"Mimi, aren't you gonna answer that?" Ashlee interjected, waking me from my internal dilemma.
Instead of replying to Ashlee's question, I clicked the accept button and brought it to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Hey Camila, uh- you called me a few times a few hours ago. What's up?" Lucy asked in rather hoarse voice like she had just woken up from a night of lots of drinking and regrets. But even as she sounded disheveled, she still sounded polite. Even with the rumor going on about me and Lauren, she had never did or said anything rude to me.
"Oh yeah, I uh- I actually think it would be better if we were in to address it in person. Are you able to meet me later at some coffee shop or something?" I questioned, unsure if I was crossing some line or something.
"Uh- sure," she sounded skeptical and unsure, but accepted nonetheless.
Sometimes when I think about it, Lucy reminds me of Lauren in more ways than one; they're both beautiful inside and outside.
Although we were never close enough to talk about sexuality , I'm pretty sure she's pansexual. She looks like the type of person who wouldn't care about genders, she's attracted to someone's intellect and personality.
What I also know based from our hangouts was that she loved Lauren since forever. She looked at her the way I did. And although Lauren had never explicitly told me whether she knew it or not, I'm pretty sure that she tried to ignore it. Probably because they're best friends and she didn't want to destroy their friendships for a romantic one.
I wasn't sure why she was willing to destroy ours.
Sometimes, I feel like Lauren only wanted to be with me because she felt obligated to. I told her how I felt long before we started dating and she drifted apart for a while, but after some time, she came up to me and we just started dating then.
Maybe Lauren had also loved Lucy since the very beginning, I was just the one who went after her earlier. But now that I was out of the picture, Lauren could finally come out and tell Lucy how she actually felt. And although it pained me that I wasn't who she wanted by choice, that she didn't actually reciprocate how I feel for her, I was happy because she deserves to be with someone she really actually wants; even if it wasn't with me.
Lucy and I decided to go to this local coffee shop that was at the meet point of the hotel she was staying at with Lauren and mine. After deciding the time and place, we bid our goodbyes politely and hung up.
I sighed in relied, that went fairly well than expected. And by expectation, I mean I expected her to be shouting at me or something.
I didn't think saying that I was still love Lauren was a good idea, especially since they're happily engaged together. Lauren and I were toxic, still are actually. Just take the fight we had just hours ago for example.
***
"Hey," Lucy announced, waking me from daydream, her hands holding two cups of coffee.
"Hey," I said weakly, standing up to awkwardly hug her. I didn't mean it to be awkward but that's just impossible, especially considering our current position.
Lucy was wearing a simple white shirt and blue jeans, her front shirt tucked in her jeans. On top of that, she was also wearing her very own black biker's jacket, making me realize yet again how similar she is with the green eyed beauty.
She's beautiful, and as much as I hate to admit this, she and Lauren fits.
We sat down, my fingers all tangled together in front of me because of the awkward silence and the obvious nerve-wracking situation.
She cleared her throat, making me look up from my fingers to her brown eyes. Her eyes were always droopy but at that moment, it was obvious that she was tired.
"So what did you want to talk about?" she asked, not beating around the bush, unlike you know, Lauren. It was so funny how similar yet so different they are. I would laugh but I didn't think laughing right now was ideal and well, sane.
"I want to say sorry for the uh- performance. I should have consulted to you and Lauren first. I was just caught up in the moment and hell went loose after that. You got caught in the whirlwind and you never did anything wrong. You never once said shit about me and for me to do that was just rude. I'm sorry. I don't want you to hate me." I rambled then, not knowing if it made sense at that point. It was all jumbled up together.
"Whoa, okay," she laughed, "I didn't catch most of that but I did hear the last part. I don't hate you, I don't think I ever will. You were a huge part of Lauren and you moulded her into a beautiful and wise woman, and for that, I thank you, you don't know how much you mean to her." She said, a hint of sadness present. Why is she sad?
"Yeah, and I'm sorry because you never did anything that could be deemed mean to me. You had never hurt Lauren, that's how I know you guys are meant to be." I mentioned. And although my heart was breaking at every word that came out, at least I was honest.
They are meant to be.
I noted that she tensed for a second after that though. But before I could analyze fully, she relaxed her body yet again.
A few seconds passed and she looked at me with curiosity and respect. "So you called me and wanted to meet me because you want me to patch things up with your ex? That really sweet Camila. And Lauren hasn't even contacted me yet."
It was my turn to stiffen now. What the actual fuck? So when she found out when Lucy was gone, she didn't think of calling Lucy first? She called me first?
"But I think it was because she was asleep and don't realize I was gone." She continued. "Which reminds me, how did you know Lauren and I were fighting?"
If I wasn't stiff the first time, I was now. But that didn't stop me from lying effortlessly - a skill I had managed to practice from when Lauren and I were together. At least there's a silver lining from that relationship, "Oh, I saw an article that stated that you were seen going out alone."
