I did as I was supposed to and studied until the students came back from the game. They were all buzzing with excitement. I was surprised they, Slytherins, were talking about it so much; we didn't even play in the game. I saw Lacey and gestured for her to come to me.
"Hey, what's up? Everyone's acting like something spectacular happened at the game," I asked setting my book down.
"Well, if you'd like to put it that way... I guess it was pretty spectacular," she said laughing. Aspect and Piper were standing behind her chatting away; they were talking so quickly I could barely understand what they were saying.
"Well, what happened?" I continued looking back to Lacey. She smiled.
"You'll find out soon enough," she hinted, but I hit her and demanded she tell me, "Okay fine! The 'Chosen One' got clobbered in the head by his own teammate and passed out. Almost fell straight to the ground, but some team members caught him. He's in the Infirmary now. Also, Gryffindor lost the game," she explained. I raised my eyebrows.
"Really?" I exhaled. I was impressed, "Malfoy's gonna like that," I whispered looking to boy's dormitory. Lacey nodded.
"Yes, he is, and that's not all," she began again. I turned back to her and smirked. She looked behind her at her friends and continued, "Hey wanna get dinner? We were just about to head: starving! We can tell you about the rest of the game; it was truly something. I'm sad you missed it..." she sympathized.
"No, it's alright! I chose not to go, and it sounds like you're buzzing to tell everyone about it! I will gladly listen," I replied happily.
"Well... you can tell us about the very eventful time you had studying! And we'll tell you about the game," She suggested removing herself from the couch. I stood up to follow her nodding. Yeah, my time at the castle wasn't eventful at all...
During dinner, I learned Potter's whack to the head was only the climax of the game. Zacharias Smith, the Hufflepuff Chaser, was playing the game so he couldn't have been the announcer. In his place they recruited Luna (Looney) Lovegood to do the commentary. And... she was terrible; made the audience look at clouds, took huge bias's, told Smith he had Loser's Lurgey, and was basically distracted the whole time. At the very least I was told she was somewhat entertaining. On top of all that McLaggen, from Gryffindor, whom was filling in for Ron Weasley (since he was sick), was a complete control freak. McLaggen was the reason Potter had gotten hit; the player was trying to show another how to do their job, swung, and smacked Harry with the bludger. Draco would have probably given McLaggen 100 knuts just for doing so. I laughed at the whole conversation; Lacey, Aspect, and Piper were explaining it as if they were first-hand witnesses to a grand event.
"Speaking of Draco, do you know where he was during the game. You stayed back right?" Piper asked me. I was slightly caught off-guard, but expected a question, or something similar to arise at some time.
"Nope, didn't see him once," I said shrugging, "I was too invested in my book," I explained and returned to my food, not giving what I said a second thought. I didn't like lying, but I knew I had to.
"Where do you think he is now?" Lacey asked me when Piper and Aspect got into a deep conversation about which Quidditch players they thought were the cutest. I shrugged.
"Dunno, could be doing anything. He doesn't really show up for dinners anymore," I said looking over to the door expecting him to burst through any moment. Sadly, he didn't.
"Do you suspect he's doing that thing that you don't know is a thing, and aren't supposed to think is a thing, but is or may be?" she asked quickly. I laughed quietly.
"No, I don't think he's doing anything anymore," I stated poking more at my food. She lifted her eyebrows.
"Really? You don't think he's doing anything anymore?" she asked surprised. I nodded.
"I trust him and what he's doing... it'll work out," I reassured her. She didn't look overly convinced, but I was also on the track to convincing myself. However, now that I knew Malfoy wasn't walking around with younger female students, I was a bit more comfortable with the situation. With more information on it, I concluded it couldn't have been that dangerous. Suspicious, absolutely, but risky? Probably not.
"You've contradicted yourself," she pointed out. My eyes widened, and I glanced sideways towards her.
"What do you mean?" I asked worriedly. She chuckled.
"You've just told me you don't think he's doing anything anymore, but you trust in what he is doing," she explained. I pursued my lips. I apparently didn't choose my words very well.
"Both." I stated and went back to eating.
"You're thinking about something... what is it," She demanded after I hadn't spoken for a moment. I shook my head.
