It is now the second week in June. I have been in physical therapy for four weeks now. It has really helped me with my knee. My physical therapist has given me a smaller knee brace so I can actually bend my leg now. I was really getting tired of the brace that forced my leg straight. It still kind of hurts to put a lot of pressure on my leg, but it is tolerable.
Josh and I have been texting a lot. I haven't seen him since he visited me in the hospital. At first I thought I freaked him out by getting hurt and ending up in the hospital because he didn't call or text me for like two weeks. We're actually going to go see a movie tomorrow.
I have been seeing Sara. We aren't really close at all. All we do is go out to lunch and so far each time I have seen her, my mom has been there. I'm kind of scared to be with her by myself. I don't really know why. I think it's because when she originally showed up, she went to a lawyer to try and get rights over me and I think that's just something that is always going to be in the back of my mind each time I see her. I think I want to try and hang out with her by myself the next time she asks. She has been texting my mom each time she wants to see me and I'm okay with that. Sara's wedding is this weekend. She told me that I was invited to the wedding a couple of weeks ago. I didn't really know what to say. I guess she has been engaged for a while, she just never told me because she didn't know where this relationship was going. If I decide to go, I will see all kinds of biological family members there and I don't know if they know about me or how they feel about me. I told mom that I wasn't really sure that I wanted to go because of that and if I do go, which I don't think I'm going to, I want either mom or dad to go with me because I don't want to face those people by myself. They both said that they would go with me because the way my dad put it, I would need all the support I could get. I just don't think I could handle facing all of them so I'm probably not going to go. I still have three days to decide. I mean I barely even know Sara the way it is so why would I go?
Today I have been hanging out with Elijah. Mom and Dad are at a band meeting because they are working out their tour dates for the fall and the release of their new album in October. It's been a pretty rainy day, so we haven't been able to do much. I finally got cleared to drive again, but I don't move very fast, so I don't really want to go anywhere since it has been pouring all day. Elijah and I decided to have a movie day and pig out on popcorn. We've made it through Toy Story and Toy Story 2. Our next movie is Monsters Inc.
"Do you want me to make some more popcorn?" I asked.
"Uh huh. Can I help?" Elijah asked.
"Of course" I said and we stood up off the couch and walked to the kitchen. This is going to be our third bowl of popcorn. I plugged the air popper back in and got the seeds back out. I poured the seeds in and turned it on. Elijah always likes to watch the seeds spin around inside so I picked him up and set him on the counter. We waited for the popcorn to pop and I melted some butter. Mom probably won't approve of our eating choices today, but we don't eat like this often so its okay.
The popcorn was done and I turned off the popper. I poured the butter on it and sprinkled some seasoning on it. We went back into the living room and I pushed play. We ate our popcorn and watched the movie until Mom and Dad came home.
They walked in the living room and the movie was just about over.
"Hey guys, how was your afternoon?" Mom asked.
"Good" we both said.
"What did you eat for lunch?" she asked.
"Umm...popcorn" I said slowly with a smile hoping that I don't get yelled at.
"Is that all you two have eaten all day?" she asked as she crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows.
"Well, um, maybe" I said quietly.
"I think you know better than that" she said.
"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry" I said.
"Next time I leave you in charge, no popcorn" she said.
"Alright" I said with a smile and she grabbed a handful out of the bowl.
"So what did you guys do all day?" Dad asked and sat on the couch next to me.
"We had a movie day, we were feeling kind of lazy" I said.
"Did you decide when you're releasing the new album?" I asked.
"October 21st" he said.
"Did you decide on a name yet?" I asked.
"We did, Painkiller" he said.
"I like that. I think it fits with the type of songs that are going to be on it" I said and he nodded.
Our movie finished up and Elijah went to his playroom. I stayed in the living room with Dad. Mom came in and joined us. We hung out at home for the rest of the afternoon.
The next morning I woke up around 8:30. I went downstairs and Elijah was watching Bubble Guppies like usual. I went into the kitchen by Mom and Dad and sat down. They were making pancakes and bacon for breakfast and goofing off. Dad kept smearing pancake batter on Mom's face, it was pretty entertaining.