"Ahhhh, that. The article that made a theory about you and Lauren. I saw that when I was in a club." She said, there weren't any hostility in it, just factual. But even so, that didn't make me feel any less guilty for being the reason for it.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't know they would catch up that fast. I mean, when we were together, we were as transparent as a glass and no one batted an eye. And now, one hug and all hell froze."
She laughed, a genuine one. "Yeah, it's okay. I get it, seriously. You guys never said your 'goodbyes'. There were no closure. She's the girl that got away." She just said warmly.
Did I also tell you that she's smart and understanding? Yeah, she is.
She's basically Lauren and me in one, I would date her too - but that would too weird.
We talked about random stuffs a bit more, all the awkward tension gone out the window. You would be surprised if I told you that she was the fiancé of my ex. We genuinely clicked. There were no uncomfortableness or spite, just respect.
After a few hours of just talking, we decided to go back to our own hotel. We said our goodbyes with a hug and soon went our way.
Maybe Lauren and I could be actually be friends - since Lucy and I don't have any bad bloods.
***
Yeah, nope. Cross the possibility of friendship out. At least not now.
The girls called me a few hours ago, asking me to come to their hotel to eat dinner there. I was a bit skeptical at first but I thought that if I wanted to try being friends with Lauren and Lucy, I have to be at least in the same room as her.
Besides that, this was our last day in a same state together so why not have a dinner together.
But now that I see Lauren and Lucy cuddling in the couch across from me, I kinda regretted it. I love the girls, I really do, but this hurts like a rapid stab to the heart.
They looked so happy that they didn't look like they actually argued the day before.
It felt bittersweet. Sweet because they look like they seemed so great together, bitter because well, they look great together. I know I said I don't hate Lucy and I really don't, but I am just a human with emotions after all. Being jealous of what they have was simply inevitable.
Lucy got the girl I've chased since I was a just 15.
The girls were talking animatedly about what they had been doing and I felt bad for not listening to half of it. Standing up abruptly when I heard the couple giggle, I excused my myself to go to the kitchen to bring another bottle of wine when in truth, I was just a bit overwhelmed by Lauren and Lucy.
When they were out of sight, I leaned on the counter and exhaled a strong breath; as if I had been holding them since.
But just as I was finally relaxed, Lauren walked into the kitchen.
She smiled, standing across from me. "Hey, I never got the chance to say thank you for what you did."
I was too hurt to let it go when I spitefully replied what she had said prior, "That's okay, it is after all, my fault anyway."
"You know I didn't mean it, but I'm sorry," she inhaled sharply before continuing, "I know what I did yesterday wasn't ideal - the time and everything - but it's true, I would like for us to be friends again."
"I would love to, but I don't think we could right now. All I could do is be cordial with you," I replied honestly.
She laughed awkwardly, "Yeah. I guess that makes sense."
I nodded, a huge-ass elephant now present, staring smugly at the both of us,
"We didn't really talk at all after we broke up, did we?" She asked rhetorically. "Aside from the drunken call you did back in January."
That caught my attention.
"Huh? The AMAs was our first interaction this year, no?"
"Well.."
---
LAUREN'S POV
"Hello?" I brought my phone to my ear, my voice raspy, making it obvious that I was asleep.
"Laurrr," The person on the other end spoke up, waking me up immediately. Even if it's just one syllable, I could notice her voice anywhere.
"Camila?" I asked skeptically, still unsure because this could just be a dream. She hadn't contacted any of us after she quit, so why now? And why me?
"Fuck you..." She slurred drunkenly. "Why did you unfollow me on instagram?" her voice breaking, like she was on the verge of crying. If she didn't sound so sad, I would've laughed right then and there.
"Why did you quit the group?" I asked bitterly. Low blow but whatever.
"You and Lucy.." she said weakly, making my heart constrict just by listening to her, "it hurts." I could literally hear her heart breaking when she said that.
If I wasn't so selfish then, I would've known that Lucy hanging out with us when Camila was there could make her decide that she didn't want to be in the group anymore.
I unfollowed her because I was so pissed of the fans reminding me of 'Camren' when I was clearly with Lucy now. Knowing that they're as fast as anything in the world, I knew that just by a click of a button, it'd easily set them off.
"Why did you unfollow me?" She asked again. I feel like in this generation right now, an unfollow is equivalent to a kick to the groin, making it extremely comical if you really think about it.
"Yeah, I'm sorry." I said sincerely. "I was just pissed at the shippers. A rash decision driven by my anger." It wasn't a lie but it wasn't not a whole truth either.
I was also pissed at the fact that she quit the group. She told us since April that year but I still hate how there were no actual farewell. She was just gone after that last concert.
"Why did you have publicize yorrr relay shenship whit Lucy and you never did with me?" She asked. And I know she had been meaning to ask me this since I came out to the public.
But nonetheless, I ignored what she asked since that night wasn't really a good time to talk about it, knowing she was just too drunk. "Camila, where are you?"
