Hydra & The Nurse - Finding The Constant
It has taken a long time but you have finally gotten everyone to take you for granted. Even Lehmann to a certain degree. When you are in the room, no-one holds back when they discuss The Winter Soldier Project. That is what they call the patient. The Winter Soldier.
Zola is well aware that two different personalities have set themselves up inside the patient's mind. The first personality is quiet, unassuming, docile, needy; he is the one who didn't want the metal arm, the one who tried to destroy it. Whilst they think of him as being afraid, they also know he is no coward. He doesn't remember anything, is easily confused, doesn't know why he is here. They can trust this one to the ends of the earth.
Then there is the second. He is cruel, vicious. His temper is nasty, and he is violent. What scares them the most though is his cunning. He is not stupid. They cannot trust this one at all; he is too unpredictable.
It has taken a while to perfect the cryogenic freezing but it now works and they have been running tests on the patient.
The tests are not going smoothly.
There is nothing wrong with the process, but there is something wrong with the patient.
They have tried the cryo-freeze several times and each time the patient has come out of it as violent, unhinged. They are unable to control him and need to sedate him straight away. This throws off their readings; they cannot progress any further. They need to be able to control him. They are closer than ever to perfecting the technology they will use to wipe his mind, and the fact there are two personalities is causing more problems than initially thought.
They cannot even say for definite that it is the second personality in charge when he awakens because what he says is unintelligible. He is a man possessed, and anything or anyone in the vicinity is in serious danger. Lehmann tries to explain it to Zola: you cannot talk with him, there is no reasoning with him. This one is totally insane. Eventually, each time with heavy sedation the first personality comes around and is all that is left.
The problem is this can take hours to happen.
Zola cannot understand it. What is so wrong with his work? He knows the Americans had never had this problem with Rogers. He has checked and rechecked his findings, the machinery, his calculations. He feels that they need something in place for when he is awakened: something constant, something that will ground him, calm him, make him theirs. Once they have that out of the way they can then work on bringing the two personalities together.
Zola turns his back on the arguing doctors and looks through the glass panel, into the main room. The patient is in the master chair. It is important that they use the chair as much as possible as it has been designed specifically with him in mind – or, Zola thinks, specifically for his mind.
The patient is strapped in. Sedation has been used but Zola can see even now the patient is testing the bindings on his wrists. He was awoken two hours ago, and still isn't calm enough to be allowed to return to his room. They need the other personality for that; the quiet pliable one.
Zola knows they cannot go any further until he can solve this problem. How can he join both the personalities together so that they work as one? What could bind them together to make the perfect soldier? More importantly, how can they regain control of him when he is first out of cryo-freeze?
It is just one problem after another.
He is missing something.
They run tests daily. They have put him in cryo-freeze seven times, each time for longer and then brought him back out with success for his physical form. But his mind is different. Crazed and such anger. So dangerous that they cannot allow him to remain awake, so dangerous he has caused such serious damage to both personnel and equipment.
Zola turns back and ask them to run the tapes again.
He is thinking about Doctor Lehmann, and the idea Lehmann broached with him about moving the young nurse into the same room as the patient. He doesn't know that Lehmann has already gone ahead and authorised it; he doesn't know there is only one bed. Zola is not totally convinced as to why it has been requested, but then he was not attacked by the patient...and Lehmann has no wish to share the experience with anyone.
A movement catches his eye, and he sees the nurse entering the room. Lehmann only allows her in for short periods of time; Zola doesn't understand Lehmann's reluctance to use her on the project. He had only returned to base this morning and had noticed the bruise on her cheek, the paleness of her skin, the slight tremble in her hands. He had asked her about it. Her hand had immediately flown to her cheek and she told him she had walked into one of the heavy lamps in the main room.
He has his doubts.
He knows how violent the second personality can be, and doesn't understand why the nurse would lie to him. He realises he is losing sight of parts of the project...but then that is what he wanted, wasn't it? For someone else to take on the full responsibility, to be the Winter Soldier's handler so Zola could turn his mind to other projects, to their other plans for a better future.
And he had thought that someone else should be Lehmann.
