Chapter Six
So much for no more nightmares.
That night, I was in the past. I was weak, I was small, I was nothing.
It would start out like it had in the past. It would begin with darkness, then suddenly there was sunshine in my face. I was on my knees in the dirt, icy cold right down to the marrow of my bones, my body trembling. The sunshine blinded me for only a few seconds before his face came into my line of sight.
He was the epitome of beauty, and he was supposed to be. He was everything that was raw masculinity. From his jacked up physique to his square jaw, high cheek bones, fierce pale blue eyes that were the color of the sky above him. His long black hair was an inky flow over his shoulders, his skin dark and tawny, blemish free. Back in those days, he didn't have the tattoos that came with his being locked away. He was still virgin, still innocent, just as stupid as I was.
A smile spread across his lips. It was as bright and vivid as the sunshine.
"Hello," he murmured. I felt confused, his words taking a moment to register on a brain that knew everything, and nothing, at once.
"Who are you?" My voice was a hoarse whisper.
"My name is Xiphrus," he answered softly, "I am your father." Simple words, simple meaning, and yet they were so complex and powerful. His very words were spoken with the raw intensity of the Source, and I felt oddly humbled by it at the time. I remembered just sitting there, shivering, arms around myself as I stared up at him, awed by the sight of him so massive, so powerful.
As if realizing my cold, he nicked his finger and created a cloak out of the blood that fell from his skin. He shook it out, then knelt down before me and draped it over my shoulders, getting it snugly around me. I sucked in a deep breath at the warmth of that cloak, so incredibly soft. It was unlike any other material in the world, no comparison, just... as soft as a cloud, warm as the sunlight, and not incredibly heavy.
I drew the sleeve up to my face, inhaled the scent of warm spices from its material, rubbed the softness of it against my skin.
"What is this? It is so soft," I whispered.
"It is a cloak," Xiphrus replied gently, "I made it just for you. Only you can wear this. No one else, for this is my gift to you." He reached up and put his hands on either side of my face. His touch stole my breath away and I felt it hitch in my throat. His touch was so gentle, so kind. I could feel the power thrumming through his veins, feel that he had all the power in the world to do as he pleased, and with that power, he chose to touch me, caress my cheek.
I leaned my cheek against his hand.
"Who am I?" I asked, closing my eyes to savor the feel of him. At the time, I'd be happy if he just touched me like this forever. But he only blessed me further by leaning in to touch his lips to my forehead, and my eyes flickered open in surprise as I stared up at him and he smiled down at me.
"Death," he murmured, "You are the new beginning for the universe and all its beings. You are the first face those who pass into the next life will see. You are the one who will take their hand, and guide them to their next step. You are their hope. You are their light. You are their beacon. As the stars are our beacon to the Source, the Sun to our home and hearts. You are my gift to the universe. You are my son. My precious son. Born from mine tears and born from mine blood, and most of all, born from mine love."
Those words echoed in my head, even into my nightmares of the present day. And I said nightmares in a present tense. In the past, those words were a dream. They warmed my heart, kept me safe, gave me hope, led me to seek Xiphrus out day after day.
Now, they were nothing, but empty cruel taunts.
Yeah, it sounded fucking dramatic until you realized I was only fucking three seconds old when Xiphrus had said those words to me and I'd foolishly believed every one of them. I believed he loved me, I believed he gave a damn about me, my place in the world.
And I believed every moment after that.
I'd leave my room in what they called Our Home, and I would go right to Xiphrus. He was usually fast asleep in the morning when I woke, so I just crawled into bed with him, like some little brat in a human house. I'd curl up against him, just to hear his heartbeat, just to feel his breath. He'd wake up and laugh and tease me. He was just like any dad you'd see in those cheesy Campbell's Chicken Soup commercials.
Not even my siblings did things like that.
Oh, they loved Xiphrus just as much, definitely, but they had other people by then to help them fit in. I only had Xiphrus in the beginning. Joxeia and Geara as well, but mostly Xiphrus. I mostly wanted to be around him. I followed him around, did what he did, learned from him.
Shit, I still remembered the day he built me my own house.
