"Happy birthday, Al," Lauren said as she wrapped her arms around her friend. "Thank you for coming today."
"Like I said, I'm not going to skip out on seeing Mila," Ally smiled. "Dinah and Normani are meeting us there," she said as her eyes dropped down to the bag in Lauren's hand. "What's in the bag?"
"Bananas," Lauren said with a small shrug. "The kitchen staff agreed to hold them and give one to Camila with every meal."
"She's going to be so happy," Ally laughed. "Come on, let's go. You're driving?"
"Yeah."
"Awesome, I'll catch a ride home with Norminah," Ally told her. "Dinah told us you wanted some alone time with Camila."
"I do, thanks."
"No problem," Ally said as she fished her phone from her pocket and swiped through her photos. "So I have two outfit choices for tonight, which one do you think I should wear? We're going to dinner and then we're going rollerskating."
"The first one," Lauren said as she and Ally made their way out to her car. "Definitely the first one."
---
Dinah: We are here, where are you?
Ally: Just pulling in the parking lot
Dinah: Oh, ha yeah I see Lauren's car now
---
"Hi, welcome to the Miami Dade Mental Health," a young woman with auburn hair said as she looked up from her spot behind the front desk. "How can I help you?"
"We're here to see Camila Cabello," Lauren said quickly, watching as the woman typed away at her computer.
"I see," she said looking up with a smile. "If you'd like to take a seat over there," the woman told the girls, pointing to a waiting area. "Someone will come and get you as soon as visiting hours start."
Lauren looked up at the large clock on the wall, shifting nervously. Fifteen minutes, she sighed loudly and then turned back to the woman. "I have some bananas," she said noticing the woman furrow in her brow. "I'm supposed to leave them with you so they can be given to the nutritionist." The woman nodded and took the bag, stopping from moving it to far away when she saw Lauren reach in and snap two bananas from the bunch, giving the woman a small smile and a shrug of her shoulders, Lauren made her way over to her friends.
Ally filled them all in on hers and Hannah's plans and refused Lauren's insistence of giving her the birthday gifts they had bought her, "Nope, we are not celebrating until Camila comes home. Hold your gifts until then."
"You're too patient," Dinah laughed. "Or maybe when it comes to my birthday presents, I'm too eager."
"A combination of the two, I'm sure," Ally told her as she reached out and placed a hand on Lauren's bouncing knee. "You okay?"
"Two more minutes," Lauren said pointing to the clock. "I'm nervous, I don't know why."
"Be prepared, she might not seem like herself," Ally said sadly. "The meds can do that while they work their way through a person's system."
Prepared Lauren was not. A nurse in yellow scrubs led them through the double doors towards Camila's room and when she knocked, Camila looked up from her spot on her hospital bed and smiled. The smile was small and Camila's eyes were dull. Her hair messy and wild. The bags under her eyes were dark and Camila just looked tired and pale.
"Shit," Dinah whispered as Lauren swallowed the sob threatening to spill over.
"Are you guys coming in or?" Camila said gesturing to the fact the her friends were still standing in the doorway. They didn't need to be told twice, Normani, Dinah, and Ally running towards her and pulling her into a hug. "Hi, happy birthday Al," Camila said as the girls let her go. "I uh, made you a birthday card," she said as she passed the card to Ally. "I had free time and there are only crayons and construction paper, so it's not very-"
"It's perfect," Ally said scanning the card. There were balloons drawn on the front and a quick message thanking Ally for all her help and it was signed, 'I love you always, xoxo Camila.' Stepping closer to Camila again, she gave her a hug and pressed a kiss to Camila's forehead. "I love you too, kiddo."
"Lo?" Camila said sadly, looking up to see Lauren still standing in the doorway, tears in her eyes as she played with the Camila's engagement ring that was still hanging around her neck. Camila bit her lip and stood up from the bed and made her way over to Lauren, placing her hand over the one Lauren was using to twist her necklace around in her fingers. "Hi, I missed you," Camila whispered and Lauren let out a soft sob and wrapped her arms around Camila's neck, holding the smaller girl flush against her.
"I um," Lauren mumbled as she loosened her hold on Camila and stepped back. "I brought you these," she said holding two bananas out to Camila. Letting out an noise of excitement, Camila grabbed the fruit and immediately began to tear off one of the peels.
