**Warning: flashback contains abuse. Please skip passed the flashback or to the next chapter if this may trigger you.**
Nicole
She deserved it!
No, she didn't! I'm being bad again.
She hurt you first.
She hurt me first...
With my hand slapped over my mouth, I watched in the distance as Angie fell to the ground with my arrow punctured through her leg.
What was I thinking...?
Why did I do it...?
I watched in terror as my babysitter shrieked in pain, screaming for help. The agony in her voice frightened me. I'm scared. Scared of what she'll say, scared of what might happen to me next, the consequences.
It was so unlike me... I didn't really mean to hurt her. I've never hurt her before.
But she...
She...
"Lyin' is bad, Sasha... Don't you dare look me in the eyes and tell me this tiny thing was the only deer you could find..."
Tears began to fall down my dirt-stained cheeks as I remembered that witch-like scowl she gave me while raising that old wire over her head.
My hands trembled at the stings I still felt under the drying blood of my marks. The stings that she put all across my back, one whip after another. Nonstop pain. Nonstop torment. I could only scream helplessly as pops watched from a chair he sat in, waiting until the torture was over.
It was the worst beating she's ever given me. It was the worst pain I've ever felt. I didn't think what I had done would have made her so angry. It was a mistake! But she said that I deserved it. She took the breath out of my lungs, she made me beg for her to stop but I deserved it.
Pops knew I deserved it as well. He watched it happen. He watched until it was over. Until I came crawling into his arms where I wept and yearned for his comfort. Where I hoped he'd save me from it all.
"She's only doing it for your own good." He whispered to me with a kiss on my cheek while I held onto him like I held onto dear life. "We all care about you, Sasha... Trust me."
It's my fault I upset her and I hadn't realized that until it was too late. Until I had already shot her. Until she started to cry for help. It's my fault... It's all my fault...
"We all care about you, Sasha..."
Then why can't I ever believe you?
Is it selfish to think that you don't show it enough?
I raked my trembling fingers through my ashy brown hair as my babysitter continued to cry out. That poor woman. She's only had one good leg and I took that from her. She's only been trying to fix me but I disappointed her yet again. She's right about me. I'm too selfish. Too lazy. Too needy...
Maybe there's no fixing me. No matter how much I try to be good enough, I always disappoint you... All of you.
There's no fixing me...
I hopped over the bush I hid behind and ran up to her before kneeling beside her and covering her mouth, "Shhh! Quiet Angie, you'll get me in trouble." I nervously looked around for any signs of people watching. Pops had already left to go out and sell some of Angie's merchandise from the cabin and mother had already left, dressed up like a doll, going out without giving a reason. They weren't going to be back for a while but I didn't want the patrols to find out about this. I didn't want them to take me. I wasn't ready for the slammers. But I've been bad. They'll know! They'll arrest me!
She smacked my hand away, "I'm going to kill you..." she groaned painfully. "Shit!" she gasped as she took another look at it. "I... I can't move it!" She cried.
Panicking, I quickly took the bandana I kept around my ankle and tied it over her mouth to keep her quiet, "You'll get me in trouble!" But she wouldn't listen. She kept fighting. She wouldn't quit. I had to tie her up. I had to make her stop.
"What's going on?" I could hear an unfamiliar voice call. Hearing his voice wrenched my stomach into a double knot. I can't let anyone know. I'm in so much trouble.
I began to shake in fear as Angie screamed and fussed. I couldn't let anyone see what I've done to her. I pulled out my bow and yanked the arrow out of her knee, using it to aim for her skull now. "You'll get me in trouble. This is all your fault, Angie..."
* * * * *
"No!" I screamed, sitting up on the couch, sweating.
It was just a dream... A nightmare.
More like a flashback.
My hands were shaking, my head was aching. I took deep breaths to calm myself. Did I have another breakdown?"
I groaned.
I need to stop letting that happen. I couldn't let anyone see me go through these stupid emotional attacks.
I hate it when I get so deep into thoughts about my past and just end up falling apart. It happens a lot when something reminds me of Texas or my parents and I don't think Simon is aware of me still going through this... Being alone with your darkest memories is one of the only things that terrifies me and it makes me go insane when I least expect to. Beer has always been my BFF for those times.
