Laughter the best medicine;
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JOKE OF THE DAY
I saw my SS1 Mathematics teacher today. We greeted and he asked for directions to GT Bank. I told him to make a 360° turn and walk for like 1.8m, then find the coefficient of X using Pythagoras theorem and round it up to the nearest tens. He will see a big pharmacy which is perpendicular to his right, then make an obtuse angle turn, he'll see the bank at a distance of about the logarithm of 7 and using four figure table to find the Anti- log. Let him feel what I felt when I was in school. I heard on the radio he's missing....
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Silence.....
Absolute silence....
The silence before the storm. ..
From behind his glasses,Mahmud fixed his eyes on his new bride, waiting for the outburst. Yeah, if he knew his Cute Dimples at all, he was sure there was definitely a storm brewing behind that absolute silence.
In a voice so stern even he as a man got a bit startled, Iman said to Walida, "Adda Walida, I may be your abokiyar wasa but I don't tolerate such....abominable jokes. "
Walida shook her head at the pure irony of it all :wata naso wata naki .She wants him like her next intake of air while Iman is getting all murderous just because she has him all to herself?Wow, what an irony of life!.
Sighing,she said, "I can't joke about something like this, Iman.It's the pure truth. You're his wife. "
Mahmud kept staring at his wife from behind his glasses, gauging her reaction. He even mentally readied himself to receive her physical attack cos as he looked into her eyes, he could see nothing but pure anger and he knew it was to him it was directed at. He had always been able to read her mind through her eyes, just as she does to him.They had always had their silent means of communication.Without asking, he knew she blamed him for everything.
"Adda Walida, restrain me.Restrain me before I turn you into a widow-to-be.Restrain me before I murder your husband-to-be with my two naked hands!".
"Haba Iman it hasn't come to that.Ya Mudinki nefa! ."
"Does he know that? Ai he doesn't know that that's why he decided to tackle it on his own and forgetting his useless sister existed!.I was just one phone call away Adda Walida.Just one damn call!. Why didn't he call me? I could have stopped this....this madness before the blink of an eyelid.Is it not Mama? It would have taken me just a call to change her mind. Just one single call would have prevented this...insanity. ...this wickedness! How could they do this to you Adda? You're everyone's sweetheart! How could they do it me, to my Ayman....to Ya Mudi! He already has other worries, other pains..how would he cope? How...."
She trailed off as her immense anger gave in to emotional breakdown.
Walida fought back her own tears as she consoled Iman. Mahmud on the other hand, was stiff as a rock on his seat.To any onlooker, he looked unfazed but internally, he was in total chaos.His heart crashed into pieces as he sat there watching his two favourite girls crying and consoling each other. He kept debating with himself whether to go and console them himself but restrained himself.
Like a light bulb, an idea suddenly popped into Iman's disheveled mind and brightened her dark mood.Disengaging herself from the embrace, she smiled sadly through her tears before wiping them off as she said, "You know what? There's no need crying over spilt milk.What's left is for us to clean up the mess in a spectacular way.Afterall anything tied can be untied as well."
Walking in slow, calculated steps towards Mahmud, she crouched on the carpeted floor so when she looked up she was facing him directly.Reaching up, she stealthily removed his sun-shades, looked directly into his eyes as she spoke to him in a tiny, melodious voice, "Ya Mudina, if you're still in there somewhere in this foreign rock's body, please listen to me.Your little sis wants to talk to you."
Just a millisecond elapsed after her speech before all of a sudden, a tiny, sexy smile appeared on the hitherto expressionless face while he whispered, "My Cute.....".
He didn't say the 'Dimples' but rather demonstrated it by reaching out and pinching her right on the dimple, just as he loved doing.
At this, Iman released a sigh of relief as she fixed her eyes in his, reading the hidden emotions. Seeing the despair in them, she got up to give him the consolation she knew he required.
As soon as her arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders, Mahmud released an even deeper sigh of relief compared to Iman's as he relaxed into them, closing his eyes.
This is just what he needed...This is home....You know that sense of feeling when you return home?...
The sense of belonging....
The sense of comfort....
The sense of well-being...
The sense of peace....
The sense of warmth, being safe, joy....the sense of home!!
Yeah, that was what he feels at the moment, what he has always felt and what he hoped to always feel---this wonderful feeling of home he only feels when he's in the comfort of his sister's arms.So why shouldn't he be bothered when such a wonderful brother--sister relationship is severed?.
"Ya Mudi? " Her voice brought him out of his reverie. "Uhmm?"he answered with his eyes still closed, unwilling to let go of the precious moment.
"All hope is not lost yet.We can handle this together as we always do."she replied.
Finally opening his eyes, he asked, "So what do you suggest we do, Cute..."
(he pinched her dimples again)
Frowning, she replied, "I'll tell you if you stop calling me that. I've told you gazillion times before, I hate that!Besides, you better start practising saying my name cos very soon you're getting married and I don't want your kids to call me 'Aunty Cute Dimples'....Eww!!."
