Chapter Twenty-Three
Using my free hand I brushed the hair out of my eyes. I had spent the last hour telling every deep and horrid detail of my encounter with Logan and Ryan. My mother sat by my side refusing to leave even though I pleaded with her, her face was covered with tears only moments into the graphic tale. Once the officer left my mother walked out to call my aunt and I was left alone for the first time since I woke up.
My body was already drained of life even after the nap I took between the doctor and the police arriving. It still didn’t feel like I had been sleeping for a week. I knew I missed so much but no one would give me any information. I could only imagine the rumors that would be floating around the school about my sudden disappearance the reasoning behind it.
“Genevieve,” Harry’s voice echoed softly as his footsteps flooded into my room.
Turning my head I was met with the worn and weary figure of Harry. His hair was still messy and his eyes were cloudy with exhaustion. I let a weak smile spread across my face as he sat beside me and his eyes crossed over my face. There was something off about him now, his eyes were not only tired but they held a reluctant and hopeless gaze.
“What’s wrong?” I signed slowly my smile fading.
Harry smiled quickly but could tell it was forced and faked. “Nothing just tired.” He spoke his voice littered with a thick layer of falseness. “how are you feeling?”
I took a deep breath and shrugged. I wasn’t sure how I was feeling exactly but I was simply content with being awake.
“Alright I guess,” I signed, “just happy to be awake.”
Harry smiled again, this time a genuine smile, “me too.”
Once again I raised my hands and signed to him, “thank you for saving my life Harry. Thank you for rescuing me.”
Harry smiled weakly, “I’ll always be there to rescue you.”
He leaned forward slowly and pressed his lips softly to mine. Leaving me buzzing with the electricity from his touch.
Harry and I sat in silence as the seconds ticked by, both of us just staring at the other. I wanted to take every bit of Harry in. The way he brushed the curls out of his face mindlessly, the way he bit nervously at the inside of his lip or cheek, the way his eyes would look into you like he could see every part of you, not just what you put off to the world, the way he fidgeted with his hands, the way his bright lips would purse and relax as thoughts bounced through his head, I wanted to know every part of him because he was the reason I was alive.
Without him I wouldn’t have the opportunity to see my mother’s face again. To take on what the next few years would take me through. He was the reason I was alive. I owed my life to him and I wanted to spend the rest of life with him.
“What are you thinking so hard about love?” Harry smiled resting his hand on the edge of the bed and he tilted his head to the side inquisitively.
Raising my free hand I signed back, “You.”
I expected to see a smile again as I would have done if he had said the same about me but instead I was met with a pained and agonizing glance, like my response was a like a dagger to his heart. His head turned away from my and his hand slid off the bed and went to protectively to his pockets.
There was clearly something he wasn’t telling me about. Pushing myself higher in the bed I clenched my jaw. I needed Harry to turn back so I could meet his gaze.
Reaching my arm across my body I felt my muscles scream in resistance but I didn’t listen. Instead I reached further and grasped Harry shoulder making him turn back to face me.
“What are you not telling me?” I signed my face panicked.
Harry’s eyes flicked to the floor, I could see his mind ticking as his lips pursed. We sat again in silence for what seemed like an eternity.
“Harry,” I signed my hands shaking, “what’s going on?”
Finally Harry’s eyes rose to meet mine. This wasn’t the tough Harry that was normally presented to me and everyone else. It was eerily similar to the Harry I encountered in the park when he told me of Amelia, he was at his most vulnerable now.
“Genevieve,” He started with a sigh, “I think we need to talk about something.”
Instantly my stomach pitted out, no matter what he had to say it wouldn’t be good. Nothing ever started with ‘we need to talk about something’. Had something happened to Finn? Or Lucy? Or even Tobias? Was there something going on with his mother? My mind raced with thoughts as the moments of silence stretched.
“I think we need to stop seeing each other.”
Without thinking signed back, “what do you mean?”
My entire body was shaking. He couldn’t actually be saying what I thought he was saying. We couldn’t stop being with each other. There was no way. I needed him. He had saved my life and now he was going to leave me. Like there was nothing between us.
“Genevieve,” He started trying to calm me down, “let me explain.”
