"Our love, his trust. I might as well take a gun and put it to his head.Get it over with."
- - - - - - - -
"I love you," he whispered in my ear as he held me tight.
"I love you, too," I sighed.
I told him I loved him, but I was lying. Sure, we'd been together for almost a year now, but everything today was so different than it was back then. I used to believe I loved Zayn, but that was all before he was 1/5 of One Direction, Britain's hottest boyband. All before he changed; before I changed. All before I had met Harry Styles.
I couldn't get around staring at those curls and those mesmerizing green eyes of his and the dimples that shown whenever he smiled at me. Every time I looked at him or thought about him, he made my heart beat speed up and made the corners of my mouth rise. He was everything I thought perfect could be and more.
"Why you smiling so much?" Zayn chuckled and pulled me closer.
"Oh, no reason." I couldn't tell him the truth. I couldn't tell him I was madly in love with his bandmate. I just couldn't break his heart like that. Zayn was just too nice of a guy to tell him something like that. It's not like he ever treated me bad. He did everything with me in mind, with our love in mind. He always put me first.
He got up and went across the room to grab the radio remote and turned it on. He turned around to me with a smile and started slowly at me.
"What?" I asked.
"Oh, nothing," he said innocently, or so it seemed. He bent down over me and placed his lips on mine. I could taste the orange juice and toast he had grabbed for breakfast on his lips. It felt so right to be kissed but not by him. This was too wrong. It reminded me of the time I kissed Harry.
We were just goofing around, Harry and I, and playing Truth or Dare when he dared me to kiss him. I was shocked but kept my cool as I stared at that dimpled smile. I slowly leaned in and closed my eyes, seeing him close his, and our lips met.
I think that was the moment I realized I was in love with him. I mean, there were times I had just looked at him and thought about what could've been, but this time really told me he was what I wanted. I can recall the taste of fresh peppermint toothpaste and tea in my mouth. It was warm and calm, but I could feel the tension between us rise as I touched his face with my hand.
He pulled me closer, and I grabbed onto the bottom of his shirt. He gripped my waist tightly, moving his hands slowly and smoothly. When we came up for air, we stared into eachother's eyes. I remember the gleaming look that I saw from that time on in his eyes.
But then Zayn called for me from downstairs, and I paniked and ran after his voice. It was never talked about again between Harry and I, but everything has been awkward since. I almost forgot, in this moment, that I was kissing Zayn.
He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth.
Katy Perry's lyric's filled the air, and I could relate so well to them.
I pulled myself away from him and looked into his eyes. They were full of shine just like Harry's had been, only,this time, I knew mine didn't mimick. He took me in again and our lips met once more.
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself.
It was almost as if she had written the song just for me in this very moment.
He pulled away and looked into my eyes, the eyes I felt were dripping with sadness. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I choked out, fighting back tears. "Just fine."
Later that day........
Zayn had decided to take me out today with him and the boys. It was the night before they had to leave for their American tour. Liam and Danielle didn't come. They decided to have alone time together before he had to leave. I didn't blame them.
I, of course, didn't feel the sorrow other girlfriends in my position felt; I was happy; I was going with them. You see, I work for the band as a roadie. The only girl on the team and proud of it. I guess it wasn't being with Zayn that I was excited about. It was going home to the only land I had ever loved.
We strolled into Nando's and imediatly saw the boys sitting at a booth. I saw those curls and felt a ping of chills go through me. Louis was up and using fries to help him with his walrus impression. The other boys were laughing hysterically at him.
"'Vas Happenin'?" Zayn greeted them. Louis' fries dropped from his mouth as Niall kept laughing. They all turned to look at us arriving. I couldn't meet all of their eyes, though, only two.
"Ello, mate," Louis shouted. "So nice of you to bring the lovely Miss. Carter with you."
"Yes, I know you enjoy my presence, Louis," I joked with him. I flipped my hair back dramatically while everyone laughed. Zayn and I slid into the side next to Niall.
"Yeah, very nice." Harry smiled at me. I couldn't help but feel my face turn bright red; I felt like a redhead, but I had the darkest natural hair a person could get. I turned my head down towards Zayn.
"You okay, Kate?" Niall asked.
I looked up at him, trying to decide how I was going to lie this time. "Oh yeah, just fine."
"You have been sort of odd lately." Zayn's voice grew softer. "Are you sure everything's okay?"
Damn! Why did Zayn have to be such a nice and caring guy? Why couldn't he bea jerk? I wouldn't feel as bad for being in love with one of his best friends then. He just had to actually be one of the only guys I'd ever dated that truly cared if I was alright and not just if I was too tired for some action. He didn't treat me like a toy, but I was sure playing him like one.
"Guys, I'm fine." I laughed nervously. Everyone was silent, but Louis was sitting across from me with his fries shoved in his mouth, chewing vigorously. I laughed at him. "You know, they aren't just going to get up and disappear. You could eat one at a time."
He swallowed. "I don't trust this crowd." He eyed the table and kept his gaze on Harry. "Espicially some who have a history of eating my beloved fries."
Harry chuckled. "Why are you looking at me?"
"No reason." Louis acted nonchalant. "Now I say we head to the party on the boulevard. I heard there's a party going on now at the club."
"But Zayn and Kate just got here," Niall said.
