"Rappers," My English teacher started, clasping his hands in front of himself. He was leant against his desk, in front of the room with what seemed like a smile. Never really seen him smile though, so I'm not sure."Rappers write poetry."
I heard someone beside me whined, like a dog, curiously. They must be curious as to where he was going with this. To be honest, I'm actually a little interested on where he was going with this too. Last class he just told us to write a poem, and he must have saw the disgusted looks on our faces when he said that.
I never really understood poetry. Did it have to rhyme? Is it like a story but simpler and gets to the point quicker? Was a poem a way to express a way you felt?
Shit. So many questions, no answers being given to me.
I leaned forward in my seat, resting my head on top of my desk, keeping my eyes on my teacher though. A slow breath escaped my lips, listening to my teacher explain what he meant by this.
He explained how poetry is music, and that music is poetry. He sounded redundant for at least twenty minutes because my classmates were asking him questions. They were asking the same questions but just worded differently. I didn't understand them at times, and I worried about that.
This is my generation.
"Now," he clasped his hands together once again, a breath of relief escaping his lips when he did. I nodded silently, satisfied like he was when there were no more hands up for a question. Suddenly, his eyes traveled to me and I regretted even moving at all."who is your favorite rapper, Y/N?"
I sat up, feeling my cheeks heat up when I saw everyone's eyes travel to me. I scratched the back of my neck nervously, shrugging my shoulders an answer. But it seemed like he didn't want that answer, because he spoke up once again.
"Come on, everyone has a favorite rapper."
I cleared my throat, feeling nervous once again when everyone's eyes turned to me. A breath escaped my lips as I thought of any recent rapper that has been stuck on my mind. The first rapper that came to mind was Drake, but then I marked that out because he wasn't necessarily my absolute favorite. Now, my favorite...
It would have to be..."J. Cole." I shrugged, answering his question. A satisfied smile formed on his lips, making me raise my eyebrow questionably.
But then my attention changed over to the person across the room who shouted,"Ayeee!" I chuckled when I saw a guy raise his hand, a lazy peace sign up as he smiled at me. He nodded at me with approval, his way of telling me that J. Cole was also his favorite.
The bell rang soon after, and everyone basically ran out of the classroom. I puffed air out of my mouth, glad the class was over, and began putting my things back into my backpack. I put my backpack on my right shoulder, lazily beginning to make my way out of the classroom.
"Y/N," I furrowed my eyebrows, stopping at the entrance, or exit now, to the classroom. I turned my head to look back at my teacher, my eyebrow rose with curiosity when I saw him raise a paper up."I loved it."
"I'm sorry. What?"
"Your poem." He lifted a paper up, and I squinted my eyes to see that my name was written on it. I hummed quietly, then scratched my head when I realized he complimented my work.
"T...hanks." I hesitated, clearing my throat when an awkward silence surrounded us. I turned my body then shuffled uncomfortably on my feet as he dug through his man bag. I just called it a man bag.
I was stopped from thinking about his man bag (still calling it a man bag, okay) when he extended a paper towards me. I stepped forward towards him and grabbed the paper and read it as he explained."It's a Poetry Out Loud thing in the county library. People go to read any kind of poems, personal or someone else's."
I quirked my eyebrow."What do you want me to do with this?" I said after reading the handout.
He shrugged."Its up to you if you want people to hear your words. That poem sounded personal, so you decide." He smiled at me, and I glanced over my shoulder to find people walking in to class. I let it a small sigh, which got his attention."Look, you don't have to go. It's not extra credit or anything. I just thought you'd like to release what's on your mind to an audience that won't judge." He told me, sending me a small smile.
I heard the late bell ring, causing me to sigh because I knew there was going to be a long line at lunch. I shrugged it off, then sent him a thankful smile."Thank you. I'll keep it mind." He nodded, then turned his body to face his already chaotic class.
I sat down at our lunch table, biting my lip as I read over the words on the handout I was given. I released a sigh, folding it up but it was instantly snatched out of my hand before I could put it away.
"What's this?" Dinah said, curiosity laced in her voice. She let out a quiet "ooh" then looked at me."You into poetry now?" She asked, handing me the handout back. I snatched it out of her hand playfully, which got a playful glare before I explained.
"Mr. Emsley gave it to me. Said I should go to...release my emotions. Something like that." I scrunched my nose up, tucking the paper into my back pocket.
"So you're going?"
I shrugged."Don't know."
"I think you should." Dinah said, just as Normani came with an excited look on her face as she looked at her plate full of wings. I then noticed Dorelys and Josh making their way over to us with...flirty smiles? I hummed, distracted from the topic Dinah and I were speaking about. She snapped her fingers in front of me, making me look her with my eyebrows raised."You should go." She repeated.
"Go where?" Dorelys asked, seeming to have calmed down from laughter.