"Morning kiddo" dad said when he saw me.
"Morning" I said cheerfully.
"Are you hungry?" Mom asked.
"Is that even a question?" I said with a giggle.
"Breakfast will be done soon" she said and flipped her last pancake.
"Elijah come in here, breakfast is ready!" Dad called. A few seconds later, Elijah came and sat next to me at the counter. Dad set plates in front of us and we started eating. After I was done with breakfast, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. Josh is picking me up at five so we can make the 5:45 showing of the movie. Then after the movie, we're going to get burgers.
After my shower, I put on a pair of pink and white printed Capri running leggings that I got from Carrie Underwood's clothing line. Carrie gave them to me for my birthday back in April. It was pretty cool. She is pretty good friends with my parents. I picked out a solid light pink tank top to go with. Then I put my knee brace on and fastened it. I hate having to wear long leggings and jeans in the middle of June because it is so hot, but if I wear shorts, my knee brace rubs against my skin and it hurts really bad. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to wear the brace all the time. I brushed through my hair and let it dry naturally and I'll do something with it later before Josh comes. I went downstairs by everyone. Dad was outside with Elijah playing. I had physical therapy earlier this week and he said that I should start doing more physical activity, but nothing too strenuous. It's a nice day out today and I want to do something outside. Normally I would go for a run on a day like this, but I can't. Maybe I'll go for a walk. I found Mom in the laundry room switching the clothes from the washer to the dryer.
"Hey sweetie" she said with a smile.
"Hey" I said quietly.
"When you're done, do you want to go on a walk with me? Dr. Adams said that I should be doing more physical activity and I don't want to go by myself" I said.
"Sure, just let me start the dryer and we can go" she said with a smile.
We got ready to go. Mom told Dad that we were leaving and then we made our way out the front door. We walked down the side walk. I still kind of limp when I walk so we weren't moving very fast. We walked a couple of blocks and I was able to bend my knee a little more so we were moving a little bit faster.
"So, are you excited for your date with Josh tonight?" Mom asked.
"I don't really know if it's a date" I said. I could feel my cheeks getting red.
"Baby, it's a date. You're going to a movie and then dinner" she said and giggled.
"So, you really like him huh?" she asked.
"Yeah, I do. He's really nice and not to mention really cute too" I said.
"Well, I think he really likes you too. He's stuck by you through all of this" she said.
"And you know what's funny, he's not even my boyfriend and he came to visit me at the hospital" I said with a small giggle.
"He is pretty much your boyfriend. He asked you to his prom and you guys hung out a few times by yourselves before that" she said.
"We just haven't made anything official yet" I said.
"I'm sure you will soon" she said and smiled.
We walked a couple more blocks and made our way home. It was about 1:00 and Mom made us some sandwiches. Elijah had already eaten some chicken nuggets and was passed out on the couch. Mom, Dad and I hung out in the kitchen until Elijah woke up around 3:00.
At 4:00, I decided to go upstairs and get ready to hang out with Josh. I grabbed a pair of black leggings and a shear mint green button up collared tank top. Then I went into my bathroom and plugged in my straightener. While I waited for it to heat up, I brushed through my hair. I straightened all of it and parted my hair on the side. Then I French braided the front of my hair and pinned it to the side. Then I did my makeup. Once I was done, I combed through my hair with my fingers and looked at myself in the mirror. My outfit was cute, I just wish I didn't have to wear this bulky knee brace. At least it sort of blends in with my leggings since it is black. I checked the time on my phone and it was almost 5:00. I grabbed pulled my clutch out of my closet because I didn't feel like bringing my purse. I grabbed my phone and some money out of my wallet and put it in there. Then I made my way downstairs.
As I was coming down the stairs, I heard a knock on the door. Mom and Dad were sitting on the couch. Dad started to stand up, but Mom pushed him back on the couch.
"You sit. You're going to scare him" She said and stood up. I just laughed. I made my way down the stairs and Mom let him in.
"Hey Emma" he said when he saw me.
