voice memo from defendant's phone, 14/03/17
"Maybe I was wrong to run, to escape from my problems selfishly when my fallen victims cannot but instead lie dead in a cold grave. Maybe I shouldn't have embraced my sexuality and promiscuous ways, fall short of allowing myself pleasure in the form I chose. Maybe I should have been a better daughter, not embarrassing my family like this because of my 'whorish' ways. Maybe I should have never gone after him because I had already dated his cousins, even though my heart felt a real connection. Maybe I shouldn't have put up the front that I was a heartless, no good girl in court. Maybe I shouldn't have-"
"Maybe I shouldn't have aborted the baby conceived out of my own selfish needs. Maybe I should have remained abstinent, avoiding men at all costs like a nun."
"Maybe I should have asked for a y chromosome instead of another x one, allowing me to be a male. Because truthfully, maybe this would have gone away. Maybe I would be praised for my player ways. Maybe I wouldn't have the blood of an unborn fetus on my hands."
"But these are all maybes, what-ifs that haven't happened; I'm not male, I have the blood of my dead child on my hands, I have the guilt from my crimes haunting me everyday. And then I realize, maybes are useless; they're false hopes just waiting to bring you up and crush you."