"Too bad. They will just have to be kidnapped and forced to party." Louis rose from his seat and promptly started for the door. "Follow me," he called behind him.
At the party......
I watched from the bar stools as the boys danced atrociously to the newest Katy Perry hit. Everyone's bodies hit eachother, and I felt disgusted. It was sickening to see strangers groping one another like a sport, each person trying to win the most felt-up contest. I sipped on my margarita and laughed. They were the only people in the place who didn't sign up. They didn't dance to the beat, but they each seemed to be in sync with the other. It was sure a sight.
Niall was showing off now to a group of girls. He was doing his little leprechaun dance as Zayn and Louis cheered him on. Louis then felt it was his turn to try to impress the ladies. He went out and did the "screw in the light bulb, stop the traffic" dance which turned out a crowd pleaser. Zayn went out and tried to do his booty dance. Everyone laughed, and this started a continuous circle of competition between the boys.
I didn't mind Zayn's flirting and trying to impress the girls. I knew it was only natural that he do it. I didn't, however, like the girls (who obviously knew who he was) vying for his undivided attention. I knew he wouldn't give in, but still I felt a little anger. He was my boyfriend, and no matter how much I loved or didn't love him, he was still my property.
I realized at this moment Harry was nowhere to be seen. I looked around and saw him nowhere in the room.
Katy Perry's on replay, she's on replay.
I got up and started across the dancefloor towards the bathroom. All those margaritas sure were getting to me. It wasn't legal at eighteen to drink in America, but I was making the most of my time here in England. I felt the dancefloor's pulse shoot through me.
DJ got the floor to shake, the floor to shake.
I reached the long hallway the led to the bathrooms. Folks were making out; people were half-dressed; everything stank of rich alcohol. I pushed and shoved my way through people to the last bend and turned the corner. People were in a line and a tall, muscular bouncer was standing at a door to the outside.
I saw the signs on the bathrooms: Closed for remodeling. Shit. I really had to pee.
I turned to a bleach blonde standing next to me. "Why is everyone standing here? The bathrooms are closed."
"Well, we have to take turns going to the bathroom across the alley," she told me. "The restaurant's bathrooms are just through that door across here." She pointed to a door adjacent to the club's.
"Oh, thanks." I waited until it was my turn to go and quickly finished up. The bathroom smelt like old feet and assorted chemicals. I stumbled out the backdoor and dropped my purse all over the pavement. Everything was so dark; there was only one street lamp above us, and I got chills when another hand hit mine as I tried to collect my goods.
"Well, what have we here?" a familiar voice said. "Pretty young girls like you should not be out by themselves." I looked up from the ground and saw a cheeky boy bent down in front of me. My face felt numb.
"Well, thanks for your help." I grinned quickly and obtained my things from his hands, skin brushing softly against one another. I felt more than just a static shock. I turned to go away, but his hand caught my elbow.
"Wait," he said. "I want to show you something."
I looked into those green eyes and knew I couldn't refuse his offer. "Okay."
Harry led me to the city street where buildings lined symmetrically. We walked for a while until we were in a mostly apartment-like area. He turned around a few times to smile; I just kept following him. Finally,we reached a building at the very end of the street. He turned to me again and smiled, taking my hand in his and leading me up the stairs in silence.
We walked up who knows how many stairs to the roof. I was nearly out of breath, but he seemed to be sustained. He dropped my hand casually and walked over to the ledge. For a second I thought he was going to climb the railing and jump, but then I realized that's what I felt like doing.
I knew I was betraying Zayn being alone with Harry like this. I never should've left the club. The club! Oh, I left Zayn and the boys at the club! There is no doubt in my mind Zayn will be furious. Not only did I not love him, but I am blatantly showing my disrespect for him as a boyfriend by leaving with another man.
What would Zayn think? Would he know I was madly in love with Harry and was captivated by his charming looks and couldn't say no? Lord, I hoped not.
After a while, Harry finally spoke. "You know, sometimes I come here just to think." Silence. I stood behind him fumbling with my fingers anxiously. "It's so peaceful just staring at the city. So much better than having to deal with the constant attention and perfection of the celebrity world. Sometimes it's just better to take a breather, ya know?"
I don't know what came over me, maybe the attraction, maybe the lust, or maybe just the moment, but I walked up behind him and entangled my fingers smoothly in his hair. "I know," I whispered in his ear. He turned his head slightly towards me, slightly brushing my close face. I felt his arm wrap around my body, and my eyes began to shut. I breathed in his intoxicating smell, and felt the warmth of his body pulse through me.
He lips connected with mine with a force of passion from both sides. Soon, his arms pulled me into him, and I felt two pulses beating in sync. His hands found the lower part of my back and began to work there magic all over my body. My hands couldn't find any other place they wanted to be more than his curls. I gripped them tightly and pulled him closer.
He pulled me across the roof to the door with bodies still entwined when we hit the stairs. He led me two floors below, my lips searching for his with every sudden departure. I held onto whatever part of him I could in the brisk movement. He left me to open up the apartment full of suitcases. My lips found his ear as my hands swept across his arms in lust.
I wanted him, and I knew it was wrong. But how could something that felt so right be so wrong? I didn't care. All I wanted was to be in his arms. When he finally stepped into the apartment, we clicked again. I heard the door slam behind us as we headed for the bedroom.
People goin' all the way, yeah all the way.
- - - - -