"Hey" I said with a smile and stepped off the bottom step. Then Dad stood up and walked over to Mom.
"Hello Mr. Westbrook, it's nice to see you again" Josh said politely.
"Nice to see you too" Dad said quietly.
"Are you ready to go?" I asked Josh.
"I'm ready when you are" he said.
"Be home by ten" Dad said then mom hit him in the stomach.
"Don't listen to him, your curfew is eleven" Mom said and I smiled.
"Do you have enough money?" she asked.
"Yep" I said.
"Alright, have fun" she said with a smile.
"We will. Love you" I said and gave her and Dad a hug.
"I love you too" she said and kissed the top of my head.
Then Josh and I walked out the front door and to his car.
"I don't think your dad likes me very much" he said.
"Don't worry about him. He doesn't like any of the boys that even smile at me" I said with a giggle.
We got in his car and headed to the movie theater. Josh paid for the tickets and I told him I would cover the popcorn. We found our theater and sat in the back row. We talked until the previews started. I find it really easy to talk to him. I don't feel nervous or anything when I'm with him. I feel comfortable when I'm with him. About halfway through the movie he put his arm around me. I tried not to smile like an idiot.
When the movie was over, we threw away our garbage and headed to the burger place. We got seated and ordered our drinks. We talked until the waiter came back and took our order. We talked until our food came and we ate.
When we were done eating, Josh offered to pay the bill. Then we left. We got in the car and Josh started driving.
"There's something I want to show you" he said with a smile.
"Okay" I said quietly with a smile.
After about fifteen minutes of driving, we pulled up to a huge hill.
"Is this what you wanted to show me?" I asked as we were getting out of the car.
"Follow me" he said.
We made our way up the hill. We reached the top and the view was amazing. We were just far enough outside of Nashville where we could see all the city lights. We could see the lights reflecting off the river.
"This is beautiful" I said with a smile.
"It's even better on the 4th of July. My family always comes here to watch the fireworks over the river"
"I bet that's amazing" I said.
"It is" he said and we sat down on the grass. We were silent for a minute.
"So...What are we exactly?" I asked slowly and looked at him.
"Well, I was actually hoping that you would want to be my girlfriend" he said and made eye contact with me. My smile grew bigger and I was silent. I think that made him nervous.
"So, do you want to be?" he added. I could tell he was nervous.
"Yeah" I said quietly with a smile.
He scooted closer to me and wrapped his arm around me. We sat there for a few minutes in a comfortable silence.
"So how much longer do you have to do physical therapy?" he asked.
"Hopefully two more weeks" I said.
"It looks like you're doing a lot better" he said.
"I am. It was really rough the first two weeks when I came home from the hospital." I said.
"Well, I'm glad you're getting better" he said.
"So, how are things going with your biological mom? I don't remember her name" he said.
"Her name is Sara and it's been fine I guess. We have gotten lunch a few times, but I was too scared to go by myself so my Mom came with me" I said.
"There's nothing wrong with being scared" he said.
"That's what my parents always tell me" I said.
"Sara is getting married tomorrow and she invited me to her wedding" I said.
"Are you going?" he asked.
"No" I said.
"Why not?" he asked.
"There is going to be a lot of people who are biologically related to me and I don't think I want to meet them" I said.
"Do they know who you are?" he asked.
"I don't know. My parents offered to go with me if I decided to go, but I just don't want to deal with that considering I don't really know Sara all that well" I said.
"That makes sense, but don't you ever wonder about your biological family?" he asked.
"Sometimes, but I have never actually wanted to meet any of them. I was perfectly happy not knowing any of them, but then Sara showed up. I had never felt like I was missing anything because my life is amazing the way it is. I have the most amazing parents and brother and family. I couldn't imagine being happier anyplace else" I said and he nodded.
"I don't want to pressure you into anything, but what if I went with you tomorrow, to the wedding? You don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to and we could leave whenever you want if it gets weird. I just don't want you to regret not going" he said.
"You would really go with me?" I asked.
"Yeah" he said.
"It's totally up to you, I'm just throwing it out there" he said.
"Are you sure?" I asked again.
