Malalim ang buntong-hininga ni China habang nakaupo sa tabi ng puntod ng mother-in-law niya.
Sa malayo narinig na niya ang unang tilaok ng tandang, hudyat na malapit nang mag-umaga.
Gusto sana niyang tumakbo at mag-iiyak sa puntod ng lolo niya pero baka multuhin nito si Hezekiah kaya minabuti ni China na puntahan na lang si Venice. Kawawa naman ang asawa niya kung nagkataon.
Nanghihinang tumayo siya dahil ramdam na niya ngayon ang pagod sa buong gabing paglilinis sa museleo ng mama ng asawa niya. Makintab na ang puntod nito ngayon dahil wala siyang pinalagpas na alikabok dala marahil ng stress niya sa anak nito.
24 oras na niyang hindi nakikita ni aninong duling ni Hezekiah.
Oa na kung oa pero pakiramdam ni China mababaliw na siya.
Oo sinabi niya dito na kaya niyang mabuhay ng wala ito pero pakiramdam niya mababaliw naman siya.
Paano kung hindi talaga siya sundan nito?!
Paano kung mali siya? Tutal ilang buwan pa lang naman silang kasal paano kung kaya pala ni Hezekiah na mabuhay ng wala siya?
“Mama! Help naman ‘jan? Diba boto ka naman sa akin?” sapilitang niyugyog niya ang bato sa paanan ni Venice.
Maya- maya lamang hindi na niya napigilan ang emosyon niya. Walang arte na ipinahid niya sa muhka niya ang ngayoy maitim nang basahan na ginamit niya sa paglilinis ng buong gabi. Umiiyak na kasi siya.
“ Paano ‘yun Ma?Hindi ata ako ang the one para sa anak niyo?” Uhog at lahat nakuha pa rin niyang biruin ang puntod ni Venice. Buong gigil na ibinunton niya kay Venice ang saloobin niya.
“Gusto ko siyang sipain sa muhka pero gusto ko siyang halikan pagkatapos.
Gusto ko siyang sakalin pero mas gusto kong hawakan ‘yung kamay niya.
Gusto ko siyang kurutin ng pino pero mas gusto kong lambingin siya.
Gusto ko siyang murahin pero mas gusto kong sabihin na miss ko na siya.
Gusto kong ibigay ‘yung hinihiling niyang diborsyo kung ‘yun yung makakapagpasaya sa kanya…”
Napatigil si China sa pagsasalita at pag-ngiti…. mahigpit na kinusot niya ang basahang hawak .
“….pero utak hipon ako e mas gusto kong tumanggi at masaktan kasi mahal ko ang anak niyo…”
Naiinis na ibinato niya sa lupa ang basahan.
“HEZEKIAH FORD!” Dikit ngipin at nagigigil na tawag niya sa basahan habang tinitiris niya ito sa lupa nagbabakasakaling nararamdaman iyon ni Hezekiah.
“So that’s how you treat someone you love?”
Napatigil si China at mabilis na hinanap ng mga mata niya bugbog sa puyat at iyak ang pinanggalingan ng boses. Hezekiah stood a few meters away; he leaned comfortably on a panel near her with arms tucked on his jeans as if he was comfortably there for quite some time now.
The only thing that confirmed her deduction was the way how he tucked his lips in to hide his smile.
His head twisted trying to coax her for an answer.
Hezekiah obviously heard her confession earlier.
“Oo! GANITO AKO MAGMAHAL. Nakakamatay!” sinipa ni China sa gilid ang kawawang basahan bago niya iniligtas ang pride niya.
Taas noo at nakahalukipkip na inatake niya ito. “O ano nauntog ka na? 24 oras pa lang bumigay ka na? Miss mo na ako? Binabawi mo na ang diborsyo? O tama ako diba? Hindi mo kaya ng wala ako-“
“I forgot to tell you why I want a divorce.”
Napakagat si China sa labi niya dahil muhkang ilang segundo na lang gaya ng mga biktima ng salvage pupulutin na sa kangkungan ang puso niya.
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“Ano masarap ba ang luto ko?”
Hindi napigilan ni Hezekiah na ibaba ang kubyertos na hawak niya sa tanong ni China.
