<It Hurts>
I couldn't believe that my foster dad was my biological father. It couldn't be. It must be a mistake right? How could they be so cruel to me? How could she threw the truth at my face and expect me to digest it? It came as a shock to her as it was to me. I'm in my room and I've been crying ever since I came running back. It was night when I had went to look for Queen Nina but now it seems as if it was midnight. I had sat myself in the darkest corner of my room beside the window and I didn't even bother to switch on the lights.
With so many disturbing thoughts in my head, I felt as if it would explode into pieces soon enough. It felt as if the thoughts would all become a monster and attacked me. Best if the monster ate me alive. As much as I need Ethan now but I don't want him to see me crying. I felt like I need Ethan. I need his warmth, his hug and his beautiful eyes. I missed him. But I also miss Betty, my garden dog.
"Ellie? Are you in here?" Ethan voice came through the door as if I had sent him a telepathy and I curled myself further into the corner of my big room. It was so intimidating. A fragile soul in a big room with endless imagination. How did he knew when to come looking for me? I heard footsteps and I wished that he would go away. I don't want him to see me crying. I wish he would vanish and not walked in.
"Ellie, I know you're here. Come out." Ethan said in a soft voice and once again, my heart broke. My tears flowed which I tried to cry silently but I sniffled and I felt a pair of strong arms around me. He found me. He always found me. I didn't know how but he just did. Despite the fact that I wouldn't want him to see me like that, it felt comforting in his arms. Like a safe heaven. Somewhere I could spent an eternal in.
He smoothed my hair and turned me to face the door before he sat down beside me. He placed my head on his shoulder and allowed me to let the tears flow. I felt safe and comfortable, as though everything Queen Nina said had disappeared into thin air. Right now, it was Ethan and me in our own world and I would have wanted to stay this way forever.
~~Ethan~~
When I found her, she was already crying her heart out and seeing her like this made my heart ache. She must have heard something terrifying from Queen Nina, how I wished I could lessen her pain. How I wished she did not have to suffer that pain. But this would be her new life and she would have to accept it sooner or later. I am just here to comfort. I didn't knew how but I just knew that she needed me. It was like she sent a telepathy note to me. I guess my instinct was good.
She sniffed and I felt her wiped her eyes. "I'm here, don't worry." I said to her hair which I had placed on my shoulder and she moved away from me. I allowed her the freedom to do that and did not said a single word. Even in the dark, I could see her red puffed eyes, shall get some cooling pad for her later, and with the moonlight shining on her, her features looked even more beautiful. It was like her turquoise eyes are shining with the hidden tears beneath. It was just breathe taking.
She chocked back tears and tried hard not to cry. But she knew that she had emptied her tear duct. So I handed her a few pieces of tissue which she gladly took it. "Ethan.... My foster dad is my biological father." she spoke in a hoarse voice and I saw tears flowing down her face so I wiped it off with my thumb. Seeing her cry hurts me more than a knife would. I couldn't answer her, what could I say? I couldn't told her everything would be alright because it wasn't going to be until she accepted it. If I were to say that, it would only be a temporary wound cover.
"He's a prince from another place and Queen Nina was suppose to married him at age 18." Ellie said again and she looked away from me. But before she turned away, her eyes reflected despair and sadness. I was trying to grasp what was happening and I felt my jaw dropped a little because it took me a moment to link everything up. "So means they... They did it before marrying." I said instead of asking her. Like I was just speaking what I thought in my mind because I already knew she knew the answer. She gave me a look that said "bullseyes Ethan" but her beautiful eyes reflected sadness before nodding her head, OMG. I couldn't believe it. Queen Nina definitely didn't looked like those who would commit these sort of things. Something must had happened.
"Ethan, stay with me tonight." she said, more like pleaded me and sat closer to me, pushing her entire body towards my own and I felt her body heat. I couldn't helped it but hugged her. If she wanted me to stay with her, I would. When she was in my arms, It just seems so right that she was the one to be born to fit in my arms. She placed her head on my shoulder and sniffled a little before curling up. She had fallen asleep. Poor Ellie, she cried so much that she was so tired, She deserved some rest. I should probably brought her dog, Betty in soon. So that Ellie could have some company if I wasn't around.
I carried her up in a bridal style and she stirred but didn't opened her eyes. She allowed me to carry her so I whispered into her ears that I promised I would stay. I placed her gently on her fluffy bed and covered her with the blankets. She looked like a peaceful baby. I was about to walk off to her side table to drag a chair and sat beside her when I felt someone grabbed my hand. I jumped a little because I thought she was already in deep sleep. "Ethan, stay." she said and I turned around. Her hands are still on my wrists and she was staring at me with those pair of eyes. But I am staying, I didn't said that I would leave her alone.
