fuck.
Why did he have to sing that song.
Fuck.
Why would he sing that song.
Fuck me.
"Uhm. Mm." Todd interjects
Dean's face is emotionless but yet holds so much emotion.
"Mhm." Dean clears his throat
"I'm gonna go." He says and places the mic down on the stand
He says a 'see you at work' to Raven and Todd and leaves the room.
"Well that was-"
I don't know what Raven was going to see say because I found myself running after Dean. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I felt the breeze hit me after going outside.
"DEAN!" I yell after him
He turns around and gives me a confused face.
"We didn't know you guys were gonna be here." I say to Dean
"It's fine."
"You don't have to leave."
"We. Both know I do though."
"I-I. That song."
"I'm not going anywhere Cara. You can tell Carter that I meant every word of song. You're it for me. I don't want to look for someone else."
"What do you want me to do now?"
"I want you to forgive me and just love me back. Be with me. Love me Cara."
"I do love you Dean."
"Does your boyfriend know?"
"Actually I told him today. Before this."
He smiles at me.
"That's doesn't mean I want to be with you. You broke my heart too many times. I don't trust you."
His smile drops.
"That's fair." He says and drops his head
"I'm sorry." I say to him and look down at my hands
He closes the distance between us and lifts my face.
"I'll see you around Cara." He says and kisses my forehead
I watched him leave and then made my way back to the room.
As I made my way back I decided I should leave as well. I just embarrassed Carter. I ran after Dean. I just left my date and ran after my high school boyfriend.
The room is quiet as I walk in.
"Uhm." I murmur
"Maybe we should go Carter?" I ask him
"Yea." He says and stands up
He clears his thrust and turns towards Raven and Todd.
"I'll see you two around."
"See you guys. I'm sorry again."
They both repeat things along get Elaine's of 'oh it's fine' or 'we have no idea that what happen'.
Now, I'm at the end of what was a painfully quiet car ride. We've driven all the way from the bar to my place, about forty-five minutes, in complete silence.
"I'm so sorry Carter." I say
"Don't apologize."
"I must have embarrassed you. I feel so bad. Here I am on a date with you but running after him."
"I would have done the same thing after that song Cara."
I drop my head in my hands and groan.
"I know I should not be asking you this but...what do I do?" I say ending it with a sigh
I hear him sigh and shift. I look over and see him facing me now.
"Im into you. That's obvious but, as much as I hate to say this, he's in love with you. I don't know the entire story but whatever it is...he's manned up about it now and he's ready. It's shit that you had to wait for him but for some reason we catch on later."
"I don't have much more to gamble with."
"Oh he knows. He sees that. It took someone else seeing how amazing you are for him to wake the fuck up. I'm just glad I got to be that guy."
I lean over and kiss his cheek.
"Why couldn't he be you?" I say
We both chuckle at that and I thank him for the night and open the door.
"Hey Cara." He calls before I step into the house
"Yea?" I call back
"Don't make it easy for him." He says
I give him and nod and watch him drive away.
Needless to say I cried that night. I did a lot of thinking and that lead to memories and those lead to tears. I drug myself out of bed because Rayea and Kenn are having a play date. We didn't cancel it because I think we both knew our relationship wasn't going to work.
"Mama we can play without you." Kenn says to me as I watch them play
I put my hands up as a my bad. I leave them in Kenn's room and head to Cage's. He's been couped in his room all day.
I peek in and see him playing video games. His phone goes off and and he picks it up and smiles.
"Hailee honey." He says
"Did you tell her?"
"No."
"I honestly think she expects me to date a white girl just because of dad."
"I'm not hiding you. It's just that when ma knows, she will never let you just be Hailee. You will always be Cage's girlfriend."
Oh so he and Hailee have a thing. She was just at my office.
"You wanna come over?" I hear him as her
"May as well tell her. My dad knows."
Dean knows!
"He figured it out babe. He heard our conversations."
"He was glad that you are black." He says chuckling
"Ok. See you then." He says and hangs up
He was still smiling. Who would have thought that my son would not tell me about his girlfriend. He swirls around in his chair and sees me and jumps a little.
"Ma." He says in shock
"How much did you hear?" He ask
"Everything."
"Why didn't you tell me she was your girlfriend." I say to him
"You didn't ask." He replies with a shrug
"Cage Brent."
"Ok. She's my girlfriend."
"How long?"
"Since April 21st."
"B!" I say and smack his arm
"Well."
"She staying for dinner."
"Don't go all mama bear on her."
I shoot a text to Dean asking him why he didn't tell me. His response was 'it wasn't my place.'
