T h i r t y E i g h t
This one is for NaeemNaufer
:)
Sometimes Allah shows us
the brightest lights
when we are in the
darkest places.
☆
Mashal
"Fu--"
"Minahil you swear one more time and I'll tell Saddia that you are a terrorist!" I snapped at her.
"That fu--" she shook her head, thinking of a non sweary way to describe her. "I mean that flipping hoe."
"Minahil! It's still not good."
"Okay okay not hoe, I mean horror! Yes horror. That flipping horror! I hate that girl!"
I groaned in frustrating at her choice of words. Last night when Minahil returned after being verified, I had already fallen asleep due to the jet lag and the comfort of the soft bed. After sleeping in Zeyara's rock hard bed for so long, this soft bed felt like heaven. I didn't even wait for dinner. Minahil had the dinner alone when it came and then she too, had fallen asleep.
In the morning, the sound of the fajr azan filled our room. That is when we woke up and realised that the azan had come from the speaker I had spotted when I first came to the room.
After I forced Minahil out of the bed for fajr and we both prayed, she had started telling me what happened to her when she went for the verification.
Turns out they asked her a hundred questions and analysed them psychologically to know her personality and intentions.
"But seriously Mashal can you belive it? They even asked me my grandmother's name. I was freaking out at that point. I mean I don't know what my grandmother was into. She could've been on their most wanted list!" Minahil said shrilly with a hand over her heart.
"But you passed right? So please stop torturing me. I'm too hungry to listen to your autobiography." I muttered before flipping over to the other side of the bed and pulling up the duvet.
I was way too hungry because of skipping dinner and my stomach was continuously growling.
"Fine." She sniggered before shutting up.
I thought I'd finally get some silence but I was wrong because in less than a minute I heard our metallic door open and then the footsteps of someone walking in.
"You!" Minahil exclaimed grudgingly.
I jarred out of the covers to see the person because of Minahil's intense reaction.
"I hope you had a good sleep in sha Allah because today there's quite a lot on your schedule today." Saddia smiled at me.
She was all geared up, fresh and confident just like yesterday.
As if she had not just walked into someone's room and disrupted their sleep.
"Fu--" Minahil opened her mouth to form some pleasant words but a glare from me forced her to change the sentence. "Flowers. There are no flowers here."
I shook my head incredulously and Saddia continued speaking, ignoring Minahil's flowers.
"Right. Would you please change into Alnihayya clothes now? Then I'll take you over for breakfast in the cavern."
Saying this, she turned around to face the wall. "Get changed."
Cavern.
What a beautiful name for a dining room.
Minahil glanced at me and mouthed, "What the flipping horror."
I chuckled lowly "The feeling is mutual."
We stumbled out of the bed towards the cupboard. Minahil grabbed her uniform and ran over to the bathroom. She stuck her tongue out at me before closing the bathroom door, leaving me to change in the room.
I sighed and got changed nonetheless. Once we were done Saddia turned back to face us. "Alright then let's move."
I glanced at my mirror image one last time taking in my weird look of wearing a face veil on the Alnihayya uniform. It was a strange feeling to be dressed like that, but wearing an abaya into battle would be plain idiotic.
Minahil on the other hand, wasn't even wearing a hijab. I was probably the only girl with a face veil there and Minahil was the only one with her hair flowing freely on her shoulders.
A transport cart was waiting for us outside the room. Following Saddia's cue, we boarded the cart and Humna began guiding us out of row 'E' and into the glass elevator. After moving two floors up, when the elevator door finally opened, I realised why the dining room was called 'the cavern.'
Alnihayya headquarters was under a mountain range, yes I was aware of that. All the other rooms and airports I had been to, had been polished with tiled floors and painted walls to mask away the fact that we were in a mountain.
Here in the cavern though, there was no polishing, no painting, it was literally a cave. With stony walls and rocky uneven floor, it was huge but well lit and full of people. Alnihayya men and women all dressed the same.
I walked beside Minahil following Saddia. Both of us gazing around, taking in our environment. There were rows and rows of round tables sprawled on the left for the men and the right for the women with a path between them. The Alnihayya logo in the middle of each table. Young men and women sitting, chatting, laughing shouting.
As Saddia motioned us towards an empty table on the right at the women's side, quite a lot of women hi fived her on the way, a few exchanged salaams with her making me realise how popular she actually was.
"You can sit here." She said, stopping by an empty table. "The leaders are going to address us since all the members from around the world have gathered today." She pointed at a raised stage at the far end of the cavern with a long high table on it with chairs for ten.
Although the chairs were still empty, but those were the chairs the leaders would come and sit on.