"Y/N's going to this Poetry Out Loud thing tomorrow night. We're going too." Dinah answered before I could get a word in.
I opened my mouth to speak but Dorelys spoke up."That's cool. What poem are you reading?" The Puerto Rican asked curiously.
"I'm not-" I tried.
"If you're reading, then I'll make sure I can make it." Josh nodded, smiling at me then quickly took a curly fry from Normani's plate. The dark skinned beauty slapped his head, glaring at him then went back to eating her wings.
"Guys, I'm not going to-"
"When is it?" Dorelys looked at Dinah.
"Wait!" I slapped my hand on the table, stopping Dinah from answering and got their attention. They looked at me incredulously, wondering why I did what I just did. I huffed, sitting up then said,"I'm not going."
"But you said-"
"I didn't say anything." I interrupted Josh, glaring at him then realized it wasn't him I should be mad at. I turned my glare to the Polynesian, who was shaking her head with her arms crossed."I'm not going." I repeated, huffing.
"Why not?" Dorelys asked, I could hear in her tone that she was hesitant to ask.
I shrugged my shoulders."Speaking in front of a crowd isn't my favorite thing to do." I sat back in my chair, looking at the table with a blank expression.
"Right..." Dorelys nodded once, and I looked at her to see her looking at the others. She cleared her throat when they only shrugged, probably knowing there isn't anything that could be said or done to convince me to go."I'm not going to try and convince you to go. If you don't want to go, then don't go."
I furrowed my eyebrows, taken aback by the sudden change of everyone's decision. I scratched my head, sitting up with a curious expression as I saw them each doing their own thing now. I opened my mouth to speak, then instantly shut it when I didn't know what to say. I tilted my head a little, a frown on my lips as they did their own thing innocently, as if they weren't just excited about me going to this poetry shit.
I sat back, rolling my eyes then said,"Fine. I'll go." I huffed, getting their attentions, then noticed their smirks. I sat up again."What the hell?"
"Did I tell you I'm going to major in psychology?" Dorelys smiled.
"I don't understand."
"Don't worry your little mind, Y/N." Josh chuckled, patting my head as he stood up. I glanced at him then at the others, a confused expression still on my face. What the hell just happened? "I'm gonna get lunch. You guys explain to Y/N about reverse psychology."
I huffed, getting giggles from my friends.
*
M
E
R
C
Y
*
"Tomorrow night" came quicker than I thought.
"Man, I wish I could go see Y/N pee herself on stage in front of a lot of people."
My lovely brother said, an actual frown on his lips as those words left his mouth. I groaned quietly, hating the reminder of being in front of several people. I played with my fingers, and waited for my parents and Camila to finish getting dressed.
"Well, I'm off to work, little loser." Geoffrey messed up my hair, getting another groan from me when he did. As I fixed my hair, he grabbed his keys in to kitchen then came out to tell me,"You'll do fine. Just think of the reason why you wrote the poem...pretend that person is there, and that you're only telling them those words."
I looked at him weirdly."When did you become so wise?"
"When my wisdom teeth came in." He nodded with a proud smile, then chuckled when I rolled my eyes at his stupidity. He patted my head once, then made his way to the front door."Murder those people with words!" He shouted dramatically, making me chuckle. He left the house after, leaving me alone with what he said.
Pretend that person is there, and that you're only telling them those words.
I repeated to myself, even on the car ride over to the library that was on the handout. When we arrived, I exhaled a breath nervously that received many "You'll do fine" from my sister and parents.
We made our way inside, and there were a fair amount of people. They were scattered all over the place, happy smiles on their faces as they spoke to one another. My friends though, they were sitting in the second row talking among themselves with curious looks on their faces. I told my parents that I would wait here, by the door, because I invited someone else and I wanted to let them know where we were going to be seated. They found it weird at first, but let it slide then made their way over to my friends.
I leaned against the wall beside the entrance of this place. I looked at my nails as I did, a sigh being a released from my lips quietly I continued waiting. But he came sooner than I thought.
"Hey." I lifted my eyes off my nails, smiling at the sight of the boy. He pulled me in for a short hug then gestured for me to walk."Come on. I'm curious to see how your family will react when they see me." He said.
There wasn't much of a reaction. Only from Camila actually. She stood up from her chair, hugged the tall boy tightly as if she were to let him go he would disappear again. My parents, if there was a reaction they didn't show it. They simply said,"Good to see you, Shawn." Then went on to speak to each other in Spanish. Camila forced Shawn to sit next to her, immediately telling him to tell her everything he's done the time he was gone. My friends, they only waved at him shortly with a small smile then went back to what they were doing; talking.