"My own home?" I asked, surprised, staring up at the quaint little cottage out in the woods. It was secluded, which was nice. I didn't like to be around so many people. I was awkward. I was a typical teen by then. Skittish around strangers, put my foot in my damn mouth, said the wrong thing. Xiphrus thought it was charming, Geara thought it was cute, Joxeia thought it was silly. No one hated me or mocked me for it, but damn, it was weird looking back on it.
"Yes," Xiphrus said, putting my arms around my neck from behind so he could hold me close and place a kiss on my cheek, "I built it for you."
"Do you no longer wish for me to share a home with you? Is it because I woke you up too early?" I asked. At the time, I'd been terrified I'd done something wrong. A home away from Home? Why would he send me away?
"Oh, no," Xiphrus murmured, then took me by the shoulders and turned me to face him, and he had to lean way down so he could meet my eyes levelly, "Death, I love you. You are so near and dear to my heart. You are my blood, the air I breath. I simply do not want to chain you down to Home. I do not wish for you to spend all your time with just me. I want you to explore. I want you to find out who you are." I was so confused by that. I thought I'd known who I was. I thought I'd known everyone and everything I needed to know. What more could possibly be out there?
Well, first of all, a fuck ton of books. Xiphrus had brought me book after book until I had turned almost all of my walls into shelves to accommodate them. Second of all, birds. I fucking loved birds. I loved the colors, the sounds they made. Anything with wings, really. From the delicate hyperactivity of a hummingbird to the bold predatorial pride of an eagle. I set out seed and treats for them just to lure them to my yard. I think my favorite were the crows. So incredibly intelligent, so beautiful and dark. They followed the other predators around, found their meals, befriended them, and they adored shiny trinkets, always bringing them by and leaving them behind so that I'd made a tree with their gifts dangling from them.
Once again, I loved Xiphrus. He'd shown me a whole new world. He gave me hobbies. He showed me beauty. He wasn't kicking me out. He was opening a new door for me. And he didn't stop visiting.
At least, not right away.
He visited every day. Took me places, read with me, bird watched with me, sang to me, played with me. It was like old times all over again. We were so together, so in sync. Truly it was the best time of my life.
But steadily, Xiphrus stopped visiting. And when he did visit, it was always to talk about Atlan and the adventures the two of them had. When I asked if we could do something else, it was always Oh no, I have to go back to Atlan now, or my personal favorite, Atlan needs me. Oh yeah. Atlan needed him alright. Without Xiphrus, Atlan never would've convinced the other creatures to join him in his senseless war. Without Xiphrus, he wouldn't have the supreme power that he did to destroy everything, including the very realm we called home.
And then Xiphrus would show up, tell me to join Atlan. When I expressed my concerns, he mocked me for it. He hated me for it. And it was like having the sun suddenly stop shining on you. I wasn't worthy to be in his presence anymore. He stopped loving me, and that was expressed clearly the moment his fangs punctured my throat and he drew my blood into his mouth. Like he was fully prepared to drink every last drop of me until I ceased to exist.
And all because I didn't want to turn my back on everything he'd stood for.
Goddamn it.
God fucking damn it.
Those nightmares only threw everything back in my face again, reminded me why Xiphrus was the horrible monster he was. He didn't give a shit about me, or about his siblings, or even the universe. He was addicted to evil and he needed to feed that urge. It was why he fell into Viviana's whole web of lies and decent and death.
And maybe there was a time I thought I could forgive him. The war began all those eons ago, and I told myself I could maybe forgive Xiphrus if he came to his senses, maybe if he fixed everything he did wrong. But he didn't. He said sorry and everyone forgave him.
Sorry I killed all of my children and left one alone to rot in a former Paradise realm that I personally destroyed like the nukes did Japan.
Sorry I abandoned you after all those years of standing by your side.
Sorry I loved a narcissistic sociopath more than I loved any of you.
Sorry I betrayed your trust.
Sorry I killed everyone you knew and loved.
Yeah. I'll bet he was sorry. Too bad those sorries didn't bring back the people we lost. It didn't change the paradise realm to the way it was before. It didn't make me trust him. It didn't change the fact that he did love, and probably still loved, that dead asshole more than he gave a shit about anyone else.
