Broken
My way back to the campus was hard. I had to stop myself from crying a couple times and when I felt tears coming, I immediately put the hood of my hoodie on so people wouldn't recognize me. Tons of kids from Grant come downtown so if they saw me crying, it'd be super embarrassing.
It didn't help that I passed the restaurant that Niall and I went to for our first date together.
I stopped and looked inside through the windows. The table we sat at was right in front of the window. I remember Niall's firm grip on my hand when we realized that it was past curfew. The night before I encountered Harry for the second time. The last night of peace and no drama.
The place brought back too many wonderful memories so I forced myself to turn away and continue walking down the busy sidewalks.
The more and more I thought about what Niall said about Harry, the more I began to think he was absolutely right. But I didn't want to believe Niall because Harry and I were finally back to our old ways - being best friends.
He comes to me for everything and talks me through tough times. I'm always there for him and he's always there for me. Just like how friendships should be. I don't want to ruin anything by assuming everything Niall said about Harry was true, especially because Harry's never been this kind to me. And besides, I can't just stop treating Harry the way I do. That'd be stupid and unremarkably immature.
We aren't high schoolers anymore, we are independent adults that shouldn't care about drama.
At least that's how I feel. I'm not sure that Niall feels the same because if he did, he wouldn't have brought up Harry today. But then again, maybe he brought it up because he loves me and I didn't know that.
That's another thing that got me thinking; how long has Niall liked me?
Did he stop liking me before? Or has he loved me all this time?
All these questions pondered in my head but I have a feeling that they will never be answered. Not without asking Niall. Which I don't want to do because I just want things to be normal with us.
I sure do hope Niall knows that I don't feel the same way about him. Do I tell him? But if I wait too long, or if I never do it, that may ruin our friendship too.
I was beginning to get frustrated with myself and my confusing, twisted thoughts. If I love Niall, then I tell him. If I don't love Niall, then I tell him. I know how the whole lying game works and I don't want to play it anymore and I know Niall doesn't either. So in order for me to save our friendship, I have to be 100% honest with him, even if it may hurt him. And maybe my decision is best for the both of us. I'll never know if I keep it a secret.
Then I came to my real conclusion; if I don't want to hurt Niall, and tell him that I feel the same then I won't be happy. But if I tell him the truth, that I don't like him that way, then yes he'll be pissed at me but soon enough he'll get over it and we'll both go back to being happy again.