into her bedroom and closed the door, locking it tight. She slid down the door, holding her hands to her face. She sobbed tears constantly rolling down her face as she sat there as she gasped for air. She couldn't breath. She couldn't do it.
She gasps for air, one hand at her throat the other grabbing her tank top. She used a hand to hit on her chest a couple times before finally being able to breath. She gasped for breath, moving over to her bed. She collapsed on her bed, holding her body.
She stood, and walked over to the corner of her room. There stood a waist high white crib, a plain grey sheet covering the mattress. It was a bit early, but she thought she would get it early on. She found herself here a lot, talking to the baby who couldn't even hear her. But he relieved her a bit. Just to talk, just to talk to someone who wouldn't judge her or act like she was glass ready to crack.
"Oh *kleniner, what are we going to do?" She spoke softly, caressing her belly softly. She's popped a bit, she was finally starting to look like she was pregnant with her little round stomach.
"Look at me. Pregnant at six-teen, getting married to a man... To your daddy, that did some nasty things for you to be here. To be right inside of me. I'm glad I have you though, that I wouldn't change for anything.." She sighed and let herself pushed the solar system mobile spin, a small melody playing.
"I just wish this could've been different."
A week passed by, and now everyone knew.
Monika groaned, arching her back as her thumbs rolled around on her lower back. She looked to her watch, and grabbed her book and stuff it into her bag. She kept her phone on her, and put it in her hoodie pocket. She took her pen and wrote out the pages that needed to be worked on. As the bell rang, she stood shoving her pen into her pocket.
She kept her head down from the stares and whispers, and focused on getting to her next class. She pushed her shoulders back, and kept her head high. She walked down the math hallway, counting off the doors until she got to her first one.
She walked in and sat in her rightful place in the second row on the left, right by the window. SHe rested her chin in the palm of her hand, pulling the pencil from her behind her ear as she sets her english journal onto the desk. She studied the notes on the other page, a small frown on her face.
"I never knew she was such a slut, getting herself pregnant like that! But I can't help..." Monika flinched at their words, looking down to her belly. Of course she heard their whispers. How could she not? It was impossible to not listen
'Why don't you just abort it? You could love a normal life, break off the engagement, and the whispers would stop. And maybe I would go away...'
'Leave her alone. She wants her baby. She was just stuck in a bad situation, which she is trying to fix.'
'Okay fine. If she won't abort the fucking thing, why doesn't she just punch him, or just get on a bus and leave? Leave without telling anyone.'
'It doesn't work like that! She can't just leave her family.. How would they react? How could she just go off the radar and leave them forever?"
She stopped and thought about the little tiny one in her. She couldn't help but smile though, thinking of her little one. Would they have blonde hair? Brown? Oh what color would their little shining eyes turn out to be? Would would be their favorite color? Favorite toy? What would they want to be when they grew up?
All these questions raged on in her head, and made her smile grow wide, thinking off everything her little angel could be come. Everything that they would become. She shook everything off as she instead paid attention to the teacher, her pencil at the ready at the top of her page. The teacher welcomed them, and reminded the of the homework that was to be laid on the corner of the desk.
Monika's heart stopped as she reached inside of her folder to grab the unfinished homework. The second page not even started. She swore under her breath, pulling her pencil away from the notebook and started to scribble at the pieces of paper. She looked to the side as Mrs. Flemming made her way down the isles picking the packets up and setting them in her arm. She held her breath as Mrs. Flemming stopped by her desk.
"Monika, can I please have your homework?" She held out her hand ad sighed at the sight of her scribbling down one more answer onto the paper..
"Get you homework done on time next time, I give you plenty of time to finish it." She continued collecting the rest of the packets from the tired teens, before going with her lesson. SHe nodded, folding her hands together.
Monika watched as she walked off, picking up her pencil looking to her friend on the other side of the room. With a shaky hand she started to write a note.
"Felicia, please help me. Your brother and I did have sex, but I didn't consent. I was drunk and high, he forced me. He raped me. He threatened to kill me if I called for help, I can't get married to him. He'll kill my baby and I. Please. Help me. I'm afraid. I don't want my baby to be hurt by him."
She begged for help, her words dripping desperation. She stared at the note, signing her name at the bottom. A hand sneaked from her desk, cradling her stomach. She stared at the wall, thinking of her soon-to-be looking almost dead, dark bags, pale as a ghost, eyes holding no light.
She pulled her hand away, tearing the note out and crumbling it into a tight ball. She pushed herself up, took quick steps to the trash. She tossed it in, looking to her friend. Feli smiled at her, giving her a small wave.
'What are we going to do, little one?"