In this story all of it from Camila POV. Past memories will be written in Italics. In this story, Camila performance with MGK is earlier than the girls performing at People Choice Awards. Here how it goes.
---------------------------------
You and I and nobody else
Feeling feelings I never felt
Girl, is the way you got me under your spell, ah
Don't you keep it all to yourself
I just finished up my performance of Bad Thing on Ellen with MGK. Things slowly been better after my abruptly exit or should I say in more gentle words, they fired me from the group that make my name known to the whole world. "Where to, Miss. Cabello?"My driver for the day ask me as he look at me from his rear view mirror. Here I am in Los Angeles, California. "Just take me to Dinah home"I said unconsciously.
He nodded his head and drive to Dinah house. Eventhough Dinah originally located from Santa Ana, she has a home here. Back then the five of us usually pile up at Dinah Los Angeles home because some of our tracks for the album recorded in Los Angeles. I was in and out of my sleepiness. A small jolt wake me up from my short nap. I open the door of my car and jock down to the front of Dinah home.
I ring the door bell but no one answer it. I grab the handle that attach to the door and praying someone hear it. "Finally the pizza ca-Camz?"Those voice. Those raspy and husky tone that until this day haunted my day and night. She look at me up and down and I bowed my head. I'm scared that if she look me in the eye, she knows my true feeling. My eyes always betrayed me. I sigh and still hung my head low.
"Whose at the door, Lo?"Normani open the door wider and her eyes big as saucer. "Hey?"She greet me as a question not a statement. "Hey you guys"I replied back. My heart drop when Lauren turn around and left Mani and I at the door. "Don't mind her. You know how Lauren gets"Normani open the door wider so I can step inside. "So.. what's bring you to Dinah shipwreck?"Normani inquire me.
"Hey, I heard- OH MY GOD, WALZ!!"Dinah ran, screamed and lift me up. She hug me tightly. "DINAH. CAN'T. BREATHE"I said betwen Dinahs' Anaconda tight grip. "Sorry, Mila. I just missed you. So much"Dinah put me down and let out a giggle. "That's okay"I pat her forearm to assure her. In the distance I can hear the tv is playing. "Where's Ally?"I ask to one of them. Now we standing in the kitchen.
"Ally, she told me she's coming a little bit late. Will you stick around?"Dinah told me where our eldest member whereabouts. "I don't think so"I replied back to them with sad and small voice. "Typical Cabello"Lauren walk to the kitchen and open the fridge without looking at me. "What's that suppose to mean?"I get irritated. "What I mean is you think you so famous now and you don't have time for us, who used to be your best friends"Lauren sarcastically and glare at me. I glare back.
"Lo"Normani tried to be the mediator. "You know what, It's whatever. She's toxic anyway"Lauren walk out from the kitchen and just like that she didn't spare me glances. "I think that's my cue to leave"I sigh and look at Dinah and Mani. They walk me to front door. "Tell Ally I said Hi and send my love to her, okay?"I said as I stand outside and they nodded. "I'm sorry, Mila"Dinah hugs me. Dinah hugs still the best and it almost bring tears to my eyes how much I missed them.
Before the door closing I can see Normani walking towards Lauren and they have an argument. No doubts about me. "See you around, Mila"That's Dinah words before the door close completely. I take a deep breath as I walk away I can feel my heart slowly breaking. It's hurts to know Lauren still mad at me for something that I did beyond my control. I climb back to the car and told my driver to take me back to the hotel. Today emotional roller coaster drain me. I wipe the rebel tears that betrayed me, silently.
So won't you take it,
I feel like for the first time I am not faking
Fingers on my buttons and now you're playing
Master of anticipation
Don't you keep it all to yourself
Several weeks later I just done my song track that to be recorded for my first solo album that coming up soon. Once that errand done, I have nothing to do. I drive aimlessly until I found myself infront of Microsoft Theater where this year People Choice Awards is being held. I toss my key to the valet and walk to the back door. The guard recognize me and allowed me to step into the backstage door.
I walk through the long hall and I can hear the girls won their awards for 'Favorite Group' and they give their thankyou speech. I smile from where I stood. I miss sharing the stage with the girls but now whats done is done. They pile up one by one to the backstage. They were swarmed with photographers of many medias. "Hell yeah we won!"Lauren pump her hand to the air. "I still can't believe it"This time my sweet sunshine Ally spoke up.
I smile as Dinah and Normani talked animatedly. "I know you guys can do it"I burst their bubbles and announce where I am. Ally, Dinah and Normani ran towards me immediately. They hug me and shrieking on top of their lungs. I look at Lauren and Lauren look at me with blank expression. She shake her head and walk to the dressing room. "Go"Ally nudges me when she see where or whom my eyes followed.
They nodded their head towards Lauren direction. I say congratulation to them and they talk among themselves as I stalk to where Lauren went. I knock the door softly after I found the sign with 'Fifth Harmony' on the door. "Yeah"Lauren replied from the other side of the room. I open the door and walk cautiously. "Hey"I greet her simple. I didn't wanna scare her off. Lauren nodded her head as she change into more comfortable clothes.