"Ibe mished bununuh," she mumbled through her mouthful and Lauren smiled for the first time since arriving and leaned forward to peck a kiss on the tip of Camila's nose. "Ans chyu," she said peering up at Lauren.
"I've missed you too, Camz," Lauren said softly as she looked past her to see Ally, Normani, and Dinah looking at Lauren with worried eyes.
'Are you okay?' Dinah mouthed, getting a small shrug of a response from Lauren. "Hey Mila, why don't you sit and chat with Ally and Mani for a minute while Lauren and I go make sure the kitchen staff got your bananas okay?"
Camila pursed her lips and looked at Lauren, who was still on the verge of tears and nodded sadly, making her way over to the bed and sitting down in the spot Dinah had just abandoned.
"Hey Mila-monkey," Normani said with a laugh as Camila continued to eat her banana, leaning into Normani, her head on the darker girl's shoulder.
Dinah followed Lauren out into the hallway and once they were far enough away from the room, Dinah placed a hand on Lauren's arm, sliding it down to wrist as she pulled her into a hug. "I know," she whispered as Lauren collapsed against her, the cries finally slipping out of her mouth.
"She- She looks so," Lauren tried to say and Dinah nodded into Lauren's shoulder. "That's not my Camz," she whispered and Dinah let out a breath she had been holding.
"Yes it is," Dinah said calmly. "Under that, your Camz is there, I promise. I know this is hard and-"
"How are you so calm?" Lauren asked pulling back from Dinah.
Dinah gave Lauren a sad, tight lipped smile and scrunched up her nose before speaking. "I've been here before with her, not exactly here, but I've seen Walz in the hospital after some pretty intense panic attacks, it's something I've seen before," Dinah sighed. "But she will always come back, even if it doesn't look like it right now, she will."
"Her eyes are just-"
"Not what you're used-"
"They look like they did when she was on the roof," Lauren whispered and Dinah immediately pulled her back in for another hug.
"Laur, she's going to be okay," Dinah said seriously. "I know this is hard, but it's gonna be o-"
"Lauren Joregi," a man said approaching from behind Dinah and Lauren and Lauren turned around and tilted her head.
"It's Jauregui," she corrected, sounding out the word.
The man let out a laugh that reminded Lauren of Santa Clause at the mall and smiled, "You're Camila Cabello's fiancée, yes?"
"I am," Lauren smiled, loving the way the words sounded. "You are?"
"Dr. Burrows," the man said straightening his glasses before holding out his hand for Lauren to shake. "I was hoping to get a moment to speak to you about Camila. Would you mind?"
Lauren bit her lip and nodded, looking over to Dinah, "Can she stay?" Lauren asked nicely, gesturing the girl beside her. "This is Camila's best friend-"
"Dinah Jane," the man said with a nod and Dinah furrowed her brow wondering what Camila had said about her.
Dr. Burrows laughed again and extended a hand to Dinah, "Camila has said nothing but good things about you both." Dinah visibly relaxed as the man lead them down the hallway to his office and motioned for them to sit.
Once they were seated, Lauren looked around the room, there were multiple comfy looking chairs, as well as a couch and Lauren wondered where Camila preferred to sit when she was having her sessions, she was snapped from her distraction when Dinah nudged her side and pointed to the man's desk where he had just put down a file marked with Camila's name.
"Okay, first," the man said looking at Lauren and then Dinah. "I want to see how the two of you are holding up? I know things like this are hard, especially when it's someone you love who is struggling, how are you coping?"
Lauren shifted nervously under the man's gaze and Dinah opened her mouth to speak first, "I'm okay, worried yes, but I've been Camila's friend for ten years and I've seen her suffer multiple panic attacks, I guess I'm used to this by now, as weird as it sounds. I know how to handle seeing Camila in the hospital."
"Adapting to the issues and the stress is definitely something that takes time, you've obviously had time," he said with a smile. "And you have people to talk with when the stress becomes to much?"
"My girlfriend Normani, our roommate Ally, and Lauren, yes."
"Good to hear," Dr. Burrows nodded before fixing his eyes on Lauren. "Camila told me you locked yourself in your apartment."
"Uh," Lauren sputtered and the man just smiled and handed Lauren a card with the name of another Doctor on it.