Eventually, it was time for this whole thing to begin. And it did. Some guy went up there to introduce the first volunteer, and I watched as many more went up after the first. And I realized as I listened to them, how the hell did I get invited to this? My poem is shit compared to theirs. Theirs actually feel like I had experienced what they went through. There was this guy who wrote a poem of who I guess may be his ex-girlfriend, and for a second I thought I was his ex. That's how moving his poem was. I shook my head, hearing the man that introduces the poet up to the podium ask for anymore volunteers.
And I felt it. I felt them staring at me. Even my parents were giving me that "Get your ass up there" look. But I shook my head like a child who was being asked if they broke something valuable, and lying about it. I swallowed the lump in my throat, keeping my eyes glued to my shoes as I let the silence continue.
Pretend that person is there, and that you're only telling them those words.
I shut my eyes, really hating now that my brother's voice came to mind. I sucked it up, took a deep breath and stood up while I raised my hand."I'll go." I said out loud, catching everyone's attention as I made my way over to the podium.
So now, I stood here in front of many people I have no clue who they are. I was facing a fear, which made me think of what Shawn said to me." Love makes you do things you'd think you wouldn't do." I tapped the edges of the podium, chewing on my bottom lip as I hesitated to start.
"This is, uh," I cleared my throat, looking down at my hands pretending like I had a paper in my hand."It's called The Other." I bit my lip, lifting my eyes up from my imaginary paper to see a familiar pair of eyes. I furrowed my eyebrows, looking down at my imaginary paper again then lifted my gaze to look again. A sigh of relief escaped my lips when I saw it wasn't her, but just some girl with black hair with brown eyes.
I looked over to my family and friends, sucking in a shaky breath when I did. They sent me exciting thumbs ups and encouraging smiles, which made me look away because they looked funny when they did. I glanced around the room shortly, then looked back down at my imaginary paper again as I began.
"Like a spotlight the water hits me
Ran it extra cold to shake the words from my mouth
Though I know that no one's listening
I nervously rehearse for when you're around..."
And as the next words left my mouth, I looked up, to find her."And I keep waiting like you might change my mind..." For a second, I thought I was just seeing things again. That I was taking my brother's words literally, but I wasn't. She was actually here.
"Who wrote the book on goodbye?
There's never been a way to make this easy
When there's nothing quite wrong but it don't feel right
Either your head or your heart, you set the other on fire..."
She had her jacket in her hand, just looking at me as if I had invited her here. As if nothing happened between us. She was standing there, her hair down and looking innocently beautiful and she was hurting me as she did. It was ironic, because she was hurting and I remember the guilty look on her face when she left my room. Words were being said now, they were leaving my mouth and I couldn't seem to take my eyes off her as they did.
"We fell from the peak
And the stars, they broke their code
I'm trying to forget
How I landed on this road
I'm caught in between
What I wish and what I know
When they say that you just know..."
She must have realized that I was actually looking at her. Because she looked behind her to find nobody then turned back to look at me with a caught expression. She quickly turned around to bump into someone, probably saying sorry as she hurriedly left through the door.
I excused myself once I was finally done with my poem, ignoring the questioning looks from my friends and family and the clapping from the people. I squeezed myself past people who wanted to congratulate me, saying that my poem was good. I made it to the exit to see her getting in her car, which just so happened to be parked in front of the building. I narrowed my eyes as I ran to her car, hoping to at least get an explanation of why she was here.
"Hey!" I shouted, slamming my hand against her hood which made her jump. She put her seatbelt on and turned her car on as I stood by her window."Lauren, you don't get to ignore me now." I tapped on her window, my jaw clenched down as I watched her avoid me.
I scoffed, locking eyes with her for a only a short moment then saw her put her car in reverse.
"She used me." I whispered to myself, remembering the look in her eyes just now. Her car reversed out of the parking spot, leaving me standing in the middle of it now as I watched her speed off. I blinked rapidly, not letting myself cry over this, because I was told and warned several times.
I should've listened.
"Who was that?" I heard footsteps behind me, and I rubbed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat.
"No one." I muttered, turning around to face him. He placed his hands on my shoulders, and I shrugged them off as I made my way to the car my parents and I came in."I wanna go home."
"What happened?" I heard Josh whisper to my tall friend, and I was too busy making my way to the car that I didn't know what he answered.
"That was her, wasn't it?" I lifted my head up, sniffling as I met my sister's eyes. I looked down at the ground, my arms crossed as I leaned against the car. I heard her sigh, probably taking that as my answer."You okay?" She asked carefully.
I shrugged."You were right." I said in a quiet voice, my voice scaring me because of how rough it sounded."She used me."
"I'm sorry, Y/N." Camila wrapped her arm around my shoulder, and I shrugged again unable to say anything else. My poem was still in my mind, and I hated that it made perfect sense now.
When there's nothing quite wrong but it don't feel right
____________\
HI! So my friend ashcabaello just turned 19, go on her account and wish her a happy birthday and follow her because she has awesome stories and has more to come!