I woke up in a bed inside a room inside the bunker. I stared blankly at the ceiling for a while before deciding something. Whoever did that would pay. And I knew who did it, deep down. That guy, Crowley. I sat up in bed, with a new target to direct my anger and sadness towards.I let out a long, long breath. Everything had happened so fast. It wasn't a dream. There were monsters in the world, real ones. And one of them turned my life to ashes. It could have only been him,Crowley. I pulled the blanket up closer to me, moving it to wraparound me while not moving from my spot on the bed. In doing this,something knocked against my leg. I jumped a bit before reaching into the blankets and pulling out my bear. I stare at it. It seemed to stare back at me.
"Hello."I said, sitting it on my lap so it faced me. "I bet you're wondering where we are." I said, tilting my head as I watched the lifeless stuffed toy. "This doesn't feel like my room at all. It smells different too." I said.
I nodded the bear's head "yes" in response.
"I bet you were wondering why I was crying." I said.
Again,I nodded the bear's head "Yes".
"Well...Some monsters came to my house... Our house. They killed our family. And they made sure we didn't have a place to go back too. So we're all alone now." I said, feeling more tears coming.
So, I shook the bear's head "No".
"Yes I do have you. You were supposed to protect us." I stated, wiping my eyes.
I took the next blank stare and expected silence from this inanimate object as a way of saying "I'm sorry". So I relaxed my shoulders and sighed.
"It isn't your fault. I'm just happy you got out okay..." I muttered.Then, for the first time, that didn't make sense to me. "How...DID you get out any-" I was interrupted by the door to the room I was in opening.
It was Castiel, staring at me in both concern and confusion, and slightly embarrassed,I hid my bear with the covers.
"Castiel?"I muttered.
"Yes.Dean told me to watch over you." He said. I nodded. Angels watched over humans all the time. My mother told me so.
"Thank you." I said.
"I heard voices. Who are you talking to?" He asked. I tilted my head.
"Voices?No. That was just me." I assured him. "One voice."
"I heard someone else though. Are you sure you are safe?" He asked. I allowed a small smile.
"Yes Castiel. I'm safe." I said. He stared at me for a while.
"I am... Sorry.Your mother was a respected angel." He said. I felt a pang of sad happiness at that.
"Thank you..." I said. He nodded, then began to close the door again. I was assuming it was late still. "Hey... Castiel." I called,sliding the bear behind me so it was out of sight, out of mind for now.
"Yes?"He asked, looking back at me.
"Could you... Tell me... About my mom, I mean." I said, leaning back on the bed frame. Castiel thought for a moment. Then he nodded, entering the room fully,closing the door slightly behind him before sitting in a chair nearby.
"I can tell you what I have heard, and maybe some of what I know will be of help." He said.
"Yeah.I'm sure it will." I said, laying back.
"What would you like to know?" He asked.
"Everything." I said, feeling strangely peaceful while Castiel started the story of my mother with the words:
"In the days before the beginning-"
I don't know how long we were up, but it was long enough that I could feel Sam waking up. And by feel, I mean I could hear his alarm, then his yawn, followed by footsteps.
"Sam's awake." I said to Castiel while he was in the middle of telling me how my mother helped in guiding Moses. Castiel paused, sensing around a bit before nodding.
"Yes. He is." He said. "It is the time for him to wake up, 6 in the morning." Castiel explained. I nodded.
"I'm going to go talk to him." I said, pulling the blanket off of me.
"About what?" Castiel seemed curious as I walked by him.
"About Crowley." I said. Then Castiel was in front of me.
"You do not want to be near Crowley." He said.
"I don't. I just need to know." I crossed my arms, obviously lying.
"Revenge will not make you feel better. It will not ease your grief." Castiel told me. I let out a breath.
"Fine..." I muttered. Castiel nodded. My stomach growled and broke the silence of the room. I heard a loud yawn, down from the other end of the hall, Dean was stirring. Though he didn't seem like the type to wake up this early, maybe the smell of the coffee Sam was making would wake him up. I looked back and Castiel had gone, left some where in the bunker. So I rubbed my eyes, and walked around until I found my way to the kitchen, where Sam was in fact making himself a cup of coffee.
