It's been a week since that night and Lauren hasn't called or even texted me.
The first day was probably the most painful of the week long agony. It's probably because I couldn't stop hoping for her to call. I waited and waited holding my phone on my palm until it eventually sweated for the rest of the day. But no matter how gross it was, I still held onto it. I still held onto her. I was happy of course, anticipating for the call from the green-eyed girl I had longed to talk to.
When the night came and I was alone in my room, I cried. I wept like I've never cried before. It wasn't the type where you shed a few tears while looking sad and depressed after watching Titanic, it was the heart wrenching sobs and silencing my cries on the pillow, drenching the cover with all the tears that came out. I didn't sleep that night.
But being the stupid Camila I am, I waited again the next day; with the same result.
I cried the same way too. But the difference was that doubt started to etch my head; slowly but surely. I felt used. Maybe Lauren only wanted a one time thing. Maybe she just wanted me to fill the hollowness Lucy left. And that again left me another sleepless night.
But again, I continued hoping the next day.
It was weird. When the sun was up and bright, I was hopeful, smiling at my family that they didn't notice anything. But when the sun set, I stayed in my room and became someone else entirely, feeling worthless and wallowing in the suddenly claustrophobic room.
When the third night came, it got worse. My parents decided to bring Sofi and me out, to which I declined politely, using the fact that I was tired as an excuse. Thankfully, my baggy eyes backed me up. So, when my family went out, leaving me alone, I smashed everything I could get ahold of in my room and collapsed in the middle of the room. I was angry at Lauren. But mostly, I was angry at myself for letting Lauren get to me; just like she always had.
But before my family came home and suspect anything, I swept everything out of view. Again, I was sleepless that night.
The fourth day came and I felt weak. The sleepless nights finally taking its toll to my body. But I still couldn't sleep. So I spent the day staring at the ceiling with my phone still on my hand.
That was the only thing I couldn't break along with my fragile belongings. What if Lauren decided to call me?
It was fucked up. Especially after everything she has put me through.
My mom came in, asking if I was okay because I wasn't my usual energetic self. I used the excuse that I was sick and to my relief, she believed me.
If only that was true. It would've hurt less than this.
The fifth day, I became crazy. I got deluded into thinking that it wasn't Lauren who was at fault; it was my phone. So I went out and bought a new phone. I asked the line carrier if there was something wrong with my line. They said there wasn't but it wasn't the answer I wanted. So I demanded a new sim, under the same number.
But still, all hopes crashed down when nothing happened.
The sixth day, my hope almost fully deteriorated. But despite everything else, I didn't quite give up. I was still holding onto the cliff, hoping that she would come help me before I completely jump off.
Today, the seventh day, my phone rang. But it wasn't from the girl I wanted. It was Vero.
"Hey, I know you said you said that you would text me, but I haven't heard you in a week so just put me out of my misery and just answer whether you wanna go out with me or not." She said nervously as I answered the phone,
I didn't know I was causing the same thing to another girl Lauren is doing to me.
"Hey," my voice hoarse from all the crying.
"Are you okay?" She asked suddenly, worry etched on her tone.
"Yeah, just a little sick."
"Oh well, I guess it's not a good day to be outside your house, huh?"
"Wait what?" I croaked out, whatever she had just said still not registering in my brain. The tediousness of the week had made me dumber, it seems.
"Look through your window. Or a window that has view to the front. I don't really know where your room is," she laughed at the end.
Without questioning her more, I walked up to the window silently and scanned the front lawn. She was there, all perched up against her car with a bouquet of flowers on her hand, her phone still attached to her ear.
"Surprise," she smiled and waved at me.
I smiled at her for a few seconds before backing up from the window. I thought of what to do as I paced around the room, feeling the 4 walls begin to close in.
I couldn't just leave her outside but then, I don't really feel comfortable with her yet to let her in inside the house.
The party was a different story because there were a crowd in the house.
"Camila," she said, uncertainty now etched on her tone, waking me up from my internal panic attack.
"I'm sorry, yeah?"
"Are you gonna let me in or are you gonna come out?" She chucked nervously.
"Oh right, sorry. Uhh," I trailed off, thinking of what to say. "How about we go out? There's no food in the house and I'm kinda hungry."
"Yeah, sure. I'll just wait outside while you change. I'll see you later?"
"Yeah, give me 10 minutes - 15 tops."
"Take whatever time you need. I'd always wait for you," she said jokingly, imitating a man's voice like in those romantic movies. "Since I surprised you in front of your house and brought you flowers, I might as well go all the way."
I laughed then, a genuine one. Maybe she could be the one to enable me to move on.
And to be honest, I really don't know how to feel about that yet.
Even if I was technically single, I can't help but listen to the nagging voice in the back of my mind that I shouldn't do this with Vero. Because as much as I hate what Lauren is doing to me, she still has my heart.
I changed into a dress in a matter of seconds, putting light makeup on my face to make me not look like a complete zombie and tamed my hair that seemingly looked like a lion prior.
After exactly 15 minutes, I was ready and went out of the house to meet a cunning Vero on the porch, the bouquet still on her hand.
She handed it to me and I put it inside the house. When I came back out, she took my hand, silently walking to her tinted car that was a little too intimidating.
I knew she was rich but this was something else.
Being her chivalrous self, she opened the door for me, letting me slide in before closing the door and walking to her side.
It was a sports car with only 2 seats, as per usual. The color of the car was red, sassy and devious; the only color I would describe Vero with. The interior was tanned and leathered, soft against my body.
"You wanna open the hood?" She said suddenly as I was still in awe, embarrassingly looking around the clean car.