"I want to grab a chair. You sleep." I replied her gently and tried to pry her fingers off me but she didn't let go. She shook her head and gripped it harder and she was half sitting up. I stopped prying and looked at her. "Ethan, please?" Ellie's eyes are filled with tears again and I sighed. I gave in, I couldn't bear to see her getting hurt again. I am weak for her. I didn't want her to suffer.
"You want me to lay beside you?" I asked her, feeling kind of awkward because this was the first time a girl had asked me to sleep in the same bed as her. But I did not slept or invited anyone into my bed except Erica when I was young. She nodded and wiped her eyes. I sighed and sat down on her bed. I hoped I'm doing the correct thing. I like her, but.... Forget it. It's just one night. I would lie outside the mattress and she would be inside. So we are not committing any crimes.
As soon as I laid down, I felt her head against my chest. She had positioned herself directly on my heart and I wondered if she could heard my fast beating heart. I hand hugged her and she looked up while I looked down with our faces inches apart. She looks so beautiful that I was afraid I would break her. Her eyes wet and shining with tears, her cheeks so soft and red. Her pink and soft lips craving and wanting something. She was just so kissable and I wanted to feel those lips. It was those intense stare that we had and she didn't blinked away from me.
"Thanks Ethan." Ellie said and pressed her lips on mine, longer than I expected. I was stunned as I didn't expect it. I couldn't react to it because it caught me off guard. I felt fireworks exploding and sparks fly. Just a kiss on the lips in the moonlight, just a touch fire burning so bright. (Okay, a little drama but I am serious.) it was like she was the girl I was looking for my entire life. It felt like she was the one waiting for me just like I was the one waiting for her. It felt like soul mates.
That instant, it clicked in my head like a puzzle and I realize that I love her. I love her so deeply. Without her, my life was nothing. She was on my mind constantly ever since the day I knocked onto her in the school corridor. She was the girl I wanted and not because of her status but because of her personality. It was like she waltz into my mind and decided to stay put. She might have felt the same if not she wouldn't have..... Suddenly, she sat up and covered her face. I sat up, feeling surprised and I placed a hand on her shoulders. Did she regret it?
"I'm sorry, Ethan. I should not have kiss you. It's just that... I....." she said and she looked into my eyes. Those intense feelings that she wanted to bore into me was something that I had prepared to catch. Whatever she wanted to spill, I promised that I would not let her go. Not now and not in the future. I want to hear what she would say, I felt like I knew what was about to leave her mouth but I wanted her to say it. Maybe if she said it, I would say it to her too.
Sensing that she doesn't want to continue, I said "Ellie, it's not your fault." I did what my mind was urging me to do. I pulled her into a kiss, like just a slight touch on our lips. Once again, her lips touches mine and she didn't resist. She closed her eyes while I closed mine and I deepen the kiss but she pushed me away. Damn. that kiss was good, why did she stopped it. "Oh.My.Gosh! What have I done? Your parents might disown you." tears flowed again and she was shaking. I didn't understood what she was talking about. I frown. Oh. She was referring to Queen Nina.
"Ellie, my parents wouldn't disown me cause of a kiss. Besides, my mum love you." I said, trying not to confuse myself with her feelings and my own. I tried to say it in a way that she wouldn't felt like she wasn't love. Or that she wasn't welcomed. The last thing I wanted was for Ellie to leave me. She shook her head. "That's how my biological father got disown, he got Queen Nina pregnant and the baby was me." Ellie said and she turned away from me, as though she was ashamed. Ashamed that she was someone born because of the mistakes her parents made. As though it was her fault that she was born.
"Ellie, look at me." she didn't turned. "Ellie!" I tried again and she did face me this time but her eyes reflected sadness. "We're fully clothed and we're not doing anything we shouldn't be doing. Don't worry too much." I said in a matter of fact tone. But it was true. We did nothing except to share 2 kisses and it was magical. Her expression changed from seriousness to relax and I smiled. For the first time since she cried, she let out a small smile which lit up her tired face and she looked like an angel. So angelic and beautiful, even her smile could melt a frozen heart.
"I love you Ethan." she said and planted her soft lips on mine before pulling the blankets to cover herself. I was too stunned to say anything but I knew that I have to say the 3 words to her too. Because I love her too.