In front of Zola is the report of one of the first awakenings, when the patient killed the doctor as he was coming around. Before they knew what to expect. The patient had been insane with anger, and it had taken five guards to take him down. The night before that, another dead body had been reported: a guard was found early in the morning. He had been the one who had been guarding the patient's room. Strangled, windpipe squashed flat. They had gone into the room, expecting the patient to be missing - but no, he was there, fast asleep. He was groggy when they woke him. He didn't seem to know what they were talking about when they questioned him about the guard. Zola thinks about getting cameras installed in the corridors. He remembers grudgingly that this is yet another thing Lehmann has requested and is right about.
He looks at Lehmann, now arguing with Jakobs. Zola realises again he isn't being kept in the loop. There are too many inconsistencies. He really is losing sight of the project. Again he wonders why the young nurse is being moved into the same room as the patient. A thought, an idea buzzes through his mind, but he is tired and doesn't quite catch it. Then the tapes are rolling. He cleans his glasses and settles down to see if they can see where they are going wrong.
Each tape shows the same scene. The patient is placed into the master chair after being brought out of cryo-freeze. He is unconscious. They always strap him down now and the straps are strong, not even he can break them. They do not want a repeat of the first incident. They administer the drug to bring him around, and Zola notices how everyone steps back and how the soldiers grip their guns.
It takes a few minutes and the patient comes around and tries to rise up and get out of the chair. He is looking around the room, teeth bared, his eyes wild and cunning, and he reminds Zola of a captured animal. Most of what he says is lost but his whole body shows what he means: he will kill them all if he gets the chance. The look in the patient's eyes makes Zola's blood run cold. Pure and utter madness. If he gets free he won't just kill, he will tear them apart. There is no reasoning with him, no way of getting through to him.
Then, on this tape, Zola notices something for the first time and he leans forward. "Wait, wait, run that again." They rewind the tape by two minutes and he watches it again, then again, slowed down.
"There... there..." They stop the tape.
The patient has caught sight of something and Zola can see his eyes have widened, and he watches the patient slowly sit back in the chair. He is still angry, still dangerous, but there is a difference coming over him. Zola gets them to play each tape and on most of the tapes they see it. Something happens and starts to trigger a reaction. It is there each time constantly, consistently. Up until now it was assumed it was the sedation taking effect but now it seems to be more than that. They can see that he sees something but not what it is.
It is only missing on two of the tapes, awakenings so violent they used elephant-grade sedative to knock the patient out. The only problem is they don't know what caused it. What is it that the patient sees that starts to calm him? That starts to allow the first personality to come through? Whatever it is it happens on the other side of the room, and because the cameras are trained on the patient they have not captured it.
Zola stands and looks through the window again. The doctors are all talking, all trying to guess. Could it just be the sedative? Does he notice how nervous the guards are and resigns himself to defeat? Zola knows that is not the reason; whenever the patient sees the nervousness of the guards he grins, a horrible thin-lipped smile. He would gladly take them all on and win. That smile is the smile of nightmares. All of their hard work, all of his hard work to be rewarded with what? A soldier that does not take orders, a soldier that is so unbalanced he cannot be used, cannot be trained, will not submit to authority because the madness in him is too unbalanced?
Zola watches through the glass. The nurse is bending over her patient, and he sees her brush away some of the hair that has fallen over his face. He is sedated and fighting it all the way, but he reacts to her hand, to her voice, and his shoulders relax.
Lord she is brave he thinks. It reminds him of the fairy tale, Beauty and the Beast.
And then an idea comes in to his mind.
He remembers reading something about the nurse, and he goes back to the mass of paperwork lying on the table and searches through it for her details. She was brought in when they had realised they needed a translator because she spoke English. But, he sees in the file, she wasn't with the project from its inception. He is about to close her file when he sees someone has added something to the file and he turns more pages towards the back. As he reads it he smiles and gets up, holding the piece of paper in his hand.
He looks back out at her as she tends her patient.
He rereads the information. Doctor Jakobs wrote the report. He says in it that the new English speaking nurse is a bonus as it has been noticed that Barnes responds to her. He is calmer when she is there, takes notice, and tries to do what she says. Doctor Jakobs doesn't just think it is just because she speaks Barnes' language but he believes she has formed an attachment of some type with the American, and the American with her.
"Beauty and the beast," Zola murmurs. He turns back to the doctors. "Play the tapes again. I want to see if the nurse is in any of them."
She is. In the five where the patient reacts to something out of sight on the screen, a few seconds later the camera catches her moving forward to tend her patient.
He turns to Lehmann. "Tell me again why you want to move this young lady in with the patient," he says.