"No. I'm serious... It's going to be okay," I told her shaking my head, "I don't know if our relationship will take any steps... but," I said smiling, "but I think I'll just have to wait... he has feelings for me... I know it," I finished blushing.
"Girl!! What happened to you in the past few hours," she exclaimed. I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders.
"Nothing! Nothing's happened! I've just realized myself... and have come to conclusions about my feelings!" I explained defensively. She laughed at me and I laughed along. The rest of dinner we did not discuss things regarding Malfoy. I needed the break from thinking/talking about him constantly.
The next few weeks the crying began. It wasn't noticeable at first; he did a great job of hiding it, but I noticed instantly. There was something wrong, and it clearly upset him. I would catch him, only glances, coming from the boy's dormitory into the common room. He attempted to 'fix' himself, but his eyes often appeared red, swollen. I had never seen him cry before, but I could tell he was beginning to show weakness; something he never dared to do.
But I had to push it all away. If I interfered with his process, it would only make it worse. It was almost the hardest thing I had ever done; pretending like he was okay. It was for his own good but seeing him depressed was one of the most depressing things I had ever witnessed. He was supposed to be this big, smug, exciting, superior bully that was proud of what he was and despised everyone else, but instead he became a bitter, sickly, thin person who seemed not to be able to do anything of the sort.
One day I had a chance to be close to him. I could tell he had just cried. He tried to swiftly walk past me, but I grabbed his wrist; it was so thin it was almost as if I was grabbing his bone. The force caused him to whip around and stare at me; his face pale, but I took my time to look at him. I took the time to be patient. He understood the meaning of my action and wiped the remaining blotchiness off his face. He hung his head.
"It's not working," he whispered softly. His voice was so full of pain it nearly pierced my heart. I loosened my grip and wanted to wrap my arms around him. I wanted to comfort him, but as soon as I tried, he took a step back, "I'm sorry, I..." he trailed.
"Please... Draco... Wha- What is it?" I stressed matching the quietness of his voice. He shook his head taking a step back. I let my hand fall and he softly pulled his arm away. There was no annoyance in our actions, just pure compassion.
"I- I-... I just... can't," his voice cracked as he walked away; disappearing behind the door that led to the common room. I let out a soft sob; I felt for him. I wasn't even sure what he was doing, but just by touching him; I could feel his pain. But as I usually did; I hardened my heart and slowly walked away. I couldn't bother him any longer. I had made a promise.
March began and sadly for Draco, the Apparition test was set for a date before Draco would turn 17. Meaning he wouldn't be able to apparate and would still have to go to school that day; something he was about to quit in all honesty. The most information I received from him was an overheard conversion about how Slughorn thought his Hiccupping Potion was 'passable'. The assignment was given the day of the Apparition test and only those who were too young were required to go. Slughorn, in light of the sadness that followed not being able to get certified, decided to have the 3-person class make something amusing. Draco did the best he could and was content until Professor Slughorn exclaimed Potter had nailed the assignment. Malfoy spent the rest of the day sulking. Luck was not on his side, especially for the weeks after those events...
Katie Bell had returned from St. Mungos. News spread very quickly about why she was sent there, and it didn't help Draco's alibi. Potter, of course, had named him the one responsible for her curse. I knew Malfoy couldn't have done it because he went to detention that day, but the accusation didn't help his reputation. He was frustrated and honestly even though I keep saying I wasn't concerned, I knew in the back of my mind that I constantly debated how much more Draco could take before her broke.
This is where my attempts to suppress my feelings and care for Malfoy took a sky-rocketing turn.
It was a few days before the Ravenclaw v. Gryffindor match. The day was pretty typical: spent time with Lacey during my breaks, went to class, got a head start on homework, all the usual stuff. But no, this day, was in fact, not typical. This was the day my perspective on life changed, and I was livid.
I just wish I had heard what happened sooner...
I was sat as I usually was; on the sofa in the middle of the common room: doing my homework. Like I said, it was a normal day, nothing extraordinary would have ever been predicted to happen. Nothing seemed that important and I thought it was going to stay that way...