Goddamn it!
I laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling, soaked in a layer of cold sweat, chest pulled taut with pain that rocketed down to my feet. Except there was no way I could move. The only movement came from the violent tremors wracking my body as I was forced to lay there and endure another vicious cycle of oh hi i'm petrifying fear, allow me to lock everything up so we can not run around screaming like a chicken with its head cut off.
My heart thrummed a harsh beat in my chest, banging around in my ribcage like it wanted to break free and flee the scene. My eyes were wide open, staring up at the ceiling that seemed to almost morph in front of me, creating hallucinations from the darkest depths of my nightmares.
The room was so quiet. I had nothing to focus on to distract myself from the images of Xiphrus coming at my throat, his fangs bared, his claws reaching for my throat, clamping around tight. My breath came only as choked, wheezy whimper.
So instead of letting myself get swept away by the horror, I quickly tried to focus on the only thing that ever saved me from anything.
Alaric.
His beautiful feather soft white hair, slipping between my fingers. The sound of his voice as he made he boring work phone calls about tech equipment, about security, about family reunions. The sight of his hazel eyes twinkling as he looked up at me, a smile spreading across those perfect kissable lips. The feel of his soft sun kissed skin beneath my fingers, his fit slender physique as he arched his back, ran his hands down his hips, toyed with the ribbons on his favorite blue lacy panties.
Tears pricked my eyes and I blinked hard, relieved as I felt the tension slowly abandoning my limbs, leaving me a limp miserable mess on the bed. I rolled over on my side, hauling my blankets up around me again, burying myself in the mass.
I had no idea what Viviana had done to me. Her weird mind warp bullshit was still giving me the shakes, and had triggered my nightmares, my sleep paralysis. Christ, it was like a bad trip that wouldn't quit. My insides felt queasy, my muscles rubbery, on top of the nightmares and sleep paralysis. I was wound up so tight, I felt like I was going to snap in half.
Instead of venturing out, I had locked myself up in my room with the lights off, huddled under the heated blanket. And it was so dumb; I wasn't a pansy. This kind of shit shouldn't affect me... and yet there I was, curled up under the blankets. Might as well slap a diaper on my ass and call me a baby.
I couldn't help it, though. I didn't want that bitch or her shadows anywhere near me, not when I felt like this, not when I felt more vulnerable than I had in years. I just wanted to be alone, so I could figure out what the fuck I was going to do.
Clearly looking for an escape was not going to work. Asking Viviana? Not gonna work. Relying on a phone I wasn't even sure actually worked? Nah, I was gonna put insanity off for as long as I could. No, I had to find a different way out of this hellhole, and I had to find it fast before the insanity caught up with me.
Every so often, I'd hear a knock on the door, smell something greasy and delicious calling my name, but I stayed in bed, wrapped in blankets, unwilling to get up and eat or even shower. It was probably Rowan or Tatiana anyway. Had to be. They seemed to be the only two who would respect my privacy by not just barging into the room anyway.
Goddamn... A meltdown. That's what this was. It was humiliating, even if Viviana had been the only one to actually see the meltdown at its peak, was the one who triggered it. I didn't want it to happen again. I was going to steer clear from her for a while, and probably everyone else.
I had to focus on getting the fuck out of here.
If only I knew how to fucking do that.
Would I have to play Viviana's game? Just, suck it up and take it and be a good boy? Because the very thought of bending over for her, even to get what I wanted, made me wonder if biting off my tongue in suicide would actually work. The last time I'd been forced to sit back and take it was when Hades had been helping to heal Alaric. I didn't want that Greek putting hands on Alaric, and that trust had only been further crushed when Alaric had temporarily died in Hades's care.
So, suffice it to say, I never had much luck putting my trust in others.
Bending over wasn't going to work.
And yet, what else was I going to do? Do the same damn thing over and over again, no results, pushing myself further onto the brink of madness? Besides, I was here, wasn't I? In the lair of the beast, as one would say. I could learn something about this place, about Viviana.
When it came right down to it, I had no idea who she was. What was her real purpose here? What was she planning to do with all these shadows and her own realm? I highly doubted she was gonna cozy up here and not do something astronomically insane. Maybe if I got close enough, I'd find a way out. I'd find a way to get rid of her. And I'd find a way to get to those souls in the marble statues.