I sighed then went to the bathroom to take a nice, cold shower to soothe my headache and brushed my teeth after. I felt kind of sick. Like my stomach was turning and was preparing to make me puke... I recognized this feeling.
How much did I drink last night?
After getting ready, I headed to my kitchen for a glass of water to ease the knot in my stomach. Maybe even squeeze a little bit of lemon juice in it to make sure everything stays down.
Huh...?
I noticed that there was a little sticky note stuck to my fridge next to my smoking horse magnet I got from Barhama Paradise a while back. I raised a suspicious eyebrow at it because I was never one to write myself notes and Simon knows better than to do that so this could only mean that someone else has been in here... But who...?
I narrowed my eyes and read it slowly: I want you to keep your hot body, Mami. -Jaden ;)
I winced, Why was Jaden in my dorm? And why put this stupid note here?
I guess the bigger question is, why don't I remember him being here?
I shook my head, annoyed, then opened the fridge.
A sudden gasp escaped my lips and left me gazing into my fridge, overwhelmed.
My fridge was filled with freshly bought food and off-brand drinks and there were even two full-sized pineapples in there. Everything was arranged neatly without leaving an empty space in my fridge. I slowly closed the fridge, now confused.
Did Jaden just...
I quickly opened the fridge again.
He got rid of all my beer... And my whiskey as well.
I want you to keep your hot body...
I smiled, scratching my head. Did he buy all of that for me? If he did, why? With my peripheral, I noticed something sitting on the counter, next to the stove. I looked over and saw three jars of protein shake powders in different flavors and he got me a bunch of bananas, mangos, and a box of strawberries, and blueberries. Some of the few things I always add to my shakes.
A weird feeling grew in my stomach. A feeling that wasn't puke. It felt... I don't know, just weird but in a pleasing way. Something I've never felt before.
That's really cool of him to do.
Suddenly, there was a buzz at my door that, at first, startled me but then excited me. I rushed over to go get it, giving the note on my fridge one, quick last look.
I was hoping it'd be Jaden standing on the other side but when I opened the door, I found Simon standing there instead. With two guards at his side.
"Hey, Simon what's up?" my voice sounded ugly. Just by the sound of it and the way my throat burned when I spoke, I was positive that I'd been drinking a lot.
"There was a report of you sharing a room with someone. I'm just here to make sure that it wasn't true," he said.
The two guards walked around my dorm after Simon signaled them to, beginning their search.
I rolled my eyes at the accusation, "I would never share a room. You and I both know that is against policy."
"I know, soldier. But I always have to make sure if it's reported."
"Soldier" is our equivalent to y'all's "darling" or "sweetheart". The name is more than just a nickname. It's special and holds a lot of value to me but it's also a little embarrassing which is why he doesn't say it in the presence of others.
He looked at my face and touched the puffiness under my eyes, "Did you get any sleep last night?"
I shrugged, "I remember sleeping, I don't know how long, though."
"Do you want to take the day off? I know you've just finished a rough mission yesterday."
I forced a small smile, "It's fine, really. I think I'm going to train later."
"All clear, sir." one of the guards informed.
Simon gave them a short nod then turned back to me. "Do what you feel. Just don't overdo it, clear? I'll see you soon."
"Clear. Bye Simon." I saluted.
He tipped his hat then headed out the door. Pft, sharing a room... I shook my head.
I knew Rebecca was the one who reported but I didn't care. That wasn't even a close enough attempt to get me out of here.
After I finished drinking my lemon water in the kitchen, I noticed that I still felt a little nauseous so I went ahead and got changed into some yoga pants and a hoodie to head over to meet with Coach Jackson. He usually finds the right exercises to help me with stress. Before I headed out, I went back to the kitchen to prepare myself a quick shake with the things Jaden got me. I still couldn't believe his generosity, what made him want to do that for me?
Maybe I should go see him before training...