Hindi makapaniwalang tinignan niya ito dahil tinatanong nito kung masarap ang tocino na kinakain niya. Natural masarap iyon dahil gawa iyon ng isang pamosong kompanya pero kung makatanong ito sa kanya animo inaangkin nito ang resulta ng lasa ng tocino na iyon. Buti sana kung homemade iyon pero hindi. Siya nang ang nag-de-frost dito at nagprito.
Masayang pinagmasadan siya nito habang nakapatong ang baba nito sa pinagsalop nitong kamay sa ibabaw ng mesa. Hindi ito kumakain gaya niya, kuntento lang ito na nakaupo sa tapat niya habang pinagmamasdan siyang kumain.
“O! Ba’t mo ako tinititigan?” She flicked her lashes exaggeratedly “Nagagandahan ka sa akin? Thank you!”
Uminom muna siya ng tubig bago tuluyang tumayo at lumayo sa baliw na ito. He wanted to eat more but this woman was impossible. Baka mahalata pa nitong naiilang siya na nakatitig ito.
Mabilis siyang hinabol ni China paakyat ng hagdan.
“Busog ka na baby?”
Mabilis na hinarap niya ito at pinanlakihan niya ito ng mata ng mahagilap ng tenga niya ang katagang sinambit nito.
“BA—BABY?!” halos pasigaw na sabi niya. The word tickled the tip of his tongue and it was a miracle he didn’t shiver while saying it. He felt he was going to have an allergy after saying it.
“Hehe!”
The reason behind her insanity was all his fault. Magmula ng umuwi sila galing Barcelona binugbog na siya ni China ng kakulitan.
“Don’t tease me when you don’t mean it… You've mistaken me for someone else… wife.”
“I’m not Heath.”
China looked at him innocently and without batting an eye caught him off guard. “Yes I know. I kissed Hezekiah… no one else”
China honestly told him after that her ideal man was Heath but she just realized lately that it didn’t go beyond that.
“Hindi ko nga rin alam. Parang magic… Paggising ko ikaw na pala ang gusto ko. So can I tease you now because I mean it?”
Magmula noon hindi na siya nito tinigilan.
Indeed she teased him to death.
Every day without fail, constantly telling and reminding him, that she liked him. Starting from researching all the things that he loved from food, beverages, movies, books up to what type of underwear does he prefer.
“Hezekiah! I like you!” pagbukas niya ng pinto ng kwarto tuwing umaga.
Bago lumabas ng bahay, bago kumain, pagkatapos maligo, bago matulog. Mag-flo-flood pa ito ng text kung naka-unli ito kahit tulog na siya.
Kapag hindi siya nakakauwi ng maaga galing sa duty niya sa ospital kung saan siya kumukuha ng internship malalaman na lang niya mula kay Heath na buong magdamag siyang inaantay ng asawa.
Recently she bought a book she’d been obsessing on doing adding up to her already annoying routine.
WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU ang title ng libro.
“Baby?!-- Kasama sa librong iyan ang tawagin akong baby?”
She laughed naughtily almost snort like while she clutched the book near her chest.
With an exasperated sigh he quickly marched ahead but she followed him until they reached his room where she was off limits.
“Kulitin mo na lang si Papa.” Hezekiah said nonchalantly while scanning a book that he needed to study.
“Ilang beses ko na bang dapat sabihin sayo na ikaw ang gusto ko.” Pabagsak na humiga si China sa kama niya. Ang orange nitong get-up malayong malayo sa tema ng kulay ng kwarto niya.
“Bakit kita pakakasalan aber kung wala akong thingy sayo?”
“Thingy?” Again… with her craziness that he needs to put up with.
“Alam mo na ‘yun… yung thingy na gusto kitang maka-date… na kahit sa trabaho nakikita ko yung muhka mo sa mga ine-embalsamo ko… yung thingy na gutso kitang mahalikan kasama na yung thingy na susunod pagkatapos ng maaksyong halikan!” Her hands flew in the air making comic signals here and there just to make a point.
Hezekiah immediately turned around to hide his smile. Nakakatwa kasi ang itsura nito at pinagsasabi nito.
“Aminin mo na kasi may thengeee ka sa akin.” Tukso nito.
He turned his chair around and talked to her in a businesslike manner.
Hezekiah had to draw his cheeks in to remove his smile and engaged with her innuendo.
Na parang timpla ng panahon lang ang pinag-uusapan nila.
“I don’t – have - a - ‘thingy’ – for - you.”