Before Lehmann can answer, Doctor Jakobs leans forward. "She already has. She's been sharing a room with him for two weeks now."
Zola looks at Lehmann. "What? Why?"
"Because we find he is calmer when she is with him, that's all. It's nothing to make a fuss about," he says, glancing at Jakobs.
"Well gentlemen, we may have found our answer."
Lehmann sits forward, and Zola sees realisation dawn in his eyes as he sees what Zola has seen and swears. "Thats not a good idea. I really do not want that young lady used any further in the project than we have to." He cannot tell them about the deal he has with the patient; yet if he had, maybe they would have realised sooner. The patient had said he wanted her there all the time. Lehmann had thought he just meant at night, but now he is beginning to see they were talking about two different things. She is not there all the time, she is not there when he is awakened from cryo-freeze. The patient thinks Lehmann has broken his promise, and so the Winter Soldier has broken his. He will not co-operate with them.
What even Lehmann fails to realise is the need that both personalties have for their nurse. She quietens the fear and the rage, the utter panic of waking and finding he doesn't know where he is, who anyone is. The thought that she has left him alone. He needs her presence more than Lehmann and Zola will ever know. She is the only thing he remembers, the only thing of comfort.
"But you yourself have asked that we consider her sharing a room with the patient. In fact, I believe Doctor Jakobs has just said she is already sharing a room."
"She is too loyal to Barnes." Zola frowns at the tone of Lehmann's voice; he is frustrated he cannot make them see what a bad idea it will be.
"But Barnes has gone," Zola shrugs.
"You said you felt the answer was to have something constant in his life, something from the beginning. She isn't, and you're grasping at straws. She joined the project far too late." It is a weak excuse but Lehmann is determined not to give an inch where she is concerned. "It just would not work. There has to be another solution to this!" Lehmann is adamant and Zola looks at him, his mind working.
The others doctors are silent - watching the argument.
"She knew him before," Jakobs says quietly. Lehmann turns to look at him as if he has suddenly spoken in a foreign language. "What?!"
Jakobs ignores Lehmann and focuses on Zola. "She knew him before he came to us from the interrogation centre," he says.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Lehmann turns to Zola. "Armin, he just doesn't want to see us get rid of her! He has always had a soft spot for her, the fool."
Zola studies Jakobs. They have known each other a long time, but he has seen Jakobs fondness for the nurse.
"She nursed him when he was in the field hospital. The one the patrol took him to when he was first found," Jakobs adds.
"How? How do you know this?" Zola asks.
"She told me."
"And you didn't think to share this with me...with us!" Lehmann explodes, but Zola holds up a hand to calm him.
"That would have been just after he fell from the train," he says. "And so he has known her from the beginning."
Jakobs nods and sits back. Lehmann throws himself into his chair. He will talk to Jakobs later, remind him of who is actually in charge of this facility.
"Well gentlemen, I think we have found our...Constant, don't you?"
But there was too much at stake to assume that they were right. They were scientists and doctors. They need proof. They need to know that this will work.
Without telling her anything, they make sure that she is sat there next to him the next three times he is bought out of cryo-freeze. Each time they ensure that she is in his line of sight when he is brought around, and each time he sees her and his anger is reduced to the point that they didn't even need restraints in the last test. She places her hand over his, and before his eyes open she would talk to him, tell him everything was all right, tell him what was happening.
Such a small thing to cause such a different reaction.
She was always with him when they encased him in the metal pod, so they told her it made sense for her to be there when he woke. Each time she would be the last thing he saw and the first thing he saw when he came around.
It worked.
As the experiments continued, it became the norm for her to be sat next to him.
The final test they try shows there is absolutely no harm in him whatsoever.
*
Now the work could begin in earnest. But first, they need to introduce her to the world of cryo freezing. To be his Constant, she would be needed each and every time he was bought around, and she needed to be as he remembered her.
That meant when he was frozen...she would need to be as well.
It was decided not to tell her at first in case she had a bad reaction to the drugs, and therefore the freezing process would not work on her.
Jakobs knew it was because Lehmann hoped she would be incompatible.
They began to add things to her food and drink. She began to feel unwell. They would drug her, and whilst unconscious would do tests. She felt even more unwell. She found she started to suffer from black outs, she would lose time. She began to worry and spoke to Stefan. He could not tell her what he knew, and for the first time he began to worry about who he was becoming down here in the dark.