Enter Pansy Parkinson, half carried by two other girls, one of them being my sister. Pansy was crying; horrifyingly crying. It was loud and obnoxious, and what was worse; no one knew why. She didn't say anything. Instead she belted out whimpers and screams. The only thing I could understand was her cursing Potter; which wasn't an unusual thing, but her criticisms seemed more specific then. Her loudness caught my attention and I tried to assess the situation. The moment I looked up Pansy and I made eye contact. Her worried face quickly turned into loathing.
"How? How are you like this? How could you possibly be like this?!" She screamed at me. I looked around to make sure she was talking to me.
"What?" I yelled back, unsure what I had to do with her being upset. She hoisted herself to her feet. She harshly pointed her finger at me and began to take big steps towards me.
"You call yourself his girlfriend!" She proclaimed. I quickly furrowed my eyebrows.
"I've never said that..." I protested, but she continued.
"You! You don't know yet, do you! How could you? You've been avoiding him lately too! Not checking up on him... I thought you cared," she criticized through gritted teeth, "but no! I have, I have always been there, like a good girlfriend! I've been ... I've known what happens when it happens," she said spastically to herself. I was beginning to think she'd gone mental.
"I'm not sure I understand... what happened? And hey, I've been taking my distance for a reason you know... it's for the better..." I defended looking away from her. I looked towards my sister, but her expression only told me Pansy's upsetedness had taken a toll on her as well. She was more concerned with what Pansy was going to do next rather than why Pansy was upset.
"Well, it's not going to get better any time soon, now will it!" She spat letting out a sob shortly afterwards. I whipped back to her; she was hiding something from me.
"What happened," I demanded. She scoffed whipping a few tears away.
"I think you'll find out soon enough. Moaning Myrtle tells a fantastic story," she replied bitterly whipping her nose, "And when you do... don't you dare do anything about it. You always make things worse Astoria Greengrass," she spat quite harshly, "He doesn't want to see you anyways," she said vaguely. She then fixed her hair and spun around.
"What will I find out!?" I called after her, she began to walk away from me, "who doesn't want to see me?" I questioned. She never responded, instead, she faded into the girl's dormitory. I had no idea what she was talking about and decided pestering her about it wasn't going to make her talk. It was clear I had to act right away. Very few things would make Pansy this emotional and my best guess, since it involved me, was that 'something' happened to Draco.
I stood up, closing my books and putting them in my rucksack. I needed to act on my only lead; Moaning Myrtle.
It wasn't hard to find the ghost. That day she made herself known by all. Screaming bloody murder, and all sorts of other crazy things. But unfortunately, I soon realized she was proclaiming the truth, perhaps exaggerated, but she was telling a story of a seemingly catastrophic event.
"MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER!" She yelled as she frantically flew around the hallways. Her shouts caught a lot of student's attentions and some of them followed her to find out more. She had most of her speeches in the female bathrooms. I went into the first one I came to, and she was in there 'telling' the traumatic story, "It was awful! Terrible! He almost died! That poor boy!" she told us dramatically.
"Who almost died?" I demanded. I was standing in the back of a small crowd, but they all turned towards me when I spoke.
"The Malfoy boy," Myrtle whispered hauntingly. My eyes widened, and my heart sank. I should have guessed. No... I shouldn't have known...
Who would have?
Who could have?
Why...?
My mind quickly reconnected with my body and everything Pansy said began to make sense. She might have told me I was unwanted, but I never listened to her. I sprinted out of the bathroom; my destination: The Infirmary.
I arrived and busted through the doors. Luckily, there wasn't anyone around to see me in my panic. I began to walk forward looking side to side at every cot to check that he wasn't in one. I almost missed him; I was walking so quickly. I caught a glimpse of Draco's hair and stopped. I slowly turned towards him. I looked more intently and noticed he was sleeping. I sighed and walked to his cot. I sat down on the chair next to it. I sighed and clasped my hands together, resting them on my knees.
"What have you gotten yourself into this time," I whispered. There was a short moment of silence and I soon found out he was not sleeping.
"What are you on about? I'm fine," he replied. I glanced in his direction, but his eyes were still closed. I sighed again, looking at my hands.
