Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Words Can No Longer Hurt Me
"Bloody men," you say loudly to yourself as you hit the steering wheel. It is 9.30am. You are already too warm, fat, and uncomfortable. You are meant to be meeting Steve and Bucky around ten and you have Bucky's newly repaired truck which has just stopped at the side of the road and refused to start again.
You count to ten and try to start the engine but there is nothing, not even a whine. You know from experience it has died and you won't get it started again. Not until Bucky has tinkered with it.
You are about five miles from Steve's old apartment – you think - which is where you need to meet them. Steve is finally moving the last of his things out and into the new house before handing the keys over to the new occupier. You were not supposed to be involved but Steve phoned this morning to say he miscalculated and that not all his things are going to fit in the van they have hired. You agreed to drive Bucky's truck over for the remaining items. To be honest you didn't mind as it got you out of the house but now...now you feel fractious and bad-tempered. It was all you could do to fit the bump of your stomach behind the steering wheel and it is turning into a very warm day.
You get out of the truck and find your phone but as you hold it up those magic words appear: No Service. No, there wouldn't be would there. That would be too much to hope for.
You have never been to Steve's apartment or, in fact, this side of New York. You look around. The area is built up. You ferret out the instructions Bucky wrote and look at the paper. It has written instructions and he had even a drawn a map. The only problem is you can never read either man's writing. It is pretty illegible and makes little sense.
You take out your bag, lock the truck, blow air through your bangs and turn to waddle down the street. You are ten days away from the date of your caesarian and you feel huge.
You begin walking, looking at the instructions as you go. You think you have it figured out and you should be there probably in about an hour. They will just have to wait. Maybe you could hail a taxi, but then looking around you don't think that is going to be a possibility. The area you are in is quiet, residential, with barely anyone around. From time to time you try your phone but it still says No Service. You thought in today's world everyone can contact anyone with a push of a button. Technology hates you though, and you should have known that by now.
You keep walking. Keep waddling.
*
"Look, all I'm saying is that you don't need to keep those."
"Yes...I do," Steve takes the sketchbooks out of Bucky's hand and puts them back in the box. "Don't push me on this," he grumbles and Bucky can't help but feel warm inside. Steve had kept all of Bucky's old sketches from college and even now will not part with them.
"Well, all I'm saying is you don't have to."
Steve stops what he's doing. They stayed at the apartment last night packing up the last of his things. He thought he had hardly anything left, but it is surprising how possessions build up. They had ordered in a Chinese and eaten sat on the floor, with cold beers and a bag of plums (one of Bucky's favourites) to accompany their food. And they had talked. At first about nothing but then about the future.
They both have a future. They are both going to be fathers – and it terrifies them.
"What if....?" they kept saying, and in the end Steve had laughed. "Listen to us will you. We've fought off aliens, saved the planet at least twice, been through god only knows what and now we're panicking over what to do with...with babies!"
And Bucky had smiled back at him, ducking his head and Steve had reached over and put his hand on the back of Bucky's neck and gently pulled him close, looked into his eyes. "We are going to make fantastic, fucking fathers," he had said, using a rare swear word. And then he had kissed Bucky and the food was forgotten.
Now he looks at Bucky again. "I know I don't have to keep them but I want to," he says and they are in danger of forgetting that they are running out of time as Bucky reaches out and pushes Steve's fringe out of his eyes.
"Don't get all mushy on me now huh? " he says, trying to quote Han Solo as if Steve were his Princess Leia.
"I knew I should never have introduced you to those films," Steve groans, but the phone ringing interrupts them and Steve picks his mobile up and grins at Bucky. "It's Sam," and Bucky nods and returns to packing whilst Steve talks to Sam.
"Anything wrong?" Bucky asks as Steve finishes the call and is frowning.
"No. Well, I don't think so...Sam says they got a call to say Magnus Sitwells fallen of the radar."
Bucky's stomach turns but he doesn't let Steve see the panic that threatens to engulf him at the mention of a possible problem.
Jasper Sitwell was a Hydra agent who had lost his life whilst in the custody of Steve, Sam and Nat. It had been Bucky as the Winter Soldier, that had actually caused Jasper's death. His older brother Magnus had also been with Hydra and although nothing could be proven against him, he was one of those targets being watched by Coulson's people. At Jasper's funeral Magnus had vowed revenge on those who caused his brother's death.
Steve doesn't know why but the call leaves him feeling unsettled. Jasper was little more than a Hydra office boy' whereas Magnus is ex-military, a nasty piece of work with a score to settle.
