"It is not lack of love but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages"
Fredrich Nietzche
"Infidelity does not come from lack of love, it comes from lack of respect"
Anonymous
"Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies"
Dorothy Allison
"Infidelity is the opium of unfaithfulness" Toba Beta
Time and tide waits for no man. Woman's equality should not take this amiss and say why man, it should say 'humans' or ' man and woman' or better still ' woman'. One gets older whether one wants it or not. As one gets older, traits and behaviour, desires and expectations, and even character get changed. You may attribute the changes to environment, life's blows, buffets and pleasures or to native in born tendencies surfacing. If all these fail to explain, then the theory of 'vasanas', that is, the unfulfilled desires and traits of previous births come in handy. But the fact remains that there is no way to explain with a cause and effect formula for some of the changes or set pattern of behaviour of human beings that have no logical relation with their existing state of wealth, security and standing in society and family. In the case of animal kingdom, the set pattern of behaviour of a species or breed does not have great variations. Only rarely some remarkable aberrations may be noticed. Mutation does not take place within the life span of a creature in the flora and fauna. But in the case of a human being it is not so. That is why you see a saintly person suddenly turning as a consummate knave. Heads of religious institutions after years of self-discipline, somehow, on a very not fine day, start transgressing even the basic laws of human behviour and conduct, no doubt surreptitiously, most of the time. Robbers and criminals turn a new leaf and become completely changed persons. There is no dearth of examples for these things. In the case of Bhaskar, if any change took place, it is not a novelty.
The life in the office became more demanding for Latha, as she was given more and more important work since she was able to handle difficult assignments. Her time in the house became shorter as a result of this. She was in the era when women were mostly minding the house and running the household, bringing up children and looking after them, the husband and his kith and kin. Their whole time was spent in these activities. Very few women were employed and among them only a very small number were in high posts like Latha. Men were expected to earn money and be unquestioned providers for the family requirements and acquisitions and fulfill the family expectations financially, emotionally and physically. This ingrained attitude of men of that era made them know very little about what was happening in the house and how the wife was handling things day to day. In a way it suited the women for it made them the sole and final authority in all affairs of management of the house, children, relatives, in-laws and out-laws and no doubt the husband. Many a woman of those times, who appeared demure and shy, timid and obedient actually were bold, modern and achievers of their goals and desires in a quite way. Very subtly and not perceptibly they influenced their husbands and seniors in the home and shaped the behaviour and character of their children. Modern management experts can say that the women thereby made a person desire what they wanted him or her to do and got it done successfully by making the person think that it was his or her idea to brag about as an achievement. But the driving force would be the wife or mother, who had the last laugh at the soliloquy of success story as the seed and watering of it was only she.
Though Bhaskar appeared modern, fell in love and married a colleague, he was basically a product of that era. He unfairly expected his wife to be like any other woman remaining at home and running the household and not fail to treat him as the unquestionable monarch of the family. He felt that her office work and career were secondary. But he was not so orthodox or conservative in many of his actions. He liked to attend parties, went to club, mixed freely with ladies and enjoyed their company and attention. There was no conservatism and old world values in all these. He was holding steadfastly the model of his generation and even of his previous generation only in respect of the role of his wife and in the religious and caste beliefs, though he did not follow them properly. He started spending more time outside the house in the company of his friends. In the office too he sought the nearness of his lady colleagues and subordinates and was very happy when they praised him. Latha was hardly aware of these changes in his pattern of life outside as she was too busy with the overload of office work and the demands of house.
Without masculine or feminine backdrop, if you look at this scenario that applies more so for the present generation of employed married women, you would perceive that their life is more arduous than that of their mothers and grandmothers. The only job of their mothers and grandmothers was running the household and taking trivial decisions such as, what house their husbands should purchase and live in, whom their sons and daughters should marry, what jewelry and real estate should bought and to where their husbands should take a transfer, and if so should the family be shifted. Either they took these decisions openly or, more often than not, they greatly influence, egged or subtly lead their husbands to take the decision they themselves wanted. This mode had its own advantages and worked out mostly for the good of the family to the extent woman as wife could see and judge. And women can foresee things better and more pragmatically than men. In the present day, women lead an official life, laborious or easy, of high status or low and humdrum, and also have to run the household. They have to look after their children, attend to their needs in school and home, manage their husbands and the kitchen, and also keep and foster their own interests, freedom and find time to do outdoor activities and hobbies. The husbands unlike those of the era of Nineteen forties and fifties, think the wife being educated and employed can and should handle all these activities themselves. No doubt, in fairness, it should be admitted that some husbands, especially those who had lived in USA, lend a helping hand in these chores, more so when living abroad.
Though he married a working girl by his own choice, Bhakar did not come out the set idea of what a wife should do as per usual practice of his times. He expected his wife to first a wife in all respects and function as a full time housewife. Latha was also quite serious about minding the house and family very well and that was her first priority. She was expecting a baby and to some extent could not carry on her activities at home as she used to do. The presence of her mother was a great help in this regard The first few months of child bearing, as every mother finds it, was very trying. She expected her husband to be near her when she was at home. But Bhaskar was found missing from home on many days for long hours after office closed. He started coming late and when she asked him he would say he had office work or gone to meet a friend.
Latha waited for some days and one day asked him, " Why are you not coming home soon after the office is over at 5 ? Though I have lot of work and am holding additional charge, I always come home in time."
"You may have additional charge and have lot of work. But my charge itself is very heavy and I take more interest in work."
"But now that I am in the family way, can't you not come with me from office and be with me in the evenings ?"
"I would like to, but work is more important for a man."
"But it should not take so long. You are quite late and you have come home by 9 at night. Where have you been?"
" I have been to London to see the Queen, as they say. I had to go and meet some of my friends. There was a party in our colleague Geetha's house. She was celebrating her mother's birthday."
"Why should she invite you for her mother's birthday and why should you attend it ? It is not her birthday. Did she invite you ? She did not invite me and she knows both of us. She is not the Queen in London as you quibbled."
"And I am not a mouse, though you may like me to be. Are you jealous that she invited only me and not you ? I had to go, as she specifically asked me. And what am I to do coming in the evening and spending the time with you when you would be weary and resting ?"
"You do not seen to appreciate what I am saying. It is our first baby and what more can I say ? Is it wrong to expect you to be with me now and not blow balloons and eat cakes and goodies in somebody's mother's birthday "?
"I did not blow balloons."
"What a reply ! O K. I have been waiting for you. Let us have dinner together. Mother has cooked some dishes you are fond on."
"I already had quite some eats at the party. I am not hungry. You go ahead"
He changed his working clothes and put on dhoti and kurta and went to bed. Latha was quite surprised about the passage of words and turn of events. She ate some dinner at her mother's insistence and went to sleep. She could not get sleep easily. This is not the first time such exchange of words took place between her and Bhaskar. His late coming and parading some lame excuses had also been frequent. What has happened to him ? Where had all the proclaim of love prior to marriage and during the first year of marriage had gone ? She pondered sadly and soon was overcome by fatigue came under the caring embrace of the hands of sleep.
Meaning of Non English words:
dhoti : Four or eight cubits, i, e., two yards or four yards of cloth used in south India for wearing as under garment and tied at the waist.
kurta : A full sleeve shirt with opening at the neck to be slipped from over the head.
End of Chapter 10.
NB: I apologise for this long delays in writing. I some how did not have the urge to do any writing due to certain happenings. I hope the kind readers will forgive me and read this and favour me with their response. Thanks.