I walk out of Dr Baker's office, having just removed those goddamned stitches on my shoulder. My shoulder was no longer really painful but it was still quite sore. However that wasn't what disturbed me. During my checkup, Dr Baker had said that my shoulder was slightly weak as the bullet had grazed a tissue, slightly tearing it and he was right. I could feel the difference in my movements and strengths. Even though I was a rightie, I still trained with my left hand for good measure. You never know what could happen out on the field.
Driving towards HQ, my mind wondered back to my conversation with Jay this morning. Damien had interrogated al-Syed yesterday and after persuading him, he had given up some information but my gut told me that he was hiding something. Both Jay and Damien had told me not to worry about it and just focus on recovering but I was never really good at following orders. Parking in the garage, I head inside straight to the holding cells. Greeting the guards who were standing at the entrance, I punched in the passcode on the keypad and walked in. Al-Syed looks up and I notice that he did not give up information willingly. He had a black eye, a busted lip and several bruises all over his body, no doubt courtesy of Damien Black. He smirks at me, cocking his head and says in an accented voice,"Ah, Alexandra Winters. I see the rumors are true. You really do have the eyes of a cold, soulless murderer. " Taking a seat opposite him, I lean casually against my chair and smirk coldly at the piece of garbage in front of me.
"Glad I didn't disappoint. So, tell me, how are you doing, al-Syed?"
He laughs, gesturing to the four walls that make up his cell."Oh well, I heard your hotels are much nicer but I guess this will do." I scoff,"Well, we don't exactly treat terrorists like royalty, you would understand."
He glares at me,"I am not a terrorist. I am fighting for my people, I am fighting for my religion." Raising an eyebrow at him, I say,"And pray tell, Abu, does your religion tell you to kill innocent people because you have left behind quite the body count each time you fight for your religion." He shrugs nonchalantly,"What can I say? Collateral damage." Fighting the urge to give him another black eye, I smirk at him and I can see him slightly tense at the look on my face. I was too calm and he knew it.
Looking at my fingernails, I say casually,"She really is quite the looker." I feel him tense even more and I continue,"smart too. Don't you think it's ironic that she's studying to become a lawyer though?"
I look up at him, smiling mentally when I see the slight fear in his eyes. He clears his throat, shrugging,"I have no idea what you're talking about."
Raising an eyebrow casually, I lean back into my chair, crossing my legs in a relaxed stance.
"Don't you? I wonder how she would feel, finding out that her father isn't actually dead or that the money financing her comfortable lifestyle isn't actually her inheritance but blood money from a terrorist."
"Again, I have no idea what you're talking about." But i can hear the undertones of fear and nerves in his voice, exposing his true emotions.
"Samira is a beautiful name and I'm sure she would be a valuable bargaining chip to all the other terrorist organisations out there who want your head on a silver platter." Gasping dramatically as if I just had a wonderful idea, I look at him wide-eyed, faux innocence in my eyes, "She would make an excellent bride to your next in command, don't you think? Imagine, the head of ISIS married to the hidden daughter of a captured former ISIS head. Sure, she would be his fourth wife but I'm sure she'll be his favourite."
"LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS! SHE'S INNOCENT, YOU HEAR ME. LEAVE HER ALONE!" Al-syed loses his composure, making me smirk coldly.
"What can I say? Collateral damage." throwing his words back at him.
"You wouldn't harm her." he says, voice edged with desperation causing me to laugh humorlessly.
"Oh, al-Syed. What was it you said earlier? Ah, I believe it was something along the lines of I have the eyes of an cold, soulless murderer.
He holds my icy blue gaze for a few moments before slumping slightly, a defeated look in his eyes.
"What do you want to know?"
