Waking up the next morning I feel groggy, I've slept strangely and it takes me a few seconds to register I'm downstairs on the sofa. The memory of last night comes back and I look to my side to see Jax sleeping. I'm snuggled into his side, I sigh, stupid body betraying me.
I don't know what to do. I'm so conflicted, I can't believe he done it. He promised me he'd never touch heroin. I'm angry but I'm also scared, what does this mean, will he be able to resist taking it again. Arghh why did he have to do it. I decide to make myself a coffee whilst I ponder Jax's ridiculous life choices and how it's going to effect us.
I walk into the kitchen and I'm shocked to see Tobs, Chris and Levi in there. None of them look as though they've slept. Chris hands me a coffee as I rub my face to wake myself up. I smile at Chris in thanks.
"What's happening? You 3 look like you haven't slept" I say to them.
"We was worried about Jax and you" Levi states. I nod. Silence falls over us all. Chris breaks it.
"I don't understand why he done it, he's never done smack before, we've all grown up knowing that you stay away from that shit" Chris says. "Why now?".
"Coz of Cam" I growl out "God I hate him".
"I think that was obvious from last night trouble maker, he threatened to kill you as he walked out the door, if you remember?" Tobs sighs out.
"He did what?" comes a growl from the door. We all turn to see Jax standing there not looking his best. I just shrug, I honestly don't even remember him saying that. No one replies to Jax, we're all watching him not knowing what to do or say.
"Fuck sake. I asked a question" Jax directs his frustration at Toby.
"When we brought you back, Chris had already rang ahead to get Em to open the door. She was worrying Jax, she didn't know what was wrong with you and Cam basically shot her down saying she needed to calm down u just smoked some smack. She went for him, she smacked him and told him to get out. I grabbed her, I didn't want Cam to retaliate. I don't trust him. He left but he said next time he saw her he'd kill her" Toby explains.
"I'll sort him out" Jax states.
"Really Jax, really? I was worried sick. You broke your promise to me and your priority is having a little chat to your new bestie" I screech out.
Jax puts his head down "My priority is your safety Em. Nothing else matters, Cam was just mad, he will come round. I'll tell him to apologise".
I cannot believe what I'm hearing. If I never see Cam again it will be too soon, maybe he could disappear like Jamie did. I can't sit there any longer, I don't know how to feel or react. I get up and go upstairs, luckily no one stops me.
I decide to get in the bath, maybe I could drown myself. It would be easier than dealing with all this. I know I'm being dramatic but this isn't a bit of weed. Everyone's heard stories of people's lives being wrecked by heroin, the rumours are that the high is the most amazing feeling in the world. The downfall is every time you use it, it takes that little bit more to achieve that high and that's where the problems begin. The addiction gets out of control. I cant bare the thought of that happening to anyone I care about.
Sighing I start running the bath. I put my bubble bath in and strip off, when the tubs full I check the temperature. It's fine so I sink into the bubbles, I lie back in the bubbles and pretend the water can wash away all my worries.
The door opens and Jax walks in, he sighs when he sees me and starts stripping his clothes off. We don't talk but I move forward so he can get in the tub behind me. I lean against Jax's chest and choke on a sob as I give in to my mixed emotions.
"Em baby, please don't cry" Jax begs "I messed up, I'm sorry baby".
I let Jax's arms envelope me. Being in his arms it's hard not to feel like everything will be ok. I'd come to feel safe and secure in these arms, to rely on Jax for so much. Jax had become my absolute everything and being held by him, I feel complete even if my head is arguing with my heart. In his arms in this moment I come to realise that I would forgive Jax. The love I had for this man outweighed anything else. I couldn't imagine a life where Jax wasn't by my side.
I try to stop my tears but unfortunately my silent revelations makes my tears fall harder. I pull back from Jax and face him, I'm stunned to see that he has tears in his own eyes. Jax looks broken, I can see how upset my actions are making him and I feel guilt. As much as I'm hurt and confused, knowing your hurting the person you love is heartbreaking.
"Why?" Is the only word I can say to him.
Jax makes eye contact with me, those beautiful eyes missing there usual spark. He quickly drops his head, he looks ashamed.
"I'm sorry Em, I really am. I never ment to let you down" Jax says.
"But I want to know why?" I plead.
"I don't even have a good reason for breaking your trust Em, I was drunk and everyone else was smoking it. I wanted to see what the fuss was all about! I'm sorry baby, I really am" he declares.
"But you said you'd never touch it Jax?" I shout.
"I know I did and I really ment it Em, I can't loose you Em, I really can't. It was a stupid drunken mistake" he says quietly.
This makes the tears start again. Stupid idiot man as if I could walk away from him, if only it was that simple. I could never turn my back on him. I move forward in the bath again needing to be close to him again. I'm immediately wrapped in his arms again. He buries his head in my neck and we stay like that in silence.
The water is cooling and my skin is wrinkling, I pull back from Jax and stand up. I lean forward to pull the plug out as Jax steps out. He wraps a towel round his waist and holds a towel out for me to step into, he wraps it round me.
