It's been almost a week since the starry night on Jacksons rooftop. I've had goosebumps ever since Hailee revealed her theory. I'm saying theory because I don't want to believe it's a fact. But what if it is? What does that even mean?
I was certain he was dead. But then again I never actually saw it on the news or read about it in the papers. I was too distracted, to say the least. The week following my moms death and Jacksons sins is all a blur to me. I don't remember eating or even getting up to shower or bathe or pee. The only thing I remember clearly is how the pillowcase was always wet.
Another chill runs down my spine when I catch a glimpse of Jackson coming towards me. I've successfully avoided him until now. I never noticed him in school before everything happened, but now he stands out like a sore thumb. My legs move away from him before my eyes do but he's already seen me.
"Not now Jackson..." I mumble.
"Hey Adeline, wait." His voice infiltrates my mind like needles.
I continue weaving my way through the busy hallways but my whole body stiffens when I feel Jacksons fingers wrapping around my wrist. His grip is tight at first but when he realizes I'm not moving it loosens.
"Please... Just talk to me." His voice is quiet but to me it's like he's being broadcasted over the speaker system.
People continue to buzz around us, ignoring the two of us.
I turn around but regret it instantly. I can't walk away from him again. I can't let him go one more time. Not when he's looking at me like that.
Not when it feels like my heart just started beating again.
"We need to talk." He repeats
"I-
I'm cut off from the screeching blaring from the bell. I let out a sigh and Jackson releases my hand.
"Meet me at my truck after school," he says.
I open my mouth to protest but don't even utter a word because he's already gone.
...
"Ah shit."
"What?"
"I forgot to get dressing," Hailee moans.
I snort. "Seriously? You don't need the extra calories," I laugh.
Hailee gasps. "Hey, I look hot no matter how much weight I put on." She puts her nose up in the air snobbily and I laugh again.
"I know."
"Speaking of hotties, what are you gonna do with your Romeo?"
"He's not a Romeo..."
Hailee squints her eyes and nod her head, as if she's really debating my statement. "Yeah, I guess he's more like a Christian Grey," she says, her voice teasing.
"Oh stop it," I say.
"I'll stop if you stop."
"Stop what?"
"Avoiding the subject."
I narrow my eyes at her but don't protest because I know she's right. She gives me a pointed look and I roll my eyes.
"What do I even do? Hailee, seriously... Everything is so complicated. I can't believe I used to complain about my life before."
"Oh stop that whole 'oh-I-can't-be-with-him-but-I-want-to-but-he's-bad-but-I-like-it-but-I-shouldn't' crap," she says, her voice mimicking some whiny girl.
"I do not sound like that," I protest.
She gives me a pointed look and even point her finger at me. "Yet."
I slap her finger away and flick her nose.
"But really though. If you like this guy, don't push him away because of something he didn't even do."
"But he did. That's the thing. It was just luck that he didn't die."
"Do you know why he did it though?"
I look down at my lap.
"You didn't even ask him why? Jesus Addy."
"It doesn't matter why though. He would've killed him anyway."
"Do you really think he did it with the intention of killing him? From the way you described the situation, it could've been self defense. What if you would've gotten hurt if he didn't do it."
"It doesn't matter... It doesn't excuse what he did."
"You're right. It won't make it okay. But it'll give you some peace."
My mouth opens but nothing comes out.
Hailee gives me a triumphant look. "You know I'm right."
I give her a reluctant smile. "When did you become so wise?"
She gives me a big sarcastic smile back. "Heartbreak tends to do that."
We both stare at eachother before we laugh. Loud.
"God, when did we become so pathetic and boy-dependent?" Hailee asks.
"We're not boy-dependant. We just know how to appreciate fine company."
Then we both laugh again, and for a moment it's loud enough to silence my worries.
...
I walk out the school doors and spot Jackson instantly.
My feet pause at the top of the stairs leading to the parking lot. His back is resting against the passenger door of his truck, arms crossed. His gaze is wandering around everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
And when his gaze finds mine my heart feels lighter and my mind becomes empty for a split second.