Leaders including Zeyara.
I sat down along with Minahil imagining Zeyara's reaction when he sees me. He would probably lose it and come running up to me.
I smiled at that thought as Saddia bid us farewell and walked up to some other table of women who seemed to be her friends.
"Okay I know I've been dreaming all this time so please pinch me and wake me up." Minahil declared, extending her arm towards me.
I sighed and instead of pinching her arm, I slapped her face. "Now you know it's definitely not a dream."
"Ouch!" She squirmed in her chair, "flipping horror."
"Attention please. We are going to be joined by our senior leaders now." Humna's voice hollored in the cavern, blasting from speakers in every corner.
Everyone began table clapping-- slamming their hands and fists on the table. A few boys wolf whistled and whooted. Me and Minahil were the only ones not clapping with our eyes glued on the stage.
"Ali Ghedi from Somalia." Humna continued as a young man, about Zeyara's age, appeared from the back of the stage and smiled at the crowd before taking his seat at the edge of the stage.
The Somali crowd cheered at his arrival. The same continued as the Chinese cheered when "Simayi Wang from China" was announced.
Followed by "Aymur Aga from Turkey" who was a woman and then "Maryam Amjad from Pakistan" who also happened to be a girl.
"Miz'an Mujuthaba Adam from Maldives."
"Oleksander Boiko from Ukraine."
The leaders kept on appearing as their names were announced and took their seats.
"MZS from Syria. He also represents the UK." My heart picked up pace at the mention of MZS.
That is why Saddia couldn't identify who Zeyara was because he doesn't use that name here. They only know him as MZS. I failed to keep my sanity and stood up as he finally appeared. I took in his muscles, his bearded square jaw, the dark locks that had grown back, hands slumped in his pockets and a scar under his right eye-- which wasn't there the last time I saw him.
"Hussain Karim from Saudi Arabia."
After all that time, he was in front of my eyes. It felt unreal.
"Amagku Ahmed from Indonesia."
After all those days of people telling me that he was dead, after all those days of missing him passionately, he was there.
"Jumare Cisse from Nigeria."
I smiled at first, then as if that wasn't enough to express my joy, I grinned and then I chuckled. Minahil pulled me down to sit again and whispered in my ear. "I thought girls change their names after marriage. Why did Zeyara change his name?"
She was waiting for my reply but I couldn't care less. He was there, right in front of me.
"And finally Omar Yasin from the USA."
Once all the leaders had taken their seats, the people stopped clapping and silence descended in the cavern.
"Assalam o alaikum everyone." Miz'an, the senior leader from Maldives greeted everyone happily. All the leaders had a microphone in front of them so his voice echoed in the cavern.
"Walaikum Salam." The crowd replied unanimously.
"As you all know we have gathered here--" He continued speaking, giving a whole speech which I was oblivious to. He was speaking in English and his words were being translated in all the different languages on plasma screen above us. But what all my senses were fixed on, was my husband.
His eyes gazing down at his feet, broad shoulders and strong limbs, arms crossed in front of him, he wore a grim expression on his face.
He wasn't smiling like the others, he was gloomy which made my heart ache.
"Now if MZS would like to add more on it." Miz'an finished speaking and all eyes moved to Zeyara. He finally looked up from the ground and scanned the audience. His eyes landed on me and I gasped as he kept on staring for a few seconds before he looked away, leaving my heart gone wild.
"All I would like to say is that--" He began speaking and I bit my lip to prevent myself from running up to him. How long had I waited to hear that beautiful deep voice. "You people are lucky. You will be making history in sha Allah. Yes, wars are sad, no one wins, everyone loses. But keep this in mind that if someone spits at you once and you don't react, you're a forgiver, if he spits at you again and you don't react, you are a sabir (patient) but if he spits at you a third time and you still don't react, you are a coward."
The silent crowd broke into cheers and table claps. Even I clapped this time, impressed by him and his words.
Zeyara raised his hand up to stop the clamour and began speaking again, "Let's be clear about it. Our mission at the moment is to free Palestine. We still have some time left before we go into war. I want you all to train yourselves both, physically and emotionally. I want you all to-- well, not me, your Creator wants you all to pray so you must. Those five times a day forget about your mission of freeing Palestine, make your mission the pleasure of the Ar Rahman, freedom from the shaytan, freedom from the zalimun (oppressors) and from your desires. Freedom which is more precious than blood."
When Zeyara ended his emotional address, the cavern exploded with cheers. Everyone was electrified, like birds soaring to new heights of emotion.