"None of your bizzz.." She said lazily.
Knowing that I wouldn't get an answer from her, I switched on my laptop instead and searched the news on Twitter for any hints of where she might be.
Fortunately, after some scrolling, I found a candid picture of her going into a club. I checked her surrounding on the picture and saw a sign that might help me. "Camila, are you still at the club?"
"No."
"Really? Cause the distinct bass says otherwise." I could easily tell that she was lying. I just know her too well.
"That's me farting repeatedly."
I choked. Who the hell says that? "Yeah well, whatever, I'm coming to get you, wait outside in 15 minutes." With that, I hung up immediately before she could refuse.
Normani was sprawled on the bed beside me and I knew think she wouldn't be awake anytime soon.
Taking the car key we rented just yesterday, I went down. But not before I changed into a tshirt with my black bomber jacket, along with my usual black ripped jeans.
The ride to the club was relatively silent, too focused on the road. My heart was also beating rapidly against the confinement that is my ribs, anticipating my first time seeing Camila after she announced her departure from the group.
Once I was near, I immediately saw Camila leaning against the wall just outside of the club, wearing a short black dress that was a little tight for my liking, her greatest asset showing too much. Her hair was messy, probably from the dancing and the drinking.
I easily parked my car near the club and walked over to where she was.
"Camila?" I announced my presence softly.
She looked up from her phone once she heard me, smiling rather drunkenly as she did.
"Laurrrrrr.." She purred, her eyes shamelessly checking me out, making me uncomfortable from her scrutiny.
"Who are you with here?" I asked, doubting that she actually went here at her own account. She's not one to actually go to a party or go clubbing.
"Taylor, but she left... fore I called you."
I frowned. "Why didn't you leave with her?"
"I forgot where I'm staying," she giggled rather cutely, making the butterflies in my stomach erupt at the sound.
"Okay well, let's go-" I started, only to be cut off by her.
"Whaaaattt? No.. You just came here, we gotta dance first," she said excitedly, immediately dragging me into the club before I could react. I was too busy feeling high at the fact that she was holding my hand. Pathetic, I thought.
She pulled me to the middle of the dance floor and without a second to waste, she immediately grooved to the music.
The song wasn't provocative at all. But her drunk ass thought so as she ground on me, turning me on instantly; more than I would like to admit.
"Camila, please stop," I willed myself to say. But it was just futile at that point. I was too aroused to even mean them.
"Why?" She turned around and stared expectantly at me, those black orbs pouring onto the brown irises. Her hands then moved around my neck and she continued grinding, her body rolling with mine.
OH-FUCKING-GOD.
Is this considered cheating?
"Camilaaa.." Just as I started to move, a raspy voice rang through both our ears, making both of us turn to where the source of sound.
Cara Delevingne.
She walked towards us, making me nervous purely because of her aura. If people say I'm intimidating, they clearly haven't met her yet.
"Camila, where were you? I lost you," she shouted, barely audible because of the music. When Camila didn't reply, she turned to look at her dance partner - me - and immediately recognized who I was, "Lauren, oh my god, why are you here?"
"Camila called me," I replied.
"OH." She said as her eyes grew wide, knowing very well that Camila had drunk called her ex-bandmate. "Wow. Do you want to sit down maybe? We have a booth upstairs."
"Nahh, I thought she," pointing at Camila, "was alone. But now that I know she's in good hands, I'll go." Although I tried to make it sound as friendly as possible, that feeling of jealousy still managed to plague my tone.
Even if I knew that it was unfair and frankly, irrational, I just couldn't help it. The girls and I were in LA and yet, she never bothered trying to ring us (soberly).
But I sort of get it too, we broke up, we were clearly not friends anymore.
"Lauren, you just came here.." Camila pouted, "Come sit with us first, we hardly talk anymore." Again, dragging me before I could refuse.
She pulled me through the sea of uncoordinated human bodies and up to the VIP section; at the empty booth with a few empty shot glasses I could only guess was theirs.
She sat down soon after and I felt compelled to sit across from her. Much to my dismay, Cara came with 5 shots a minute later, sitting beside Camila.
With drunk Camila in front of me, she immediately downed one of the shots, smiling giddily after, clearly proud that she can handle her drink now.
"Let's play spin the bottle," she said excitedly, as if it was her best idea yet.
"How? There's only 3 girls here." Cara acknowledged. "You're not even into girls, Cami."
"Psttt, who says?" she turned to Cara with a mischievous smile, looking down to her lips then back up soon after.
Yeah, the night just got worse.
---
"Hey babe, what's taking so long?" Lucy interrupted our conversation as she walked into the kitchen.
"Oh nothing, just catching up with Camila," she stood up straight and gave Lucy a peck before continuing. "We're done anyway so let's go back to the girls."
Lucy smiled politely at me and they walked back to the living room. But before they were completely out of sight, Lauren gave me a look that silently says, "We'll continue this some other time."