He looked back at him.
"Coffee?" He asked, uncertainly.
"I don't like coffee..." I said, finding a place to sit.
"How are you-"
"Fine." I answered shortly. There was silence, I looked up and saw the slight concern in Sam's eyes. "I'm fine." I said, calmly this time.
"It's okay to be sad, Nellwyn." Sam said, sitting across from me. I stared at him for a little while, memories flooding back, filled with fire and blood. I looked away, anywhere but his concerned gaze.
"I'm fine." I repeated. Sam sighed and sat back, seeming to give up for now. "You're worse than my brother, you know." He said. I glanced up at him. "Let me guess, you don't talk about your feelings?" He said, a bit amused.
"My dad said that crying and sadness were weaknesses." I said. Sam gave me what looked like a knowing nod. I probably couldn't imagine what he was thinking. "But..." I sighed, getting his attention. "I think you can cry..." I shifted. "If it's for the right reasons." I said. Sam nodded.
"I think so too." He said, getting up to make another cup of coffee.
"...Sam?"I spoke up.
"Yeah?"
"What can you... Tell me about Crowley?" I asked.
Sam nearly froze, looking back at me.
"You're not." He said sternly. "You can't leave here, not until we know what to do with you." He said.
"Sam, you don't understand-"
"I do, trust me. It won't end well." He said, not looking at me. I slumped back against my seat.
"You think I want to kill him." I muttered. Sam looked back at me in confusion. "Well I don't. I don't want to hurt him." I clenched my fists. "He... Was human at one point..." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "Idon't want to hurt anyone." I sniffled, the tears began to fall."I just want to know why. Why did he do that to me?" I looked upat Sam through tear filled eyes.
"Nellwyn...We don't know for sure that it was him."
"I know. But... I... Can feel it. I can't explain it. But he was there." I forced out past my sobs.
"That doesn't mean-"
"I know it doesn't mean he did it! Is there anything wrong with asking!?" I snapped, cutting Sam off. Lights flickered around us.
"Just...Keep calm." Sam said, sitting down with his coffee.
"I'm sorry. I just... I'm so confused. And frustrated. And... And lost." I dropped my head into my hands. "I don't know what to do." I wiped my eyes.
"You're an Orinia." He said.
"Yeah." I muttered, looking up at him.
"Maybe...Maybe you can help us. Maybe God sent you here, to help us." He said. I sniffled. I was reminded of Job, who lost everything. But not his faith. Never his faith. I took a shaky breath.
"Help...Okay. I can help. Help with what?" I asked.
But before Sam could say anything more, Dean came yawning and stretching into the kitchen area.
"Breakfast?" He asked, looking to Sam.
"Make your own." Sam said, taking a seat with his coffee. Dean grunted and grumbled a few curse words as he slumped over to the fridge,giving me a passing glance.
"How'd you sleep?" He asked. Sam didn't answer. I assumed he was talking to me.
"Good." I said.
"Why the hell are you up so early?" He looked back, pulling milk from the fridge before staring at the expiration date. "Don't tell me you're into that early bird crap like Sam." He joked, in an attempt to make me smile or laugh, which I did, allowing a small smirk.
"I felt Castiel in the room. So I guess I just... Woke up." I shrugged.
"Cas?" Dean put the milk on the table as he walked by.
"We were talking about my mom." I said. "He knew a lot about her." Dean nodded.
"That's good." He said, sitting down with a bowl and some off brand cereal.Sam rolled his eyes and gave me a look. A look that said not to say anything to Dean about me offering to "help" them with whatever was wrong. And I felt that this silence on the subject went towards Castiel too. I did my best to let Sam know I knew what he wanted to say without giving too much away. He nodded and ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm going to do some research." He said, standing.
"Good luck." Dean said, mouth full of food. And Sam was gone. And I sat with Dean.
He looked over at me as he finished his food.
"Do you eat?" He asked.
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Cas doesn't eat. I don't think Crowley eats." He said, pouring another bowl of cereal.
