JUNE 6
9 MONTHS, 7 DAYS
There's a street fair in town today, along the boardwalks and the marinas. Tobias and I go there so we can have candied apples and stroll up and down the sidewalks looking at things we won't buy, but we'll spend all day doing it anyway. Days like these are perfect. They're just lazy and they don't seem real, like for a day we step outside ourselves and pretend we're other people.
It's sunny today, the first real hot day of summer. I can't wait to spend the rest of it with him. I don't know what I'll do with myself, but I'll do something, so long as I can stay with Tobias during every free moment.
Tobias gets lost in a display of baseball cards, and I wander down to a booth displaying dozens of oil paintings. They're gorgeous. Horses and cows and mountains and the ocean—paintings of every natural beauty I can imagine. I get lost staring at them; the real world fades behind me as I study their bright colors.
But it all turns gray when I hear his voice.
"Hey, stranger."
Al. My heart jumps into my throat at the sight of him, but I don't know if it's because I haven't seen him in so long or if it's because I know Tobias is just feet away, his back to us.
He looks good, a baseball cap over the dark hair that brings out his expressive brown eyes. As I stare at him, I think of that day we ran in the forest. I think of that moment, and I play it over and over again as I stare at him and try to keep the panic at bay.
"Hi. Um, it's not a good time, okay?"
I whisper it. I sound ridiculous. Even I know that.
And he knows why I'm acting like this, because he stands up straighter and looks in all directions, scanning the crowd for his rival.
Tobias turns around, as if on cue, and meets his gaze. I see the way his hands slip off the baseball cards he was flipping through and now shoves hard into his pockets as he walks over to us, his quick long strides gobbling up the ground before I can think of a way out of this.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Tobias says, his voice loud. Too loud. I know the other fair-goers hear him. I see their stares without meeting their gaze.
Judging me. Everyone wants to judge me.
"Nothing, man. Just talking to an old friend."
"I told you to stay away from her," Tobias says.
Al arches one eyebrow. He looks equal parts
irritated and amused, as if Tobias isn't a threat to him. "Last I checked, you don't control what I do."
My face drains of all blood even though my heart is pounding so hard I can barely make out their words. I start to step closer to them, to come between them, but Tobias blocks me as he moves in front of me. Does he think he is protecting me from Al? Or from his own fists if he chooses to throw them?
"Fuck off, mate," Tobias says. He has a few inches on Al, but I know Al is in the best shape of his life. I can see it on him, all the muscle, taut over his arms and legs as he clenches his fist, looking more defensive than aggressive.
"I don't want trouble," Al says. I know it's the truth. I know Al has no interest in a fist fight. "I just want to talk to her."
"Talking time is over."
Al takes one step back, but that's it. It's a compromise Tobias won't accept. Tobias doesn't do compromises.
"You have no idea what you're doing to her," Al says. "You're taking everything from her."
"I'd say that's none of your fucking business."
Al makes this groan in the back of his throat, like he's trying hard to suppress the urge to reel back and sock Tobias in the face. I'm surprised by it. Surprised Al possesses that kind of fury. But then Al gets that sad look again and shakes his head. "You're crushing her. Don't you get it? She was a different person before she met you."
I sit down on the curb because I can't handle this anymore, and I don't want people to think I'm with them. I don't like the pity in people's eyes or the curious looks as they slow their pace so they can gobble up the drama, like this is some fun television show and not my fucked-up reality.
Tobias puts his hands out to shove Al, but Al steps away before he connects, which makes Tobias stumble. I know Tobias is holding back. I know he realizes this is a public place and he can't unleash the anger he's bottling inside.
They're close to cutting loose. So close. They dance around like boxers, but neither of them touches the other.
"What made you do this to her? What do you say to yourself to make it okay?"
"You don't know what you're talking about," Tobias says, his voice growing darker, deeper, every time he speaks. Al is pushing all the right buttons. I can't believe Tobias hasn't lost it yet.
"You're turning her into something else. If you love her, you won't do this anymore. You'll let her go so she can get on with her life."
"Fuck off," Tobias says.
Al just stares straight at him and shakes his head, a slow, sad shake that seems to last forever. "You'll lose her eventually and you'll know I was right. You'll know she's above you." He turns and looks at me. "You have a choice. You're better than this."
And then he turns and leaves me with Tobias.
He leaves me with the mess he's so carelessly made.
And for one second, I actually think I might run after him. I actually think I might leave Tobias here to just get over it on his own.
But then I look at Tobias again and I remember all those whispered promises and all those times I swore I'd always be there to pick up the pieces, to always help him keep everything together, and I don't.
I promised him. Forever and always.
I promised.