I tell him to listen out for his sister and Rayea while I began cooking.
About an hour later Hailee arrives and Cage wisps her away to his room. I realize that I'm cooking for five, so I decide to overcook and make a casserole. Not green been that sucks. I invited Mama E. I missed her.
"How have you been sweetheart?" She asks me as she helps me finish the food
"I've been." I reply with a shrug
"No. Tell me." She says sternly
"Your son is a piece of work did you know that?" I ask her as she puts the dish in the oven for me
"Yes, I did actually. You're just now figuring that out?"
I smile a little at her.
"He loves you Cara. I'm pretty sure he always has."
"I really want to believe that Ma but I don't. If he did he wouldn't have pushed me away. He would have trusted me enough to know that I'd stick by him back in high school through that Cassidy mess. He would have came to me for help when he got hurt and couldn't play anymore. But he didn't."
"I think he pushed you away in fear that he would bring you down. I'm not justifying what he did because he was stupid but I can't help but think that somehow he honestly thought he was protecting you. In the beginning at least. You didn't get to read the messages and things between him and Cassidy. I did. That girl even had me convinced he knew he was texting her, but I know my son Cara. The look on his face when I asked him if he cheated ok you intentionally. Cara honey he could never do that. I know he was dumb and reckless but I watched and listened him cry himself to sleep for months."
"That doesn't change that fact that he didn't trust me enough to even see if I would believe him and I probably wouldn't have at the time but I know girls like her and in a week tops I would have taken him back. I love him. He literally has owned my heart since high school and after Cassidy he never once even pretended to want me back."
"You don't know how much you changed when y'all broke up. It wasn't a bad thing either. You became more independent and focused. You didn't need anyone Cara. You didn't need Dean and he saw that."
"But I wanted him! Why is that hard for everyone to see I wanted him. Of course I didn't need him. I was a mom who knew what I had to do to make a life for my son. I didn't need anyone. I did my part. What I wanted was the father of my child and the love of my life. What I wanted was for him to just man up and say he fucked up. I wanted him to open his fucking eyes and realize that he was it for me." I pause because I started to get louder
"Obviously we saw each other and we hooked up because Kennlee and I tried to be with him but he pushed me away. We were both adults at this point so him saying he was in high
school doesn't work for me. He used me. He used my body and I let him because I love him, but I don't think I can do it anymore ma. I'm tired." Is at and out my head down on the counter
I hear her let out a sight.
"You're right. He fucked up." She says
"But that doesn't change the fact that you allowed him to use you. It's more his fault than yours but don't put it all on him. You wanted him and you didn't tell him. What was he suppose to think?"
I roll my eyes because she's right. I let him come to me as he pleased. I could have told him no.
"Casserole will be done in fifteen love. I'm going to watch The View. I know you recorded it." She says and walks to the living room
I sit there with my head on the counter until the timer goes off.
"Yes! Food!" Cage says walking into the kitchen with Hailee
"Can you take that out for me B? I'm going to go get your sister and Rayea....hello Hailee."
"Hi." She says with a small wave
I give them both a 'I know what going on' look and go get the girls. We decided to watch tv and eat because I personally don't see anything wrong with it. We watched A Bug's Life. Kenneth and Rayea sat at Kenn's little table that was covered in Marvel stickers. Dean bought her a pink princess table and she was not having that. Cage and Hailee ate pretty quickly and he stole her away again. I can tell that he really likes her because Hailee makes him smile a lot more than he has recently.
"Here let me tar your plate." I say as I see Ma getting up to take it to the
"Ok." She replies and I take both our dishes and the girls to the kitchen
Cage will wash them later. He always does even when I tell him I will. That's one thing I love about him and his father. Dean always made sure Cage would do his part in keeping the house clean.
"I like Hailee for him." She says to me once I sit back down beside her
"Me too." I say
She only stays for another ten minutes or so. Shortly after she leaves Carter comes and picks us Rayea. Hailee leaves about an hour later and just as expected Cage does the dishes.
"Thanks B. I'm going to miss you doing this when you leave."
"Kenn will start soon. Dad will make sure of it."
"Mm. He will. He use to clean after I cooked when you were a baby."
"Yea he told me." He pauses
I go to leave the kitchen but he calls after me.
"Ma!"
"Yea?"
"You have to talk to dad. I know I had to because I'm his son but you have to because he literally begged me to try and convince you he's changed. I love pops and I know he messed up and I know there is a lot I don't know but he seems genuine."
"I know Cage. I'm not ready though." I tell him and walk out