"Yes, I do eat." I rolled my eyes.
"Hungry?"
"Not now."
"Most important meal of the day." He shook the box.
"I don't think..." I grabbed the box. "I don't think 'fruity rings' are a part of a balanced breakfast." I said, he snatched the box back.
"Starve then." He said, spooning more cereal into his mouth, I smirked and rolled my eyes. There was a short silence. "So. What's your plan." Dean asked.
"Not revenge. If that's what you're asking." I sighed.
"Good." He pointed his spoon at me. "Because-"
"I already got this speech from Sam. It's too early to hear it again... It was too early to hear it in the first place." I muttered the last part. He chuckled.
"Amen,sister." He went back to his food.
"I guess... I guess I can stick around. If you don't mind." I said.Dean shrugged, mouth too full to speak. "I could..." I paused, he looked over at me. "I could... Lend you a hand. If you need anything." He coughed and swallowed hard.
"You?"
"I'm an... Orinia. Whatever that is. But aren't I supposed to be powerful? You fight demons and monsters... If there's anything you need help with, it's the least I could-"
"The least you could do is nothing."
"You know what I mean."
"No. We don't need help." Dean said shortly. I could tell now why Sam wanted me to keep quiet
It wasn't long before Sam came back and asked Dean if they could talk alone. Dean begrudgingly left his breakfast and followed Sam into the next room. I waited. Then slid out of my chair and followed after them, staying out of sight as I listened to them talk.
"Amara is out of control. This is the only way, Dean." Sam was saying.
"No way Sam. Not happening." Dean said strictly.
"We need him, Dean." There was a pause.
"No." Dean snapped. "We can fight Amara another way."
"You know you can't fight Amara. I've seen it, Dean." Sam softened his tone.
"Well...Think of something else then! I'm not letting you-"
"Dean. This is the only way."
"Because of those weird ass visions?"
"They're from God. You can't ignore God." Sam said a bit more roughly now. I heard Dean let out a frustrated sigh.
"I'm going on this lead for Amara. Just... Call me. Call me if you find a safe way to do this." Dean said, emphasis on the word 'Safe'.
"I will." Sam said. There was a silence, then a door closed and I gulped and ran off to the room I was staying in.
I closed the door and looked around. So many questions. Who or what was Amara? What was Sam going to do? It must have been bad if Dean didn't want him to do it. Who did they need? What visions? I shook my head.
"Cas?" I called softly into the empty room. Nothing. "Castiel?" I said a bit louder. Still. Nothing. "Castiel, I need to talk to you..." I said again, shutting my eyes tightly. But instead of feeling Castiel answer, I felt something much, much darker. I felt it rush through me, sending a chill down my spine. I opened my eyes, staring at my bear that I had abandoned on my bed. "What do I do?" I asked it. Of course I was answered with silence. The bear fell to the side, and suddenly there was a ring of fire around my room, cage bars surrounding me. I walked backwards, looking around before I bumped into someone. I looked back to see a taller dirty blonde male. His icy stare filled my with dread. Before I could open my mouth, he placed a hand on my head and I looked down, knowing who it was. "...Lucifer?" I looked up, only to see that I was on the floor, being shaken.
"Nellwyn? Nellwyn!?" Sam looked worried.
"Sam?"
"You screamed." Sam backed up to give me space.
"I did?"
"And...You said... Lucifer." Sam said. I put a hand on my head.
"Sam...I think this is a bad idea." I said, looking up at him.
"What is?"
"I... Don't know." I said, standing up.
Sam studied me for a moment.
"You were listening." He said with a sigh.
"Who's Amara?" I asked, not seeing the point in lying. "What are you going to do? Why doesn't Dean want you to?" I unloaded my questions.
"I'll explain on the way." Sam said. I blinked.
"On the way?" I tilted my head.
"You're going to come with me. Alright? We're going... We're going to see Crowley." He said, walking out of my room. I stared in his direction.