"It may do you some good to speak to someone as well," he suggested. "They can help you better understand what Camila is going through and what you can do to ease the situations that make Camila anxious, as well as give you someone to talk about your concerns with."
"Thanks," Lauren mumbled as she looked down at the card and then back up at Camila's psychiatrist. "How is she doing in here?"
"She's doing well," he informed them as he opened Camila's file. "She attends a session with me every morning as well as group sessions in the afternoon. She doesn't tend to open up during group sessions, but she does listen and sometimes she gives her input on certain topics that we discuss. She is much more open during our one on one sessions."
"Sounds like her," Dinah said honestly as she reached out to hold Lauren's hand, stopping the fingers that were anxiously tapping again her thigh.
"We've placed Camila on Escitalopram, it's similar to the medication she was on before, but," he said as he watched Lauren's eyes widen. "We gave her a lower dose and we monitor her daily. The difference between the one she is on now and the Citalopram she was taking, is that this is not only an anti-depressant, but also an anxiety medication and therefore the risks are lower of Camila having another episode of hallucinations based off of her fears." Lauren nodded and Dinah kept her eyes on her as the man spoke. "We've also been giving her Eszopiclone at night to help her sleep, we will be giving her a small prescription once she is discharged, in case she needs it, however she seems to think she will be able to sleep just fine as long as she's at home and with you."
"She's never been able to sleep at hospitals," Lauren told him and Dinah was quick to jump in.
"Except for one time that Lauren was there," she said smiling, looking from the Doctor to Lauren who just gave her a small smile in return.
Dr. Burrows folded his hands over Camila's file and looked at Lauren seriously, "She feels safe with you, that's something you should know and be proud of." Sitting back in his chair, Dr. Burrows pushed his glasses onto his head and rubbed his eyes, "she will be discharged at the end of the minimum two week stay, as long as things continue to go as smoothly as they have been. She seems to be taking better to the medication now than she dd the first couple days-"
"What happened the first-"
"Nothing to be concerned about, she was just a little off," he said with a laugh. "Loopy, really. It was nothing to be of too much concern, but she seems to be getting past that now. The sleeping pills seem to be making her too tired, so we're switching her to a lower dose tonight."
"Okay," Lauren said, biting at her bottom lip. "What can I do to help, what can I do at home to help her?"
"Make sure she keeps taking her medication on a steady schedule and make sure she's getting a good amount of sleep," he said nodding his head. "Limit the amount of alcohol she drinks for the first few months while the medication really works it's way through her system, a few drinks is fine, but don't let her get too crazy. Make sure she eats something when she takes her medication, it will make them go down easier and will keep her from feeling nauseous."
"Okay," Lauren said, making a mental note on what the Doctor was telling her.
"Here are all the specifics on the medications," he said passing Lauren a pamphlet. "It should answers your questions about what she is taking. As for what you can do at home, keep the communication open and be sure that she attends her out-patient counselling appointments, it may also be a good idea for you to sit in on a few of them in case Camila has any concerns about your relationship or things she is having trouble communi-"
"Did she say something?"
The man let out a laugh, shaking his head. "No, she seems more than content and happy with you, but there may be, down the line, things she is having trouble communicating," he said with a lopsided grin. "It's nothing you should be concerned about, sometimes patient's significant others just find it helpful to sit in on sessions."
"Okay, well as long as Camila is okay with that," Lauren nodded her head. "I would do anything to help her."
"I would also like to limit your visits," Dr. Burrows said, holding up his hand to stop Lauren's protest. "In order for Camila to get better, she needs to focus on herself. We have visitation each day, I would like you to come every third day and stay for the afternoon," he said politely. "That way she stays focused and has something to look forward too."
"Can I come too?" Dinah asked and the man nodded his head and smiled.
"I will let you head back to Camila's room now, maybe you could take her out into the courtyard down the east wing, it may do her some good to get fresh air."
Lauren and Dinah shook Dr. Burrows hand one more time before heading back to Camila's room, where the girl was sitting on the bed, watching Normani who was giving her an animated recount of something funny that had happened at work the day before. Clearing her throat, Lauren announced hers and Dinah's presence and Camila looked up and smiled.
"You were gone a long time," she mused, looking to her and then Dinah.
