I distinctively remembered life as a young curious child. It seemed simpler back then. All you had to do was wake up and get in trouble for not putting your toys in the correct area. Unfortunately, education became a necessity and you had to graduate high school with a diploma to either go more in depth with your education or to get an occupation nearby. Sometimes I wish to revisit the past where I could be reaping the benefits of having all my expenses paid for me, or where I only got upset when I could not have the toy I wanted.
But somehow, I am sitting here in my squeaking rotating desk chair. My eyes kept looking at my computer monitor to my sticky notes and then to the empty walkway. It was moments like these that sent my heart pattering and I could hear it ringing in my ear clearly.
Is this what a panic attack is?
Just in a few moments, Mr. Hale would have been walking from the corridor in his expensive no doubt black suit with Mr. Vasquez's brothers to discuss this new project. Not to mention I would have to sit there in agonizing discomfort because I shared relations with one of the most powerful men in that room. It was a pain.
"Ellie..." Mr. Vasquez calls out my name stirring me from my daze.
"Are you ready? You seem a bit nervous?"
It only took me a few seconds to snap back into reality. I was at work. On the job. I couldn't let Mr. Hale affect me when he wasn't even present. It was time to show Mr. Vasquez why I was an adequate associate.
"I am more than ready sir, and have all the files laid out in a folder for information, profits, costs, signatures, and anything else needed is on my laptop to present at any time."
Although, I was not particularly looking forward to being in the conference room. One thing that I was particularly pleased about was my performance and attitude this morning pertaining to my job. I had exceeded my expectations of being one of the best assistants anyone could hope for.
I usually wouldn't boast about my performance because I am sure there is some assistance that achieves more than I do on a daily basis. I just had to reward myself for my performance.
Mr. Vasquez's brothers were pleased and well informed on the new project. Yet still I could not get my head around why would Mr. Hale want to participate in this certain project. I definitely didn't want to come out as self-absorbed. He couldn't have been here because of me.
There had been a couple of times our eyes locked through the conversation. The only words that had been exchanged were the plans and funding.
The conference room was silent once again with only Mr. Hale and I left. Mr. Vasquez accompanied his brother's to the elevator to exchange last minute information and formal goodbyes. It felt like time had slowed down due to the fact that all I could hear was the clack of my heels against the floor.
The chatter down the hall of Mr. Vasquqez and his brothers couldn't even beat the sound of my heart thumping beneath my skin. "Do you need anything else?" I ask him obliterating the silence thick in the air.
The cool breeze from the air conditioner was not helping for the heat between Mr. Hale and I was unbearable. I felt like I was in a boiling room with his easy eyes mirroring mine. "I'd like to know where did this dress come from. I've never seen you in it." He rubs his index finger across the stubble along his chin. "I think you look beautiful." He breathes.
Once again his eyes have locked onto mine. "Thank you..." I murmur.
"I hope we will be able to work together some more. I do quite miss your absentmindedness around the office. My new assistant doesn't quite have the spunk that you do. She's actually.... quite animatronic, robotic like," he admits.
My teeth slither over my bottom lip, nipping at it slightly. I brush a loose strand of hair over my ear. "I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not, but I hope you will be pleased with the work I will cooperate with you on." It's formal but subtle.
There's an awkward silence afterward as I start to leave the conference room. It had only been a few seconds before I felt his hand along my waist. My breath hitches for it had been a while since someone had touched me in an intimate place. "Let me help you," his deep voice sends chills down my body.
I slowly move his hand away from my waist. "We have to set some boundaries and some limits."
"What boundaries?" He pauses to fix his cuff links of his suit. "What limits?"
There it was all over again. The same intimidation and nervousness. It wasn't because I was just utterly timid and frail. The way Mr. Hale's personality and demeanor that began to progress and mature it had been I was in the presence of a human being which I felt beneath. We were equal. More than equal. The exactness of his preciseness, forthright, ribald attitude shown through his cool smirk. Everything that I found appealing in him was always present. It was overwhelming.
"I do not want to have this type of relationship with you. Where it's this tension... I would like to be platonic friends or associates."
"I don't do platonic friends... and we are well past platonic. Let's go for.... carnal."
"See, this is why we need boundaries." I sigh for a moment. "It was erotic. I fell deeply for this erotic relationship. The sexual tension is unbearable, but I don't just want you to be defensive with your heart. Because if I turned the tables and would have been stubborn like you. You would have thought that I was a prude."
Now that I have grasped his attention his facial expressions have changed. His mouth pressed together in a thin line, and his body is rigid. No reaction.
"Email me the rest of the documents."
"Xander..."
"Good day, Miss Donovan," he interrupts.
The brief conversation is now finished because there was nothing he wanted to admit. Mr. Hale exits the conference room leaving, but just the scent of his cologne behind. It was very disappointing. Every time a conversation presented serious negotiations and answers he would retreat. I don't even understand what happened between us.
I sat at my laptop tapping on the keyboard repeatedly trying to type out a response to Mr. Hale. I must have hit the backspace button so many times because I think the button is stuck. My life was like one of those memes.
From: Ellie Donovan
To: Hale Inc.
Date: January 13, 2017, 8:07 PM
Subject: Apologies
I just want to apologize about earlier. I didn't mean to.... I mean... I miss working with you as well.
There are just a few documents I need you to sign and to go over with. Maybe we can schedule a business meeting soon.
Assist. Donovan of A.D.
I sigh heavily finally admitting to myself that it's ok to miss him a little bit. This was apart of the so called 'Grieving' process right? First, there's the denial, senseless crying, and constant prying. Then there's the acceptance, reconcile, understanding. Maybe I was moving forward with my life and needed to stop being so hard on myself. This wasn't the same Mr. Hale. I know something is different about him. I needed to treat him with a new found respect and stop treating him as a victim.
From: Hale Inc.
To: Ellie Donovan
Date: January 13, 2017, 8:13 PM
Subject: Schedule
I can make room in my schedule to meet with you. Lunch. We will try this on Thursday. I will have one of my drivers pick you up.
Hale Inc.
From: Ellie Donovan
To: Hale Inc.
Date: January 13, 2017, 8:15 PM
Subject: Re: Schedule
Actually, I will meet you there. If you could just send me the address.
Assist. Donovan of A.D.
From: Hale Inc.
To: Ellie Donovan
Date: January 13, 2017, 8:19 PM
Subject: Schedule
Magiano's. I am sure you have heard of him. I'd like reports on the last few projects if you will. I would like to compare costs and ratings to this new one. I don't like to waste money that could be used elsewhere.
Dress nicely.
Hale Inc.
Interesting enough Mr. Hale would pick an expensive restuarant to do business. I had a feeling no business would be done. That's just not how Mr. Hale works. I had been so caught up with work and this project that I had forgotten about Sebastian. I cannot just retain information like this without his knowledge.
The thought crosses my mind that maybe Sebastian wouldn't particularly care that I would be doing business with Mr. Hale. I hadn't informed Sebastian of the relationship between Mr. Hale and I because I didn't want him to be bothered with the tension.
The number of gentlemen in my life is quite perplexing. I had to keep up with many different persona's, feelings, and demeanors. I was starting to have a personality crisis of my own. Sebastian wasn't the problem. He had been kind, patient, and compassionate towards me.
Sebastian's group was pivotal to him. I didn't want to bother him with my problems. I knew Mr. Hale would have a problem with Sebastian had he ever came in contact with him being that Mr. Hale can be very territorial when it is not needed.
I needed a break from all this thinking. I needed to focus on the most critical part of everything...
Mr. Hale.