We leave the bathroom together, going through to the bedroom in silence. Without drying myself I lay on top of the duvet on our bed, I don't even care if I'm making everything wet.
Jax does the same, we're both facing each other. Jax reaches out and runs his fingers over my furrowed brow. "Please tell me what's going through your head baby, please tell me that we can get over this" Jax pleads.
"Jax I don't know what's going through my head. It's a confusing mess" I admit to him.
"I get that Em but you've got to try and help me know what your thinking. Just let it out Em, I need to know" Jax begs.
I nod "Heroin, it's fucked up Jax. We both know that, nothing good comes from it. It grabs you and drags you down. It takes over your life and it becomes your life, I don't want that for you Jax".
"Your my life Em. Nothing's ever going to over take that" Jax declares.
"You don't know that Jax. Things could change" I say.
"Since you've come into my life Em things have changed. My priorities have shifted, I've always put the others first but now there's you. Your the first thing I think about every morning and the last thing I think of at night. I've never cared about how I make money or get by. You make me want to get a job and give up this life, you make me want to be the man I know you deserve. It's you who got me through prison and it's you who I want by my side in every situation. I know Em and when you know, you just know and your it. Nothing can change that" Jax tells me.
Cue the tears. I sob again. God I hate being so emotional but I feel exactly the same as him. I need him to know that. Why would I let a drunken mistake come between us, it was a one off and I can over look it for the sake of our future. I just need to be able to trust him.
"Em babe please stop crying your killing me" Jax declares whilst wiping my relentless tears "Please say something Em".
"Oh god badass, I'm literally falling apart here. So much has changed for me since I met you, your my life Jax. You've put a roof over my head, paid for me to live, loved and protected me even when u weren't by my side. We've been through some shit but I know I can take on anything with you holding my hand. When you know, you know and I know. Your it for me too. I'm just terrified that your going to get dragged down by Cam. I need to be able to trust you again Jax. I need to know that was a one off and it's not going to happen again" I say to him in desperation.
"Emma smith, I love you and I'm not leaving your side. I will prove to you that you can trust me, nothing matters more than proving that to you. It's never gonna happen again" Jax says adamantly.
I smile at him "I love you Jaxson Mayweather. But I'm gone if you do it again. Don't let me down".
Jax leans forwards to kiss me. "I won't let you down Ems" he assures me. We kiss again, getting caught up in each other until my phone starts ringing.
I roll over to grab my phone and find it on the floor where I'd left it after talking to Chris last night. I don't recognise the number but I answer it anyway.
"Hello" I say, my towels fallen off and I feel Jax snuggle up to me from behind.
"Hi there, I'm hoping to speak to Emma Smith" a voice states.
"Hi I'm Emma" I state.
"Hi Emma, I'm Delia. I'm the matron from a&e at Bedfordshire hospital, I've had your application passed to me. The closing date had actually already closed and we have just finished interviews but I was wondering if you could pop in later for a chat about the job?" Delia asks.
"Yes. That would be great Delia, what time do you want me to come in?" I ask.
"Thank you Emma. It's completely informal, I'm here till 6pm so pop in at some point before that. Ask for me at reception. I look forward to meeting you later Emma. Bye for now" Delia says.
"Thank you Delia, I'll see you later" I say hanging up.
"Omg" I shriek out, sitting up.
"What? Who was that?" Jax asks.
"That was the matron from a&e at Bedfordshire hospital she wants me to go in later to have a chat about a job" I explain to Jax.
"I'm happy for you baby" Jax states.
"Thanks Jax" I say, rolling back to plug my phone into the charger on the bedside table.
Jax snuggles back behind me and I lean against him. He circles his arms around me, brushing my nipple and causing me to sigh.
"So we're good Ems yeah?" Jax asks while snuggling into the crook of my neck.
"We're good Jax" I tell him.
Jax kisses my neck and I wiggle backwards, causing him to groan and grind his erection on me. I raise one of my legs placing it over his, behind me. Giving him access to between my legs, he doesn't waste any time. There's no foreplay just us making up, making love. Jax buries himself inside me, thrusting slowly from behind. He tells me over and over he's sorry and that he loves me.
It feels so different to our usual crazy love making. It's slow and intense, our bodies are impossibly close. Jax has his hand between my legs and is softly stroking me in time to his deep thrusts. We're both damp with sweat and breathing heavily, my body starts to jerk and shake every time Jax glides over my sensitive bud. It's obviously exciting him as
my walls clench every time I jerk. The pressure is so intense, I'm almost scared of how my bodies reacting.
Jax's panting starts to turn to grunts and my twitching is now making my toes curl. The pressure is now a crazy burning feeling, I move against Jax's hand not being able to handle the burn. I place my hand over his showing him how I need him to help me release, it's too much for Jax to handle and I feel him pulsing inside me as he roars out. Filling me with his seed.
Jax continues to thrust, whilst I make his hand rub me harder, my orgasm rips through me, I scream out as the tingly euphoric feeling passes over my body. It's amazing and seems to last longer than I've ever had before. Jax stops thrusting and I grab his hand not being able to handle him touching the most sensitive part of my body anymore. I roll over and burry myself in Jax's chest.