He smirked at the erupted crowd before casting his eyes down again. As the claps and cheers ended, the Turkish lead Aymur Aga announced, "Now let's start eating. Bismillah!"
And with that, everyone started removing the lids of the casserole dishes placed on their tables and the cavern filled with the rich aroma of onion and cheese pies, freshly baked bread, beans, eggs and countless other dishes. Even Minahil had started loading food into her plate but I couldn't take my eyes off MZS. The leaders had also started eating and I watched as Zeyara rolled his sleeves up and skilfully ate with his hands while the others fiddled with the knives and forks.
"Earth to Mashal!" Minahil waved her hand in front of my eyes to snap me out of the continous staring. "I know your husband is hot but that doesn't mean you stare the life out of him."
I nodded and took my eyes off him. I added some food from the platter to the plate in front of me and poured a glass of elegant orange juice. I had started eating but my mind was still rambling with questions about Zeyara.
Why didn't he acknowledge me?
Why didn't he smile when he saw me?
When I couldn't resist any longer, I turned my gaze back to the chair he was supposed to be in but it was empty.
He wasn't there anymore. All the other leaders were still present but he had disappeared in thin air. My eyes glanced around the cavern, trying to spot him but he was no where to be seen.
"Tell me you're not my sister and some other niqabi."
My eyes travelled to the face of the person who had just stood in front of me.
"Ibrahim!" I exclaimed, pouncing out of my seat and landing into his chest for a tight hug.
"Yeah well, definitely my sister." He chuckled as we pulled apart. "So that's what you meant by 'I'll see you there'."
"Yep!" I grinned examining his fresh face and neat Alnihayya uniform.
"How did you come--" His eyes moved past me towards the table where Minahil was sitting. "What is she doing here?!" He asked in shock, totally changing his previous question.
"Uh--" I looked over from my brother to Minahil who was glaring daggers at him.
"Because they needed pest control to get rid of pests like you." She snapped at him before I could answer.
"Yeah but little do they know that they've got bigger pests to deal with now." Ibrahim shot back.
"What is wrong with you both!" I dejected harshly just when Minahil was about to speak again.
"Mashal why is she here?" Ibrahim crossed his arms and asked me with a serious expression on his face.
"Because you're a loser and they need winners like me."
"Minahil!" I glared at her.
She rolled her eyes and looked away.
"It was an accident Ibrahim. She had no idea I was coming here." I explained the situation to Ibrahim but his stern expression didn't change.
"She's a rude uncivilised girl who doesn't belong here." He said firmly, still glaring at Minahil.
"Yeah I'm sure I'll look civilised to you men if I do a pole dance for you!" Minahil slammed her fists on the table before storming off towards the elevator.
"Minahil!" I called behind her but she didn't stop.
"I-- I didn't mean that."
I diverted my eyes to Ibrahim and huffed, "Why were you so rude to her? She has already started hating men and you ignited her anger even more."
"What happened to her?! I can't believe she gave up arguing and walked away. I thought she would keep on firing back till the sun sets because that is what she used to do. And pole dance? Mashal I swear I have no such intention. You know me."
I sighed, "I know. It's just that she hasn't had a good history with boys."
He looked confused but still nodded. "I think you should go after her. I'll apologise if you want."
"No." I shook my head. "Just don't go near her again. There's no need to apologise. It will anger her even more."
"Okay." He mumbled gloomily before we exchanged salaams and I rushed over to the elevator.
The only place she could go over to, was our room so I pressed the button for the basement. The lift started descending while I stared out of the glass at the floors that passed by. The elevator stopped at each floor for a few seconds before moving on. When the elevator reached the second last floor and stopped briefly like it was supposed to, my eyes met his and breathing was never more difficult.
Zeyara was standing there, facing me. I was beyond startled but his expressions didn't change at all.
I slammed my palms on the glass separating us. "Zeyara!!" I screamed out, even though I knew the glass was sound proof and he won't be able to hear me.
My eyes started brimming with tears of both, joy and sorrow. Joy that I was seeing him up so close and sorrow that he wasn't responding to me.
"Zeyara it's me Mashal!" I yelled once more, thinking that maybe he couldn't recognise me because of my veil, before the elevator moved downwards and he gradually disappeared from my view.
The last time I saw him in Syria, he had said to me, "But don't you dare cry. Everything is going to be alright. I'll take you out of this mess and then we'll have a dinner in an expensive restaurant just like you wanted."
The elevator stopped and I stepped out.
"When will you take me out of this mess Zeyara?" I whispered to myself, wiping away the tears.
Transport carts are lined up near the elevator on each floor because one cannot walk for miles and miles to reach their desired place. I sat in one of the carts and mumbled, "Row E, room 987."