"Obviously..." I murmured.
"You aren't the first to visit... I'm a lot more popular than I thought," Malfoy said smirking. I shook my head and continued to address the problem.
"Myrtle screaming about murder in the bathroom means your fine now does it?" I began sarcastically. He kept quiet, "Draco... what... happened in the bathroom?" I asked turning my head to the side. He slowly opened his eyes; I could tell he was recalling the recent events. His face turned towards mine and he began to explain.
"I was attacked," He stated blatantly, "by Potter of anyone... almost had him too, but he- he pulled this spell out of nowhere! Sectum-something. I'd never heard of it before, but all of a sudden I was spewing blood, it felt as if a sword slashed me 5 times in the chest," he clarified shakily lifting his hand to point to his torso, "I thought I was going to die," he admitted softly, "Just for a second though... Professor Snape came in and somehow knew the counter spell... he saved me, but..." he trailed shaking his head. I didn't watch him explain the situation; I found myself staring at the stone ground. I was trying so hard to process what had happened. He said it so painfully, and so quickly too. The fight must have only lasted a few seconds. So much agony in such a short amount of time. I almost couldn't believe something like that could have happened.
"Well I'm sure Potter is going to pay for what he's done," I concluded. He scoffed.
"The golden child? Probably not... To Dumbledore he's a prized possession, he'll probably get off easy," he criticized shaking his head. We sat in another awkward silence. I was surprised he wasn't freaking out about it. Usually when he got injured he made the whole school know so they could feel bad for him. Perhaps his new project really did change the way he saw the world. I wasn't sure if I wanted to scream at him for being stupid or hold his hand and tell him everything was okay. With the latter, even I couldn't be positive... While debating my options I noticed he had missed something in his explanation...
"How come you were in the bathroom?" I asked.
"The bathroom?" he said as if he didn't know what I was talking about, but I could tell he knew exactly what I meant.
"Moaning Myrtle said you... were murdered in the bathroom," I clarified. He closed his eyes.
"I was just in the bathroom, there's nothing weird with that," he defended, but I could tell he was hiding something.
"If you were just 'in the bathroom' why did Potter attack you?" I questioned.
"I struck first," he murmured.
"You're not helping yourself if you're trying to hide something from me," I pestered, "why did you 'strike' Potter in the bathroom?" I continued.
"Because... I don't like him," he stated irritated.
"No, we already know you don't like him, you broke his nose at the beginning of the school year!" I pointed out, "Please Malfoy... what was so bad? So bad you had to attack Potter? So bad that he almost killed you?" I stressed. His eyes shifted to mine and they looked exasperated.
"He saw me crying," Malfoy muttered.
"You were crying?" I asked surprised, but then remembered all the times I had seen him walk back into the common room looking as if he had just wept.
"No," he stated, but I knew it was only because he didn't want to admit he had feelings.
"That's where you go... why you come back upset sometimes..." I started to put some pieces together, "Draco... You're crying... often too I reckon?" I was on to something and I could no longer hold my words back, "Draco... why do you see this as a problem... I shouldn't be bothered by?!" I yelled at him. I was angry that he kept telling me everything was going okay, but then also almost dying.
"Because no one's perfect okay?" He yelled softly back at me, "What I'm doing isn't working right now, and it only concerns me, okay? You understand? Only me! Not you." He argued.
"Draco, you know I can't possibly understand... now after you've been hurt," I said reaching towards his arm. He moved it to avoid me.
"Potter casting a curse on me had nothing to do with what I'm doing... It's just a coincidence," he defended readjusting himself, "I'll be fine... recovery will be short... Madam Pomfrey gave me dittany... I'll be back on my feet soon enough, and now with more motivation... It'll be over soon," he reassured.
"This is the last time," I stated glaring at him.
"Last time for what?" He asked unsure.
"The last time you assure me you're alright, and I believe you," I explained standing up swiftly, "I hope you get better soon..." I sassed and turned to leave. I stopped myself shortly and twisted my torso to glare at him, "And I hope you stop lying to yourself," I finished kicking my leg behind me. I tried to make it look like I wasn't upset with him; I'm pretty sure it didn't work.