*
You have left the residential area and are walking down paved streets with small shops. You end up standing in a small plaza with a trickling water fountain next to you. The last thing you need to hear is running water. The sun is getting warmer and you feel sweaty and your hair is sticking to your face.
You look around. There are four possible exit routes out of the plaza and none of them are shown on Bucky's hand drawn map because it only covers the main road; as he assumed you would be driving.
You take your phone out and try again. You say a little 'yay!' to yourself when you see there is service now. You call phone Steve's mobile. No one answers and it goes to answerphone. You try Bucky's and get the same.
"If you two did less mucking around and more concentrating this wouldn't happen," you murmur, frustrated that you can't talk to them. You leave it a few minutes and then try Bucky's phone again and when the same happens you leave a message.
"Buck, your truck has broken down, again! It's on the street, I hope it gets bloody well towed. I'm on foot, but I don't know where I am. It would be really great if one of you could pick up your goddamn calls! And Bucky, for a soldier your map drawing skills stink! I'll try and find someone who can direct me so god only knows what time I'll be with you." You know you are angry but at the moment in the hot sun, standing with swollen ankles you don't care "Call me!" You disconnect the call but leave your phone on.
You look around again. There is a small cafe open with seats outside and sat at one the tables is a dark haired, pleasant looking young man. There are so few people around you don't really have a choice.
You walk over. When you are about four feet away from his table, he looks up from the magazine he is reading. Seeing you heading his way he takes of his sunglasses and strangely enough for a second you see an almost resigned look on his face, it makes you hesitate but then he replaces it with a smile. Such blue eyes and in a way he reminds you very much of a young James which makes you feel that he is trustworthy. Nat is always nagging you about being too trustworthy of people.
The round table is between you both and you put your bag on one of the empty chairs.
"Hi," you smile and he nods. You look at the piece of paper in your hand.
"Sorry to bother you but I wonder if..." you start to say and then hold the paper out to him meaning to show him the map but instead he sits forward and takes it from you and it stops you mid-sentence.
"Sure no problem..." he says and you frown. "Have you a pen?" he asks.
"Um...yes," and you open your bag and find one and then hand it to him. "I just need...." you begin to talk again to explain you need directions as he takes it, turns over your piece of paper and writes something down.
"That's okay," he says looking back up at you. "Hey you're English, aren't you? Are you here on holiday?" he asks, returning your paper and pen to you. You look at what he's written but can't quite decipher it but his question deflects your thinking process and you look back up.
"Um, no, I mean I'm not English, I'm from... Russia, and I live here. Well, not here but just outside of the city," and you feel yourself blushing because you are waffling and he is looking at you as if being polite.
"Actually I just needed...." you start again wanting to ask for those directions but as you do a blond haired man comes out of the cafe and up to the table carrying a tray. He is speaking. "Couldn't get those biscuits you like so I got us...." and then the man sees you and he looks at the seated man and you see something communicated between the two of them. The second man smiles at you as he puts the tray down in front of his friend.
"Hi..." he says uncertainly and looks at his friend again who gestures to the piece of paper and pen in your hand. The blond man nods, and he reaches forward and takes them out of your hand. He looks at the paper then turns it over and looking around for something to rest it on finally sets it down on the table and scribbles something. "You don't look as if you have long to go?" he says, nodding to the big bump in front of you. He has Steve's smile you think to yourself, and you can't help but smile back and rest your hand on your protruding stomach.
"About two weeks," you say as he hands your paper and pen back to you.
"Boy or girl?" the seated man asks and you want to be polite.
"Boys, two, I mean twins," and he nods.
"Wow, you're going to be busy!" he says and his friend sits down and takes the drink and food from the tray and puts it in front of them.
You pick up your bag, smile and nod.
"Well I must be off," you say taking a few steps backwards and almost colliding with the table behind. "Um, thank you for the..." and you indicate your piece of paper although you have no idea what they wrote or why.
Then you turn and walk away.
As you walk away you look at the piece of paper and what they have written.
Authors Note: For image see http://i.imgur.com/wcDq9ZV.jpg - **and also see end of chapter for more information.
What the hell? American's are so odd, you think to yourself. You turn the paper back over and look at Bucky's map again. As you walk you look to see if there is anyone else that could help you with the directions – maybe a woman this time.
*
"Well I think that's it," Steve says looking around the empty bedroom. All that is left now is dust bunnies and he has someone coming in to clean through ready for the handover. Just as he thinks that, there is the sound of someone knocking on the door. Strange, he thinks, that they didn't use the intercom downstairs.