"Okay miss." Humna replied back.
It was going to take ten minutes to reach there even on the cart so I closed my eyes and adjusted back in the seat comfortably.
I was trying to be at peace but Zeyara's rambling thoughts didn't allow me to.
"Humna tell me all you know about Senior leader MZS." I heard myself say.
"Opening member profile 101. Name: MZS. Gender: male. Nationality: Syrian born. Then moved to the UK for an Alnihayya mission. Date of birth: 4th November 1996. Joined Alnihayya at the age of 16. Reason: loss of mother in a terrorist attack. Roles: fighting arts and weapons trainer for men, senior leader, recruitment officer, member of the Alnihayya secret service. Identification mark: 10 moles under the left foot. Marital status--"
I leaned in closer to the speaker, anxious to hear this one. "Preffered not to say."
I slumped back in the seat. What was I thinking?
'Happily married with Mashal Naeem?'
"Personality questions. Favourite colour: black, phobia: scared of not being good enough. Academic qualifications: Masters in modern English poetry."
Scared of not being good enough?
Masters in poetry?
I chuckled lowly even in that depressing state. I need to ask him about these as well.
Humna continued speaking, "When asked about weapon of choice: I prefer my hands. Weaknesses: Anger, emotional thinking. That's all I know miss."
I nodded, "thanks."
It was the same description of Zeyara as I knew him except for anger being his weakness. In my case at least, he had shown extreme patience. Countless times I had misunderstood him, yelled at him, disobeyed him and put myself in danger but he never got angry.
I guess that's what I have to do in his case now, be patient.
Once I reached my room, typed in the password and walked in, I saw Minahil curled up on the bed like a fetus. I walked up to her and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Minahil Ibrahim is sorry for his rudeness. Don't take that too seriously."
She stayed silent for a moment, didn't utter a word. Then she finally opened her eyes and said, "My period is late."
There was a haunting silence between us as I tried to figure out what to say.
"I'm pregnant right?" She sat up straight and stared right into my eyes.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, not able to make eyes contact with her.
I watched as her eyes filled with tears. "I need to get rid of this filth!" She screamed with anger and remorse pumping in her veins.
Before I could reply, the huge screen on the wall in front of us lit up. It was Saddia's face that appeared on the screen and she began speaking. "Miss Mashal you have your meeting with the senior leaders in twenty five minutes. I've sent a cart to your room. It will take you there."
I sighed deeply and walked up to the screen. "Saddia do we have a gynaecologist here?"
She looked dazzled by my question but recompiled herself quickly. "Yes. The medical section is on the fifth floor."
"Okay thanks." I replied meekly before the screen went dormant again.
I turned around to face a sobbing Minahil, clutching a pillow, her nails digging into it mercilessly. "Minahil go to the fifth floor. Don't wait any longer. After some days abortion becomes haraam."
She looked at me briefly before glancing down again. "I wish I had cared about the other haraams. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this haraam."
I took my eyes off her crying ones and walked out of the room in silence.
Why do we humans not learn from others' experience?
Even if someone keeps telling us that a thing is bad, we don't accept it until we have to go through the consequences ourselves.
▪•▪•▪□•▪•▪•
The meeting room had a huge rectangular table in the middle with the red bird in the golden cage imprinted on it. On the wall behind was a touch screen like all the other rooms.
When I reached the room, there were still five minutes for the meeting to start and the room was empty. Names of all the senior leaders were etched on their chairs. The chair at the head of the table, however, didn't have any name.
I wandered around until I found a chair with 'Mashal Naeem' printed on it and took my seat with my anticipation growing with every passing moment.
As soon as the five minutes were over, the leaders walked in one by one. They smiled at me as they took their seats. There was silence in the room as my eyes searched for the one leader I cared for.
Then finally he walked in.
Along with an unrecognisable man.
I stood up gasping as my eyes fell on Zeyara but he completely ignored me and walked over to his seat.
I stared at him, my wet eyes demanding an explanation for his obnoxious behaviour.
"Assalam o alaikum everyone." A voice snapped me out of my misery. It was undoubtedly baba's voice.
My stunned eyes raked over for the source of that voice.
I gasped as I realised that the unrecognisable man had just taken off his mask to reveal his true face.
"Baba!" I screamed in distress.
He smiled at me briefly before taking his seat at the head of the table. "Meet my daughter everyone, Mashal Naeem."
☆
All of you begging for Zeyara to come back. There he is now. Happy?
*hides before tomatoes hit*
What do you think is wrong with him? 🤔
-Muskaan