"Crowley?" I muttered, he kept walking. "W-wait, Sam. Why-" He disappeared around a corner. I swallowed my convictions. "Wait up!" I grabbed my jacket and ran after him, if this was bad... I didn't want Sam doing it by himself. No one should have to do anything like this by themselves. Maybe that's why Sam and Dean were so close. Maybe that's why I wanted to stay with them and help them save...Something...each other? Maybe even the world.
The drive was over informative. Sam told me... Everything.Ending with the simplistic sentence-
"I just thought you needed to know what you were getting into by staying with us." He paused. "If... You were planning on staying." He added. I nodded.
"I...Want to help." I said, but in reality, I was scared out of my wits.
"Alright." Sam said, and we drove in silence. I processed all that I just heard.Dean had the mark of Cain. Sam removed it, at the cost of releasing something called 'The Darkness', which manifested itself as a girl named Amara. Who's in love with Dean... Who Dean unwillingly loves in return. Amara is, apparently,God's sister. God is MIA, but he reached out to Sam and told him he needed to reunite with Lucifer. Sam is Lucifer's true vessel.Together they can fight the darkness. And... Maybe win. But to get to Lucifer, Crowley has to let Sam into Hell. So, Sam was currently going to see Crowley. And I was going to. The car came to a stop, and I stared at the ware house we were in front of. "It's funny. A day or two ago, I was worried about my math test on Friday. Now... I'm about to make a deal with the king of hell." I muttered, Sam looked at me.
"Yeah. Life does that sometimes." He patted my shoulder in the way a big brother would to reassure his younger sibling. "Come on. Let's go." He got out of the car. I got out and closed my door. He looked back at me. "You got my back?" He asked, jokingly. I smirked and ran a hand through my hair.
"Sure thing." I said, sighing and walking inside with him.
I had to admit, I was scared. Not out loud, but I was scared. Sam had pulled out a gun and motioned for me to stay close to him and be quiet. So I did, sneaking around each corner, waiting until he said it was safe to run forward as we moved closer and closer to Crowley.I could feel the demons everywhere. And it wasn't until a group of them blocked our way that Sam looked to me for help.
"Can you... Disguise yourself?" He asked. I blinked.
"Disguise...?"I whispered back.
"You're part demon. You can get past them. Or distract them. Or...Something." He said, looking back around the corner briefly.
"I...Don't know how... would that work?" I asked.
"Calm down, Nellwyn. Just concentrate." He said in a soothing tone. So I did, I focused, shutting my eyes hard. I channeled the darkness I felt. Either around me or inside me, I wasn't sure. But when I opened my eyes and looked over at Sam, he flinched. In the reflection of his eyes, I could see mine were completely black. I blinked hard again and it went away. I nodded at him, he nodded back.
"Get to Crowley. I'll find another way." Sam said, putting a hand on my shoulder and squeezing it as a sign that he believed in me. "If anything goes south, I'll be there." He added. I took a deep breath and used all my confidence to walk out into the open hall way.
The group of demons stopped all conversation to look at me. They're eyes all turning black. I did the same. We stared at each other for a moment.
"Who are you?" One asked as all our eyes turned back to normal.
"I've never seen her before." another one muttered.
"I'm here to see Crowley." I said.
"Crowley?"One scoffed and raised an eyebrow at me.
"I have... news that will help him... With...Finding Amara." I choose my words carefully.
"Name?"one that hadn't spoken yet came forward.
"...Nel."I said, they all looked at each other.
"Follow me." the one who came forward said after a short moment of studying me. He walked, I followed. I glanced back just in time to see Sam slip back in the direction we came. But I could feel his presence close by. He was near. That made me feel a little better.
We came to a set of double doors.
"He's in there?" I asked, looking up at the demon. He looked down at me.
"Yes. He's been expecting you, Nellwyn." He said. I nodded. Then I froze. I never said my full name. I started to back away but he grabbed my arm and pushed me through the double doors. I stumbled and fell to my knees, looking back, I got up and ran for the exit just as the doors slammed closed. I hit them with my fists.
"SAM!" I pushed as hard as I could. "SAM!?" I heard gun shots and fighting going on.
"Hello, Dear." that familiar voice made me stop as it sent a chill down my spine, which was accompanied by a wave of sudden anger.