After the first week of it happening, she grew more and more panicked. What if she was suffering with something that might harm her patient?
It got to the point that she took the matter into her own hands and sought out Zola.
He listened patiently as she told him she felt she was ill and should be removed from the project. Her care for the patient astounded him. She knew that if she was no longer of use to them it would mean her death...but still she was honest with him, which made him sure he had chosen well.
"What if I have one of these black outs when I'm with him?" She fretted.
One of the things she mentioned startled Zola, although he was careful not to show it. She told him that when she first became unwell, when she first felt nauseous, she feared she might be pregnant. But that she now felt for certain she wasn't. This was news to him. Whilst he knew they had a room together, he had not thought about the sleeping arrangements.
How long had she been sleeping with their patient and why hadn't he been told?
He decided she had been through enough worry, and he told her the truth. That she was not ill. They had been experimenting on her, she was needed for the next part of the project. He asked if was she prepared to go forward to them? He told her their findings, told her she was to be the Winter Soldier's Constant. She wept, and when Zola asked her why she was crying she told him it was because she thought they were going to make her leave him.
She was totally honest with him. "Without him, my life would be over."
Maybe he thought to himself, she is as mad as our patient is.
Zola explains to her what her new future would be. Each time the patient was put into cryo-freeze she would follow suit. She would then be woken so each time he was woken for a mission she would be there. Her whole life would be the patient. Her future was this patient. She had always said she would never leave him and now she has been taken at her word.
She agreed. He knew she would. As she got up to leave he smiled.
"Hail Hydra!" he said.
Zola had looked at her waiting for her reply. He saw her swallow, her whole mouth was dry, he could see she doesn't want to say the words, they stick in her throat.
"Hail Hydra," she says, the words wanting to choke her.
*
Later, he questioned Doctor Lehmann more about her current duties and was angry when he found what had been kept from him. At first Lehmann assumed it was because of what the nurse had been forced into, but he soon discovered it was something else that had Zola worried. Something he had not considered.
What if she did become pregnant by the patient? They could not, and would not, allow the patient to breed. That would clash with Hydra's vision of a perfect world.
"Leave it with me. I will sort it out." Lehmann had promised.
*
Director Lehmann has been busy. He has had new uniforms issued to the medical staff; the doctors have brand new sets of white coats with the red logo stitched on the shoulders. Stefan has new sets of whites again with the designs.
You now have a new set of clothes: sensible blouses and skirts. But you do notice a difference. None of your clothes carry the Hydra symbol. Lehmann is letting you know he still doesn't fully trust or accept you, and he is letting the others know you are not Hydra. You are not to be fully trusted by anyone. You are advised to retain your nurses uniforms as there may still be days when you are needed to help out medically wise.
*
You return to your room, the room you now share with the Winter Soldier. It is your last official day as the Winter Soldier's nurse. Tomorrow you become something else to him. Something that, in truth, you have already become.
The door is locked every night at 9pm until 7am the next morning. Two guards will patrol. They are only to enter if there is a problem with the patient. They are under strict orders not to help you if you cry out. If you are being hurt they have been told to turn a blind eye, something some of them find difficult when the second personality is in charge and they hear your pain.
There is an steel opening they can lower in the door to check everything is all right, and they do so every two hours. The second personality has used you. He is always hungry, always eager to show you that you now belong to him. The first personality is gentle, was shocked at first when you stayed with him and slept close to you, sometimes even falling asleep in your arms. But then one night he woke you, brave enough to show you he needed you. His love making is so much different to the second personality, kind and gentle. You saw shades of James in him and that made you want him with such a passion that you lost yourself that night.
As you close the door you see him sat in the dark. There is no danger. You can sense a peace about him and you know you are safe. The light streams in from under the door and you move to switch a small lamp on. He doesn't stop you but when you straighten up he is behind you and his arms encircle your waist, he kisses the back of your neck and goosebumps run down your arms. Your breath hitches.
His hands come up and remove your belt and then he starts to undo the buttons on your nurses uniform. You don't make any move to stop him, just close your eyes and lean back against him. When it is open all the way he starts to caress your skin which is flushed from the heat he is causing, and you truly don't want him to stop.
His hands move to your shoulders and he slips the dress over them and moves your bra strap down so he can kiss the soft smooth skin there. He is so gentle. One hand now strokes your stomach and moves down between your legs. You move slightly so he can slide his fingers over the fabric of your underwear and he can feel the outline of you and he groans quietly, you are wet, very wet.