Lauren nodded and moved towards Camila, Dinah going to sit next to Ally. "We were talking to Dr. Burrows," she said holding up the information he had given her and Camila nodded her head.
"He told me he was gonna talk to you," Camila said as Lauren crawled onto the bed and settled in behind her, wrapping her arms around Camila's stomach. Camila shuffled back and pressed her back into Lauren's chest, shifting so that when she tilted her head back it was resting on Lauren's shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"I'm with you, so yeah," Lauren said pressing a lingering kiss to Camila's cheek and Camila sighed happily, nodding her head as she moved her hand up and behind herself, her fingers playing with her engagement ring that hung around Lauren's neck.
"Can I wear it for a while?" She asked with a smile. "I'll give it back to you to hold onto when you leave."
Lauren nodded and moved to take off her necklace, sliding the ring off and handing it to Camila, but Camila let out a small laugh and held out her hand for Lauren to put it on her.
"I love you," Lauren said as she slid the ring on Camila's finger once again.
Camila turned in Lauren's arms and pressed a kiss to her lips, "I love you, too."
"Why don't we go for a walk in the courtyard," Lauren said looking at Camila and then to their friends. "Get some sun?"
Camila clicked her tongue and nodded slowly, feeling the bed shift as Dinah, Ally, and Normani stood up. Camila peeled herself away from Lauren, holding out her hand to help her off the bed.
"Lead the way, Chancho!" Dinah said as she threw an arm around Camila's shoulder.
They settled in on the grass under some trees and Camila decided to lay down with her head on Ally's lap and her legs thrown across Lauren's, while Normani sat in Dinah's lap.
Camila talked a little bit about her therapy sessions, but once she started to shift uncomfortably and stumbling around her words, Dinah changed the subject.
"Lauren bought Hungry Jack pancake mix yesterday," Dinah informed Camila, who then licked her lips and rubbed at her stomach.
"I also went to Sedano's and got some spices and stuff and your Mom emailed me some recipes for your favourite Cuban dishes," Lauren told her, smiling when she saw Camila's eyes flash with a light that had previously been missing from them. "And um, I haven't unpacked anything," she said with a laugh. "I wanted to wait until you were home so we could figure out together where we want to put things."
"You don't have to do that, if you wanna unpack," Camila said with a sad mumble. "Go for it, don't let me hold you back."
Lauren sighed, running her hands up and down Camila's legs, "You are not holding me back."
"I just don't want-"
"Camz, do you want me to unpack or do you want to help?"
"I want to help," Camila said honestly. "But if you want to unpack, I don't want to stop you."
"I want to wait for you to come home," Lauren said with a smile, giving Camila's leg a small squeeze."
"Okay, I would like that."
They talked about different things, Dinah telling Camila about how in the middle of the night she stumbled to the bathroom and then in a half asleep daze ended up in Ally's room, attempting to snuggle in with her under the covers until Ally screamed and Normani came running, the two of them staring at Dinah who was passed out in Ally's bed.
"I'm officially locking my bedroom door at night," Ally laughed, rolling her eyes while Dinah pouted.
They had been outside for almost an hour when Normani clicked on her phone and checked the time, holding it out for Dinah to see. "Al?" Normani said looking up from her phone. "We should probably get going, yeah?"
Ally nodded her head and watched as Camila stood up, holding her arms out, waiting for Ally to hug her. Ally laughed and followed suit, standing up and pulling Camila into her. "You take care of yourself in here okay?" She said as she pulled back, "We will take care of Lauren."
"I can take care of myself," Lauren grumbled, causing Camila to giggle before refocusing on Ally.
"Thank you for coming and I hope you have fun on your birthday date," she said with a smile. "You have to promise to tell me everything," Camila held up her pinky finger and Ally took it quickly with her own.
After a quick hug goodbye to Normani and a slightly longer one given to Dinah, the three girls insisted they could find their own way out and told Lauren they would see her at home before turning and leaving Lauren and Camila alone in the courtyard.
"Baby?" Lauren called out, Camila standing and watching the door where the girls had just disappeared through. "Come sit with me," Lauren said patting her lap when Camila turned to face her.
Camila bit her lip and moved to sit on Lauren's lap so she was sideways, her head on Lauren's shoulder and her side pressed into Lauren's chest. "You're coming back tomorrow, right?" Camila asked, causing Lauren's chest to tighten as she shook her head. Camila's face crumpling at her words.
