I once heard this quote about love and letting go it went something like: There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn and people we can't live without but have to let go. I've accepted that it's not fate anymore or coincidence. Our lives are already written for us whether we like it or not. But that's just how life is it isn't fair, happy endings don't always end happy for everyone and that's okay I've accepted and learned to realize that as well. But to let go of the people we love most is the hardest lesson you could ever be taught and that's why I can't stay. That's also why I need you to understand why I chose this path, though I'm sure it's not, leaving makes me feel as if I still have a say in my book. I can't stand to be around to watch as everyone watches it come to an end. These are all the reasons why I chose to leave and I hope you can accept my decision. Have a safe and happy life, Barry.
Love,
Sadie Merlyn
The words ran through my head everyday, when I woke up in the morning, throughout the day when I didn't have something to think about and at night when I lie awake regretting every decision I ever made to leave. Like I had said in my note to Barry I didn't want to leave but I couldn't stand around and wait for my death. I wanted Barry to live his life to the fullest without having to worry about me. So that's why I left, I ran away like I always do and knew I would. After the singularity I traveled everywhere. I stayed at Felicity's for a few weeks to comfort her after Ray's death. But Barry stopped by every once in awhile to see her and Oliver and it was hard to avoid him. So I moved onto Keystone City and stayed there for awhile though I did always come back and check on everything in Central City every month or so. Barry was now working by himself, Caitlin was now working at Mercury Labs and Cisco was working for the CCPD.
"Excuse me, miss," a man said bringing me out of my thoughts, "Is this seat taken?"
"No, it isn't," I smiled moving my bag off the seat so the man could sit down. Currently I was on a train headed back to Central City for Flash Day. The mayor wanted to give the key to the city to the Flash for saving Central City six months ago. I thought back to that day and how Ronnie and Stein tried to help Barry which they did but they lost Ronnie in the process. After that Barry wouldn't allow anyone to help him in fear of them being at risk like Eddie and Ronnie. That's why none of them worked in Star Labs anymore and went their separate ways. A lot of people also though the Phaser died with the wormhole but obviously that wasn't the case.
"Are you going to the Flash Day as well?" The man beside me asked as he pointed at my red sweatshirt.
"Uh, yeah," I nodded.
"The stuff that he can do is amazing," he noted.
"Yeah, it's pretty cool," I smiled. A few hours later the train pulled into Central City. I grabbed my backpack and pulled my hoodie over my head while putting on some sunglasses before hoping off the train. Everyone was gathered in town square all dressed in red. There was a stage with banisters of the Flash's lightning bolt. I watched as more people joined and noticed Cisco and Joe leaning against Joe's car watching everyone. The mayor got on stage behind a podium and greeted the crowd.
"Good morning, Central City!" He smiled as the crowd cheered, "A year ago, our world changed. Our city became ground zero for some pretty weird stuff. We got a new breed of criminal: Men and women who defied not only our laws, but physics and reason," the mayor paused, "But we got something else, too. We got the Flash!"
The crowd roared at the mention of their hero.
"Our wounds run deep, and I know many of you are afraid of what threats tomorrow may bring. But the Flash doesn't just protect us, he restores hope where it was lost. That's why I'm honored to present the key to the man who saved Central City. The Flash!" He yelled excitedly holding up a golden key but Barry was nowhere to be seen. Until a gust wind blew by along with a lighting bolt and there he stood on stage as the crowd started chanting. He waved to the crowd and walked up to the podium.
"The doors to Central City will forever be open for you, Flash," the mayor told him handing him the key.
"Look out!"
A large object flew through the sky headed for the stage. Barry grabbed the mayor running him off the stage just as a stand landed where they had just stood. I saw a man in all black walk through the crowd towards the Flash. He pushed a cop car with his bare hands towards police that were shooting at him. I rushed through the crowd when I bumped into someone knocking my glasses off.
"Sadie?"
I turned and found Iris staring at me before I got to my feet and disappeared into the crowd. The man in black was suddenly much larger almost as tall as a two story building. There were explosions behind me as I ran away. My apartment was mostly empty here in Central City, all that was left was the furniture but all my belongings were gone. I could tell Barry was in here a few times by where everything was. The blanket on the couch was left like someone had slept there and as well in my bed. There was a picture on my bedside table of Barry and I but that was all that was there. It didn't seem like he had been here in awhile since there was dust mostly everywhere but I didn't clean since I didn't plan on staying long. I opened to find the fridge empty just like the rest of the place. I sighed ordering chinese food and sat on the couch waiting for it to arrive. The cable bill was cancelled so I couldn't watch tv so I passed the time by playing games on my phone when there was a knock at the door.
"Coming!" I called grabbing my wallet and opening the door to find Iris. I started to shut the door but she put her purse between it.
"Sadie, you can't leave," she said struggling to keep the door open.
Iris shoved her way through as I backed up ready to run past her but she shut the door quickly.
"That won't do anything," I told her.
