When I woke up, I was alone in Shawn's bed. His blankets were wrapped around my body and his sweatshirt was bunched up weirdly by my stomach. It was extremely uncomfortable.
I groaned quietly, rubbing my eyes as I forced myself to sit up. I looked around the dark bedroom, the only light coming from the opened curtains and alarm clock that sat on top of the dresser.
The clock read four in the morning, and I couldn't help but wonder why I was up so early. I didn't sleep until nearly midnight, only because Shawn and I had been watching movies all day while eating all of the cookies we baked. Pretty sure only one batch survived, and we baked four.
However, instead of being upset for my lace of quality sleep, I got excited. Whenever I woke up at this time, Shawn was playing piano downstairs and I got to sit and listen to him the entire time. I absolutely loved it, so I jumped out of bed and then fixed my clothes.
I ran downstairs quickly like a kid on Christmas morning and I heard Shawn laugh a bit. He must have heard me running down the stairs since I wasn't exactly the quietest or lightest girl ever.
"Well goodmorning sunshine." He greeted and then turned around, looking at me with a small smile. "Sleep well?"
"Mornin'." I smiled and he chuckled as I sat down beside him. "I slept decently. I came down to listen to you play since it's always so beautiful. what are you playing now?"
"I'm learning a little something by Yiruma again, and Jon McLaughlin." He replied, his fingers ghosting over the glistening ivory keys. "Would you like to hear them?" He asked me and I nodded my head quickly.
"Which piece is it by Yiruma?"
"It's called Kiss the Rain, and it's absolutely beautiful." He told me and I sat quietly as he began to play the instrument, which was illuminated by the surrounding golden Christmas lights.
"Where's your phone?" I asked and he told me it was in his pocket. "Can I grab it?"
"I mean, if you want to." He laughed and stuck his leg out for me.
I reached for the device and then turned it on, seeing that his lockscreen was the picture of us. It brought a smile to myself because we looked cute together, at least I thought so.
I opened his camera app and then took a video of him after scooted away slightly. He laughed and looked at me quickly before staring back at his instrument to make sure he kept hitting the right notes.
The bright Christmas trees behind him and the lit fireplace made the video all the more beautiful. The sound of rain hitting the windows, fire cackling in the background, and the keys of his piano was stunning. They all blended into something so pure and serene, and I wished it would never end.
Soon the key of the song changed and he hummed as he closed his eyes, changing the song. "You're in my arms, and all the world is calm, the music playing on for only two, so close together, and when I'm with you, so close to feeling alive..."
I smiled softly, never really realizing how wonderful he sounded while singing. It was breathtaking and I wished I could just listen to him sing for the rest of my life. In fact, there are a lot of things he did or took part in that it wished would never end.
"Isn't this from Disney?" I asked and he nodded his head as I put his phone down, sitting beside him once again.
"As life goes by, romantic dreams must die, so I bid mine goodbye and never knew, so close was waiting, waiting here was you, and now forever I know... All that I want is to hold you so close..." He continued, looking at me with a small smile.
"So close to reaching that famous happy end, almost believing this one's not pretend, now you're beside me, and look how far we've come, so far we are so close," he sang passionately, his eyes closing ahut as he hit higher or more extended notes
I swayed my body side to side and he laughed lightly, copying my actions for a second or two. I smiled at him, almost preferring his voice over Jon McLaughlin's.
"Oh how could I face the faceless days, if I should lose you now?" He asked, his voice strong as he looked at me. I felt like instead of am just singing in general, trying to show me how good of a musician he was, he was singing to me. Almost like he wanted to tell me something.
But what was he trying to tell me?
"We're so close to reaching that famous happy end, almost believing this one's not pretend, let's go on dreaming though we know we are, so close, so close, and still so far..." He finished, the keys ringing out into oblivion as he finished of softly.
I leaned my head on his shoulder and I looked up at him. "You're a wonderful musician Shawn." I praised and he chuckled, saying he was pretty average.
"I'm not the best." He dismissed, but I shook my head, having to disagree with him.
"I think you're the best." I smiled and he thanked me. "Any special reason you decided to sing that song?"
"I think you know why."
His voice was quiet and knowing as he looked into my eyes. I nodded softly and he set a hand on my thigh, gently squeezing it.
"Were you singing to me, or for me?" I asked quietly as he pulled me on his lap, making me straddle his lap.
"What do you think?" He pressed and I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Tell me."
"I think you were singing to me, but maybe I'm just tooting my own horn." I giggled lightly and he nodded, telling me that I was correct.
"I-I want to kiss you but... but it's not fair." He mumbled. I didn't understand what he meant by that. It almost sounded like he accidentally thought aloud.
"What do you mean 'it's not fair'?" I asked him as he held my waist gingerly in his large hands. I was wearing his sweatshirt, and as his eyes trailed up from our connected thighs to my eyes, I could only see light traces of distress and frustration.
"It's not fair to you, to your boyfriend." He reminded and I sighed. "You still love him-"
"But he doesn't love me." I recalled and he pushed my hair out of my face. "So... So it's okay. I don't want to wait for someone who's happy with someone else. I don't know if I'll even see him again Shawn. How is it unfair to him when you're the one actually here with me?"
"What are you trying to say?" He asked, seeming hurt by my words. "Are you saying you're only here, you're only so close to me, because you can't see Harry anymore? We've only been this close because you can't do this with him?"
"That's not what I'm saying." I promised, but I wasn't sure if I was lying or not. Maybe he's right, but even so, I wasn't going to let him think that.
"No, no its okay. I understand." He bit his bottom lip as he let go of me. "I mean, I'm just some guy you're stuck with for like the rest of your life until you decide you want to runaway, like everyone does. You just need someone to fill in his spot and I'm here. Of course."
"Shawn that's not true. Everything we've done the last few weeks was more than that-"
"No it wasn't. I'm just getting ahead of myself and thinking that you'd actually, legitimately, want to be with me. You're forced to be here with me, if you had the chance, you'd leave in a heartbeat. God I'm stupid." He rambled and pushed me off of him. "I'm stupid!"
"Listen to me, that's not true." I begged him to listen as I grabbed his hand. "You're not just filling in for him, I promise."
"Don't lie to me." He whispered and then stood up, ripping hid hand from my grasp. "I'm so sorry. I'll keep my distance. I-I... I'll fix this. I'll do something to get you home."
"Shawn!" I called after him, quickly running upstairs after him. "Please just listen to me. You're not just filling in his place. If anything... If anything at all... you're replacing him."
"I bet if you saw me down the street or in your class, you wouldn't have paid any attention to me. The only reason you think you like me is because I'm the only one here. Stop trying to lie to me." He choked out and I reached out to him. "Goodnight Jennifer."
He closed his bedroom door and the soft click of the lock was enough for tears to brim in my own eyes. I felt to my knees in front of the door and cried, wondering why I was so confusing and frustrated.
I didn't even know if he was right or wrong. I couldn't tell if I genuinely liked him or just needed him to fill a small hole in my heart. I knew I didn't want it to be the latter, but by constantly trying to deny it, I only felt as if I was running from the dark truth.
I stood up and then wiped my eyes, staring at his door for a brief second. "If-If I had saw you down the street from my house..." I sniffled and then looked down at my hands. "You'd definitely be more than the cute boy next door." I promised before walking back downstairs.
I picked his phone up and saw that it was still recording. I ended it and then played it from the beginning, smiling to myself as I saw Shawn playing the piano.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, my throat tightening before turning the phone off and setting it down. "I'm sorry Shawn."