"Dr. Burrows thinks I should only come every few days so you can focus on your recovery," Lauren told her, running her hand up and down Camila's back. "You can call me whenever you want though?" She said hoping to ease Camila's hurt.
"But I don't-"
"I know, this sucks for me too," Lauren breathed out. "I just, I want you to be okay and if Dr. Burrows thinks this is the best way for that to happen, I have to take it seriously Camz."
"You're scared," Camila said sadly as she searched Lauren's eyes, her fingers tapping absentmindedly over Lauren's heart.
Lauren nodded and closed her eyes, "I'm scared to lose you, yes."
"I'm right here," Camila whispered, pushing her lips to Lauren's in a chaste kiss. "I'm gonna get better, I promise."
"I'm know, you're so strong Camz and I am so proud of you, you know that right?"
"I try to remember," Camila said sadly, looking down at her lap and Lauren let out a soft breath and used her hand to tilt Camila's head back up so the two of them were looking one another in the eye.
"I will remind you, whenever you need me to."
Camila nodded and blinked a few times, biting her lip. "Can we maybe just like, kiss for a while?" There was a shy manner in which Camila asked her question and Lauren took a breath and shook her head.
"In a minute, first I need to ask you a few questions and I want you to be honest with me, okay?"
"Oh, um okay," Camila said, nodding for Lauren to speak.
Lauren wrapped her arms tighter around Camila's waist, pulling her closer. "Have you had any suicidal thoughts since coming here?"
"Just the first night," Camila said in a whisper. "I couldn't sleep and yeah, my mind was just spinning, but none since then."
"Do you feel better about the new medication?"
"At first no, I felt weird so I told Dr. B and he changed my dosage," Camila told Lauren with a smile, proud of herself for taking the initiative to ask for a change.
"Do you think two weeks is long enough?" Lauren finally asked and Camila just shrugged. "Camz, if at the end of the two weeks you don't feel one hundred percent okay to come home, I want you to stay."
"Why?" Camila asked with a hurt tone. "Do you not want me-"
"I want you to come home more than anything," Lauren said holding Camila's eyes with her own. "But I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for, I want you to think about yourself and what's best for you. Please Camz, promise me you're going to be selfish here, think about you and only you, I need you to take me out of your decisions and do what's best for yourself."
Camila sat for a second, not moving and not blinking as she let Lauren's plea roll around in her mind and finally she nodded her head and turned to Lauren, pinky finger out, "I promise."
With her own pinky finger wrapped around Camila's, Lauren smiled and mouthed a 'Thank you,' before leaning in and kissing Camila, her tongue prodding at Camila's mouth, accepting the invite when Camila opened just enough for Lauren to slide her tongue in and she let out a small moan when Camila's tongue began to dance with hers.
"I love you," they both whispered at the same time, their voices mumbled against one another's lips.
---
Lauren: You home?
Lauren: I am leaving now, do you wanna watch a movie? I could use a distraction
Normani: Still in the parking lot actually, Dinah and Ally took my car home
Lauren: Really?
Normani: Yeah, thought you could use a friend once you got out of there
Lauren: You're the best
Normani: Obviously
Lauren: Just walking towards the parking lot now
Normani: I see you
---
Lauren had tears in her eyes as she played with Camila's engagement ring that was hanging, once again, around her neck and when she approached her car, Normani was leaning against the trunk with one foot up on her bumper.
"Come here," Normani said stepping away from the car and wrapping her arms around Lauren. "She's going to be okay, Laur."
"Can we," Lauren cried as she pulled back. "Can we just not talk about it, I just need a distraction."
"I was planning on filling Ally's room with as many balloons as it takes to literally fill every inch of the space," Normani said with a smirk. "Dinah was gonna help, but she got called into work, so she can't help."
"I'll help," Lauren said quickly and Normani laughed and ruffled a hand through Lauren's hair. "But first I have to do something."
"What's that?"
"I'll need to prank Dinah," Lauren said with an evil laugh. "You know that purple shampoo she uses for her hair?" Normani nodded, watching Lauren open the truck of her car. "I wanna replace it with this temporary purple hair dye, it comes out in 7 washes."
"Oh my God," Normani laughed. "That's amazing, let's do it."