Once al-Syed had given up all intel, I walked to my office to call the director of the CIA and inform him of all latest development. I'm about to call Damien, Jay and Casey to inform them too but change my mind once I realise the implications. I was not in the mood to deal with their wrath. Although Dr Baker warned me to refrain from any strenuous activities for at least a few days to allow my shoulder to heal properly, I change into training outfits and head to the training room. There aren't many agents training since it's a Sunday but those who are there ask me how my shoulder is. Having finished small talk, I head to the boxing area and put on boxing gloves, ready to regain the strength in my left shoulder. Punching the bag as hard as I can, I wince as pain shoots through my shoulder. Ignoring it, I continue punching the bag as hard as I can. The pain in my shoulder is becoming worse but the taunts in my head are a whole lot worse. Don't be weak. Remember what happened the last time. You were not strong enough. You were not fast enough. You could not save him. You could not save him. You could not save him. No no no stop, please stop. I mentally scream in my mind.
Stop it! I scream mentally as I send one hard punch to the bag, causing it to fly off the hook. Crying out at the pain in my injured shoulder, I sink to the ground closing my eyes, grateful for the silence in my mind. All I wanted was for those thoughts to go away. They plagued me day and night, in my sleep and in my dreams. Was it too much to ask for them to just go away? You don't deserve the silence, not after what you failed to do. I held my head in my hands, willing myself not to cry. You're not that girl anymore, Alex. Taking a deep breath, I stand up and test my shoulder. My face contorts in pain and I suck in a deep breath when I roll it. Shit, I think I just made it worse but I could feel that it was stronger, if that made sense. Rehooking the bag back, I head to the kitchen and grab a pack of ice from the freezer. Leaning against the counter, I close my eyes and let the ice numb the pain.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I open my eyes and meet Jay's eyes, which are filled with fury and worry. Closing my eyes again, I say sarcastically "Hello to you too."I hear him take a deep breath almost as if to control his anger before replying,"Don't give me that bullshit, Alex. You promised to not come here till your shoulder healed." Shaking my head, I reply,"No, I promised not to come here yesterday. If I recall correctly, my exact words were,I promise to not go there today." He rolls his eyes at me before gently inspecting my shoulder.
"Shit,Al. It's swollen." Wincing as he touches the tender spot, I say"Yeah. Shouldn't have hit the damn bag so hard." jay shakes his head at me,"Why are you so stubborn? Can't you just follow the rules for once?" Chuckling humorlessly, I hop onto the counter,"I make the rules, Jay and sometimes I break them." He sends me a defeated look before plopping down beside me,"So, did you get any new intel out of al-Syed?" Looking at him innocently, I say"I did not go anywhere near him." Jay rolls his eyes at me and says dryly,"Only a fool would believe that, Al. Now, spill." Smiling at how well he knows me, I tell him everything and Jay fist bumps me happily.
"One question though. How did you know that he had insider information?"
"All of CIA's missions to nab him would go south. There's only one possible reason that could happen. He had a mole who was high ranking."
Jay ruffles my hair,"You know, for someone dumb enough to aggravate her injured arm, you're quite smart." Shoving his hand away, I mutter"Shut up. Come on, I'm starving and I'm dying for a burger."
At the sound of food, Jay eagerly hops off the counter, trailing behind me."I want one too."
After having a hearty lunch with Jay, I head home, determined to complete the paperwork that I brought home from the office on Friday. Quickly showering, I just put on an extra large t-shirt that comes down to my thighs since I'm not going anywhere after this except my study. Grabbing an ice pack from the fridge, I ice my still swollen shoulder and head to my office. Plonking down on the chair, I take a deep breath and gear myself up to try and complete the mountain of paperwork on my desk.
I'm so focused on reading the contract in front of me that I barely hear my phone buzzing away. I answer without checking the caller ID.
"Alex Winters."
'Hey, angel. You busy?"
I raise my eyebrows in surprise."Arius, hey. Uhh, no not really."
"I was just wondering if you were free for dinner tonight."
"Sure. What time do you want me to meet you?"
I hear him chuckle nervously."Actually, I'm kinda outside your building."
