"You should be loving someone."
–
Spending time with Newt was everything I could ask for. I loved everything about it and it always felt familiar almost like we had met before, a thing that made me believe in soulmates. Or at least made me believe that maybe Newt and I had met before in some universe and now our souls decided that it was time for us to meet again. It was romantic to dream about our relationship in that way and that was probably a reason why I didn't actually want to admit it to other people. The thing was I didn't really know in what way I should think about the sort of relationship I shared with Newt. Something I couldn't quite name prevented me from asking him what he saw in our friendship - or maybe he wanted more than just friendship?
Sure, we had nearly kissed a few times already and most of the time it had ended with a really really flustered me and an awkwardly giggling Newt. There was no way to describe my avid desire to feel his lips on mine. I imagined them as soft and tasting simply like Newt. Things that scared me, because maybe I thought about it in such an utopian way that I wouldn't be able to accept the reality once I found out about it? That were the thoughts that kept me up at night... However there was still my romantic thoughts...
"legend says, when you can't sleep at night, it's because you're awake in someone else's dream."
It was something about Newt's indescribable presence that made me think about everything in a - sometimes really weird - poetic way. The thing was... I wanted to continue thinking about everything like this. I was fascinated by the way Newt thought about things, the way he could be completely excited about some things. The way he tried to be nice even if it was clear he was annoyed. I felt like he slowly made me a better person. Like I was unintentionally trying to become more like him.
The first time I noticed this sort of shift within myself was at lunch, where I was sitting together with Teresa and Brenda talking about meaningless things. And then I said something, at which Teresa responded with 'You sound just like Newt sometimes.' It became more frequent since that moment that people told me how much Newt and I were alike. Even people I didn't know told me that we seemed to be childhood friends or something like that.
However these comments only resulted into me thinking a lot more about how we could be soulmates and were meant to be. And maybe we had met in a life before - long story short I was absolutely completely and utterly helpless in love with Newt. And with every breath I hoped that he was feeling the same.
My thoughts were interrupted by my phone screen lightning up. A little bit confused my fingers searched for my phone on the nightstand, until I felt the familiar plastic of my phone case. I looked at the lock screen, recognising a message from Newt.
Newt [11:06 pm]: Still awake?
I almost tried to reply too quickly, having a thousand typos in my message. So I fixed all of them, not wanting that Newt was thinking anything bad about me.
Thomas [11:07 pm]: yeah, can't seem to find any rest, wby?
It didn't take Newt long to reply and my heart did this really weird flip as I read his reply.
Newt [11:09 pm]: you know, legend says when you can't sleep at night, it's because you're awake in someone else's dream... is there somebody you haven't told me about? ;D
Thomas [11:11 pm]: quick, make a wish !
Newt [11:11 pm]: I wish for Tommy to not be so romantic anymore xx
Thomas [11:12 pm]: Hey ! :(
Thomas [11:12 pm]: Also you're not supposed to tell me your wish !! It won't come true if you tell someone your wish !!
Newt [11:13 pm]: well that's a good thing after all :)
Newt [11:13 pm]: it means you can get to be so romantic you want to
Thomas [11:14 pm]: why do you think of me like I am some hopeless romantic ?
Newt [11:14 pm]: don't worry it's kinda cute :)
Thomas [11:15 pm]: kinda?
I waited anxiously for him to reply... it was like he was typing for ages... A thing that didn't quite help my nerviness like at all. And then finally his reply showed up...
Newt [11:16 pm]: the person you'll end up with is one lucky piece of shit
It was rare to hear - or is this case read - Newt swear. He occasionally did it of course, but most of the time he was trying to not swear that much. However something about his reply was odd... Like he was jealous? I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it was definitely weird... Of course, it brought my hopes up. I wanted Newt to jealous of this person that didn't existed. I wanted him to be this person I could take on romantic dates and stuff.
Thomas [11:20 pm]: I guess maybe
Thomas [11:21 pm]: I hope they appreciate it though
My heartbeat quickened as I saw the bubble with the three '...' in it that meant Newt was typing.
Newt [11:22 pm]: I would appreciate it
His reply left me absolutely speechless. Was this flirting? I mean it definitely was at the border from platonic to romantic, he definitely didn't mean it in a friendship way, because to be honest, there wasn't a possibility that you could take it in platonic way. Still I was unsure how to reply, but then I decided to command all the courage and typed my reply and later blame it on me being tired. Even if I wasn't even near to being tired since Newt has started to talk to me.
Thomas [11:24 pm]: is that an invitation to take you out on a romantic date?
His reply came too fast, too confident and definitely too quick for me to have recovered on his first flirting text.
Newt [11:24 pm]: depends
Thomas [11:25 pm]: on what?
Newt [11:25 pm]: do you want it to be an invitation?
Thomas [11:26 pm]: depends
Thomas [11:26 pm]: what do you want?