“Tsss… Imposible! Nasa libro kaya na kahit poste na may palda papatulan ng mga lalake. Don’t tell me mas masahol pa ako sa poste!” She fanned her hair out of her face as she leaned on his bed on one of her elbows and on the process lifting her long dress just enough to let him have a peek of her ankles. “Ganito, wala kang nararamdaman na nakahiga ako sa kama mo?”
Walang anuman na umiling lang siya dito.
“Kahit iikot-ikot ko ang daliri ko na kama mo?” she told him with demonstration. Her finger amateurly tracing small circles around his bed.
“Eto?!” she tried to pose sexy desperately like a third rate model.
Muli walang anuman na inayos lang niya ang salamin sa mata. Dahil hindi siya pwedeng tumawa.
“OMG! BAKLA KA ATE!” biglang tili nito.
Her scream didn’t last long because not a second longer he stealthily joined her on bed, hovering over her with both arms imprisoning her both side so she wouldn’t escape. He wasn’t against homosexuals but he didn’t like her to think that he was that. It was surprising to find that out, that her opinion about him mattered more than he could imagine.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear you. Can you say it again sweetheart?”
Lumunok ito ng malalim. Animo nauuhaw. Her eyes blinked rapidly.
“Alam ko susunod dito. Hahalikan mo ako pagkatapos kong sabihin.” She mumbled her fearless forecast of what was about to happen while looking at him with wide eyes like a scared cat.
“How do you know if we’re going to kiss?” This time Hezekiah wasn’t able to hide the smile that he’d been fighting so hard not to show.
He angled his head and leaned forward to tease her.
If he’d kiss her she’d probably freak out.
“If we kiss… it means you like me. I already kissed you before because I like you.” She said almost in a whisper. “And now because I know you like me we will kiss.”
Hezekiah struggled because his intelligence quotient wasn’t able to process the simplicity of what she was saying.
He didn’t like her… did he?
For a second a synapse relaying from his brain to his body broke inside him because he found out that he already leaned forward sweetly sweeping his lips across way too quickly.
“You kissed me.” She gasped while her knuckles clutched the top of Hezekiah’s shirt.
“That wasn’t a kiss.” Hezekiah managed to deny while lowering his head again, this time determined that he wasn’t going for a tender exploration.
The need to stay where he was and the need to pull away blacked out.
“This is also not a kiss.”
China closed her eyes as they kissed again for the second time. With her hands holding his collar steady her lips were breathtakingly tenderly kissing him back clumsily, while his were sure and practiced.
Sure he kissed before countless of times since he wasn’t new to relationships… relationships that meant nothing because he wasn’t able to give anything and he didn’t receive enough of what he was looking for.
An alarm in Hezekiah’s mind went off while his heart pounded by the second that ticked with his lips on her.
Because just like in Barcelona kissing her made him burst in a fluttery panic.
China was different… by the moment they’ve locked lips all he could think about was her. Like a man starving for oxygen it felt like China was the only air he needed to breathe… Just like the need to be loved unconditionally…
Only China had that effect on him.
The longer they kissed it made him realize that he didn’t just like this woman. All the more hitting him clean, big and squarely on his chest came in a new realization. He just might be feeling something else for her.
Tila napasong lumayo si Hezekiah kay China habang tinitignan niya ito ng mabuti.
Just like his mother China no doubt could offer him a love that would last a lifetime… and he was afraid of it…
China tried to reach for him but he stepped back further.
“Are you not going to kiss me again?”
“I’m sorry that won’t happen again.”
“You kissed me Hezekiah.”
“No. I already told you. That wasn’t a kiss.” Stone cold he stared at her who in turn stared at him determined and not believing a single word he said. Hezekiah let out a sigh. “To be honest I only married you because of a dying will. I’m sorry to misguide you but I don’t like you. I don’t think I can like you China.”
China avoided his gaze by patting her clothes and skirt straight while she summoned the will to answer back.
“Sige, magbasa ka na ulit. Babasahin ko ulit ito.” Itinaas niya sa ere ang librong hawak. “I’m sure I’ve missed something out. Bukas baka pwede mo na akong mahalin.”
Lakad takbong umalis si China sa kwarto ni Hezekiah at kahit ganoon hindi nakaligtas sa kanya ang namamasang mata nito.
