—Vivian—
I've been in my apartment for the whole day. I wasn't avoiding Richard. I just had to get these sketches done. And I have to go buy fabric. And buy food.
Speaking of food, I was starving. I haven't had anything to eat since, well, last night. I got up and stretched from my cramped position. That chair was really uncomfortable. I rubbed behind my back and glared at the chair. Stupid chair.
I made my way to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Let's see. Oranges, milk, and celery. I'm going to go with the oranges. I never really liked milk and celery was celery. Enough said. I got out the cutting board and a knife. I was slicing it up when my cell rang. Crap, my hands were covered in orange juice. Not orange juice orange juice but you know the orange's juice. Yeah...
I washed my sticky fingers and ran back to my desk. I heard the phone ringing, but all the piles of paper was hiding it. The phone suddenly stopped. Seriously? I was about to walk back out the room when it started ringing again. I was ready this time.
I dashed back to the desk and threw the papers around till I found it. Problem is: I didn't find it. I wanted to pull my hair out. But when I listened closer, it was at the desk. Just not on top of it. I opened the drawer filled with my sowing kits and there it was.
"Hello?" I said out of breath.
"You ok over there?"
"Rich? Yeah, I'm fine. I just had a minor situation with my cellphone."
"Lost it again, huh?" He chuckled.
"I did not lose it, Richard. As you can probably tell I'm speaking to you on it now." I argued.
"Whatever you say, Einstein. Now open the door."
"And why would I do that?" I asked.
"Because I'm on the other side, Viv." He said obviously. "Just open the damn thing."
"Okay, Mr. Grumpy Pants."I muttered as I hung up.
I walked to the door and checked through the peep hole just to be sure. Yep, it was him.
"What do you want?"
"Ouch, no greet. That's not very polite. You've been holed up all day. Thought I'd bring some grub." He said holding up the containers of Chinese food.
"Why didn't you say so? Come on in!"
He laughed and gladly came in.
"Oh, keep the door open." He said as he set the containers down.
"Wh-" I was about to protest.
"Richard, can you help me with my suitcase?"
You've got to be shitting me. I turned around and just stared.
"What are you doing here?" We both asked at the same time.
What the hell is going on? "Alise, you remember Vivian. I thought we could all bond."
I am going to kill Rich. "You know what? Tonight's not a good night. I have all this work to do."
"You haven't eaten, Viv. We're staying." He said strictly.
"Well, if Richard stays, I stay." Alise said triumphantly as she took a seat on the couch.
Lord, give me strength. So I can choke the hell out of this woman. No, maybe I should keep the hell in her. That way she can be like the Devil's mistress or something I snickered to myself. I'm sure he wouldn't want her either.
"What's wrong with you?"
I had the urge to ask the exact same question, but I refrained myself. "Nothing."
"I'll go get your bags, Alise. Viv mind keeping her company?" Before I could answer, he had already walked out the door.
We basked in the awkward silence. She sat on the couch looking all prim and proper while I was standing with my arms crossed with most likely an annoyed expression. I was tapping my foot impatiently. I kept glancing at the door and back at her. How long does it take to fetch some bags? I narrowed my eyes. I bet he did this on purpose.
"I know you hate me."
My head moved so fast, I heard a loud crack. Aw, shit that actually hurt! I rubbed my sore neck. "W-what?"
"I said I know you hate me." She said again.
I looked at her. Like really looked at her. Then I finally said, "I don't hate you."
"But that doesn't mean I like you." I clarified.
"Okay, whatever it is you feel toward me. But I just wanted to tell you, I'm not going anywhere. You may be his "best friend" but I honestly don't care." She laughed. "He's mine. And I can see you like him as more than a friend. But you need to realize that he's moved on. He will never, ever see you as anything more than a friend."
This didn't surprise me. "I know that already." I said neutrally.
"Then stay out of my way." She bit back.
"Out of your way for what? So you can cheat on him? Use him? I know he'll never feel the same for me, but I'm not so bitter that I'd let you hurt him."
"You've already tattled on me once, and we're still together. He obviosuly favors me above you. Are you that pathetic?"
"He believes me. He just wants to see the good in you. Unfortunately, there isn't any." I wasn't even sure of the words that came out of my mouth, but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.
Rich came in right after I said that. "Isn't any of what?"
I had a stare off with Alise. She then looked away towards Rich. "Nothing, babe. We were just chatting." She walked up to him and pecked him on the lips."
But he wanted more. From her. When she pulled away, he gathered her closer and kissed her. Then it became a full on make out session.
"I'm just going to get the plates." I'm sure they didn't even hear me.