"Yes, I'm sure" he said.
I don't really know what to do. I don't know if I'm ready to face all those people.
"We would leave if I start to get uncomfortable?" I asked. I already knew the answer, I just needed the reassurance.
"Yes, of course" he said. I was silent.
"Okay" I said.
"Okay as in you want to go?" he asked.
"Yeah" I said.
"What time does it start?" he asked.
"One" I said.
"So what time do you want to get there?" he asked.
"Well, every time I go to a wedding with my family, we usually get there a half hour before it starts" I said.
"Where is it?" he asked.
"At St. Johns on 8th street" I said.
"So, I could come and get you at 12:15 to give us enough time" he said.
"Yeah, that sounds good" I said with a smile.
"And you're sure you want to go?" he asked. I took in a deep breath and let it out.
"Yeah, I am. I guess I am kind of curious to see who I'm biologically related to" I said.
We hung out on the hill until 10:30 talking about anything and everything. Josh wanted to drop me off before 11:00 so maybe Dad will like him more if I got home before curfew, which I think is kind of funny and sweet all at the same time. I like that he cares what my parents think.
He pulled up the driveway at 10:47.
"I had a really fun time" I said.
"Me too" he said and leaned over and kissed me.
"See you tomorrow" he said and I nodded. I got out of the car and walked inside.
"10:47, impressive" Dad said when I walked through the door. I laughed.
"Did you have fun?" Mom asked.
"Yeah. After the movie he took me to this huge hill that looks over the river and downtown. It was really cool and then he asked me to be his girlfriend" I said with a smile.
"See I told you" Mom said with a smile.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, he asked you what?" Dad asked seriously.
"To be his girlfriend" I repeated.
"You knew that this was going to happen at some point, babe" Mom said and giggled.
"I just didn't think it would be tonight" he said.
"Josh and I are going to hang out tomorrow afternoon if it's okay?" I said.
"Yeah, that's fine. We don't have anything going on" Mom said.
"Thank you" I said.
"I'm going to go up to bed. Goodnight" I said.
"Goodnight sweetie love you" Mom said.
"Love you too" I said and walked upstairs. I don't really know why I didn't tell them I decided to go to Sara's wedding. I mean they are the ones who offered to go with me if I decided to go. Why didn't I tell them?
The next morning I woke up at 8:00. I made my way down to the kitchen to get some breakfast. I decided on a bowl of cereal. I sat next to Elijah at the counter. He was eating a bowl of Lucky Charms.
"What time are you hanging out with Josh?" Mom asked.
"He's coming to get me at 12:15" I said.
"What are you guys doing?" she asked. My heart was beating out of my chest. I should just tell her that I'm going to Sara's wedding.
"I'm not sure yet" I lied. Mom nodded.
I finished up my breakfast and went up to my room. I sat on the end of my bed. I don't know why I lied to her. I have a few hours before I have to start getting ready so I turned on my TV and flipped through the channels until it was time to get ready.
I took a shower and blow dried my hair. Then I went to my closet to find something to wear. I grabbed a white pair of leggings and a white dress with a red floral design on it. I got dressed and put my knee brace on and went back in the bathroom. I plugged in my curling iron and waited for it to heat up. I put some loose curls in it then did my makeup. It was almost 12:15, so I went downstairs. Dad was playing with Elijah in the toy room and Mom was sitting on the couch reading a magazine.
"You look nice sweetie" Mom said.
"Thanks" I said quietly. I heard Josh nock on the door. I got up and answered it.
"Hey Emma, ready to go?" he asked.
"Yeah" I said and nodded.
"Bye Mom" I said.
"By sweetie have fun" Mom said with a smile.
"Bye kiddo" I heard Dad say.
"Bye Dad" I said and walked out the door.
We got in the car and drove into town. I was on the quiet side because I was a little nervous. He pulled into the parking lot of the church. I took in a deep breath and sat there for a minute.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked.
"Yeah, let's just get this over with" I said.
"Whenever you want to leave, we'll leave" he said and I nodded.