"Crowley..." I turned around, half glaring at him. He was sitting in a large chair, head resting on his hand.
"So you come to find me. With a Winchester, of all people?" He asks, sitting up straighter. "Are you here to kill your Uncle Crowley?" He scoffed with amusement.
"No." I balled up my fists. "I... I hate you... Well... I don't hate anyone. I just... I really... don't like you." I tripped over my own words. "I'm... I'm not here to hurt you. But... I just want to know... Did you-" Crowley held up a hand, the flash of confused surprise crossing his face.
"No."He said. "I was there. But it was for... Other reasons." He stood up and walked over to a tray of what looked like alcohol. He poured himself a glass and took a sip. "Sorry for your loss...losses." He said casually. I felt myself relax.
"Thank you." I said, feeling a bit more comfortable near him.
Crowley moved over to a large table and sat down on one side.
"Sit."He said, motioning to the chair across from him. I walked over and sat. "Now... Why are you really here? I'm assuming you didn't come all this way for an... Apology."He stared at me.
"I didn't lie to that demon. I do have news about... Amara." I said.That got Crowley's full attention.
"Goon."
"Sam...He says he might have a way to beat her."
"And Dean? Where's he in this little... Adventure?" Crowley asked.That caught me off guard. Why would he care about Dean?
"Dean...He...Uh..."
"He doesn't know your here, does he, kitten?" Crowley took another sip. I shifted awkwardly, which let him know that he was right.
"So the Moose and the Kitten came to me... For what?" He asked. Moose... Kitten.It sounded like some bad children's book. But I spilled... Not all of it. But enough that Crowley knew we needed Lucifer to fight Amara.
"Sam needs to get to Hell and meet with Lucifer..." I paused. "Safely."I added, for Dean's sake. Crowley studied me for a moment.
"I can get you in. But... Summoning Lucifer. That's a whole other ballgame." He said.
"But...You're the king of Hell. Don't you... I don't know. Have a key to his cage or something?"
"It was sealed by God himself. Why in bloody hell would I 'have a key or something'."He mocked me, a small frustrated blush came over my face.
"Alright fine. How do we get in?" I asked. There was a long silence. Then Crowley leaned forward.
"I won't enjoy this. But..."
An hour long explanation ended in me and Crowley shaking hands.
"Dealing with a child..." He snickered at himself.
"I'ma teenager. Thank you." I shot back at him. He let go of my hand and chuckled, snapping his fingers and using his powers to force the door open. Sam was standing there, looking in.
"Sam!" I left Crowley's side and I saw a wave of... Something come over Sam, he moved forward and looked down at me.
"Are you alright?" He asked.
"Rowena." I said.
"What?" Sam looked between Crowley and I.
"She has something called The Book of the Damned. Right?" I asked. Sam nodded slowly. "Crowley says she can get you a... Meeting with Lucifer. And she can use the book to protect you." I said. I felt happy. Sam would be safe, which would make Dean happy. And keeping them safe would make me feel as if I wasn't completely alone and useless in this world.
"Are you sure?" Sam looked to Crowley.
"Cross my heart." Crowley said. Sam took a deciding breath and nodded.
"Alright...Let's go." He said, turning to walk out. I looked back at Crowley.
"Shotgun."We both said at the same time. I smirked and sprinted off at my usual great speed, running past Sam and out of the wear house. Where Crowley was leaning against the car already. I frowned.
"Shotgun." Crowley said, getting into the car with Sam.
"Really?" Sam said as I begrudgingly got into the back seat. No one answered. Sam rolled his eyes and started driving.
We pulled into the bunker, where Dean's car was already parked.
"Who's gonna... Tell Dean?" I asked. There was a silence.
"I will." Sam said, getting out of his car and closing the door. Dean was coming down the stairs now.
"Sam? Where the hell did you go? Is Nellwyn with-" He stopped when Crowley and I got out of the car. I saw him tense. "Why's he here." Dean looked to Sam.
"He's...Here to help." I said. Dean's hard and stern stare fell on me, wondering whether to order me away or... Shoot Crowley.