Then as if he cannot stand it any longer he turns you around, you see his eyes, so hungry, but so needy.
Your dress slips to the floor and his arms now encircle you again and he kisses you as if he is drowning and needs your breath for his own. You respond and press your whole body against his. Your tongue explores his and your hands run over and under the tee shirt he has on. You pull back and, pulling the material up, you remove his shirt, being careful not to catch it on any of the metal plates. You run your fingers across the those plates and then lean forward and kiss each of the points of the red star.
You love the feel of his skin. You run the back of your hand down across his chest and then undo his trousers. Your hand slips inside and runs the length of his erection and he pushes against your hand. You pull his trousers and shorts down. He tries to help you but you stop him, and he is then standing there naked.
You look at him, his long brown hair falling across his face as he watches you. You run your hand over his cheek; he needs a shave, and his eyes, you could drown in those eyes, the long lashes framing them. Whilst you are watching him you run your hand up the length of his shaft again and he stays your hand at the top, you see him take a deep breath. He tries to smile at you, it is something that happens so rarely. You know you would do anything him. You realise even like this he is James Barnes, still part of him.
He lets you move your hand away and you then take hold of his left hand, the metal warming at your touch. You bring it to your lips, open the palm and kiss it, then one by one you take the metallic fingers into your mouth and caress them with your tongue. He stands there watching you and you know he has forgotten to breathe. Once you have done each finger you kiss the palm again and then let his hand go.
You reach up to remove your bra but he stops you when you go to remove your pants. Instead he kneels on one knee and hooking his fingers into the side of them he slowly slides them down and then off, lifting first your right foot then your left. Then he leans forward and kisses your stomach, moving slowly down and using his tongue to explore you. It is your turn now to forget to breathe, you want to feel his tongue, to feel him explore you. You wrap your fingers in his hair and can't help but moan, spasms running through your body. You nearly lose yourself in the sensation but you want to feel him inside you, want to taste him and he senses the change and releases you.
You move to the bed sitting him down, his erection is huge and you kneel before him. You take him in your mouth and your hand encircles his balls and gently massages, you hear his gasp. You run your tongue up and down the length of him and then very gently your teeth, you hear him draw in his breath.
"No, not yet," he says, so close to losing it.
You both move back onto the bed and he slowly covers you with his body and kisses your mouth, you can taste each other on your lips. He kisses you and then works his way down your throat, his hand running over your breast, his thumb gently caressing your nipple and you grip and guide him into you, your legs circling the back of his to draw him in as deep as he can go.
You want him so desperately. There is no hate in him at all, no wanting to cause you pain, and he drives himself as deep as he can to feel your softness. As he builds his rhythm you grip his buttocks, then his back, the heat inside you both makes you sweat. He lifts himself, he likes to see you when you come and you allow him to. When he is gentle like this you love to see the look in his eyes, the way he looks at you, you are so sure at those times you can see he loves you. You only doubt afterwards, when the second personality returns to take that thought away from you.
You want to call him by his name but you can't; at this stage it would cause him too much damage, he doesn't know who James is, you bite your lip to stop yourself and instead you can't help but moan. His rhythm increases and his eyes never leave yours. You close your eyes and arch up into him, you want your bodies to meld into one and as you come, in your mind, you do call his name and you feel his arms holding you. The sensation rides over you and you open your eyes and watch as he allows himself to climax. Those beautiful eyes of his go liquid and close, his whole body taut, he holds you so tight and his breathing seems to stop. Then he lets go and you are sure you hear your name on his lips. You hold him as he shudders into you, knowing he is so deep inside you.
You don't want him to move. You reach up and brush the hair away from his eyes and your hand traces his lips and he bends to kiss you. Then holding onto you he gently moves you both onto your sides, looking at each other, he is still inside you. You are both so close.
"They promised you are really mine, they said you are my Constant," his voice is quiet, he then tries to smile again. That smile breaks your heart every time.
"I am. I will always be here for you no matter what happens," you tell him and then you feel the tenseness in his body relax and he moves back. You think he is getting ready to leave you so you go to move but he stops you.
"No," there is a very slight panic in his voice. He is just getting comfortable that is all, he isn't ready to let you go yet. You move together so you are now held in his arms then you listen as his breathing slows and he falls asleep. It doesn't take long but you fall asleep too.
For a short time you are both at peace.