"That's very presumptuous of you, Mr Black. You're lucky I'm a kind soul. Come on up, the door's unlocked." HE laughs,"Yes, that's terribly kind of you, Ms Winters." I hear a car door shut before he hangs up. Not even a minute later, I hear my front door open and the sound of foot steps in my living room. Yelling,"In here", the footsteps get closer and closer until they're right in front of my office. I look up to find a smiling Damien, swinging his car keys in one hand.
"Hey."
"Hey. Just gimme a sec. I'm almost done."
He walks in, taking a seat on the couch, eyes scanning the room. Logging off my computer, I stand up, stretching my arms upward. Noticing Damien's eyes flicker towards my legs and quickly flicker back to the wall beside him, I look down and blush in embarassment when I realise that I'm only wearing a t-shirt. Clearing my throat, I say"i'm gonna go change." and rush out of the room, chiding myself for being so careless. As I walk into my closet, I realise that I don't know where we're going for dinner so I walk to the stairs and yell,"Damien, where are we going for dinner?" He immediately yells back,"My place." Feeling relieved that we're not dining in some fancy restaurant, I grab a pair of denim shorts and a flowy tank top. I pair my outfit with sneakers and a plaid shirt. Grabbing a sling bag, I throw in the necessities and quickly braid my hair into a french plait. Keeping my face bare, I head downstairs and find Damien waiting in the living room.
He stares at me for a few seconds, his expression unreadable before snapping out of his daze like state and grabbing his keys.
"You ready?"
"Yup. Isn't it a little early for dinner though?" I ask him curiously. He sends me a surprised look before answering,"angel, it's already 6.30 in the evening." My eyes widen in shock and I swivel my head at the clock on the wall. Sure enough, it was 6.30 in the evening.
"Wow, time flies. When I went into the office, it was only 2pm." Damien's eyes widen at my statement.
"Jesus, did you eat lunch?" Smiling reassuredly at him, I say"Don't worry. I had an early lunch with Jay." He does not seem less worried."you must be starving then." Truth is, I was. I was just too engrossed in my work earlier to notice.
We head out to his car and much to our chagrin, the paparazzi are waiting outside the building. Damien swears under his breath before taking my hand and leading me towards his car, both of us keeping our heads down. The cameras were flashing away and I was glad that he was leading me as the flash was blinding. Sliding into his car, he shuts my door before jogging around to the driver's side and getting in. Starting the ignition, he puts the car in gear and speeds of, leaving a trail of dust behind him.
"i swear they're such a nuisance." he mutters angrily.
"I know."Attempting to lighten the mood, I say teasingly,"So, why the sudden dinner invite? Missing me already?" It works as Damien playfully rolls his eyes.
"You wish, amore. I was in the area, visiting a friend when I thought of you. I figured you needed to spend some time with an awesome person so that you won't be so bored. And I was right, you were doing something really dull; paperwork." Scoffing at his reply and hiding my surprise at hid endearment, I say,"This is rich coming from the same guy who spent the whole night at the office last week doing the exact same thing. And I'm not gonna even dignify that comment on your awesomeness with a response." Damien laughs at my sarcastic tone before adding,"you really are something else, huh?" I shrug, "So, what are you cooking tonight, Masterchef?" "Well, that is a surprise."
I scoff,"You actually don't know, do you?" He smiles abashedly, "You caught me but I promise you, it's gonna be good."
Leaning against the plush leather seat, I say"Don't worry, I'm fine with Mcdonalds too." He sends me a wounded look,"Do not degrade my cooking skills, angel.' Raising my arms in surrender, I quip,"Just saying. Don't get your knickers in a twist." He chuckles,"you know, I've been wondering how you got your accent the way it is now?" Looking at him confusedly, I let out a "Huh?". He continues,"Yeah, I mean most of the time you sound American, a true New Yorker but then all of a sudden, you pronounce certain words like a true Brit." I shrug,"I'be never actually noticed it before. I guess, living in London for 8 years does that to you."