I could feel the tears welling in my eyes as I listened to him speak, he couldn’t be doing this, he couldn’t be leaving me.
“Genevieve I’ve lost to many people in my life, my father, my sister,” Harry sighed at the mention of Amelia but he was quick to return to his explanation, “and I almost lost you that night.”
His eyes broke contact with mine and he pushed himself to his feet and began to pace back and forth at the foot of my bed. I quickly pressed the button to raise my bed to full upright position. He was going to have to see me if he was going to do this. He wouldn’t get away with avoiding seeing him break me apart.
“I can’t lose you.” His voice was barely louder than a whisper.
Grabbing one of the pillows off my bed I used my free hand to throw it at him to gain his attention.
When his eyes bounced back to me I began to sign furiously, “You’re losing me by breaking up with me! You realize without you I’m in danger, you’re the one who keeps me safe”
Harry sighed deeply and put his hands on the plastic footboard of my bed, “No Genevieve, you were fine until you met me, yeah your first day would have been rough but you would have made it. Without me you would be invisible and I know that’s what you wanted.”
I swallowed hard trying to blind back the tears and take his words in.
“but the moment you talked to me I send you into a heap of trouble you never deserved. First with Lindsey, then with Logan and Ryan, without me in the picture you wouldn’t be in the position you were homecoming night! You would have been safe!”
“I’d rather be in danger with you Harry than out of danger without you.” I signed as the tears streamed down my face without ceasing.
Harry began to pace again his hand running constantly through his matted and messy hair.
“But I can’t do that Genevieve,” He whispered his voice breaking as the tears began to stream down his face, “I can’t be the one to put you in danger. I know it hurts right now but eventually you’ll get over me and you’ll be safe. You’ll be free of problems.”
I could tell he was not only rationalizing it to me but to himself also.
Mindlessly I signed back at him my brain firing the only thought it could muster to my fingertips, “is this because of Lindsey?!”
Harry instantly stopped and faced me, “Of course this isn’t about Lindsey!” His voice was full of anger like I’d never heard it before. “This is about me thinking what’s best for you! Lindsey was never anything. A meaningless fling I used to make the pain go away for a short time! You.” He paused trying to breath.
He was furious now and I knew it. His jaw was clenched tight and his body shaking with anger.
“You were so much more than Lindsey, Lindsey was nothing compared to you. That’s why I never brought it up because it meant NOTHING!”
His voice echoed through my room making me jump slightly. I didn’t like to see this side of Harry, the bitter and angry side I’d seen only when he was fighting with Logan and Ryan. The side that I feared there was so much more of but I never let cross my mind for more than a second.
“The reason we are over is because you can’t keep yourself out of trouble and I cause way to much trouble.” He spoke again in the same firm tone, “we are a bad combination and you know it.”
I could see a nurse peaking her head in the door way cautiously, “is everything okay in here?” she asked softly.
Instantly Harry and I both responded, “Fine.”
She took a step back and nodded, “alright but I need you to keep your voice down sir.”
Harry nodded and turned away from her. The moment she was gone he continued, “You should have listened to all the warning people gave you. You should have just stayed away from me.”
His voice was calmer now but lingering anger still rang through. There was nothing I could say to him now. There was nothing that would bring him back and I knew that now. He slowly raised his head to meet my blurry gaze with his own tearful gaze.
“Goodbye Genevieve,” He whispered turning away from me and walking towards the door.
I could feel my mind shutting down. There were too many thoughts trying to be processed at once so it simply stopped working. I began to rock back and forth my entire body shaking.
“Please no!” I signed even though his back was to me. “Don’t leave me!”
When he reached the door way he turned back his face streaked with tears, “please, please forget about me.”
And with that, he was out the door and down the hall leaving me alone in my hospital room, only my memory keeping him present.
Harry had just taken my heart and ripped it from my chest shattering it. Thought he believed it was for the best there was nothing that could make his decision rational to me. I needed him. I needed him. I needed him.
I needed Harry Styles.
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Sorry it took me so long to update. I'm in season for my sport right now and i had finals. Please forgive me for that and for tearing your (and my own) heart out with this chapter....
but please comment... i need other people to sob with..
lots of love,
Duckii