I walked into the kitchen and grabbed three plates. I placed them on the counter and I just got lost staring at my faint reflection in the white, glass plate. I hadn't even realized that (I'd started crying till I saw the droplets hit the plate. I wiped my cheeks with my sleeve and sniffled.
I looked up at the ceiling as if God would do something to take away the pain. But all I saw was the bright light bulb wrapped in a glass shield. Why was I such a dummy? I laughed sadly at my utter stupidity. I guess some things never change. I couldn't explain it, but it was like an electric shock in my body. My heart hurt. More than I've ever experienced.
"Hey, Viv, you got those plates?"
He came through the doorway. I turned around so, I could pull myself together. You've already embarassed yourslef by crying. Suck it woman! My breathing became more even but I'm sure from his point of view, I probably looked like I was panting and taking gulps of air.
I felt his hand on my lower back. He turned me to face him and gently rubbed circles on my back. I didn't raise my head. I felt the wetness of my tears falling down my face. He said soft words of encouragement and conitnued to hold me close. I wanted this. To be able to go to him when I was sad. But I couldn't. Not after this. But for now, I would for once let myself feel like he felt the same way. Even though he didn't.
__________________________________________
Rich decided it would be best if we cancled our "bonding time." I was glad, too. After my mental break down, he went to the living room and told Alise that I wasn't feeling well and that she should head back to his apartment. She obviously objected. Really loud, I might add.
"Why do I have to leave?"
"Viv's just not feeling well right now." He said gently so she would quiet down.
She scoffed. "Oh, puh-lease. She's fine. It's just dinner."
"You don't even like Chinese." He reasoned.
"Oh, so you get her favorite food. Come to her apartment. Tell me to leave FOR HER!" Her voice escalated as she complained.
"Just leave, Alise! She's upset, alright!" Rich said back.
"Fine, I'll leave. But don't expect me to be at your place." She grabbed her purse and walked out haughtily.
Rich came back in the kitchen. I didn't move. I didn't have to with all her screaming. He looked at me closely to see if I was going to cry again. That's one of the things he could never handle. He hated seeing women cry. It was like his very own version of kryptonite.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you guys to fight." I said.
"It's alright," he sighed. "She's just dramatic. I'll call her later."
Of course he was. "I'm fine now. You should go to her."
"Why were you crying?" He was straight to the point.
"It's nothing." My face remained impassive.
"You can't lie to me. 10 years, remember?" He stood about four feet from me. "You can tell, Viv. You know you can."
"I can't."
"Viv-"
"No, you don't understand. I can't." I emphasized.
"We always tell each other when we're in pain or happy or anything really. Why can't you just tell me so I can make it better?" His eyes looked pleading as if it were hurting him that he couldn't do anything.
"The circumstances are...different. I want to tell you, I really do. But I have too much to lose."
"Is he threatening you?" He questioned, his eyes got darker.
"Who?"
"Steven." He spat out his name like it was poisonous.
"No! Of course not. He's been nothing but, good to me. He," I breathed in calmly, "He's helped me so much that you woudldn't even be able to understand."
"Oh, so you trust him enough to let him help you, but not me?" He started to get angry.
"It's not a matter of trust, Rich. You know I trust you. I trust you with my life. But just this once, Rich, let it go. I can handle it." I coaxed.
He raked his hands through his hair in frustration. "You shouldn't have to handle it, Viv. Whatever this "it" is."
Before he could go about pulling his hair out, I grabbed both his hands. I ran my fingers along the lines of his palms. He calmed down a bit, but I knew he wouldn't let this go.
"I need you to trust me. I know what I'm doing." At least I hope I did.
"I do trust you. Maybe more than I should, but you know I'm always here for you. No matter what."
He gently tugged me closer. I enjoyed the warmth of his body. I knew every shape and curve of his body. I could pin point him in a room full of people. I knew what made him tick and what could make him the happiest man in the world. I knew everything about him. I hugged him tight. I had to say it. Just this once.
"I love you."
He was softly playing with the ends of my hair behind my back. He was tall enough that his head was at my forehead.
"I love you, too." He said back.
He just didn't mean it in the same way I did.
__________^^__________
"Happiness is a journey. Not a destination."
"Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts."
Thanks for reading!
And just remember that wherever you are, or whoever you are, there's always gonna be someone out there who cares about you. So keep your head up and smile because love is louder than the pressure to perfect.
Oh! And on the side is the song I was listening to when writing. I put up the English version since I'm sure all of us speak English, but the original is great too. Either way, I hope you like it as much as I do :3