I snuggle into Jax and he rolls so I'm lying on top of him. He kisses my head and I feel content. I'm glad we've sorted things. Hopefully we can put this behind us and move forward.
"Do you want me to take you to the hospital Em?" Jax asks.
"How Jax?" I reply.
"I'll borrow Toby's car" Jax states.
"What if you get caught driving?" I ask him.
"Not gonna happen baby" he replies cockily.
"Ok, thank you. I suppose I should get in the shower and sort myself out" I tell him.
"Or you could stay right where you are and let me lock you in our room forever" Jax says smirking.
I smack his chest and get up. I'm still naked so I make sure to walk the long way to the bathroom , shaking my arse as I go.
"Emma" Jax growls.
I laugh and blow him a kiss. After I finish in the shower, I go in the bedroom. Jax isn't in there and not only has he made the bed, he's changed it too. I'm so glad he's clean and tidy.
I decide to dry my hair and straighten it, after finishing my hair, I do my make up. Now what should I wear, I look in the wardrobe. I know Delia said it was informal but I want to make an impression. I don't think I should rock up in one of my tracksuits.
Ah perfect, I grab out a black pencil skirt and put on a plain black top, with my grey cardigan over the top. I check my reflection, that will do. I go downstairs and grab a pair of black slip ons out. I go to the front room to find Jax, he's sat on the sofas chatting with Levi and Tobs.
"You ready beautiful?" Jax asks. I nod suddenly feeling nervous.
"Good luck Dr Smith" Levs says, he's just about to ruffle my hair but I duck laughing.
"Not the hair Levs" I say.
"Show them who's boss, trouble maker. If they don't give you the job were go in and sort them out" Tobs says with a grin.
"Thanks guys. Where's everyone else?" I ask.
They shrug, weird I think. Jax grabs my hand and leads my out to the Astra. Being the gentleman he is, he opens the door for me and I get in. I do my seatbelt up as Jax walks round and gets in the drivers seat. Jax starts the car and smiles over at me "You nervous baby" Jax asks.
"Yeah very" I tell him.
"Don't be Em, your amazing and they would be stupid to not give you the job" Jax says laughing.
"Thanks badass, I hope so. I think I'm so nervous coz it's not actually an interview, I don't really know what to expect" I explain.
He nods "Like I said your be fine Ems".
He rubs my leg and I smile at him, God I hope so this is a really good opportunity. A few minutes later Jax pulls into the hospital grounds. I'm so glad he brought me, I would of got lost, at least it's not far from home. Jax pulls in to the a&e drop off area and turns to me.
"Good luck baby, txt me when your done and I'll come get you. Love you Em" he says.
"Thank you Jax. I love you too" I tell him giving him a quick kiss.
I get out of the car and head into the a&e entrance. I ask for Delia and I'm shown to an office. I meet Delia, she's lovely. It turns out my old boss, who I put down as a reference is a close friend of Delias. When she spoke to my old boss Mo, she said she would be silly to not snap me up so based on that the job was mine, if I wanted it. To say I was buzzing was an understatement. I would have to do some on the job training but I start on Monday, 2 days away. Delia had gone through all the ins and outs of the job, hours, pay, my responsibilities and finally got me some scrubs ready for Monday. I shook her hand at the end and she said she was looking forward to me starting, I left the hospital on cloud 9.
I got outside and text Jax. He replied saying he was on route. I can't believe I just got a job just like that, I'd be working again and earning my own money. I couldn't wait. I hoped Jax would be ok with it all.
Speaking of Jax, he arrives. The cheese ball gets out of the car to open the door for me again. I smile as he climbs back in the drivers seat. He looks at me expectantly.
"I got the bloody job" I shout.
"Yes baby, I'm really happy for you. If your happy I'm happy" Jax says.
"Thanks Jax. I'm over the fucking moon" I say grinning like a twat "Have you got any smokes on you?"
Jax passes me some fags and I spark one up, I quickly smoke it.
"You know this means we have to celebrate tonight baby... When do you start?" Jax asks.
"Can we celebrate together, just us 2? I start Monday" I reply.
"We can do whatever you want to do Ems. Monday... that's quick" he says frowning.
"I know babe and I know your not over the moon but I want this and I love you even more for letting this happen. As for celebrating, tonight I want to watch films in bed with my hot boyfriend so if you see him can you let him know" I say smirking.
"Your extremely hot boyfriend says that sounds perfect" Jax replies laughing.
We arrive home to a houseful and everyone insists we have a few drinks to celebrate my news. Me and Jax join in for a few before going upstairs.
We decide to order Chinese and watch some crappy chick flicks. Jax is being the perfect boyfriend and I know he's trying to show me he's sorry for last night. It seems like such a long time ago now and it's pretty much forgotten in my eyes. In fact right now things are perfect. Jax is home and I intend to make sure he stays home and I've just got
myself a great new job. Things are all on track and I'm looking forward to this next chapter in our lives.
Em and Jax