As much as I personally adore small talk, let me assure you that silence can also be polite. As my mother says, it's not what you do, it's how you do it.
We are now on our way back to home and he's been driving from fifteen minutes without saying a word. I don't know what made him off about? Going out with me or the destinations?? If he doesn't want to go, he can easily say No. There's no one forcing him.
It is not rude; silence can be meaningful. However, small talk can help breaking the ice and help you getting to enlarge your social circle.
I profoundly disliked it for decades and realized when becoming self-employed I missed many opportunities by sticking to the sideline. Things don't happen on their own. You have to go after them - be it the man or woman of your dreams, the highlight of your day, a new business contract. Whatever it is, it can't happen if roadblocks-excuses you cling to for fear of stepping outside of your comfort zone-get in your way. It feels good to be in your comfort zone but the false sense of security will have you steadily going nowhere by sticking to it.
"Being non-responsive or ignoring someone you know is generally considered rude by many people. "Thanks, but I don't feel like talking right now. Have a nice day" is responsive and not rude." I said glancing at him.
"It's rude, if you think it's rude. What do you think?" He questioned back.
"I would say no it's not rude. If you prefer deeper conversation then that's fine. There's nothing wrong with your preference of choosing not to engage in small talk. That's you. Be yourself and Embrace who you are." I replied back.
"Making small talk with me is apparently like pulling teeth. It's not that I don't want to engage, but it's like trying to have a meaningful conversation with a cat. I have next to zero conversation skills. Generally you'll find small talk with me to be the equivalent of chatting to a wall. A wall with good intentions who tries hard and doesn't want to disappoint, but still. Wall." He said taking a right turn.
"Many people have similar problems with making small talk especially with strangers. You may be quiet, introvert or just uncomfortable talking small talk with people, or maybe you just don't think it's important to talk small talk at all. What ever the reason, if you are in company, just smiling or acknowledging others is all you need to do. It depends upon how you do so. If you superciliously stare at whomever is trying to talk to you like they're the biggest moron on the planet, like you're doing now!" I said looking at him and he quickly looked away, making my lips tiwtch.
"It's you! It's how you are, and people will understand that you prefer to be on the sidelines rather than the centre of attention. No one owes another person to keep them entertained." I said taking a deep breath.
"Why did you agree??" He suddenly asked making me blank for a second.
"Huh?? What??!!" I mumbled
"Why did you agree on going out with me?"
"Why shouldn't I agree on going out with you?" I questioned back.
"You know the reason"
"No, I don't!" I said.
"It is just not "going out" it is more than that" he said quoting with his hands as we waited for the signal to turn green.
"Why is it so wrong, to go on a honeymoon with you?" I simply said. He looked at me or moreover stared shocked at me.
"Hanii.."
"Yes?"
"How can you be so casual?"
"Why shouldn't I be? Look I know that our marriage is not like others but this is real, we both are couples, real couples...so why can't I go on a vacation with you? It's not that we'll develop feelings for each other?" The last part was a lie.
"I thought that you'll be the one who'll have lots of problem with this vacation thing, but here the situation is so different" he said.
"Everyone is unique and acceptance of the differences is part of the equation. Looks like here we both are not making attempts. It doesn't matter who initiates first, what matters is, we both are involved in the moment, and the time that we spent together is of quality. Moreover, we both are married, free to reach out anytime. In simple words, we had to make this work out, start becoming interested and drive the show, don't get wasted with unnecessary thoughts." I tried to explain my point, very calmly.
He kept quiet and we reached our home just like that.
"Zain, you really don't want to go?? Don't you?" I asked with a heavy heart as I picked Adeel up in my arms and waited for him. He came to my side but didn't said anything.
Stepping inside, I gave Adeel to Samya and asked her to put him to sleep.
"Sure, Hani" she said and went up to Adeel's room.
Sighing I started climbing the stairs that leads to my room upstairs, but I sensed that he was also following me. Once in my room, I removed my hijab, lightly massaged my hair, plopping down on the bed.
He was still standing by the door, neither coming in nor saying anything.
"Zain, stop fighting with your self. It's okay, I don't mind, I'm fine." I said taking out my cell from my purse.
In just a second my cell was snatched away from my hand. It took me a moment to realize what just happened.
"What?!" I blankly asked.
"You don't have to say anything to anyone" he said softly, keeping my cell in his pocket.
"Regarding what?" I asked looking up at him. He was really tall!
"About me, like I don't want to go" he said and I raised my eyebrows at him trying hard not to laugh. This was seriously not in my mind to call Mom and say No to her.
"We'll go..." he said taking a deep breath, looking down at me and I burst out laughing.
"Hahahahahaha"
"Why are you laughing now?" He asked in somewhat irritated tone.
"You really thought that I'll call Mom and say No?? Don't you know that this time no matter what excuses we make they'll just kick us out from here!!" I said laughing and he just smiled sheepishly.
"Zain, you don't have to force yourself into anything!!" I said holding his hand.
"Thank you for understanding me. I don't know what would have happened if I would have married one of those girls" he said smiling.
"Uptil now you would have adjusted" I said softly.
"Did you said anything?" He asked.
"Nothing... I said you would have gone mad if you've married one of those girls!!"
"Very funny!" he said.
"On a serious note what is exactly bothering you? Going out with me? Or the fact that you went to Dubai with Hareem?" I asked him.