There we go.
Now it was time to drag my fat ass out of this bed and get something done.
I cast the blankets aside, missing the warm fluffiness of it all immediately, before making my way to the bathroom where I showered and shaved. I threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, grabbing the leather jacket, lacing up my boots, and stalking out into the hall with a clear message of just because i'm out, doesn't mean you can fucking come near me. Of course, it was no surprise that waiting out in the hallway by the door was a tray of food; roasted veggies, medium-rare steak, steamed greens, and a bottle of vintage wine.
Ignoring it, I went down the hallway and around through the foyer to get to the courtyard with the most statues. I heard music playing from the nearby lounges, voices and laughter. Like their worlds had gotten so much better since they joined the dark side. If it was that easy to turn people over, Darth Vader should've just offered a big mansion full of yummies and friends to Luke Skywalker, instead of going evil daddy on him.
Gods knew that method didn't fucking work.
I pushed open the double doors and came out into the courtyard. As per usual, it was crusted over with ice and snow, snow that never really accumulated like it did outside of this place. The trees here were spindly and naked, quivering and black. It reminded me of the way the trees had looked back in the Paradise realm, after the wars. The earth here was a dead and cold, just like the statues scattered around, like those cheesy lawn ornament stores that usually sat around lakes or beaches with lawn statues sitting in unorganized clusters.
Except there weren't any smiling gnomes or weird fat faerie things watering mushrooms.
The statues were twisted in images of agony and sorrow. Females hugging themselves for warmth that never came, some wailing up at the sky, others reaching as if desperate for touch. Males twisted in agony, some kneeling down, weeping into their palms, others arched in pain, others trying to hurt themselves in ways that clearly never succeeded.
And inside each of the sleek black statues was a soul that flickered and gleamed, winking weakly at me, calling out to be taken to their eternal resting place. A place that wasn't this freezing cold garden.
I went to the nearest statue of a female hugging herself, her head bowed and body caved into herself. Inside, the soul gleamed and faded, then flickered somewhere else. It was like seeing a firefly trapped in a jar. And I wondered briefly if the souls were like fireflies, in that they would slowly die and sink to the bottom and lay there in shriveled death.
I reached out and touched the icy cold statue. I closed my eyes, concentrated on the soul within its confines. The soul was in pain, terrified, confused. I was compelled to take her out, compelled to bring her home, but I just couldn't get past the magic on the statue itself. While the statue was cold stone, there was a film of electricity, like it was statically charged, preventing me from entering, and the soul from escaping.
I stepped back and scanned the courtyard, moving to another statue. Sure enough, I felt the same pulsing power beneath my fingertips. I went around, touched each of the statues, feeling the different souls inside, hearing them cry out for help. I came to stand in the middle of the courtyard, frowning as I looked them over.
"Don't worry," I said aloud, hearing the souls whimper around me, "You're not going to stay here forever. None of us are. I'm going to take you back home. Just give me some time. I swear to you that you will not remain here for eternity." There was a ripple through the souls in the courtyard. They'd heard me. They listened. They were still afraid, but they had ceased screaming. Now they were just whispering amongst themselves.
I took a deep breath, feeling a physical release of pressure on my shoulders. Though, a weird prickling feeling crept up the back of my neck and I looked up at one of the stained glass windows overhead. The one depicting a male on his knees, his heart torn out, crushed by his lover, perhaps. And beyond the window, through the shards of colorful glass, I could make out Rowan's face looking down at me through the image.
I narrowed my eyes and made my way into the castle. I found the narrow staircase that took me right up to where he was. I stepped out into the hallway to see he'd moved down a few windows, admiring the one of the boy in the midst of self-harm. I drifted over to him, and he didn't look up at the glass, and upon my approach, I realized it wasn't admiration in his eyes, but utter despair.
"Self portrait?" I asked him, coming to a stop beside him, glancing at the image. He shook his head slowly, eyes not once breaking away from the glass.