"Must be the cleaners," he says to Bucky and walks through to the other room to open the door. Bucky follows and reaches out to pick up some tape to seal up the last of the boxes.
"Hi guys, come on in," Steve says holding the door open and four men in overalls trudge in. Bucky turns to see them and as he does something niggles about the way their caps are riding low over their faces.
"Steve!" he shouts, but too late as one of them reaches out and presses a high voltage taser into Steve's side making him cry out in pain and his body spasm. The others pull guns.
"Jesus... fuck," Steve groans but as he goes to move forward one of the guns is not just aimed at him, it is put against the side of his head.
"You might be Captain fucking America," the man growls, "but I doubt even you could survive your head being blown apart."
One of the other men goes back to the door and opens it allowing a fifth man to walk in.
Magnus Sitwell.
Bucky goes to move but Sitwell indicates the gun next to Steve's head. "Yeah go on, risk it why don't you?" he sneers, guessing correctly that Bucky will not risk Steve's life.
"What do you want?" Steve asks, his voice sounding shaky and Bucky can see he feels nauseous, he needs time to shake the taser's effects off. Sitwell smiles.
"Just your lives. You murdered my brother, I'm here to take what is due. Your lives for his, simple." Sitwell has a backpack and is reaching inside it.
There are to be no negotiations. Nothing. Bucky believes it is to be a simple execution with no time to think, no time to....but before he can move, his mobile sat on the top of the counter rings. Steve tries to reach for it but instead his hand is pistol whipped. "Leave it!" one of the men growls.
The ringing stops and they hear the answerphone ask for a message to be left. Then a voice.
"Buck, your truck has broken down, again! It's on the street, I hope it bloody well gets towed. I'm on foot, but I don't know where I am. It would be really great if one of you could pick up your goddamn calls! And Bucky for a soldier your map drawing skills stink! I'll try and find someone who can direct me so god only knows what time I'll be with you. Call me!" and then the phone disconnects.
"Well, well that is one angry woman..." Sitwell says and they see the knowledge dawn in his eyes. He looks at them both and then smiles an unpleasant smile. He looks at the four men holding weapons on Steve and Bucky.
"I think gentlemen, that we may be here for a bit longer. If I'm not mistaken that was Bowman. As in these gentlemen's little girlfriend. Now if I remember right the news said she's pregnant - twins no less. If we hold on for a bit we can get three for the price of one with her," and he laughs.
Bucky steps forward, jaw working, teeth gritted. "You even think of touching her..." he says and one of the men hits him hard across the face with his gun but it barely moves Bucky back a couple of steps. He takes another step forward and the man lowers his gun to Bucky's knee.
"It would be my pleasure to cripple you," he says, looking at Sitwell for permission.
Sitwell studies Bucky for a second and then shakes his head. "Don't want him to bleed out before the woman arrives. I want them to watch her die," his voice is cruel, firm. "You, back up against the wall with your boyfriend and sit down," he indicates both Steve and Bucky to do so.
When they are sat Sitwell crouches down in front of them. "I have a special treat for you all, especially for you," he indicates Bucky.
Bucky sits there, mind working. Seeing possibilities, dismissing them. Whatever they need to do they need to do it before Freya arrives. If he were alone he would take the chance, throw himself straight into the fray but he can't risk Steve even though he knows Steve feels the same. This needs thinking about. There are five of them which does not worry either man. It is the weapons they need to watch for; any of them could take away half of their head, take out a stomach and both know the men will not hesitate to use them.
Bucky also has to take into consideration the surprise Sitwell has for them. The unknown factor. Does it mean there is someone else? Something they can't see? A bomb which would take out the building and all the families living here? Whatever it is the answer is in Sitwell's backpack which is over the other side of the room, out of reach.
They have a little time on their side and Bucky turns to look at Steve and he knows they are thinking the same thing.
*
You finally head into one of the shops to ask directions. It is a small bakery and you feel you cannot just ask your questions so you purchase some rolls and a bottle of water before asking. The woman behind the counter calls someone in from the back and a man comes out and looks at your map.
"So where is this supposed to be?" he looks at the drawing and directions and you give him the address. "Hang on," he says and disappears into the back room.
Your back is hurting, your feet feel twice their size, your head is beginning to pound and your sense of humour has all but dried up. You wouldn't like to be in Steve's or Bucky's shoes when you finally get hold of them.
The man comes out and is holding a smartphone. He clicks on a few buttons and then asks you to repeat the address and he taps it into the phone.
