Chapter 3
They Don’t Believe In Us
P.E was still going on. I managed to get away from the teacher, but now to find Gerard.
“Geerraarrdd” I shouted dragging out his name… I can’t just leave him! Mr Burkett would never let me do anything again! I ran towards the art block the only place I knew Gerard loved to be. Looking into A1 all I saw was little year 7’s. He would not be in there; the teachers would never let him. I walked past the other art classes, but they too had students in.
Scanning the corridors every nook and cranny, I couldn’t find Gerard anywhere. He had to be here, he had to be.
I pondered a little longer… aha! An idea sprang to mind… I’m sure he would be there.
“Geerraarrdd…” I ran towards the end of the Art block corridor… the supply cupboard. The door creaked slightly from disuse as I opened it.
Sure enough there was Gerard… he had made himself pretty comfortable in there.
“Gerard, I’m sorry…” I was not really sure what I had done so badly, I must have shaken up some pretty bad memories of Mikey and his depression.
“Hope, it’s not your fault… I hate talking about it though” I knew what it referred to, Mikey’s depression.
“I’m always here” I said… a second of silence passed. Crap! Why did I say that? He nodded slightly and I got into the cupboard with him. It quite a squeeze but me managed. He continued snivelling. The door creaked shut, I guess we would be skipping the rest of the day.
Minutes passed and Gerard sat there saying and doing nothing, but this silence was not too awkward, for once.
“I, Uhm, I’m truly sorry… do you wanna… you know? Talk?!” As soon as the sentence left my mouth I knew that it made me sound so weird! He slightly relaxed but made no move to talk.
I slowly inched up to him, like approaching an unknown dog. I rapped my arms around his waist, hugging him. His back stiffened and I felt him tense under my outstretched arms, but still I did not let go, a hug like this was a hug I had not felt in a long time. Eventually his muscles relaxed and he sunk into the hug. I slightly rested my head on his shoulder, waiting for him to talk.
“It’s just it was such a hard time for our family…”
He was opening up, to me! A boy I had met today who was shy and had obviously suffered and he was telling me, pouring his feeling out to a girl who blushed too much and had an obsession with music. He had guts, he was brave, fearless, for all he had gone through he can still trust. I will tell you now, it’s very hard to trust again, especially when trust has been broken in the worst of ways.
“I understand” I whispered my head still resting on his shoulder.
“Everything was falling apart, Mikey got worse, the bullying got worse, and my life got worse”
I thought for a minute how hard it would be to have gone through that. I was just an average girl, I had friends, sure, I wasn’t popular but who really wants to be? My grades were normal, I listened to heavy music, wore skinny jeans and band tee’s, but that doesn’t make me anyone but myself.
“Then my mother and father decided the move here when my grandma passed away…” His frown turned down even more, if even humanly possible. I nodded comfortingly… well, hoping I was comforting him.
“Well, you have only been here one day” My ear pressed to one of his shoulders made my voice sound weird to myself when I talked.
“Nobody likes me”
“How do you know? ... I like you” I blushed to myself, hoping Gerard would not take that the wrong way.
“Well… nobody else, but Mikey” I swear I could picture Gerard rolling his eyes, which seemed such a bold statement for shy little Gerard.
“You have your little bro… I don’t…” I silently whispered the last part, realising I had not said that in my head which I was supposed to. Suddenly Gerard swung his head around; we broke away from the hug.
“What…?” He asked curiously, his hazel eyes searching mine.
“I just said, be happy you have siblings, you have someone to talk to, to share you secrets with, even if it has been hard for him and your family. Don’t take it for granted… I did.”
“Hope…” His warm voice triggered something inside of me, the tears spilled over… breaking the barrier I had built around myself. I said that Gerard was being brave telling me his hidden secrets; it must have had an effect on me too.
“Can I tell you something? It might help to get it off my chest; I have never told anyone… no one knows how I felt… how I still feel”
“Fire away!” Gerard replied, looking almost- wait?!- Concerned? Yes, he was concerned… about me… wow!
“You have Mikey, I had a little brother… once” I sniffled again. Today did not seem to be a good day for Gerard and me, but it is memorable, the first time I have ever told anyone… all to a boy I met this morning, we all have our problems that we keep bottled up inside, and it just takes that one person to get you to open up.
“Hope… don’t give up… let it all out… it will –uh help you?!” Gerard obviously was not very good at this comforting thing, neither was I… that made us a pair then.
“My brother… h-he is so y-y-young,” My voice was scratchy, tears were falling thick and fast. Why was I even telling this to Gerard? Maybe I felt that I repaid him, for telling me all about him and what he has been through. I didn’t know everything about him, but in the future I had a feeling I would know him… he could be like the brother I never had… the brother who wouldn’t leave me this time.
“Our family was fine, we were happy, he was happy… we thought” I added in a small whisper, Gerard did what I had done to him- not the hugging part, unfortunately- but he listened in silence, not encouraging nor asking me to stop, just letting me get it all out.
The blush slowly faded from my checks as I replayed the memories, it stung a little to hear them out loud, but it was as if I knew Gerard now. We had a little invisible bond between us, we understood.
“He was 10, still is - he was not a particularly a social butterfly, but he had his fair share of annoying little kids around for party tea and sleepovers,” I let out a weak little chuckle at the memory, encouraging myself to keep calm and keep going, I continued.
“It was all sudden, we got a phone call a few months back, he never turned up to school… we were amazed at how he did it, but he did, he ran off… just like that, he was gone,” My vision wavered as the tears fell thicker and thicker. Gerard awkwardly patted my back, but to me it was the most thoughtful gesture he could have mustered up in that second.
"They searched, and searched, but found nothing. He was gone, j-just like that. Two months, it's been two freaking months!" I gasped, how could two months have passed without him?
“I’m s-so sorry,” Gerard said then we sat in silence, his face twisted in adorable concentration, my face probably looking like a bloated, red, tear stained beach ball.
“It’s ju-ust one day he was there, t-the next he wa-wasn’t” I tried breathing deeply, I had never spoken of my brother before. Even my parents wiped that part of our lives away from our memories. We all remembered, just we didn’t want to.
“Hope… I’m so sorry” He consoled me, I smiled gratefully back.
“It’s not your fault is it now Gerard! It… just felt good to finally tell someone… someone I knew would understand” We relapsed back into silence, our occasional sniffling giving away the fact that we were not okay.
“I guess we are skipping the rest of the day?” Gerard asked, not being fazed by being a bad ass on his first day at a new school.
“Unless you want to go to History… then yes, we are skipping!” I laughed as Gerard made a horrified face at the mention of a history lesson.
“Vikings are so interesting” I joked, Gerard laughed and we continued to make jokes like that for the rest of the hour.
I would not want to be anywhere but here right now… with the quiet boy I met this morning, who was not okay… like me...