He deserved a quick thanks for doing that for me. I don't think anyone else, besides Simon, has done anything like that for me before and it felt kind of wrong for me to have all of this stuff in my fridge. Especially since I didn't ask for him to get it. If I wanted something, I usually get it myself. Why did he feel the need to get me all of this?
There's the fluttery feeling in my gut again...
I took a gulp out of my shake to try and wash it away but it only made it happier. I did my best to ignore it as I walked out of my dorm. I'm sure the feeling will find its way out of my system soon.
As soon as I looked down the hall, I saw Rebecca walking in the same direction. I almost hit her with the door by accident as she walked by.
Her eyes widened then she shook her head with a sneer, "Oh... You should have hit me."
"Oh, I wish I did." I challenged her with my eyes.
"What was that? You said wanted to hit me?" she leaned in with her ear close to me. I could almost see the red target on her cheek, begging me to punch it right in the bullseye.
I lifted my chin, keeping my fists at my side, "I'd do way more than just that."
"Do it then. I dare you." she tested me. "Oh right. You can't, can you?"
She smiled then stood up straight. "You know... Nowhere on the contract did it say I couldn't slap the shit out of you."
I winced, "You're not allowed to-"
"Uh, uh, uh... It was written specifically for you, therefore, I technically can. You can't." she smiled.
I stared at her with an angry spark in my eye that was getting ready to burn. I want her to try. Just try and put her loathsome little hands on me!
She laughed then brushed passed me, flipping her hair over her shoulder, her hair lightly sweeping across my face as she did. I was so tempted to yank it straight off of her scalp but I kept that to myself. I had to. She strutted down the hall, opposite from the exit, with a smile.
Just forget about it. She isn't worth it.
I took a deep, exhausted breath and headed out, skipping the visit to Jaden's. It seemed like the redhead was already headed there anyway and the last thing I wanted was to be in the same room as her.
I need to just take it easy today. I do not have the energy for more stress.
When I made my way over to the gym, I began my search for Coach. It took me a while before I later found him by the water fountain, filling up his water bottle.
There you go.
As he turned around, he noticed me walking over to him. I knew I looked like trash and I knew he was going to comment something about it. It's just how he is.
He screwed the cap on his bottle with his eyes on me, giving me a small smile. "Nicole... You look like trash."
I glared at him, "I know that. Which is why I am here..."
"So I can give you a makeover?" he joked.
It wasn't funny. Not even the slightest bit. In fact, I wanted to slap him just so he would quit trying.
"Okay, okay, It was only a joke." he caught the look in my eye. "But don't you think you should be at your dorm? It seems like you have zero energy for anything."
I sighed. He had a point. I felt tired, weak, and sick but I didn't want to sit around doing nothing all day. That would make me feel worse and put me in an even more obnoxiously dreadful mood.
"How about I make you something. My famous 'Chef Jackson's special elixir'... That's what I call it." he crossed his arms proudly.
"You're a chef now...?"
"When I'm not pumping iron, yes. You'd be surprised, my dishes are scrumptious."
I rolled my eyes, "Sounds tempting, but, no."
He smiled with a slight head shake, "I'm not going to poison you, Nicole."
"I know you won't but you know how I feel about that."
He knows. Ever since I was a child, I had always been responsible for preparing my own meals after I had been poisoned by something my mother made. I always thought it was an accident but as I got older, I started to realize that it wasn't. To this day, I was always careful with who touches my food when it wasn't me.
"It'll make you feel better. You can watch me prepare it if you want." Coach sang, gently elbowing me in the rib.
I shrugged with my eyebrows, "Fine. Don't worry about supplies, Jaden already filled my fridge with groceries." Which reminds me. I still needed to ask him about that.
He tilted his head, "Jaden?"
"He's my partner."
"Oh yeah. I forgot that Simon got you a new partner. How's he like?"
I shrugged, "He's learning. I still miss the good old days of working independently though."
"Hmm. It's funny. I feel like I've heard his name somewhere. I just don't remember. Maybe I've trained with him?" he rubbed his chin.
I leaned against the wall. My stomach started to feel achy again. "You might catch him on our way to the dorm," I said.