This time it took him long to answer. Like he didn't quite know how to behave on this situation and to be honest... I didn't even know what I was doing here either. Part of me just wanted to fall asleep and forget that this even happened in the first place - the other part of me wanted to drive to Newt and kiss him right now.
Newt [11:29 pm]: how does this friday sound to you?
Thomas [11:30 pm]: at five pm?
Newt [11:31 pm]: pick me up at my house
Newt [11:32 pm]: i give you the address tomorrow at school
Thomas [11:32 pm]: it's settled then
Newt [11:33 pm]: do we call it a date?
Thomas [11:34 pm]: I'd call it a date tbh
Newt [11:35 pm]: glad to see we're on the same page
Newt [11:36 pm]: I want flowers btw
Thomas [11:37 pm]: that wasn't part of the deal??
Newt [11:38 pm]: give me purple lilacs...
Newt [11:39 pm]: otherwise i won't go out with you xx
Before replying I googled the meaning of purple lilacs. I didn't even quite knew why I googled them, but I just felt like there was something more behind Newt wanting flowers than Newt wanting flowers.
So I basically looked through the sites, searching for the meaning and everything I found was the same. It was interesting how flowers could mean so much and at the same time I haven't known anything about flowers before.
Thomas [11:41 pm]: it's settled then, night x
Newt [11:42 pm]: night tommy x
•
I cursed myself the next day, since I only got about five hours of sleep, which was certainly not enough for me. I laid awake after I texted with Newt, reading over our conversation again and again and again. I couldn't quite believe that it was real the first time and only after I read it again this morning I really believed it.
Of course I stepped by Cup O' Joe buying the same thing I bought like everyday... (Not good for my money, I probably spent like half of money for coffee). Lexa had asked me if I finally got a date with Newt, which I nodded proudly.
That resulted into Lexa raising both of her thumbs and Clarke - hugging her fiancée from behind, squealing about how her ship was going to sail immediately. I blushed and left the cafe soon again, before this would get too embarrassing for especially me. Next to it was a flower shop, which I was so thankful for this time.
Usually I wasn't quite a person known for a love for flowers, but what don't you do to get your date to like you. It also was kind of interesting, a mystery. I could say everything in the words of flowers and at the same time many people wouldn't understand.
I walked into the shop, looking through the different flowers. it flavoured amazingly, everything seemed to be pure and good - even though I knew that some flowers represented (sexual) desire, which I decided to stay away for sure. I didn't want Newt to think that I was some sort of horny teenaged boy, who only wanted one thing. It seemed wrong to think about our relationship that way.
I always viewed it as pure and innocent, even though I knew that this was simply an illusion. It wouldn't stay that innocent, but it was nice to think about it that way. Like it was simply and innocent first love.
"How can I help you?" a guy asked me with a smile. He for sure was around twenty, maybe a few years older than me and seemed to kind of... obsessed with flowers? He - however - really slayed the flower crown to be honest. On his jacket was a button reading 'he/him', so he wore pronoun buttons? That was kinda cool. It also made me feel better, since that meant I didn't misgender anyone.
"I have a date... this Friday and my date expects flowers," I replied, chuckling at the way it must sound. "And I thought about lilacs, like in the light purple way and lavender or like purple roses. Something along these lines."
He looked at me in a strange way for a second, like he didn't quite know how to think about this. It seemed like he was confused, but then his expression changed and he looked impressed. "You seem to have thought about this a lot."
"Yeah, I actually have. I want to make this the best date possibly," I said and for some reason I avoided using pronouns for my date. I wasn't a person who was ashamed of their sexuality, I was confident with being pansexual, but still...
"I hope, they appreciate it," he replied with a smile and I couldn't help but be so happy about the fact he used gender neutral pronouns? Like he didn't want to assume anything.
"Yeah, I really hope he does," I said with a smile, finally finding confidence. I didn't want to be ashamed that I was going out with Newt, because this was who I am. (Also this was New York, I never met a homophobic person, especially not where I lived... It felt like the whole fucking neighbourhood here was not straight.)
"Purple lilacs for first love and lavender roses for love at first sight, that's really cute," the boy said with a smile. "You can get them on Friday? If that's okay for you. They'll be finished by then... Even though I am not here on Friday, so my datemate will get them for you, but don't worry they are really nice."
"Okay," I replied with a smile.
"So for who are the flowers?" he asked, getting a piece of paper out of his pockets, writing down something in a surprisingly neat writing style.
"My name's Thomas and the boy I am taking out is called Newt," I answered, not really getting his question and what name he wanted to know.
"Then just come in here this Friday and say you want the flowers from Thomas for Newt," he said with a smile.
Before I left the shop however I heard him say loudly enough for me to still understand it clearly. "Good luck with the date."
I smiled to myself, as I thanked him and then continued my way to school.