I stand there don't know what to do or what should I say. "What do you want, Karla?"I cringe at the name she used. I sigh and still lost for words. She walk to the couch and look at me to the the same thing. I followed her order. We look into each other and I still can feel what we used to have. We look into each other eyes seems like eternity when in reality is just a mere minutes. What Lauren do the next, startled me.
She cup my cheek with her hand and look deeply into my eyes. Her striking green eyes met my brown ones. She stare into me so intently and I unconsciously gulp down. She looking into my eyes like she searching for something. Our bubble burst when Dinah step into the room unannouced. I want to strangle and thanking her at the same time. Dinah knitted her eyebrows as she look at me and Lauren alternately.
"Did I interrupted something?"She inquire still look at me and Lauren alternately. Lauren get up from her position, grab a bottle of water and left the room. "Walz?"She called me out and I look at her with sad expression. "Huh?"I said focusing myself on her. Dinah raise her eyebrows asking the question silently. "I don't know"I told her truthfully. "Don't give me that crap, Mila"She stated. "I really don't know, Dinah. I've to go"I told her. I walk out with so many emotion crash into me.
Just a touch of your love is enough
To knock me off of my feet all week
Just a touch of your love, oh
Just a touch of your love, oh
It's been weeks since my encounter with the girls. I just done promoting my duet singles from one radio station to another and here I am right now sitting on the couch with Lauren at Dinah Los Angeles home. We sit in silence for I don't know how long. I steal glances to Lauren but her eyes fix on the tv that wasn't even turn on. I let out a sigh and she look at me. Finally. She open and close her mouth but nothing come out.
She run her hand to her hair and let out an annoyed sigh. She close her eyes and soon reopen it. Biting her lips and look at me unsure. "Whatever you want to say Lo, I can take it"The nickname slip out from my mouth and she tried that simple words not affect her but it do. I know her then, I know her now. "Look, Mila I'm sorry for what I did the last time we met. I don't know what come over me"She finally said something that bother her mind.
From all the things I could come up, that not what I expecting from her mouth. "Yeah, sure. No problem"I send her a half-hearted smile to mask the sting that pinch my heart. "Are you sure?"She inquire me as her perfect sculptured eyebrows look at me. I just nodded my head afraid to open up my mouth. "Okay then if you sure"Lauren smile at me and get up from the couch.
She walk to the kitchen and I hear the front door open. Soon Dinah along with Mani and Ally walk inside bringing two box of pizzas. "Bring the soda, Lo"Mani holler from where she is. I hear a faint okay from the kitchen. We do movie marathon just like we used to do when we have break time. Ally move from the floor to the love seat. Dinah and Normani sharing the couch near Ally and left Lauren and I on the floor.
Unconsciously I shiver because the material of clothing I decided to wear today. Dinah toss me a blanket and I wrap myself with it. "Sharing is caring, Camz"Lauren smile at me and spread the blanket wider, engulfing both of us. I look at her but her eyes transfixed on whatever that playing at the moment. She didn't realize her slip up stir something inside of me that I tried so hard to buried it deep.
By the fourth movie we watch. I was in and out of my sleep. Ally curl up on the love seat where Dinah and Normani no longer on the couch. I could feel a weight on my shoulder and I look down. A mop of black jet hair on my shoulder. The mane covering her beautiful face. I want to push back her hair but I restrain myself. I gasp silently when Lauren hand hug my waist under her state. I breath out to calm my erratic heartbeat.
Just a touch of your love is enough
To take control of my whole body
Just a touch of your love, oh
Just a touch of your love, oh
When I open my eyes, it already dark out. I knitted my eyebrows didn't recall how I can laid in bed with Lauren beside me. My back against her front and she spooning me like we used to do. Her hot breath hitting the back of my neck make me shivers. I slowly lift up her hand and slide out from the bed. I look behind me and see Lauren stirring in her sleep but not awake. Slowly I got out from the room and descend the stairs.
I walk to the kitchen to grab some cold water. "Hey"I greet the others. "Hey"They replied back in unison. "So.. how was it?"Dinah ask me as she wiggle her eyebrows. Ally slap her arms hard. Dinah pout as she rub her arms. "Did you put me on that bed with Lauren?"I accuse Dinah. "Well, Mani and I did"Dinah smile cheekily. "Hey! Don't drag me into this. This is your all doings"Protest Mani.
Dinah about to banter but I cut them off. "Guys, chill. It was fine"I smile at them. "Are you really sure, Mila?"Now Ally ask me with concern eyes. "Yeah. It's getting late. I should get going"I grab my bag and stand in front of the front door. Ally, Dinah and Normani walk me out. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"Ally, my little sunshine Ally hug me with warmth and care. I tried hold back my tears. I nodded my head as I hug her back.
"I always said to my friend 'See you on the top' but we all know we fight together to where we are right now. Just give me or us a call when you're in town"Normani hug me and I nodded while hug her back. She step out from our embrace with glistening eyes as she smile. "I miss you already, Walz. It different without you when we're on tour but I have to get used to it. I'm just a phone call away, okay?"Dinah hug me tightly. I can feel her heart breaking. "I will"I said to her with shaky voice.