"We should probably go there now. You need a proper place to rest. I can tell just by looking at you."
"Hey, Nicki!" A familiar voice called.
I looked to my right, seeing Jaden walking up to me with a grin that brought a spark of light to my chest. I watched as he made his way over. He didn't look like he's been doing any training, he probably came down here just to find me.
"Is that him?" Coach asked.
I nodded. "What are you doing here?" I asked Jaden with a slight smirk when I saw him.
"Oh! I was just walking a friend down here. I didn't expect you to be here."
I nodded. So he hasn't come down here for me. "Is your friend cripple?" I asked.
"Uh... No. She just-"
"Jay!"
I looked over his shoulder.
What the hell? Rebecca? And is that one of her blonde bitches, Casey?
Seeing them caused the muscles in my hands to tug my fingers into fists. When I didn't interfere with her visiting Jaden's dorm earlier, I was expecting Jaden to be smart enough to not let her get too close to him. Did he not take my past warnings about her seriously?
I narrowed my eyes as Rebecca came this way while Casey stretched to prepare for training. Rebecca linked her arm with Jaden's and smiled at him. "I thought you were staying to train with us."
He looked at me unsurely but I only shrugged with a testing smile. His face looked slightly confused then he started, "Rebecca... I have to... Uh... Actually, Tyler wanted me to-"
"Jaden..." she giggled. "If you're trying to come up with an excuse, just save it. We can hang some other time. It won't upset me if we don't today."
He looked at me with regret but he also looked at me in a way that begged me to choose his next decision.
"My face doesn't have answers on it. Do what you feel to do." I told him, crossing my arms, carefully watching for his response.
He smiled then looked at Rebecca sweetly, "Just for a few minutes." he then turned to me, "See you in a little bit, alright? Hope you're feeling better from last night."
I only raised my eyebrows, disappointed.
Whatever...
They walked away towards the workout halls, laughing about something he said. I'd say that I didn't give two shits that he decided to go with her. That it didn't bother me but, I'd only be bluffing.
"I have seen him before..." Coach realized as he watched them walk away. "You're just okay with him going with her? Considering the fact that you hate her?"
"Not hate... Despise... Anyway, I've already warned him. It's his business if he doesn't listen. As I said, I do well without a partner."
"Can't argue with that. I would keep an eye on him though. He's been flirting with a bunch of my clients lately and word on the street says he's already slept with two of 'em. Rebecca could be next."
I knew exactly who those two people were and I had to teach him an unforgettable lesson over that. I would think that he would have learned after that but now that he's growing closer to Rebecca, there's no telling how far he'll push my patience.
I shook my head feeling my stomach turning right before I could say another word about them, "I'm gonna be sick..." I needed to get out of here.
Coach smiled with a small chuckle, "I feel you..."
I swallowed but my stomach only twisted into a tighter knot, "No... I'm really going to be sick... Really."
His eyes grew concerned. "Are you feeling okay."
"N-" I swallowed then shook my head, feeling it come up. "No..."
Coach cursed under his breath then quickly grabbed my hand and rushed me inside the gym halls. I ran behind him with my free hand over my mouth trying hard not to spill my guts everywhere. "Hold it, hold it!" Coach groaned.
Shit! I should've stayed at the dorm.
He burst through the first door on the left, the gymnastics room, then rushed me to the restroom inside, paying no mind to the fact that he was taking me into the men's restroom.
I didn't care either. I just needed to hurry.
As soon as I got inside one of the stalls, I let the vomit rush out of my body like a disgusting, chunky waterfall, barely making it into the toilet bowl. Coach held the loose strands of my hair back as I did.
"Oh shit!" a male's voice from behind exclaimed.
"Is she alright?" another, softer voice, asked.
I zoned them out as I hugged the toilet, puking my guts out.
How much did I drink last night?
My throat burned and my eyes watered. I felt so gross and dizzy now. When I got it all out, Coach helped me to my feet then led me to the sink to rinse off. "What's going on? What's got you so sick?" he asked.
I dried my face with a paper towel, shaking my head. I wasn't going to tell him that I had shits amounts of alcohol last night.