If I push him away now he won't disappear. It's too late. Every time I see a black truck I'll be wondering if it's Jackson driving past me. Every time I see green eyes I'll see Jacksons eyes staring at me. And every time I look up at the stars I'll be imagining I'm back on his rooftop, his voice telling me stories about the stars. Telling me his story.
It doesn't matter, I think. It doesn't matter if he really killed someone. He's not a killer. Someone who shows you the stars can't be a killer.
Jackson lifts his hand and waves at me. I fall out of my trance but keep eye contact as I walk down the stairs.
But then Jackson picks up his phone and holds it to his ear. I'm to preoccupied to notice I've reached the bottom of the stairs, thus causing me to loose my footing on the last step.
"Shit!" I swear as I stumble into someone.
"Wow, where are you headed?"
I look up and see Tyler. I look past him but Jacksons not there anymore. I see him getting into his car and the engine roars.
He's leaving?
"I can't talk right now Ty," I say. I try to walk around him to reach Jackson before he drives away but Tyler grabs my arm.
"Why? Where are you headed?" Tyler sounds confused and I look back at him with an annoyed expression.
"Can you just let me go? Seriously. I have somewhere to be." My voice is steady and clear.
I rip my hand away from his grip and turn to leave but It's too late. Jackson's already driving out of the parking lot.
Was it because of Tyler? I groan and turn to Tyler again.
"Are you going home now?" I ask.
"Yeah, why? Weren't you headed somewhere?"
I shrug my shoulders. "It can wait. Where's the car parked?"
Tyler looks even more confused now but he nods his head in the direction of what I'm assuming is our car. I wait for Tyler to walk past me and then I follow him to our car, getting in the passengers side.
The silence is tense and I almost cringe. I hate awkward silences.
My eyes skim the scenery outside.
"Ty?"
"Hmm?" he mumbles.
I turn to look at him.
"When did you know Hailee was worth it? How did you know she was worth everything?"
Tyler squirms a little in his seat, uncomfortable about the subject at hand.
"It's not as much knowing as it is feeling." His eyes flicker to mine.
"I know you're not together anymore, but do you still have that feeling?"
It's silent for a while.
"She's still worth more to me than I can describe with words." His voice is strained and his fists are clenched around the steering wheel.
I only nod my head and turn to the scenery again.
"Adeline. I don't know who the guy that has your heart is, and I pray to God it's not Jackson-
"No one has my heart..." I mumble but he ignores me.
"-but even if it is him, don't push him away. If he has your heart, don't lock him out. And if it's the other way around, don't let him push you away that easily."
I turn to glare. "That's so hypocritical of you. You're pushing away Hailee because you're scared."
"I'm not pushing her away because I'm scared. I'm giving her up because I'm terrified."
I let out a sarcastic laugh. "What are you so terrified of that you have to 'give her up'?"
Tyler looks at me briefly with a look of both concern and seriousness. "I'm terrified I'll be the cause of her pain."
"You already are."
"But she's not dead."
Dead? Really?
"Are you kidding me? She won't die of being with you!"
"You don't know that! Those guys-they... They will do anything to win a match. Hailees' a weakness when I'm in the ring. She can be used against me. It's safer to leave her out of it..."
I don't respond to what he said. I don't know what I should respond. Am I a weakness to Jackson? Is that why he left?
The fact that he just turned and left hurts. Even if I'm the one who pushed first.
This is such a mess. I've spun a web of feelings and complications and now I'm stuck.
I want to be with him. And he wanted to be with me too. I know he did. Otherwise he wouldn't have tried to talk to me. But now he just left me hanging. Maybe he thought I didn't want to be with him?
Oh God. That's probably it. I pushed too far. And now he's not coming back.
I need to fix this. Even if it doesn't end with us riding off into the sunset. I need to clear the air.
Because right now it feels like I can't even breathe.
---
A/N:
Hey! Sorry I didn't update mid-week. I've just been super busy with school.
And I also think I might have a minor writes block, if that's a thing. It took me forever to write this chapter, and it's one of the shortest chapters I've ever written!
Urgh, I feel like I'm disappointing with this story :(
(NOT fishing for compliments or anything.)
I'M SORRY.
I'll try to make more time for it. I really do want this story to be somewhat good.
I really hope you're enjoying it so far though ;)
Vote and comment!
xoxo