We got out of the car and headed to the church. Josh stuck his arm out and I looped my arm in. My grip around his arm started getting tighter the closer we got to the church. We walked slowly up the stairs to the doors. Here goes nothing. Josh opened the door and I walked through first. We shook the ushers' hands and then got escorted to our seats. I calmed down and took a few deep breaths then the music started playing. We watched the wedding party walk down the aisle. Then the song changed and everyone stood up to watch Sara and her dad walk down the aisle. When smiled at me when she passed us. When she acknowledged me, her Dad looked my way and we made eye contact. It was like he knew who I was. I leaned back in the seat and crouched down a little.
The ceremony was about a half an hour long. When it was over we followed everyone out.
"Are you good?" Josh asked when we made it out of the church.
"Yeah, so far" I said.
"So what do you want to do until the reception?" he asked.
"Let's go for a walk" I said and smiled at him.
"Alright" he said.
We walked a few blocks and went back to the car. We decided to drive around for a while then made our way to the hotel where the reception is at. The wedding party was just arriving when we got there. We walked towards the hotel and Sara stopped and waited.
"Hey Emma, I'm so glad you decided to come" she said with a smile.
"Me too" I said quietly and we walked inside.
We found a table and sat down and talked. Then two people approached us. I'm pretty sure these are Sara's parents and I really don't want to talk to them. My heart was beating out of my chest as they got closer. Then they were there, standing in front of me.
"Hi, I don't think we have met you" the woman said.
"No, we haven't" I said in a shaky voice.
"I'm Laura and this is my husband Steve. We're Sara's parents" she said and they both stuck their hands out. I shook each of their hands.
"It's nice to meet you, I'm Emma and this is my boyfriend Josh" I said. They seemed nice.
"I kind of figured you were Emma" Laura said and I smiled. There was a brief pause.
"What exactly are you doing here" she asked and her voice changed to slight anger.
"Excuse me?" I asked getting defensive.
"Why are you here?" she asked again in the same tone.
"Sara invited me" I said. My heart started pounding out of my chest. This is exactly what I was afraid of.
"Why did you come, you're just going to ruin this" she said. My jaw just dropped and I raised my eyebrows. I was speechless.
"She's not going to ruin anything. You're the ones who are going to ruin this by making a big deal about her being here" Josh said getting upset.
"You know, she was supposed to go to Julliard" Laura said.
"What does that have to do with me?" I asked.
"You came along and ruined her life. She was a phenomenal piano player and got a scholarship to play at Julliard" she said.
"Laura stop" Steve said in an angry tone. Laura looked at him and ignored him.
"You do realize that, that's not my fault she chose not to go" I said defending myself.
"She wanted to keep you and she turned them down so I had to do something about it" she said. I was on the verge of tears.
"I had to do what was best for her and put you in foster care so you would be out of the picture and couldn't ruin her life anymore. She screwed up and made a mistake and I had to take care of it like I always do" she said.
Now I was furious. "Do you have any idea what I went through because of you? I went through so many different homes. I was abused at my last home. I was starved and beat, because of you" I said raising my voice slightly.
"You didn't even have the decency to find me a family. But I guess I have to thank you because I finally found an amazing family who actually care about me"
"Why aren't you with them then?" she asked.
"Because I was invited to be here" I said.
"Well you shouldn't be. No one wants you here so you should just leave. You are just flaunting the mistake that she made" she said. Now I was really speechless. Josh was fuming, but he had no words to say.
"Laura that's enough! She's just a kid" Steve said angrily.
Steve and Laura walked away and I couldn't hold the tears back anymore.
"She's right, I shouldn't be here" I said.
"You have every right to be here" Josh said and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
"Can we go please?" I said and wiped away the tears that started to fall.
"Yeah, of course" he said softly. We stood up and headed for the doors. Sara saw and walked over to us.
"Emma are you okay?" she asked.
"I shouldn't be here" I said in a tearful voice.
"What are you talking about?" she asked concerned.
"Your parents, well mostly your Mom, told me that I ruined your life and I'm not welcome here and that I'm flaunting your mistake. You were supposed to go to Julliard." I said getting upset.