A few seconds later he is scrolling through and then he puts the phone down on a table, takes up your piece of paper and begins to add things to your map. When he is finished he then shows you. The good news he tells you is that as the crow flies you are literally five minutes away, then he looks at your bump and revises that to ten.
You thank him profusely and leave the shop. You waddle out to a bench and sit down. You feel shaky, you are sweating heavily and one of the babies feels as if he is kicking. You drink some water down and pull at one of the bread rolls and eat some. As you sit there you try to concentrate on relaxing. You thought you might ask the man to call you a taxi but you are so close to Steve's address now it would be a waste of time.
You take out your phone again and call their numbers. You just get the answer phone so you leave another message. One of the children in your belly kicks you again and you put a hand on your bump.
"Whoa there sunshine, I know I'm annoyed with them, but don't you start! You should be on my side not theirs!" you grumble and you smooth the bump as though you are trying to soothe them.
*
"Okay guys, last warning. I'm about ten minutes away and one of you had better be at the bottom of those stairs to help me get up them!" the woman says on the phone before she hangs up.
Sitwell smiles and goes over to his rucksack and takes something out. He turns and shows it to the two men sat against the wall. Steve has no idea what it is, but Bucky does.
"Got you a little present. After all I didn't say I was going to do the killing." And Sitwell holds up a soiled red book which has a black star etched on to the front.
Steve looks at Bucky. He has gone pale and his eyes have widened and when Sitwell held the book up he heard Bucky whisper the word no. That is when Steve guesses what the book is and Bucky looks at him.
"Buck I'm here, just remember..." Steve begins but one of the men aims a booted foot and kicks him viciously.
"Get him up," Sitwell says as he leafs through the book and two men drag a struggling Bucky to his feet. He fights them until a third man holds the gun next to Steve's head again.
"Please don't do this," Bucky's voice is heart breaking as he begs Sitwell not to use the words. Steve has no option but to sit there and watch as Sitwell reads them out and turns Bucky into what he dreads.
"Longing, rusted, seventeen..." and Bucky fights every word, tries to block hearing them but then at the last one he quietens, stands still. There is a thin stream of blood that trickles from his nose and a vein has burst in his eye.
"Well Soldier?" Sitwell says.
Bucky's voice is flat as he tells Sitwell that he will comply.
Sitwell smiles. "Won't be needing this any more," he says to Steve and closes the book and puts it on the side. He then picks up both a knife and a gun and walks up to Bucky, stares into his eyes. Satisfied with what he sees, he hands the weapons to Bucky.
"So, Soldier, your last ever mission for us. When the woman comes through the door you are to go to her, smile and then use the knife. Stab her in the stomach, ensure that you kill her, ensure that the bastards she carries are dead and then use the gun to kill your buddy here," he points to Steve. "Last of all you put the gun to your own head and fire. Do you understand?" And then he tells Bucky to repeat back his words. His mission.
He does.
Steve tries to talk, tries to say something but one of the men hits him again and then before anything else can happen the buzzer sounds. Freya has arrived downstairs. Sitwell goes over to the speaker phone and presses the door button but doesn't say anything. The door downstairs will open.
Bucky walks forward to Sitwell who is now standing next to the door and as he does he brings the knife up. "There is one thing I don't think you understand...." Bucky's voice is quiet but menacing and Sitwell realises he is suddenly close behind him, he tries to turn but he is too late. Bucky is close enough to reach out, pull his hair back and draw the knife forcibly across his throat. It all happens so fast. Sitwell feels a painful, stinging sensation, tries to cover his throat with his hands but there is suddenly so much blood that he can't stop it. He can no longer breathe, can only watch as his legs give way. He sees his blood splattering to the ground.
Bucky is already turning and takes out three men with three shots whilst Steve has jumped forward grabbed the other man and forces him to his knees in a choke-hold, the man's eyes flutter and then close and he lets go. The man falls unconscious to the ground.
Bucky turns back to Sitwell who is on his knees his life force all but spent, his eyes closing. He bends and pulls the man up, looks into his eyes. "You think I can't protect my family? You think I'll let you touch them? You think you can control me? Your words just don't mean the same to me any more, and they never will again." They are the last words Sitwell ever hears.
*
"Can't even be bothered to come and help me," you mutter as you reach the final set of stairs. You are so hot by now you feel like you are going to catch fire. Your skin is clammy, your ears are humming and you feel like you can hear the very blood going around your body and your heart is racing to keep up with it. Steve's door comes into sight and as it does it crashes open and Bucky comes out at a run
You feel dizzy and you hang onto the banister. You are so ill-tempered and uncomfortable you cannot help but swear at him.