"Dean. Can I talk to you?" Sam asked, walking up the stairs. Dean looked at him, still confused. I followed Crowley up the stairs after Sam,he pushed by the brothers and said something about being thirsty as he walked into the bunker.
Dean looked down at me.
"I'm okay." I said, answering his unasked question. "Crowley... Didn't do it." I said reassuringly. Dean seemed to relax at this.
"Just...Be careful who you make friend's with, kid." Dean said. I blinked. Friends? With Crowley? I shook my head.
"I don't think we'll be... Friends."I said, looking after where he had gone. Dean chuckled.
"Dean?"Sam broke in. Dean snapped out of his world of worrying and looked to Sam.
"Yeah...Yeah sure." They both walked towards the door that led outside.Leaving me with only one choice. I sighed and walked into the bunker, where Crowley was sitting with a full glass in his hand.
The more I talked to Crowley, the more I realized that he wasn't completely evil. I learned a bit more about the Winchesters, a tiny bit more about him. I learned that Amara had gone to my house thinking I knew where God was, she came to destroy me but ended up destroying my family. Crowley had gone to try and contain her. But he was too late. It took me a little while to collect myself, but then I decided to tell Crowley something. If I had told Sam, he would have blown it off. If I told Dean, he would have stopped everything we were doing.
"Crowley. Can I...tell you something?" I asked. He raised an eyebrow at me,setting down his glass. "You have to promise not to tell Sam or Dean. Or Castiel." I said.
"Curiouser and curiouser." He leaned in a bit more.
"I...Don't think Sam is talking to God." I said.
"And?"
"And I think... Lucifer is tricking him." I added. Crowley sat back.
"And we're meant to keep this hidden because?"
"Because Sam thinks Lucifer is the only way to fight Amara. He won't listen to me. And If I tell Dean... He won't let us try. And Castiel... I don't know." I sighed, looking at Crowley. "Believe it or not,you're the only one I can trust with this." Crowley looked taken back by that.
"Alright Kitten. Mums the word." He said, taking another sip of his drink as the doors to the bunker opened. Sam and Dean were back.
"Moose!Squirrel! Nice of you to join us." Crowley greeted.
They made a plan to find Rowena. The only thing was, Dean didn't want me there. He wanted me to stay at the bunker until they got back with a plan. Crowley said he needed to secure the door to hell first and that he'd meet up with Sam and Dean after they brought him Rowena.Then he was gone.
"I want to go too. I want to help." I said to Dean.
"Noway, kid. No means no." Dean said, his decision final.
"Dean I-"
"No."
"Sam!" I looked to him for some sort of defense.
"Nellwyn. We don't know what a witch could do to you. We'll come back. We promise." He said. That shut me up. I was so gun-ho to help, but I didn't even know anything about myself. But that didn't stop the teenage girl in me from coming to the surface.
"Fine!" I shot, turning and heading off to what I now claimed as my room. I made a point to slam the door.
"Real mature!" Dean yelled after me. But I just sat with my back against the door, staying silent until I heard the doors to the bunker close. I was alone.
I stood up and sighed, looking up at the ceiling.
"God?" I called out. Nothing. "Castiel?" I tried. Still nothing. "Lucifer?" A last attempt call out. Not a thing. I turned and opened my room door and went back to where we were talking before. I looked around. "I don't know how this works." I said to the empty room. "Crowley?" I looked around. "Come back. I don't know how to... Summon you... So." Silence. "Come on, I know you can hear me. You can hear all demons. Crow-"
"Such a whiny brat." I whipped around when I heard him. I rolled my eye sat him.
"Where are you going?" I asked, looking him up an down.
"Hell." Crowley said plainly.
"Let me go with you." I said. He raised an eyebrow at that. "I don't know anything about the angel part of me since Castiel is... Who knows where." I was pacing a little, back and forth. I stopped and looked to Crowley.
"So why not learn about what you can do with your demon half?" He smirked slightly.
"Exactly." I said. He walked over and put a hand on my shoulder, and when I looked around, I saw that we weren't in the bunker anymore.