"Please Sadie, just hear me out," she said putting her hands up in surrender. I sighed crossing my arms signaling that I would listen. "Barry is falling apart without you," she told me, "He's just busied himself in his work and won't let anyone help. He's lost without you."
"I don't care," I answered simply.
"Why not?" She asked.
"Because we're not meant to be together," I shrugged sitting at the counter picking at the hem of my shirt.
"Is that because Barry and I are supposed to get married?" She asked standing across from me.
I looked up at her, "You know about that?"
"Yeah, Ed...Eddie told me," she stumbled over his name, "He also said that coincidences can be powerful and that it made him realize how many had to happen for him to get together with me. And that's the same for you. You're so busy focused on Barry's destiny that you forgot you have one too."
"Yeah but I don't have a destiny," I answered, "Barry and I don't get together. Coincidences aren't real for people like us."
"Just think about what I said," she patted me on the knee and turned to leave.
"Iris?" I asked, "Would you like to stay for dinner? I haven't had..."
"Of course," she smiled.
The chinese food came a few minutes later and we sat at the table eating in silence.
"Where have you been?" Iris asked once we finished.
"I think the correct question is where haven't I been," I told her, "I've moved around everywhere. Barry tried to find me a few times but gave up after the first month."
"Everyone is really worried about you," she said.
"They can't be, everyone went their separate paths," I noted.
"That doesn't mean they still don't worry," she shrugged before getting up, "I have to go meet with my dad. Maybe we can get together again. How long are you staying?"
"Not long enough," I sighed and she nodded before hugging me. I led her to the door before closing it, "Don't tell him I was here. At least wait until I leave." All she did was nod and I could tell she understood my situation a bit more now. I went to bed soon after Iris left and sat like I always did questioning every decision I ever made to get me into this situation. Why didn't I pick another city to move to? Why did I have to move into the same building as Barry? Or agree to go with him to the ceremony for the particle accelerator? I questioned my existence which was actually very common when knowing my future. But it all led back to what Iris believed in. Coincidence. I, of course, didn't believe in that but that the world already knew what was going to happen to me and why. As always, I came to the conclusion that I did what I did because of saving everyone else the time. The time to not have to worry about me, waste it because I already knew my fate and it would save them the tears. But most of all, the heartbreak I endured for whatever was the rest of my life.
The next morning I woke up with dried tears on my face and a hurting heart. I ignored it like every other morning and packed up my backpack. After eating some very expired yogurt I looked around at the apartment once more before locking the door and leaving. The weather was gloomy and gray as I walked the streets of Central City. Not too many people were out, probably out of fear of the meta yesterday. The train station was just the same I bought my ticket back to Keystone and waited on one of the benches for the train to board.
"Sadie?"
I looked up from the book I was reading to find Cisco, "Uh hey."
"What are you doing? Where have you been? Did you just get here?" He fired of questions.
"I'm leaving again, Cisco," I answered simply.
"What? Why?" He asked as I stood up.
"I was only here for Flash Day. I wanted to see how everyone was doing," I shrugged.
"Well I can answer that. We're doing terrible, Sadie. With Barry going on his own and you being gone. Nothing's the same anymore," Cisco shot back.
"I'm sorry. I wish there was something that I could do, but I can't stay here," I apologized turning to grab my bag but he grabbed my wrist.
"Why won't you?" He asked.
"Because I can't be around Barry anymore. He's going to be with Iris and there's a lot of stuff you don't know." I answered trying not to get choked up. I should have never come back to Central City. I should have just minded my own business and lived on with whatever the rest of my life was.
"Sadie, I..."
"You can't change my mind, Cisco," I said sternly and he sighed.
"I'm glad you're doing well though or at least I think you are..." he rambled.
"I'm fine, Cisco. Thank you," I nodded. I went to grab my bag but he did first. "Thanks," I said again as he carried it for me to my terminal then handed it to me.
"Let me know when you come back, okay?" He asked.
"Okay," I nodded giving him a hug before going through the terminal. I stopped halfway turning around and going to the correct terminal after he left so he wouldn't know where I was headed. After boarding the train I went on reading my book before falling asleep. My phone rang an hour or so later and we were almost to Keystone. I jumped at the sound saying as no one ever called me but it was an unknown number. I accepted but didn't say anything.
"Sadie?" They paused, "I know you're there."
My heart dropped at the sound of his voice.
"Okay, if you're not going to talk, I will," Barry sighed, "I miss you. I miss you a lot. Iris told me that you were here and Cisco said he found you at the train station which is how I got your number."
I mentally sighed at my stupidity and letting Cisco take my bag.
"In other news the team is slowly coming back together but we're not a team without everyone and we all want you to come back," he paused, "My dad is also getting out of prison, Wells left a video confessing to my mother's murder. I really wish you could meet him, you two are alike in so many ways."
Barry started to get choked up as he went on.
"I just miss you so much, Sadie. God, I miss you. Please come home," he said as his breath started to shake, "I love you."
The line went dead before I could answer, "I love you too."