"No. This one just bothers me the most," he answered honestly. I frowned at that, looking back at the colorful pieces of glass held together to form the image of the small boy. My eyes went back to Rowan. He seemed to know something more about the image, something he wasn't saying, and probably wasn't going to talk about. That was the thing with him. Avoidance was his game and he played it well.
"What're you doing here?" I asked at last. Rowan looked at me now, the despair fading from his eyes, replaced with genuine curiosity.
"You left your room. I wanted to make sure you weren't the walking dead."
"No," I answered dryly, "Just sore." He nodded, didn't press. Neither of spoke for a while. Just stared up at that eerie stained glass of the boy. And it was weird, the longer we stared up at it. There was something about the stained glass, almost like it was meant to be more than morbid as fuck. The image was done mostly in reds and whites, reds in the hair, eyes, fingernails, clothing, and whites everywhere else. And yet, it seemed like something more. Not just colored pieces of glass organized to display an image, but rather, a message almost. Like it was trying to say something without actually saying it. And judging from Rowan's intense stare, he knew what was being said. He felt it.
And how weird was that?
"So if that's not you, who is it?" I asked without looking at Rowan.
"I don't know. Who do you think it is?"
"Theo," I answered, making Rowan raise an eyebrow, turning his head to me and I met his eyes, "Hades's son. Redheaded bitch child who sets peoples houses on fire and rampages through his city like a toddler on the loose." Rowan's lips twitched, like the description was amusing to him. He looked back at the image, his hands neatly tucked into the pockets of his slacks, his eyes searching the image.
"Stanton, may I ask you something, and you should answer me with honesty?"
"Honesty is my best policy."
"If you could go back in time, and change everything, would you do it? Go back and change it so that Xiphrus never became twisted by Atlan? Turn the Paradise realm back into the beauty it was before?" He asked. I looked at him. The question was weird to me, because my immediate thought was hell no. Because that just seemed like the right answer.
But as it sank in further, I found myself wondering... Would I? If given the chance, would I go back in time and change it so that Xiphrus never hurt me? Never fell for Atlan's tricks? Would I go back and give myself the happily ever after everyone else seemed to already have? I wanted to say of course not, again. Because if I did, wouldn't that mean Alaric wouldn't be in my life?
Or was that fated to happen either way?
Would the Fates have allowed me to be with Alaric no matter what happened in the past:?
Because, if that were the case, yes. I would go back. I would make it so that Xiphrus never fell for Atlan's tricks. I would make it so that Atlan fucking perished, prophecy or no prophecy. I would get my family back. I would get my life back. I would have Alaric. Everything would be hunky dory and there'd be no twisted shitstorm like there was now.
And yet, that was never how it worked out. Either way, something would have gone wrong. Because that's how the universe rolled. Things had to go wrong in order to go right. Conflict kept the universe afloat. Even if it meant tearing someone's life apart.
But if I could...
"Dumb question," I said at last. Rowan smirked.
"I figured you would say that. You don't dream big enough, Stanton."
"I dream just fine."
"Do you, though?" Rowan asked softly, turning to look at me again. I blinked, then turned to look at me questioningly. What an odd thing to say. Almost like this fucker knew that the nightmares were back and he was trying to get me to admit it. Instead, I accepted his challenge of a staring contest that lasted only for a few seconds before a tingle of power filtered through the air around us, an indication that he was being summoned for another private meeting in the foyer.
"Go on," I said, making him raise an eyebrow, "Your she-devil is calling you. See you, Lassie." Rowan's stare became unamused.
"Yes. It would appear so. Do behave, Stanton. I find myself counting you as one of very few whose presence I can tolerate for more than a few seconds. It would be a pity to lose you because of something stupid. Like scaling the courtyard wall and slipping, falling on your head."
"Figured it all out, haven't you?"
"I'm very observant. Oh, and go eat something," he pointed out before vanishing. I sighed, reaching up to rake a hand through my hair. My stomach made a gross gurgling sound as if to say oh fuck yeah let's do this. Time for some grub. I rolled my eyes, putting a hand over my stomach, silently wishing it would shut up before I left the hallway and made for the cafeteria.