He parks the car in his designated parking spot and we get into the elevator.
"I notice that you only have one parking spot taken up but somehow,I don't believe that you own only one car." He raises an eyebrow at me,"Why not?" In a flat tone,"I'm a girl and I own 5 cars, Arius." He chuckles and nods,"yes, the rest of my cars are in my parents garage. It's easier plus dad likes to borrow them once in a while." I laugh at the thought of Jack using Damien's cars when he has so many of his own.
"True. Mine are in my parents' garage too except the Audi that we used in London." Stepping out of the elevator, Damien unlocks the door and holds it open for me. I step into his penthouse and look around the masculine bachelor pad. It's really clean and neat though, which surprises me. I was half expecting to find a pair of boxers dangling off the back of the couch. As if he could sense what I was thinking, Damien says amusedly,"You were expecting to find boxers on the floor, weren't you?" I nod slightly embarrassed for being so transparent but Damien seems to find it funny. "Well, remember how our mums used to force us to clean our rooms every weekend?" I groan at the memory. I hated cleaning and I would take cooking anyday. Damien however actually enjoyed cleaning so I really shouldn't have been so surprised.
Frowning at the memory, I whirl around to face him,"Correct me if I'm wrong but if I remember correctly, you hated cooking." He smiles, leading me to the kitchen. Taking a bottle of wine out of the fridge, he says" No, I hated cooking and eating by myself. But, I do enjoy cooking for family once in a while." Tilting my head, I say,"Then, why was Jay so surprised that you cooked breakfast while we were in London?" He busies himself with taking out ingredients from the fridge and I can tell he's stalling. "Damien?" I ask again. He sighs before turning and placing a leg of lamb on the counter. "I haven't actually cooked for anyone in a very long time." Something tells me there's more to that but I decide to drop it since he seems to become closed off again and I don't want that to happen. Changing the subject, I acknowledge the frozen piece of lamb sitting on the counter."So, I guess we're having lamb tonight, huh?"
He seems relieved that I've dropped the topic and takes out ingredients from the pantry. Sending me a worried look, he says,"Are you okay with lamb or do you want something else?" Grabbing the garlic cloves from him, I say"Lamb is perfect. Now tell me what to do."
We cook together, me mainly chopping things up and Damien cooking them. The radio is on, filling the silence with old classics from Michael Jackson, Queen, Beatles and so on. We both hum along to the melody. Just then, my favourite song comes on. I hum along, a smile on my face when suddenly Damien starts belting out the chorus,
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
,And if you only hold me tight,
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
'Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight.
I widen my eyes in surprise. He sounds good, like REALLY good. He gestures at me to join in and hesitantly, I join in, feeling shy. I could carry a tune but I was more of a bathroom singer. Music was my release, my personal brand of heroine but only few people had heard me sing before. We dance around, using spoons as pretend mics. As the song came to an end, we both burst out laughing at our moment of silliness.
"You have a really good voice." I tell him and it was true. He had a deep baritone voice that was slightly husky, the kind that could send tingles down your spine. He chuckles,"Nah, it's nothing great. You on the other hand, have been holding out on all of us." I shake my head, focusing my attention on the sauce simmering in the pan.
"My voice isn't that great which is why not many people have actually heard me sing before."
"How did I end up becoming one of the lucky ones?" he says teasingly. I shrug, "You know, I never pegged for you for a total eclipse of the heart kind of guy."
"It's my favourite song actually. Has been ever since I was young."
"It's mine too. Pop songs today are nothing compared to songs from the 80's."
Damien stares at me in surprise for a few seconds before bursting out in laughter.
"You are full of surprises, angel." I furrow my eyebrows in confusion at his abstract statement but he doesn't elaborate any further, instead taking out the lamb from the oven. Immediately, my mouth waters at the treasure in front of me- the food, not Damien, although he is pretty mouthwatering too.Snap out of it Alex. We sat down at his kitchen counter, too lazy to move to the dining table. Dinner was lovely and I was honestly stuffed. Helping him clean up, I say,"Thank you for tonight. It was lovely."