"Send my love to Lauren when she wake up, okay? I hope someday we can have duet together"I joke. "We count on it"Mani voice up with Ally and Dinah agreeing with what she said. "See you later, guys"I open the door and close it. I call up my driver for the day. As I pull away from Dinah house, my body shaking with the tears that rake my body. Oh how I miss all of them.
Photograph with no T-shirt on
Why you making me wait so long?
Oh, I promise to keep this a secret I'll never tell
Yeah, don't you keep it all to yourself, oh
November 4, 2015 - Manchester, England
"Camz, come on!"Lauren said to me as she shake the polaroid a fan gave to her on her hand. "No, Lauren. I won't pose nude just for your enjoyment"I huff out as I crossed my hands on my chest. I'm just done my shower after the long setlist we have today after tonight concert. "It's not nude per se, Camz. Think of it like a new form of art "She batted her eyelashes at me and give her best puppy dog eyes. I groan internally. Who can resist her like that. "No means no, Lauren"I glare at her.
"Fine. You no fun. Perhaps Dinah or Mani willing to do it"Lauren walk towards our hotel door and about to open it. "Ugh! Fine. This better not be leaked anywhere, Lo. If someone found this because of your clumsiness, I killed you in your sleep"I threaten her. Lauren nodded her head enthusiastically as she ask me to open up the hotel robe and laid on the bed face down. I hesitantly open it up.
She told we how should I pose and what my expression would be. Some minutes later we done and I fee like I'm shivering because the lack of clothes. "Wow! This is beautiful"I said as I picked up one of the polaroids. In that picture, the hotel sheets cover me as I face the camera in sitting position. My hand hugs my knees. My hair cover my face a bit as I look at the camera with intense stare and my mouth slightly parted.
I look at the picture long and hard. "Can I keep this?"I turn my head at Lauren after I wear my clothing. Lauren smile at me with adoration on her eyes. "It's all your if you want"Lauren told me. "No, this is your art. I just want to keep this one. Can I?"I look at her again. "Sure Camz, sure"She uttered as she put down the polaroid camera on the table and walk to the bathroom. I smile as I look at the picture on more time.
I open my eyes and breathing hard from my nose. I tried to calm my heart in sitting up position. Those memories that I tried so hard to shove it down resurface without my permission. I laid back down again and close my eyes. I'm tossed and turned on my bed but sleep never come around until the first sign of light from the sun outside my hotel window. With my lack of sleep, today is going to be a long day I can feel it.
Just one touch of your love
Just one touch
A touch of your love
I wanna feel your touch
I want it, I want it, I want it so much
"Camila, why you so tired?"Roger ask me after the umpteenth times I'm yawning in the spare of minutes. "Can't sleep"I told her. "Is it because some days ago you hanging out with the girls? Is Lauren there?"He rapidly question me. "Not now, Roger"My head is pounding and I don't need he berating me right now. "Why can you move on from them? You're a star now"He smile at me like this is all his doing.
"Look, when I say not now it means not now. I'm tired and my lack of sleep make me cranky. Can you for a minute mind your own busines?! I am today because those girls. If not because of them I'm still the awkward and dorky Karla Camila Cabello that nobody except my family and friends know my name. Now, excuse me"I said to him as I exit the recording booth. I walk outside to breath some fresh air.
"Holy sh- Lo?"I ask the person who bumped into me. A soft but strong grip prevent me to fall face first to the pavement. "Hey, Mila"I cringed at that name. Sure it is my name but when she said it, it sound so wrong. I missed when she called me Camz on daily basis. "What are you doing here?"I ask her. She look at me as she scratch the back of her neck. "Tour meeting, nothing big"She explain it to me.
"Right, the Asia tour"I ask for her confirmation. "Yeah that"Lauren replied it with awkwardness surround us. I nodded my head don't know what to do or say when she around me. "Where's the others?"I inquire her. "They already there, I guess"She told me. "And I assume, you're late. This is not like you, Lo"She and I cringed when that nickname slip from me. "Yeah, I guess. Umm.. I shoud get going. Didn't want the other wait for me much longer than they should have"Lauren walk back and put distance between us.
"See you around and take care of yourself, Lauren"I whisper to the air as she open the door and walk inside. I let out a breathe that I unconsciously held. I run my hand on my face and walk back again to the same building as Lauren but with different management team and different room. As I sit down on the recording room, I feel lonely because one upon a time there's a playful banter and a room fill with laughter from the people that I called my best friends.
Just a touch of your love is enough
To knock me off of my feet all week
Just a touch of your love
Just a touch of your love
-------------------------------------------------------------
Song : Touch - Little Mix
A.N :
Holy god! After all this long as time, finally I updated a new chapter. I'm sorry for the long waiting period of time. Being the last year at uni take a toll on me. I have to prepare my thesis and all. For all of you still stick around, thank you. I hope this chapter make it up to you. I tried to update this book and the others if I have free time. I tried to update it as often as I can be but I can't promise you anything. Anyway, all mistakes disclaimer still the same like the other previous chapters. I hope you enjoy this story like I like writing it up. Until next time, xoxo - S.