I pace around my room with tears of distress spilling down my cheeks. "Calm down, Katherine," William says to me.
I pause briefly to stare at my so-called husband laid across the bed, propped up by downy pillows, his quirky grin to humorous for the situation at hand. "I think you do not understand the extent of his majesty's displeasure," I say in agitation.
He chuckles softly at my words before replying "We have all had to face his displeasure at some point. He is like the weather in his moods, always switching from bright to dark, unpredictable in his changes. I would advise you to give him space, let him play his games and as sure as the rising sun he will return to you."
I listen to my husband's advice eagerly, however, it is too full of hope and false optimism for my liking. William had not seen the way Henry had looked at me, his eyes channeled with fury. He did not hear the statement of the King's words, so matter-of-fact and laced with authority and spite. "He said: He could rutt with whoever he so pleased," I say reciting the words again if only to stress the point to William.
He shrugs his shoulders as if to say, it is his way of things, it is not the response I am expecting. "He can, Katherine. Did he not rutt with you while he has a wife and you a husband?" He asks although I do not believe he desires an answer.
I do not like Williams manner, how can he be so serene in the face of our demise? His fortune and future Ascension are bound to me through the Kings favour. Without the Kings blessing, we could lose everything and William does not seem to be grasping the full situation. He is all smiles, and it is a mystery to me. "You clearly do not understand the entire concept, for if you did, you would not be laying there so calm. Henry will not return to me." I say quickly.
"He is King. Do not over think him, just flow with his desires and wants, then you will be fine." He stretches his arms above him in an imagery of tiredness, yawning for added effect. He is clearly losing interest in our conversation, yet, I need him to understand, and stop with this serene folly.
"I am with child." I blurt out. I had not intended to tell William just yet, but, he had tied his future to mine and I owed him some truths. His eyes snap wide at my confession.
"This is wondrous news!" He grins, "Why did you not say so earlier? It would have saved you this distress, it makes perfect sense, Kat. Henry will not lie with you while you carry his child, it is completely normal for him to search for solace with someone else." He climbs off the bed eyes straying towards my stomach. "How far along are you?" He asks.
"A few months," I say cautiously, suddenly feeling self-conscious at his close inspection of my curves through my ruffled dress. William had not seen me completely bare before, only the silhouette through my thin chemise, he does not know my true curves or the subtle changes in my body, nor the meaning those changes meant.
"I shall congratulate the King on his vigour and hopefully it will remind him of your fertility and his fondness for you." He says reminding me that he is a skilled courtier - even though I sometimes doubt his ability - taking the opportunity in hand and turning it into an advantage.
"Stop. Wait." I almost shout as he heads towards our chamber door. He turns on his heels at my command, waiting for my next words, which I am finding hard to surface. "Henry does not know of my condition."
His brow wrinkled in confusion. "Henry does not know that you are with child? He asks mirroring my words. "Who knows then?"
I shift uncomfortably under his glance. "Just you." I voice meekly.
He returns to the bed in an almost dazed like state. "Why have you not told him? It would elevate your standing with him, he would forgive you anything," he states.
I start pacing again my agitation clear. I have not said anything for I know where his attention would turn. He would search for a new outlet and since Mary's arrival, it had become obvious whose bed he would end up in. I could not bear the thought of it. How do I tell William this? That I had enjoyed the Kings company and jealousy had made me keep the growing child a secret. I look at his eyes and realize I do not need to say anything, he has already guessed my true motives. "What you have done is beyond dangerous. If the King found out you knew of your condition but continued on with carnal relations with him, he would be furious. If he asks, you did not know until recently and did not want to tell him without certainty." He says like a merchant orchestrating a deal.
I nod my head in response, glad that I had finally unburdened myself and had some direction. Anne always had the lead but I had recently put distance between us. I could not trust her family loyalty with something like this, especially since her own sister would benefit from my fall. "What should I do?" I whisper.
"You need to tell the King at once. The news will soften him towards you." He replies.
"What about Mary?" I ask.
He sighs in response. "You can not control the King, he will go where he wishes and it sounds like he may already be heading towards her bed." He thinks for a moment seeing my disheartened features. "Tell him now, and it will look like he has gone to Mary as a replacement rather than a first option. It will give you better standing among the court, and weaken her position."
I grimace at his words but know he is right. If the King is heading that way already then I should at least make myself look like the favoured mistress. "I will tell him then."
I don my cloak and leave the confines of our room. I had left the grand hall early and would not be surprised to find him still dancing among the crowds. I want to tell him the news in private, so I head towards the royal chambers instead hoping to find him already there. If he was then I could tell him, if he was still celebrating then I would leave it until tomorrow.
I pass my own chambers as the mistress, I had not visited them recently to scared to find that another may have taken my place. They were vastly more comfortable than Williams but I did not want the embarrassment or the truth of another taking my place. I stroll up to the guards who stand at the main door, they know me by face and often let me in unannounced. Tonight they stand still, not wishing to catch my eye.