"No problem. Glad you were pleased with my awesome company." Rolling my eyes at him, I head to my bag and take out a painkiller for that goddamn shoulder. By right, I should be off meds by now but due to my little stunt this morning, my shoulder was throbbing really badly. Grabbing a glass of water, I swallow my tablet, wincing at the bitter aftertaste.
"I thought you were supposed to have your stitches out today?"
"Yeah, Dr Baker removed them this morning. Why?"
"Is your shoulder still hurting? Are there complications?"
I shake my head,"No, it's fine." Damien doesn't believe me, instead he walks over to me. Taking a step back, I say"What are you doing?"
In a gentle yet stern tone, he says"turn around, angel." I stubbornly refuse and he sighs, walking behind me in a split second and moving my tank top strap a little to view my shoulder. He inhales sharply and I know that my shoulder must still be pretty swollen.
"How the hell did Baker not notice this?"
I move away from his warm touch, refusing to meet his eyes. Focusing on the granite countertop, I say,"It's not his fault. It wasn't swollen this morning."
Damien sends me a confused look,"what happened after your appointment?"
"nothing, don't worry about it."
In a warning tone, he says,"Angel, don't make me call Jay and ask him what happened."
I internally panic at that thought. Jay was still a little mad at me overworking my shoulder and no doubt would tell Damien everything who in turn will lecture me endlessly. Sighing, I turn to him and say,"I was working out earlier so it's just a little sore."
He raises an eyebrow in disbelief,"What the hell did you do? Punch a punching bag off the hooks?" When my silence confirms it, he widens his eyes running a hand over his face.
"Jesus, what is wrong with you? You should be resting at home, not killing your shoulder. Are you freakin insane?" Narrowing my eyes at him, I say dryly,"What I do is none of your business. It's getting late and I should get going. Thank you for dinner once again." Damien glares at my heated tone, grabbing his keys.
"Come on, i'll send you home."
"I can grab a cab. Don't worry."
Sending me a dry look, he says,"Stop being ridiculous. Come on."
Knowing that he wouldn't back down, I huff and follow him down. Now, you might be thinking,Alex you are so immature getting mad over such a small thing but you don't know Damien like I do. He was not one to let go of an issue easily and the ride home meant more time to lecture me and no where to run.
Getting into the car, he pulls out of the parking lot and onto the street. Mentally, I count to five,One, Two, three, four, five
"Why on earth would you push yourself that hard?" See, told ya.
Sighing, I keep my gaze on the buildings flying by outside.
"I was getting my strength back. That's it."
"You're hurting yourself, Alex. What if you pulled a muscle or.. or worse still, popped open your stitches again?"
"I said I'm fine, Damien. Relax."
"Relax? You don't care about anyone else, do you? You don't consider other people's feelings. You just care about yourself and your needs and your wants." he says in an angry tone as he pulls up in front of my building.
Swiveling around so fast, I glare at him furiously. In a bitter tone, I say"You're right, Damien. I don't care about how others. That's why I took a bullet for Emmett because I felt like getting shot at. I don't care how others feel. That's why I didn't tell my parents about my injury because god knows, they would not be worried. Instead, I attended your dad's birthday party, staying until the very end despite the fact that my shoulder was hurting like a bitch and I couldn't even rely on alcohol to numb it. But, did you hear a word of complaint from me? No, because your dad was the star of the day and I did not want to take that away from him. So, yes Damien, I only care about myself and my needs and my wants."
Damien's face is ashen and his eyes are filled with regret. He opens his mouth to most probably apologise but I just wanna get outta there. Before he can say anything, I open the car door, pausing long enough to say,"Thank you for dinner. It was lovely." before slamming the door shut, drowning the sound of him calling out my name.
As i lay in bed that night, ignoring his calls and texts, there's only one thing running through my head.
He's right.