"You can?"
"Of course." And with that, she pressed a button near the ignition that automatically made a soft rumbling sound as the roof slickly slide down to the back, folding itself into oblivion.
She looked at me affectionately as I laughed like a little kid. She took two sunglasses out of the compartment and gave one to me.
The pale skinned girl beside me pulled away from the side road and maneuvered the car to the road, driving effortlessly to a restaurant we had chosen together.
Which was a pizza parlor of course.
The time I spent with her was calming. She distracted me from my own despair as she made corny jokes, making me laugh instantaneously.
She was easy to talk to. There was no drama with her. No complications. No pettiness and no grudges against each other.
She was the one thing I needed right now.
But despite the positive attributes she offered, I can't help the sinking feeling that this was wrong; that what I'm doing to Vero was wrong.
My body was there but my heart and mind was with the raven haired girl. This wasn't fair to Vero if we continued whatever this was when I'm not fully committed to it.
But I didn't want it to end too.
So at the end of our hangout, I said, "I don't know where we're going at this, but I don't want you to be too hopeful. I need time to figure things out first so I understand if you don't want to wait."
I needed to talk to Lauren before I could do this with Vero. I need a closure from her to open a new chapter.
"Like I said," she smiled fondly. "I'd always wait for you."
We bid our goodbyes with a hug and she drove off, the weight of hopelessness now jumping back onto my shoulders as I walked back inside the house.
'Fuck, I can't wait anymore,' I thought, immediately calling Normani after. If someone knows where Lauren is, it would probably be her best friend.
"Hey Normani. Question, do you happen to know where Lauren is currently staying at right now?" I said immediately, not beating around the bush.
"Whoa there tiger. Chill." She said, and that's when I heard a distinct mumbling I could only conclude as Dinah's. Normani added, "Yeah actually, EAST hotel in Miami-"
"Room?" I interrupted. I know it was rude but I didn't want to waste anymore time. 7 days was enough.
"420 I think," she snickered for a few seconds. "Why?"
"Nothing. I love you but I have to go now. Say hello to Dinah to me, will you? I'll call you guys later."
"Wait, wha-" and I cut the line immediately, grabbing the keys and ran over to my car.
My heart was beating so fast that I couldn't think straight. All I could hear was the ringing sound in my ear - like the ones in war movies - as I pulled over from the driveway and onto the street.
I was anxious, nervous. Angry, sad. Happy, pissed. And everything in between. Every emotions I had felt during those tedious days seemed to hit me like a truck all at once as I drove to the hotel Lauren was currently staying at.
Finally, I had arrived and immediately parked the car to the vacant spot in the log. I straightened dress so I didn't look like I had just ran around like a crazy person. I went to the front desk and after some rather expensive plead, the guy finally gave me the card to her room. Thankfully, the guy recognized me and Lauren so he knew that we know each other.
When I arrived at her floor, panic started to set in yet again, causing me to pace around like a madman in the hallway outside her door.
As much as I was dreading for this inevitability, I hated confrontations.
Because confrontations lead to conclusions. And in this circumstance, it could only mean two things and that fact scared me.
This could really be the another beginning of us or it could finally be the end.
I don't know which one I really wanted. In one hand, being with Lauren could make me happy again. She has always been the girl of my dreams. She was my first everything and I don't want to throw it away yet.
But on the other hand, I felt the need to end it because as much as I want her, she's not good for me. Just from the seven days without her, I feel like my world surrounded her. My happiness was dependent on her and it was beginning to become unhealthy.
Not only that, I feel like I was still waiting for the old Lauren to come back to me. Don't get me wrong, I love Lauren now, but I fell for the 16 year old Lauren, a girl who wouldn't do this to me. She wouldn't leave me high and dry like she has been doing recently. And that's the crazy part; what if I was simply longing for a girl who is long gone and isn't coming back.
A click from the door woke me from my internal struggle. The door opened a few seconds later, revealing the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.
But she wasn't alone. Lucy was behind her.
I blinked once. Twice. The lump on my throat formed that caused me to become mute. I was speechless from the sight of the two girls united in front of me, trying to register everything that was surrounding me.
Lauren looked confused, as did Lucy.
We were motionless, not moving even an inch of muscle as we all stared at each other.
Literally, I could feel my heart break as I pictured Lauren getting back with Lucy while I waited for her. My brain was pounding against my skull. My heart constricted as I felt as if Lauren just took my heart out from without warning and threw it against the wall.
I can't take it anymore.
My eyes began to water and I feel like my brain did it on purpose. Because now, the sight in front of me became blurry, obstructing me from actually looking at the two brunettes, soothing the impending heartbreak.
And then I walked away.
"Camila, wait," I heard Lauren called after me, causing me to speed up to the point that my thighs start to burn.
I felt like the hallway begin to elongate and I'm not sure if it's just an illusion or just life wanting to kick me repeatedly.
I clicked on the button desperately as I heard the sound of heavy footsteps fill my ear. I knew it was Lauren without actually looking.
"Camila, wait."
Funny, I waited for her for a week and I didn't even say anything. And now, she's asking me to wait some more.
To my relief, the elevator opened just at the same time Lauren was actually near.
I walked in, pressed the Ground button along with the close-door button.
I could laugh at how movie-worthy this was. Because before the door fully closed, she looked at me desperately as I said.
"Goodbye Lauren."
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A/N
I was gonna post this this weekend but exams are coming up so I'm not sure if I have time to write and post shits anytime soon. But I'll definitely try.
If you want, I had just posted an AU fic. Just felt like writing one day then yeah. The name's ugly but whatever. 😂