Which I decided was a whole new level of hell. I hadn't eaten in days and the smells built up in that cafeteria, in the heat, made my stomach plead for just about everything they had. I managed to tame myself long enough to snatch up a burger and fries, taking a seat at a secluded table in the corner of the room. Not that there were many people to be wary of. Only a couple people behind the counter, and a few shadows dining by themselves in various parts of the room.
I was halfway through my burger, taking a deep swig of Corona when something dark moved out the corner of my eye, and I looked up, immediately losing my appetite.
That mountainous T-rex piece of garbage incubus was back.
Except he looked weird. No, not so much weird as normal. Instead of being sex-crazed and trying to rip me into pieces with a ravenous gleam in his dark eyes, he looked strangely calm. No, more like he looked ashamed, like a dog that had pissed on the rug. I narrowed my eyes, not buying the act for an instant as I set my Corona aside and picked up a fry.
"Can you at least let me finish my meal before you try to fuck me again?" I asked dryly.
"I'm here to talk," Simon answered quietly, then frowned, "Or, rather, apologize." I stared at him. Oh yeah, sure, sorry for trying to plow your ass against your will. Let's talk about the weather. And yet, despite that raging sarcasm, I could faintly hear Tatiana's voice in the back of my head, calling me a judgemental prick... okay, so those weren't her exact words, but that was what I heard come out of her mouth. So instead of telling Simon to fuck off and die, I sat back in my seat, indicating he could sit.
Looking relieved, he pulled the chair out and sat down. And how weird was it to see him take his seat so... daintily. Like, he was some kind of prim and proper dignitary.
Still, I didn't say anything to encourage him or indicate I was at all interested in his apologies. I leaned forward again, taking another fry and shoving it between my lips, eyeing Simon the whole time as he placed his folded hands on the table for a moment.
"I recognize that mere words mean nothing," Simon said, making me frown, "They are weak in this kind of situation. However, it is all I can offer you right now. My behavior was entirely unacceptable. Even so, I want to explain myself."
"You're an incubus. You crave sex to survive. Viviana gave me the downlow. Doesn't excuse it." I dredged my fry in a wad of ketchup, slapping it on my tongue and taking a bite of my burger. Simon finally looked up at me, and there was a flare of anger.
"I do not crave sex," he answered, and I gave him a deadpan stare.
"Nooo," I said sarcastically, "Of course not. You were just really happy to see me."
"I personally do not crave sex," Simon reiterated, and I gave him a droll stare that made him sigh in frustration, "My species of incubus is different from others. Sex is not merely a means of survival, it is a means of sanity. It is a biological requirement in order to retain our less primitive minds. Once we neglect that part of ourselves, we are no longer who we are. And I am not telling you think to excuse what I have done. I recognize it was completely inappropriate, harmful, and dangerous. Normally, I have my feedings regularly and willingly." I started to tell him off, not really caring how his biology worked and why his species wasn't just wiped off the planet when his words sank in.
Wait a minute. Normally?
"Normally?" I asked. Simon frowned.
"Yes. Before I came to this place, I went to brothels for my feedings before they reached the level of insanity, as they have the past few days. In which case, the feedings have been sated and I can live life normally."
"But as soon as you got here, those regular feedings stopped," I stated. Simon nodded, looking around the room slowly before looking back at me.
"For some reason, when I tried to feed on the other shadows, my cravings were not satisfied. When my levels of aggression began to rise, Viviana informed me that she would allow me to feed when she wanted. Unfortunately, she was busy with this whole situation with Xiphrus that she neglected allowing me to leave for my feedings. And before you accuse me of placing the blame on others, I am not. It is simply a fact. I cannot physically leave unless given permission by Viviana, of which I had none and could not contact her to do so. So as you can see--"
"So, let me get this straight," I said, leaning my elbows on the table and watching Simon frown further, curiosity gleaming in his eyes, "You tried to satisfy your cravings with the shadows. Did you sexually crave them? At all? Like, with that level of intense insanity that you attacked me?" Simon paused, then shook his head slowly.
"No. My cravings sexually were not bothered. I had other symptoms, of course. Restlessness, groin pain, fatigue, irritability. But the vicious urge to have sex was not present."
"Until I showed up," I filled in. Simon stared at me for a full moment, then scowled.
