"You've been awfully quiet lately."
Taehyung blocked me from entering my room, and I lifted my gaze to meet his eyes, piercing right through mine.
"I don't really have anything to talk to you with," I said in a low voice, leaning my cheeks to Aeri's head which rested on my shoulders. "Besides, I don't want to bother you."
"I heard you went out with Jimin yesterday. With Aeri."
I blankly looked at him; half of me wondered how he knew. "Yeah. We saw each other when I went to the hospital."
"Isn't Aeri's schedule still next week?" questioned Taehyung.
I bit my lower lip back and exhaled through gritted teeth. The lights were dimmed, so I guess Taehyung didn't notice my reaction.
I wasn't sure of what was holding me back. Perhaps I was just not ready to face Taehyung today.
"You're strong, Kyungmin. But don't be too strong. It's okay to break down once in a while," the words I had heard from yesterday kept echoing in my head.
"Well... we just, visited," I said, hoping he wouldn't question more. It was really unfair, because I wanted to ask some things too. It wasn't just him curious now. But I had never tried to cross that border. Not yet.
"What's wrong with you?" asked Taehyung so suddenly, annoyance lacing his words.
"Nothing. I'm just making sure I don't go over my boundaries." Nevertheless, I should be considerate since it was me who had been benefiting the whole time. I totally understood now if Taehyung wanted to put me in place. I should let him.
"Is this about Hyeri?" Taehyung probed. "She's leaving today, if that bothers you."
I shook my head. "Actually, it's thanks to her that I realized my fault, and thanks to her that I could prevent myself from doing more."
"What do you mean?" Taehyung's brows met, perplexed.
"I realized I shouldn't really be interfering with you, and your life. I'm sorry for stepping in."
Come to think of it, I might still be a stranger. Nobody said we were friends again, after all. So who was I in Taehyung's life right now?
Probably an extra, unwanted baggage. I wish he could endure a little more.
"Are you crying?" he pushed my hair away from my face, tucking the loose strands on my ears.
I almost forgot Aeri was caged in my arms when I had wanted to push Taehyung's hand away. But since my hands were occupied, I ended up standing still.
"My chest...just feels really heavy right now," I admitted. "Just maybe because of stress and everything."
But in reality, it was because of the wall that Taehyung built between us. It felt like he just slammed it against me, and I still couldn't get over being shut out. Sure, it had been a couple of days, but who even said you could just control your feelings?
That, and perhaps other reasons.
I was just sick of this feeling. Taehyung didn't leave again, but the same feeling as being left lingered inside me.
For the past weeks, I might have grown a small attachment towards him, and perhaps it was just so wrong.
Because now, it seemed like he could be gone in a blink of an eye, too. It scared me. So I was trying my best to stay away from him before I get used to his presence, as if I hadn't already been, again.
I'm so done with people I treasure leaving me behind.
"Yah! Are you okay? You're not okay!" Taehyung held me on both sides, and I shifted on my heel, regaining the small balance that I had lost.
"I just feel light headed," I reasoned. "See you tomorrow, Taetae." My lips curved into a small smile at the mention of the now foreign name. I just wanted to call him that. I kind of really missed the old days.
He pushed my door open, stepping aside to let me in. I was about to turn around and close it, but Taehyung pushed me towards the bed gently.
"I'm just making sure you sleep," he said when he caught the confusion in my expression.
Trying to gloss over his presence, I placed Aeri on her side of the bed, surrounding her with pillows. I tucked her in with her light yellow blanket and adjusted the milk bottle. Her eyelids were starting to fall.
All the while, Taehyung still hadn't left.
There was a short moment of silence as I stared at Taehyung from the foot side of the bed, trying to piece the puzzle as to why he was still here, standing by the bedside table.
"Don't just stand there. Go to sleep," he said, "You don't want to get sick."
Perhaps all the will in my body had burnt out, and I walked to my bed, settling myself under the blankets, adjusting my pillow as I was hoping that Taehyung would already leave if he'd see me tucked in bed as well.
Au contraire, Taehyung sat on the bed side and adjusted himself. I instinctively moved closer to Aeri to give him space because I feared he would fall, but also regretted doing so for the reason that he might interpret it with me being fine with him beside me.
"Taehyung," I voiced out, kind of a warning and a question at the same time.
"Don't worry, I'll stay outside the covers," he immediately responded.
"But Taehyung, it's cold." The last thing I wanted was for him to get sick because of me. Well, actually...he should be the one to blame if ever he got unwell, but the unreasonable side of me pointed at myself.
"Could I share then?" he suddenly asked.
No one tried to speak; while there I was, waiting for him to tell me it was just a joke.
He wasn't really going to stay here, right?
But I was wrong. Again.
"Fine." I caved in for who knew what reasons there were. "Just don't do anything stupid."
But really, how could I tell what 'stupid' meant with Taehyung? Not even a minute later, he scooted closer and I could feel the warmth of his breath on the exposed part of my neck.
Trying my best to ignore it, I gingerly pulled Aeri a little closer, and rested my head near her pillow.
"I'm sorry for being inconsiderate lately." Taehyung wrapped his arm on my waist, leaning his head on my back, and my chest caught up on my insides for a split second.
Yeah, you better be, I thought to myself just to rationalize the fuzzy feeling, and I only hummed as a response to Taehyung.
"You know, my father actually came here to tell me he was planning to set me up with Hyeri," Taehyung started, surprising me a little. "But when he found out I was married, he didn't have other reasons to stay."
Oh, so that's why.
"So don't think he's against you. I think he just didn't like his plans to not materialize." Taehyung exhaled sharply, directly on the back of my head. "I think my father actually likes you. I mean, he always talked about you before, whenever I got a girlfriend he didn't approve of."
Taehyung laughed, and at the moment, it was the most comforting sound. I dared not to speak and wanted for him to continue talking. He placed his chin on my shoulders, his soft cheek pressed to mine as he reached for Aeri for a moment, hand leaving my waist.
"Are you asleep?"
I snuggled closer—I wasn't sure where to. It could be under my blanket to a more secure position, or closer to Taehyung, much comfortably. When Taehyung returned his grip on my waist and pressed me closer to him, my body reacted as if it was what I had wanted. His presence felt so warm and easing.
I hope he couldn't hear my heart pounding against my chest uncontrollably.
"Good night, Taehyung," I managed to whisper, almost drifting away; The exhaustion in me, slowly sinking in.
"Good night, Kyungmin."