"You did not ruin my life. I never wanted to go to Julliard. I never wanted any of that" she said trying to comfort me.
"I think I'm just going to go home" I said.
"Alright" she said.
"Thank you for coming. I'm sorry that my mother said all those things. She had no right talking to you like that" she said and gave me a hug.
Josh and I left the reception hall and went to the car. We climbed in and sat there for a minute.
"You know what she said wasn't true" Josh said.
"Yeah I know. It still hurts though" I said and wiped the tears away. He reached over and held my hand and drove me home. We were silent the whole way. He pulled in the driveway and put the car in park.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'll be fine" I said with a half a smile. He leaned over and kissed me.
"I'll call you tomorrow" he said.
"Okay" I said with a smile and got out of the car. I walked up to the front door and took in a few breaths before walking into the house. I walked in and thank God no one was in the living room. I headed to the stairs, but then Mom saw me. She was in the kitchen cutting up vegetables.
"Hey sweetie, how was your afternoon" she asked cheerfully.
"Fine" I choked out and avoided eye contact.
"Where did you guys go?" she asked and the tears came back. She saw me wipe the tears and she stopped what she was doing.
"Emma, is everything okay?" she asked concerned and walked towards me. I turned to face her shook my head no.
"We went to Sara's wedding" I said and the tears started flowing harder.
"Oh sweetie. Why didn't you tell me?" she asked and wrapped her arms around me.
"I don't know. It was just something I decided to do last night and Josh said he would go with me" I said in a tearful voice.
I cried into her shoulder for a few minutes. I pulled myself together enough to talk. I pulled away from her and we sat on the couch.
"What happened at the wedding?" she asked.
"It was fine until we got to the reception and her parents came and basically blamed me for every bad thing that happened in her life" I said.
"Sara was supposed to go to Julliard and she didn't because she had me" I said and the tears started forming again.
"Sweetie, you had nothing to do with Sara not going to Julliard. That was her choice she made years ago. It was not your fault" she said and wiped the tears off my cheeks.
"They told me that no one wanted me there and they were probably right. Everyone in her family probably blame me for everything too. I shouldn't have went" I said.
"Nothing was your fault. You don't even know any of them" she said.
"I know, it just feels like everything is my fault and no one wants me and that I was just a big mistake and that me being there was flaunting her mistake" I said.
"Sweetie, that couldn't be further from the truth" she said and pulled me closer to her and wrapped her arms around me and I buried my face in her shoulder.
"You are not a mistake. God put you on this Earth for a reason...You are so loved" she said and kissed the top of my head.
I continued to cry into her shoulder. I shouldn't have gone to that wedding. Everything that I was afraid of happening, happened. I shouldn't have lied to my parents either. I don't really know what I was so afraid of. They are so supportive of me and I don't know why I didn't tell them.
I heard the screen door open and then shut. I heard the footsteps come towards the living room. I'm assuming they are Dad's because the shoes sound too big to be Elijah's.
"What's going on?" Dad asked in a worried tone.
I looked up at Mom and she started running her fingers through my hair.
"She went to Sara's wedding and it didn't go well" Mom said in a quiet tone.
"Wait, what? Why didn't you tell us that you wanted to go?" He asked and sat next to Mom on the couch.
I sat up a little, "I just decided to go last night. Josh offered to go with me so we went and I shouldn't have gone" I said in a tearful voice.
"Why didn't you tell us? We wouldn't have been mad" he said and I shrugged my shoulders.
"I don't know why I didn't say anything" I said.
"What happened that has you this upset?" he asked.
"Sara's mom told me that I ruined her life and that I'm the reason she didn't go to Julliard and that I was ruining her wedding by being there and that no one wanted me there and that I am just a mistake" I said. Dad stood up and moved next to me on the couch and wrapped an arm around my back.
"She tried to justify sending me to foster care so that way I would be out of the picture and couldn't ruin anymore lives" I said and the tears start falling again.
"You are not a mistake. You have not ruined anyone's life. We love you so much. You are a blessing in our lives" he said and pulled me in for a hug.