"Took your bloody time didn't you? I mean come on, Buck, I'm nine months pregnant with your babies!" you growl but he sweeps you into a bear hug and you can hardly breathe. "Hey, hey come on," you say because you can hear him saying he is sorry, there is a desperation in his voice that worries you and immediately you calm. Your anger is gone. No matter what, you can never stay annoyed at either of them. "Hey come on, I'm just grumbling, ignore me. I'm just hot and bothered thats all." As you say that the baby kicks again only this time it hurts and as Bucky lets go of you, you grab the banister again and groan. "Jesus what are you doing in there...."
And then another pain hits you.
"Freya?" Bucky's voice is suddenly full of panic as he takes in the sight of you. You take a deep breath and stand up as straight as you can. Your face has gone deathly pale.
Steve is just coming out of the apartment, he has his phone and is talking hurriedly to someone.
"Oh, so now you answer your calls!" you say, trying for humour, and then you see it. Blood. Bucky is flecked with it, it is on his hands, on his shirt. A vein has burst in his left eye. Steve has blood over his shirt and Bucky sees your face.
"We're all right, it's okay, it's okay...." he says holding his hands out as if in supplication. "Um, you can't go in there, I'll take you...." but your eyes are wide, you are shaking your head no. "It's all right, I promise," he says again as Steve comes off the phone and comes to your side. "Its okay, we're all right," he says to you as he had heard what Bucky was saying, has seen the shock on your face but then another pain hits you and you cry out and would have fallen on your knees if Steve hadn't reached out to hold you up.
"Oh my god," you say. You look at them, fear for them still in your eyes but then something else sweeps that thought away. "I'm..." you try to say something and both men look at you, holding each side of you, "...the babies," you say.
"What?"
"The babies," and you try to pat your stomach. "I think...." your eyes widen. "I think they're coming!" and each man pales.
"But they're not due yet."
"I know!" you say.
"They can't come, not now..." Steve literally yelps as if he expects you to do something.
"Well I can hardly stop them can I?!" you snap as another contraction hits you and they lower you to the floor to sit against the banister. You can hear sirens in the background, and they sound as if they are coming closer. Steve is back on his phone and Bucky is crouching next to you, holding your hand, telling you to breathe just as your waters break.
You can hear what Steve is saying and suddenly it all seems so funny.
"Yeah that's what I said, four men dead, one unconscious and a pregnant woman whose gone into labour. Do I have to repeat myself agent!?"
*
Two Months Previously
The room is quiet, almost serene. James Barnes sits in the chair. Steve is sat next to him. Bucky's eyes are closed, his breathing regular.
Martin Beck and Janis sit in chairs opposite Steve and Bucky.
They could not clear the words from Bucky's mind. It was impossible. But Martin had the idea to change the meaning of the words instead. They have been working with him to do this.
This is their final session.
Martin's voice is even, soft. "You listen to the words and as you do, the meaning for each one has changed, evolved, they no longer have any hold over you...." He nods to both Janis and Steve. He says each trigger word in Russian and then follows each in English.
"Longing....you look out over the snow at the peacefulness of the vast whiteness and you feel the longing you have for peace.
Rusted....you can see the machinery, stopped, dried up, unable to work any more, dead but at peace, rusted into shape and never to move again.
Seventeen....the gathering of your friends, all of them there, all of them to help you, all of them to care.
Daybreak....early in the morning, you're jogging, breathing in the clean air, you feel calm, at one with the world.
Furnace....you open the door, see the flame but it cannot touch you. You throw the last vestige of your anger in there and close the door.
Nine....the nine heads of Hydra are lying at your feet. The beast is dead and can rise no more.
Benign....bringing peace to you, a gentle graciousness that fills you and makes you whole.
Homecoming....Steve and Freya opening the door of your house. They welcome you, take you in their arms. You've come home.
One...this is who you are now.
Freight Car....that can never again railroad you. You are free. You are no longer controlled.
Red, White and Blue Soldier time for you to sleep now, your mind is clear from all confusion. You are free now, you can open your eyes."
Bucky opens his eyes, he breathes in deeply and then looks at them and smiles.
"I'm me. I'm finally just me," he says.
This is the final session. Their job is done. The spell is broken and words cannot harm him any more.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Authors Note: Okay so you really do need to know what the image looks like that should appear at this point in the story ** it can be found at http://i.imgur.com/wcDq9ZV.jp
BUT in case it doesn't link it is Sebastian Stan's and Chris Evan's autographs.