He took a shar breath before exhaling it. "Greece was my choice. Dubai was her choice but we both wanted to go to Maldives. So initially, we went to Maldives and then I surprised her by taking her to Dubai. You should've seen her Hani, the way her eyes shone, her laugh, she was jumping......" And he happily went on saying.
I couldn't help but think that how am I thrown here with him? Never ever I've once also thought about him as my husband. But yeah, I've always dreamt of my prince charming. Who knew that I'll found my prince charming in him!
His eyes was shining so brightly that I could very well see Hareem's reflection in him. The way his adam's apple moved while he remembered their precious moments. Seeing him smiling is the one thing that I always pray for. He usually don't smile, so it's a sight to behold! But my heart screams in pain when it comes to know the reason behind his smile.
"اضْحَكَ اللهُ سِنّكَ
"Adhak Allahu Sinnak
(May Allah S.W.T kepp you smiling forever)" I mumbled.
His gaze suddenly zeroed on me making me freeze in his gaze. A blush made it's way on my cheeks. All of a sudden I felt shy! Leaning my forehead on his shoulder, I felt him stiffen. "Hareem was sure one hell of a lucky girl, she had your heart wrapped around hers own. I'm no less than of her, I may not have your heart but I have you." With that said, I excused myself to check up on Adeel and also said that if we're going then I want to take Adeel with me.
He didn't said anything just stared at me as if he knew what was running in my veins. Even if he thinks he knows me but still he doesn't know me!
It was now eleven at night, and I've completed half of my work. Quickly changing into a loose cream color V neck tshirt, ankle length pajama, my hair tied into a top knot, I rushed to boil Adeel's feeder and toys.
I went down to the kitchen and kept all his toys and feeders in separate boiling pans and waited for them to be boiled thoroughly. While I was waiting for it to be boiled, he came down, now wearing a simple white colour tshirt and black sweatpants.
"Coffee at the poolside?" He asked.
"Five minutes" I smiled.
"Come fast" he smiled and went out.
After Adeel's toys and feeders were boiled, I made coffee for both of us and went to the poolside. He was relaxing on the end of the couch, his hands lying at the back of his head, legs crossed and stretched on one of the leg rest stool.
"Coffee" I said softly lifting up the tray. He smiled.
"I hope I didn't troubled you?" he asked
"Hushh!!" I said placing the tray on the table.
I gave him his mug and sat down on the other end of the couch so that we both were now facing each other.
"Nice" he said taking a sip of coffee.
"Thank you" I replied sipping.
"We are going after fifteen days and yes, Adeel is also coming with us" he said
"You had a talk with Mom?"
"Mom and Dad both. Dubai it is" he said.
On the inside I was jumping up and down...why? Because Dubai is one of my all time favorite destination.
"You are most free to show your enthusiasm" he smirked making me smile. "Since we'll be spending time with each other so why not let's know each other" he asked rubbing his neck and a blush forming on his cheeks.
Shoo cuttee!!!
"You mean question answer game??" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Sure"
"You go first" he said.
"What Is the first thing you notice about people?" I randomly asked
"Depends on the person" he replied back.
"Your turn" I said taking another sip of my coffee
"Mountain Hideway Or Beach House?" He asked taking a sip.
"Beach house" I replied.
"Stupid to ask you this question, it's very much obvious. Anyways, your turn" he said.
"Do you still have your tonsils??" I laughed at this remembering our old times. Once when he came to pick Hareem up, he was having tonsils and at that time it was very warm. So wherever he was going, he was being offered everything that was cold. He became so irritated that whoever use to come to our house to meet them or whenever we were invited, he said at the begining only that I'm having tonsils and I can't have anything cold.
"Hahahahahaha.... yep!! Eye Color??" He asked.
"Baby blue with specks of green in it" I blurted without thinking anything. He choked and started coughing.
Face palm moment!!
"Hugs or Kisses?" I quickly asked changing the topic and Oh boy! What a question I asked. Note the sarcasm!
"Depends on the moment, but only with my one and only!" He replied and my heart got pinched from his answer. "Scary Movies or Happy Endings?"
"Probably Happy Endings!! What's the best gift anyone has ever given you uptil now?" I asked.
"Adeel. Hareem gave me the best gift of my life" he said smiling. I bet he must be thinking that day when he was born. "What makes you feel most alive?" He asked
"Adeel's laugh" I said smiling.
"What's your favourite music you're listening to these days?"
"I don't wanna live forever" he said and I closed my eyes. "What was the happiest moment in your life?"
"I don't know if it was the happiest or not for others but for me it was my happiest moment. Few days back when I was feeding Adeel his lunch, he randomly started blabbering, during that time only he said Mama but not clearly" I said with tears pooling in my eyes.
"Hey, you're his Mama. He is your child" he smiled. I nodded.
"What has been the best decision you've ever made?" I asked
"To marry you" he said suddenly and now it was my turn to choke.
"What was your first impression of me?" He asked looking straight into my eyes.
"That you'll be a perfect husband and a perfect father" I said looking at him. After staring at each other for few moments, I stood up to leave.
"It's late...I'll get going. Good night" I said and picked up our mugs and kept them on the tray.
"Hani?" He called
"Yes?" I turned
"Have you ever been in love??" He asked making my heart stopped beating.
"NO."