"Exactly... But I have no idea why that's the case, frankly. I'm actually not attracted to males in anyway, no offense," he added, to which I gave him a pointed glare and he shrugged, "Just stating a fact. I generally seek out females. Of course, I have never reached the intense levels of starvation until recently. I've seen it happen to others of my species. It was how I was born. When the starvation reaches us, we care not with whom we mate, as long as we do it and we do it fast. Eventually, it will kill us. The symptoms by that point mimic those of what you call rabies."
"That doesn't make sense," I said, making Simon raise an eyebrow, "Not that explanation part, I get that. Biology is a fun business. Still pissed at you for trying to take my ass, though. But the part that doesn't make sense to me is why were you not craving the other shadows? Why me? I recognize shadows are different, but are we really that different?" Simon hesitated. He looked around again.
Nobody was watching us or even paying attention to us. He still looked wary, like he was afraid someone was listening. He looked back at me.
"We can't talk here," he said at last, "Come to my quarters in about twenty minutes. I have a protective barrier around my room to keep the others out."
"Yeah, I'm not sure I feel comfortable going to your room with you, alone," I answered dryly. Simon gave me a deadpan stare.
"As I have mentioned, I have already fed. On a female. Who was far more attractive than you. You are far too hairy for my tastes, you have an extra appendage I can do without, oh and I'm not a fan of white boys," he explained, and I was ready to tell him that if he was hungry enough it wouldn't matter, until he leaned in, "Trust me. If I wanted you, I would've attacked you and nobody here would've come to your aid. I could've had you right here, right now, if I wanted. And they would help me. What I'm doing right now is my way of apologizing for what I've done."
"Why would you give a shit? I'm the enemy, aren't I? Why offer me anything?"
"I am a shadow," Simon responded grimly, making me frown, because I was pretty sure this was the first shadows encountered that didn't look too pleased with the gig, "But I am also me. Simon, first and foremost. Viviana may have wiped out my past life. But not who I am. And who I am is someone who tries to make up for their mistakes. Why do you think I ended up here?" I didn't know what to say to that. I just stared at him, because frankly I didn't know what to say.
Simon stood up.
"Twenty minutes if you want information; my room is 12 in the Prince wing," he stated, then walked out after grabbing a blueberry muffin. I frowned, watching him leave before looking down at my food.
Xiphrus and Hades had been right. Whatever was going on with Viviana was much bigger. Her shadows were definitely different alright; different in a way that not even an incubus's biological need to feed didn't effect them, didn't appease the craving. But the moment I showed up, he was all sex crazed? There was something different about us and it wasn't just powers, or origin. There was something happening to these people the moment they were infected with the darkness, darkness harvested from Atlan's remaining evil.
Which brought me to my next realization. Atlan died. Hannibal ripped that fucker to pieces and proudly displayed his remains to his queen, and anyone watching. Including myself. I couldn't bring myself to leave, or go anywhere in that moment. Despite the magnetic urge inside me to go do my job in the mortal realm, I couldn't leave my spot as I stood on that mountain, watching Hannibal rip Atlan's head clean off his shoulders. The blood burst free like a fireworks display of red, and following it was Hannibal's fist emerging from Atlan's chest with his heart tightly in his grasp.
For the first time in a long time, I could breath.
At least, that was my immediate response. Shortly after, it still felt like there was danger lurking in the shadows. And not just the usual danger, because that would always remain. No, this was something that felt like the universal balance was still teetering.
My assumption had been that because Xiphrus was free from his prison. He was free to cause mayhem in Atlan's place, but what if that wasn't the case? What if the unbalance stemmed from Viviana? Stemmed from what remained of Atlan? Because his body had been desecrated sure, and his soul had went to the Source.
But his darkness was still here. His darkness was infecting Viviana's shadows. Atlan died and shortly after Viviana emerged. They were connected. Viviana may not be darkness, but she was definitely something ancient, something powerful. Something Xiphrus, Joxeia and Geara never expected, but why? Weren't they the firsts, the all knowing? Did that make Viviana even older than them? She just didn't get a vessel until now? And why now? Why was she given a vessel now?
The questions were building up. This was definitely something big. Something deadly.
And I needed to find out more.