He felt my forehead with the back of his hand. "Fever? Or food poisoning?"
"Something like that." I leaned against the wall, trying to regain my vision from being so blurry.
Coach handed me his water bottle. It was warm from being in his pocket. "Let me take you back to your dorm. I'll keep an eye on you for a little while."
"Appreciate it..." I pushed myself off the wall.
He nodded, "I'll make my special tea for you. It should help ease your stomach a bit."
I narrowed my eyes at him, "No. I hate tea."
"It doesn't matter. Like it or not, you're going to drink it," he said sternly.
I chuckled. I like it when he gets strict with me. It was something people avoided doing around me and it was nice to see it sometimes. I made my way out of the restroom with Coach at my side, heading to the dorms. I couldn't wait to get there. My chest and throat hurt like hell now, adding to the pain of the headache I already had. It was excruciating.
We got to my place shortly after. I unlocked my door with my card, letting him inside.
"I'm only letting you stay for 5 minutes," I told him.
"Five? The tea will probably take more than that." he made his way to the kitchen.
"Then you better make it quick."
He began to wash his hands, "Would you rather have it fast or do you want it good."
"I want you to do as I say," I demanded.
He chuckled and headed for the fridge, "Alright, master."
I leaned against the counter, watching what he was doing to see what he was going to put in it. Just to be safe. His eyes narrowed at the slip of paper on the fridge then he looked back at me. His grey eyes slowly went from playful to slightly apprehensive.
"Who wrote this?" he tried to sound nonchalant about it but I knew it was already starting to bother him.
I rolled my eyes, "Read the signature."
"Jaden... Your partner?"
I nodded tapping my finger on my forehead.
He chuckled softly, placing it back on my fridge. He looked at it for another second with less humor in his expression before opening the fridge.
I watched as he prepared the tea for me. It already looked gross but hey, if it'll help, I'm ready for it. He boiled ginger into a pot, added sugar and some greens.
He smiled at me after a moment, "Go lay down somewhere. I'll bring it when it's done."
"Not gonna happen." I hopped on the counter to keep an eye on him.
He shook his head with a smile. "Right. Forgot." he continued to add some little touches to the pot. It smelled good but looked foul. Like a rotten trash bag had just taken a shit in there.
After a few minutes, he smiled, "Okay. It's ready." he took a soup spoonful of the liquid portion and held it up to me. "Try it."
I leaned over to taste it.
Yep... It was gross. Enough to force my face into this twisted grimace, "Ugh... Tastes like sweet monkey's ass."
He laughed, "Well you'd want to drink it if you want to ease your symptoms."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
He shot me a warning look. "Let me correct myself. You have to drink it. Here." he poured it in a cup then pushed it into my hands. "And I'm not leaving until all of it is down that stubborn little body of yours."
I smirked at him, loving the authority in his tone and finding that to be rather attractive to me, "Yes, sir..." When I said that, he gave me a confused look that later grew satisfied with my answer. As I said, I like it when I get to be occasionally told no from time to time. I let the tea cool for a minute then chugged it down, forcing myself to ignore the taste.
"See? It's good, right?"
"I'm gonna puke." I faked a gag.
He widened his eyes, "No!"
"Calm down." I chuckled. "The after taste isn't that bad, though."
He crossed his arms. "Not funny. Need anything else before I leave?" he began to wash the dishes he used. "Painkillers? Massage? Food?"
"None of the above. And those are cures for period cramps."
"Oh, really..." he rubbed his chin, nodding in interest. "Learn something new every day, eh?"
I shook my head, "Thanks for the help, Coach."
He nodded, "No problem. By the way, I heard Simon is planning a new task. Keep an eye out for that." he informed as he headed for the door.
Task?
"Wait... What task?"
He stopped to inform me, "I don't know all the details but I'll tell you this much... You might wanna have a few dancing bones in your body."
"Dancing?" I winced.
"Dancing." he did a small shimmy. "Not 100 percent sure but you should be expecting a call one of these days. I just overheard him talking about it."
"Interesting..." I smirked.
Finally! Another mission... But hopefully, I get better before the time comes.