Smiling, he said, "At least it's better than 'Uncle Mudi'!
"Or Kawu Mudi ba! "put in Iman.
They all burst out laughing as Iman said, "That reminds me, has Adda Walida stopped calling you Yaya?....wait, where is she?!."
They both looked around the room and upon seeing her absence, called her on phone.
As soon as she came in, Iman rushed to her, concern written all over her face. "Where did you disappear to ?"
"Uhmm..I just went to get another serving of that pina colada.The taste is to die for."She concluded with a smile but she couldn't fool her highly perceptive younger cousin.
As she was fond of doing, she wrapped her arms around her as she soothingly said,"Adda Walida, u know it's okay to let out all your bottled up emotions, right? Look at me for instance, as soon as I heard, I vented out all my feelings--the anger, hurt, pains everything and now...voila! I am back to the cheerful old me.Just do the same---vent out all your feelings on me, him or whosoever or whatsoever you want.Just do it and get our cool fashionista back, you look disheveled and very unlike yourself. Smile and be happy cos God is in control and your T.M is back in town! "
Just as Iman planned, Walida burst out laughing as she said,"Yes oo the real Trouble Maker herself! "
"Yeah, and am here to cause real trouble for Mama. If she's suffering from rikicin tsufa I have just the perfect remedy for it."
In unison, both Mahmud and Walida protested,"What? Don't do anything drastic oo"
Arching an eyebrow, she said,"Haba, as if you don't know me.Trust me, I've got your backs on this. Just do as I say and everything will work out fine I.S.A.First and foremost, Ya Mudi you're the one to set the ball rolling. Shebi they've done their own part and the goal is now in your court? Just say the magical three words that will set us all free and I'll take it from there. "
Frowning in confusion, he asked, "Which magical three words? ."
"You know that 'I ---- you' thingy which you can say once, twice or thrice.But thrice is perfect in this case."
When he just went on staring blankly at her, she groaned, "Ooo...how daft can you be sometimes Ya Mudi? Alright, I meant sayyoudivorceme."
"What?"he asked, confusion evident on his face
Face-palming herself, she huffed, "You're a goner, bro.Alright, divorce me, say 'na sakeki' period! There, have you gotten it now or must I open your brain and write it on it?".
As soon as she said that, she clamped her eyes shut and groaned again, "Oooh..I can't believe we're talking about this....you, me...marriage. ..divorce. ..urrrgh!! How did we end up in this terrible mess? Never in my wildest, strangest, most outrageous. ...dream....Hey! Forget this crap.Oya, say the magic words...thrice! ."
Inhaling and exhaling deeply, he said, "Much as I know that's the most rational thing to do.....I can't.I just can't do it.The look on Daddy's face after the wedding fatiha....I can never forget that look and the emotional hug he gave me, not minding the thousands of people watching; his fellow professors and other dignitaries inclusive. I can't destroy his happiness, Cute Dimples. It's now that I fully understand what Ummi meant the other day.I can't do it."He concluded shaking his head.
Nodding her head in approval, Walida said, "I agree with you on that, Yaya. Besides, Iman a wife is not supposed to ask her husband to divorce her just like that without maltreatment.It's unacceptable in Islam.Say astagfirullah"
Wife....husband...
Walida's words caused Iman's heart to skip a beat.She just couldn't wrap it around her head that she's a wife....and to Ya Mudi of all people. This feels like a bad, bad dream which she needs to wake up from...
"Okay, if you insist I could live with that for the time being. I'll go home and pretend to be whosoever they want me to be until the guests depart. Then I make my own move.And I swear nothing you can say can stop me, I've let you persuade me this time around but that's it.No more changing of my decision, you both know how stubborn I can be and zan rike wuta until our goal is achieved.Just promise me Ya Mudi, that you'll warn yours and Ayman's mutual friends not to inform him of what happened cos I don't wanna lose him. I'll tell him myself when the right time comes.In shaa Allah, all of us will have our happy endings. "
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True to her words, she acted the happy bride as everyone 'ooed' and 'aahd' at the beautiful bride when they got home. Lots and lots of pictures were taken as everyone wanted to take shots with the beautiful couple.
Iya had a swell time yodelling 'ayyiririi!' as much as she wanted and cracking jokes about the couple who had the funniest way of expressing their love.....through quarrels and banters.Who say "you disgust me" when they mean "you amaze me" ;or "get lost" when they mean "I missed you.".
Even Mahmud had to laugh at that and the camera-man didn't fail to capture the epic moment.
Walida also flowed along with the joyous mood. She really enjoyed herself taking selfies with the couple, whole family, friends and so many others. Even the anti-social Fateema had a smile on her face for everyone and participated fully in the event.
All in all, they all pushed their worries aside for the time being, basking in the sheer bliss of the moment before normalcy returns and the reality of their lives sink in.
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Hmm, two whole chapters without Fatee.So not fair! So In shaa Allah, next one's for her.
Thanks everyone for giving this labari a chance.
Ma'assalam, au revoir, sai anjima, bye-bye♥♥♥