Which was why I finally decided to drop in on Simon. Who clearly wanted to keep our meeting private.
So I casually finished up my lunch and went upstairs. I went up to my room first and shut the door, heading to the bathroom and turning the shower on without getting in. It was an old trick that probably wouldn't work, but it had to at least buy me some time. In the process, I turned on some music, kept it low so it wasn't obnoxious, but indicated someone had to be in the room. Once it looked occupied, I slipped from the room as quietly as possible and went down the hallway toward Simon's room.
It wasn't far from my room, which sort of wigged me out, but whatever. As long as he was fed. I didn't knock on the door, just stood outside, knowing he'd sense me soon. And he did, a second later, opening up the door. He stepped inside and I walked in. The moment I did, it felt like I was walking through a weird bubble. A thin film of magic. I actually felt myself hold my breath until I was in the room.
Simon shut the door and locked it behind me, pausing to peer out the peephole before he turned to me and gestured for me to go on in. I went the rest of the way into the room. It was just like mine; over extravagant, built for royalty with heavy drapes, a massive bed, sitting area, mini fridge, bathroom the side of a spa. Only his smelled faintly of cigarette smoke, much to my irritation. I said nothing as we took our places in the sitting area.
"So shadows and everyone else are different," I stated the moment we were seated, and Simon nodded, "It has something to do with Atlan's darkness, I know it does. This thing that's going on is much bigger than we think it is, isn't it?" Simon inclined his head, leaning forward to rest his arms across his knees, and I leaned forward too.
"I am not privy to certain things as Tatiana and Rowan are," he admitted quietly, "But I do know some things. First of all, you are correct. Shadows and other creatures are not the same. We are not entirely new creatures. As you can see, I am still an incubus, but I am a shadow as well. It is as people call it; an infection. For some us, the darkness inside is too strong, and it only becomes more overwhelming once we are infected. Atlan's darkness. It is harnessed, used to infect us, to turn us into shadows of our former selves. Hence, shadows."
"How was his darkness harnessed, though?" I asked. Simon shook his head.
"That, I do not know. Which brings me to my second piece... Viviana has a secret room in the castle. One that we are not allowed to enter. Her magic prevents us from entering it, as does the infection. It's sealed with light magic. It repels us as an electric fence may repel predators from attacking a farmer's flock."
"And I take it you don't know what's in there."
"I do not. I am not allowed entry. Even Tatiana is not. However, I know Rowan has special permissions to enter. He knows what lays within. He also knows a lot more than the rest of us. Viviana lets him in on everything. In this room, though, I know for sure you will find the answers you seek. Viviana's plans. What her errands are whenever she leaves. Why she insists on keeping us all in one place like this. Why she was given a vessel by the Great Beyond. Why she is here."
Shit.
I sat back in my seat, my elbow on the arm of the chair as I rubbed at my jaw, looking back at Simon, who also sat back, looking particularly grim. That was a buttload of information, even though it wasn't specific. It was information that, should Viviana find out he gave, he could be killed for it.
"Why," I asked at last, making Simon avert his eyes, "Why tell me? It's got more to do with you just making up for jumping my ass." Simon sighed, reaching up to rub at his eyes before he looked at me. The stress, the exhaustion, on his face was obvious. It was like he was just fed up with everything.
"I truly do regret my actions upon your arrival. I do... But there's something about you, Stanton. Viviana needs you. She wouldn't keep you out of the goodness of her heart, she's not as sweet as she seems. She is a mother and she is female. Their words do not come out clearly. They can be vipers. Lying in wait betwixt the sheets, waiting for you to lay down and sleep before going for your throat. Viviana needs you. That's why she's brought you here. That is why she baited Xiphrus into this mess. She knew she couldn't win Xiphrus over. She needed the next best thing and that was someone of his blood."
"She knows you are the only one left of Xiphrus's blood. The only pure carrier of him. You are Death. You are one of the greatest powers in the universe. I know not what she wishes to do with you, but it's something vile, Stanton. Something evil. She's going to use you and she's going to use you well. And she's going to enjoy it."
That was comforting. Just what I wanted to hear.
Now the only question was... what the fuck did Viviana want with me?