She used the term love instead of like not because she meant to but because it was a slip of a tongue… Unconsciously she spoke her mind out and knowing that she didn’t realize it Hezekiah felt his heart squeezing in pain.
She was in love with him.
Later that night when he was sure she was already asleep Hezekiah went straight to her room.
Muntik na siyang umatras ng makitang nakabukas ang ilaw ng kwarto. Saka na lang niya naalala na matatakutin ito. Nabanggit nito noon na ayaw nito ng cabinet, salamin, walang ilaw, at bintana, pakiramdam kasi nito sinusundan siya ng mga kaluluwa sa sementeryo pati na ng mga ine-embalsamo nitong mga cliente. Dahil nakabukas ang kwarto nito nahagip ng mata niya ang paa nito na nakalaylay sa gilid ng kama.
Slowly and quietly,like a cat, Hezekiah walked in her room only to find her dead flat on bed in an un-girly manner on the most untidy room he had ever been.
Her legs stretched wide and her pajama top bunched on the top of her stomach.
Nakalabas ang tiyan nito habang mahina itong humihilik. Parang hindi ito nakatulog dahil sa kaiiyak, malamang bukas mugto ang mata nitong haharap sa kanya.
When he walked past her room earlier he heard her kicking and cursing, and when she quieted down all that he could hear was her sniffing.
Sa tabi ng kama nito ngayon ang mga tissue na ginamit niya kanina na ngayon ay kusot na kasama ang librong binabasa nito.
He carefully sat on the empty space beside her and reached for the book she was reading.
WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU
She had little notes on every chapter…
Smell his hair – (Uhm bango!)
Hold his hand while walking – (Pasmado pero keri lang)
Tell him stupid jokes – (Galit siya sa knock knock who’s there)
Let him fall asleep in your lap (Next month na lang may dalaw ako.)
When he gets angry tell him you like him (ALWAYS TOH! RELATE!)
Kiss him – ekis!
BECAUSE YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HIM JUST TELL HIM
TELL HIM… - MANIGAS SIYA TUTAL BATO NAMAN SIYA!
China checked what she already did and crossed out in particular the pointer for kissing and commented roughly on the thing right after it.
Hezekiah let out a laugh at her.
Hezekiah let down the book just like the way he picked it up before deciding to tuck her neatly to bed.
Careful not to awaken her he lifter her leg up and pulled her top down before placing a blanket above her.
He smiled while looking down at her who was a deep sleeper.
Pinakasalan niya ang babaeng ito dahil huling habilin iyon ng mama niya hindi dahil sa gusto niya ito.
He convinced himself to believe his reasoning but it was as hard as convincing himself that gravity didn’t exist.
Gravity and China existed.
It might be hard to pinpoint when but he already fell for this woman.
Months being married to her made him realize that he might have liked her all along but he was too adamant to admit it… This kind of feeling didn’t suit him.
Plain and simple… this kind of feeling only brought pain. Just like the way it brought pain to his mother and father. He didn’t want this.
Hindi siguradong hinawakan ni Hezekiaha ang mga palad nitong maliit at magaspang dala na rin ng trabaho nito… He was sure that he wouldn’t trade soft palms for this work roughened hands. Marahan niyang hinaplos ang mga palad nitong buong pagmamahal na nililinis ang puntod ng mama niya.
Maingat na inangat niya ang ulo nito at pansamantalang ninamnam ang sandaling nakapatong iyon sa braso niya bago ipinatong iyon sa unan.
Hezekiah kneeled in front of her and leaned in on his elbows before he breathed in the scent of her shampooed hair.
He brushed off a stray hair before talking minimally.
“Knock-knock… Hezekiah. Hezekiah who?”
Hezekiah paused to swallow a lump on his throat because of the emotion that he didn’t know if he can suppress any longer.
He was in love with his wife… So he needs to stop.
Logic tells him that he needs to stop before it’s too late…
“China…”
He kissed her gently on her temple before whispering that particular line of a song. A line that he’d make sure he wouldn’t tell her.
“Hezekiah wants to grow old with you.”
TO BE CONTINUED
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February 22, 2014
A/N:
Hi guys SORRY SORRY SORRY for the late update
Hope you’re still there! THANK YOU FOR READING!
ON TO THE LAST CHAP and UPDATE! AHOI MATES! SEE YOU!
THANK YOU THANK YOU! Cia